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Forum Home » High Critique » Dislike me, you can

For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
9/13/2013 6:16:54 PM

Gabe Shelly
Posts: 95
Dislike me, you can
But it is something I'll never understand--
Fear me, if you want
But I am only a runt--
A giant in mind and a lover in kind
edited by Gabe on 9/13/2013
edited by Gabe on 9/13/2013
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9/14/2013 4:07:40 PM

Just That Archaic Poet
Posts: 89
I think you need to lengthen the first line somehow; it also sounds a bit "Yoda-ish". In the second line, I would make "it is" into a contraction. I would also lengthen lines 3 and 4 and find an alternative to "runt", perhaps. I get where you are going, but "runt" feels forced and not strong. I honestly think you should rework lines 3 and 4 to convey the same meaning, but with different words and structure. I like the last line as is. I like the direction of this poem, and with some improvements, I think you'll have a good piece. Hope this helps
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