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Forum Home » High Critique » I'm Broke Broke Broke --Feedback Please!

For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
11/20/2012 5:06:54 AM

Sharon Morken
Posts: 133
Im broke,broke, broke
They make it look like one big joke
Feels like sit and go traffic
Where's the job lane,
I need a paycheck

I may not have a factory certifiedHummer
Or the Escalade with the fat wheels andthe
“Honor Roll Student On Board”bumper sticker
But I got skills and I could use somedinner

Delivering food to a table isn't rocketscience
If you ask me one more time what I'dbring to the table
When you give me this spectacularcashier job,
I may take a few twenties once thealarm is disabled.

One thing you wont learn from a paper
You'd better treat people nice
Karma will bite,
You'll be buying your clothes from thePenny Saver

Women are caddy and compared to men weget paid less
Lie all you want, but we're not betterthan men,
Obviously not thinking with our minds,
Still thinking with our chests.

If you've got a job,
That's awesome, good for you
But don't tell me I'm not trying,
I don't wanna see that look or hear theattitude

I understand the need to cover bills
But it doesn't make sense to spendfifty hours a week
For someone who sees you work hard,doesn't offer a raise,
Then laughs with a huge thrill

I'd rather be broke broke broke
\Maybe I've got too much pride
But It's no joke.
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