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Forum Home » High Critique » Squatches In My Mind

For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
3/20/2013 12:58:53 PM

Jacob Bellville
Posts: 4
I know that you now reside,
In the tundra of my mind.

I know your eyes can see,
The decadent dangers inside of me.

It shoots ice straight through your spine.
Knowing what the foliage of my mind,
Can do to make you squatches whine.

You let out a hideous wail.
As your face begins to pale.
Your cerebral cave of jagged shale,
Slowly crumbles, starts to fail.

Your fear grows quickly by the hour.
As sinister daffodils take your power.
Of your recent kill, the meat turns sour.
As you realize this place, by far is fouler.

Your arms and legs turn to lead.
Your stomach flutters growing dread,
Your realizing the dangers in my head.
That my imagination has now fed.

Your lost in overwhelming splendor.
At the sight of my terrifying Render.
With her body supple and slender,
She burns you, through her eyes of ember.

You crumple to the floor, while crying.
As she floats forward, carried on undying.
She glances up, over shoulder sighing.
At the sight of sterling stars aligning.

Render: “Hello hunter welcome to <em>His</em> wood.”

On wobbly squatch stilts you stood.

Squatch: “Who is <em>His</em>? If you would.”

Render: “<em>His</em>, is the creator of this wood,
And in here all evil and good.”

So you stand their patiently listening.
To the figment of my inner whispering.
To the startling revelation of your fears.
You are one of many monsters in here.
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3/28/2013 3:09:01 AM

cheung shun sang
Posts: 24
i want to criticize but i am not an good or big apple at poem. i know that you did a great job and doing much better me so very good. joyful me to share you poem now is true
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