Book: Shattered Sighs

Get Your Premium Membership

Poetry Forum

home recent topics recent posts search faq

Forum Home » Be Gentle » Tell me how terrible this is.

Post here if you're new to receiving a critique and you want "gentle" feedback on your poem. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
6/10/2014 1:37:48 AM

Jesse Pimentel III
Posts: 2
And be gentle about it.

"Seeds of Desire"

Enemies of love, pride and injustice
The actions of the benevolent unnoticed
Omnipotent powers
Spark the cigarette that blinds your eyes
The smoke that hugs your nose, and penetrates your clothes
Grey streaks on rose-colored dyes
The red man that guides your actions,
Is the same man you look at in the mirror
Childish ambitions, oh cute superstitions
Ego of a scapegoat, the nightmares of gloat
The pirates of humanity afloat with no fear
They mime the tale of those who seek,
The money in banks and the water of the creek
Their enemies brandish guns, cars and jewelry
Brownish tones of indifference
The Robin Hood mentality of selfishness
The human condition overlooked
Suffering is malignant
The cancer spreads to the lungs of the desperate
Shooters of chemicals and perverts splattered in blood
Shrewd victims of consequences
Flooded in waste, the barriers of insecurity
Robbing our children of their eloquent innocence
permalink • reply with quote

Forum Home » Be Gentle » Tell me how terrible this is.




Powered by AspNetForum 6.6.0.0 © 2006-2010 Jitbit Software