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Forum Home » High Critique » The Eternal Chess Game

For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
1/23/2011 8:51:44 PM

john jenkins
Posts: 5
Down the narrow unending hallway of my keep,
To the last door on the left,
I rest my head for a moment of sleep.
As I fade to dream I see a tunnel of light,
A small space of illuminated madness,
Where demons cringe and angels delight.

A place long ago hidden and known by few,
Where the sands of time have come to a still,
A maze of light and darkness is what I have come to.
I realize I am not in heaven, nor in hell,
But rather in a impermeable shell.
Surrounding the purity of the light,
Lies the beast of the night.

An unyielding guardian of incredible might
Displaying unholy darkness,
Taunting and teasing the light.
"Come on out .." he would seem to say.
Away from its shell,
The light did dare not stray.

For within the virginity of heaven's keep,
The angel of light finds his peaceful haven,
A place so pure even the horrid beast dares not to creep.
He knows his limitations,
Regardless of the how strong his power has become,
Forever shall he cower at the grace of revelations.

Yet revelations alone are not to contain the beast,
No not in the least.
Limitations like rules are meant to be broken,
Bountiful evil incantations are repeatedly spoken.
The spell of light that feels the need to control,
Becomes undone,
All from the darkness of one evil soul.

Yet there in the heart of the darkness the light remains to be free,
No matter how hard to darkness tries to invade,
The purity of the light holds the key.
A never ending struggle within the mind of one,
Light upon the darkness, a balance never to be won,
Forever shall the chess game continue,
Neither one to give an inch,
Neither one to be outdone...
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1/23/2011 8:52:17 PM

john jenkins
Posts: 5
This poem was co-written by The mustacheman aka The Reaper and myself Angel33614 aka The poem buster. It was a calboration between the darkness and the light, as an eternal struggle as well an internal one. There has long been a struggle between forces of the darkness and forces of light but how can there be one without the other??? There is a very old saying that there can never be light regardless of how pure without the darkness of the night and visa versa... For within each of us there is both, to know only the light or only the dark is to know only half of who we really are, to truely know thyself we must explore both..
edited by angel33614 on 1/23/2011
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1/25/2011 10:12:56 AM

julie heckman
Posts: 17
what a coup a poem that's been written by two.
Excellent job. Only thing is watch the pronouns they're usually not needed.
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3/1/2011 12:54:25 PM

Jeremy Moore
Posts: 2
A great poem...highly descriptive. I think one thing that would help the flow might be to have the same amount of syllables in each line.
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