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Forum Home » Be Gentle » Wall

Post here if you're new to receiving a critique and you want "gentle" feedback on your poem. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
1/14/2013 1:44:25 PM

Xavier Keough
Posts: 1
There’s a dark place
I have never been
Only pain can see
Deep within
I can hear your candle
Drips of discontent
Your beaded breaths
Night's naked din
Thoughts grow cold
Scent grows dim
Window of hope
Rattles within
I feel your footsteps
Your cheek against mine
Rain bled palms
The emptiness of wine
Tears creek by
Rust grows thin
Dust of tomorrow
Deadbolted within
If I learned to speak
If I broke your fall
Would you wipe my face
Shadow on my wall

Although this is in quatrain form, it has some imperfect rhymes because it's actually a narrative. I hate forcing rhymes, especially if it's detrimental to the meaning and flow of the poem itself.
edited by xuberalles on 1/19/2013
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