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Forum Home » High Critique » You Want a Nice House?

For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
3/16/2013 12:10:26 AM

Sharon Morken
Posts: 133
You want a nice house
You want a nice car
Big line of credit
Paycheck won't go far

Heated pool with slide
Cell phone with bluetooth device
Laptop TV with webcam
Recliner that goes to Mars
Just put it all on a charge card
Or advance on home equity
I want to be a star

Twenty minutes of mirror fame dies
Every part of your wallet is miles dry
Gotta go back to work serving the pool cleaner
No chance to enjoy that pool deck either

I've listened to you talk for the last 1800 second
From the materialism I'm glad I've grown independent
Life is too short and there's too many like you
Lowered the credit in the world,
Who's sweating bullets to pay bills?
Yep, this girl
All you do is moan and grown
Get what comes around
Better to die poor than alone
edited by svlynn18 on 3/16/2013
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