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Forum Home » High Critique » Invitation to Perception

For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
7/24/2010 5:06:13 AM

Michael Harris
Posts: 1
Long live the night
For inevitable is the end
Swiftly shall it arrive
How unfortunate to begin

Retire to the domain
From which let birth
She is awaiting the arrival
With the last, comes the first

The fruit has ripened
Yet leaves depart
Withhold the execution
Exiled is the heart

Withdraw from perception
Observe the absolute
Enter the shadowed realm
Disprove the truth

The shoreline is receding
Dwindling in its might
Compelled by which it has swallowed
Shallowing its height

The slope grows steeper
Yet the ground turns to air
The future holds the past
Yet nothing is there

Give not to temptation
The thirstful void
Cursed by the presence
Of which was destroyed
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10/15/2010 11:55:26 PM

tara jennings
Posts: 12
Beautiful imagary, rhyme, meter, organization, I enjoyed reading the words, but I think there was too much artistic metaphor or language for my simple (and often slow witted) mind to find the truth you want me to understand from your writing. The fourth stanza is where I lost your metaphor you introduced "long live the night"; which by the way is a powerful invocation of emotion, well done on choosing powerful language.
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