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Forum Home » High Critique » Constructive criticism appreciated

For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!
9/14/2012 10:45:08 AM

Noyan Dhauga
Posts: 1
They've hung on him a For sale tag

He's wearing a stale old plastic bag

And the rest of him is in rags

The whole world passes by him

Stops and stares, or points at whim

Mad Marley stands there everyday

Without a job without the pay

He knew no place but where he stood

On that busy trafficked crossing road

He was waiting for something to happen there

Perhaps the justice that the judges couldn't spare

Of some long forgotten clash of cars

That had claimed his life and all its hours

So there he stood all the time

As the crowd of cars grew in line

Then one day, a day like any other

He saw a car hit another

And out fell a man, the man with the scar

Who had killed his wife and children with his car

A drop of blood trickled down the man's nose

Mirroring Mad Marley's teardrops as he rose

He removed his for sale tag and plastic bag

Took out the bullet that, for these 18 years he had, had

And the rusted barrel of the gun

He had sworn he would use to avenge his son

Mad Marley fell on the pavement alone and dead

With the bullet lodged inside his head
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