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3/25/2024 11:54:02 AM Edward Wraith Posts: 2	I began this piece three nights ago, and have painfully obsessed over this the past two days. This is where I’m at. Honest feedback is whole heatedly welcomed…. Echoes of the Heart I’ve walked this street before, through slick remnants of rain, Where gas lamps flicker with desire, casting shadows in disdain. Their dim glow dances upon the uneven cobblestones, As echoes of footsteps resonate, hauntingly alone. Through labyrinthine lanes, narrow and winding tight, Where buildings loom tall, blocking out the moon’s ominous light. The air bites with a chill, sharp and keen, As whispers of strangers echo, unseen. In the icy grasp of night, beneath somber skies, Haunting laughter echoes, devoid of truth or lies. Like a black rose unfurling in the night, Love reveals its beauty, both dark and without sight. I’ve tasted the bitterness of love’s solemn demise, Yet still, I cling to hope beneath the stormy skies. For amidst the deep cuts and lingering remains, Love’s touch may yet assuage, the chains that pain. In the depths of the soul, love’s icy hands embrace, Constricted by chains, a fractured heart awaits. Imprisoned by pain, in a relentless hold, Love’s weight bears down, in sorrow untold. Though loss may loom inevitable, a specter in the gloom, I’ll find solace in the memories, within love’s darkened tomb. For in the realm of love, there’s a beauty profound, Even through loss, its essence forever bound. Thus, I wander the city’s desolate streets, A seeker of love’s ethereal feats. With passions ablaze, though my heart’s torn and sore, In love’s haunting embrace, I’ll roam forevermore. Thoughts, feedback, criticisms? Thank you in advance for taking the time to read and respond. Your feedback is greatly appreciated -Edward
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3/26/2024 9:59:55 AM Ryan Blackborough Posts: 4	Ask yourself these questions. How much of what I'm saying is relevant to what I'm trying to express? (Do you feel the tone creates or eludes to the appropriate atmosphere). Have I painted myself into a corner with a given line or line of thought, that strays from the initial sentiment? (Deviating from the context because you like or want to use a particular word/line). Am I committing to a word/line only because I like the sound of it? Am I rhyming for the sake of it? (has my phrasing left me in a predicament where the word I'm rhyming with has few or no viable options contextually) Am I forcing it? (Do you feel each line appropriately. Also are you in the mood to actually write). Am I entirely happy with the result? (though everyone is their own biggest critic). Always remember, you don't have to write it all at once and you can always edit however you see fit. These are the main things I've grappled with over time Take them as guidelines if you so choose, or the ravings of a madman. I'm not going to tell you how/what to write that's entirely up to you. At the end of the day its poetry, it's expression there's no right or wrong. Though I do understand whether it be for someone or catharsis, you want it to be right by you. Hope that helped in some manner. If not, feel free say.
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4/3/2024 8:52:24 PM Michelle Smith Posts: 12	I'm not sure what the rule is for capitalizing the next line after a comma; sometimes maybe we don't always even need a comma at the end, since there's a new line, it kind of suggests a pause or end. Maybe if there weren't a comma though, it'd look more natural for the next line to be capitalized... does that make sense? I haven't read documentation on it, but it's just an inkling I have. Maybe pick which way you want the lines to begin: capitals for the first line only, or every other line, or every line, and then stick with that sequence throughout the poem? Then some of your stanzas have double the length, while others go over to the next line instead... if you want it that way, that's cool, or I suppose that's one thing that could be more similar throughout all the stanzas? It's kind of funny because all of these suggestions are things I need to pay attention to myself in some of my own poems haha. For example, in my latest poem, "Mouschi & Moortje," I'm still obsessing over where to separate the stanzas, and how to indicate lines that lead to one another. (If you read it, do you think commas would work better in the first stanza instead of the dashes?) You've got a moving poem here, rather wraith-y even. Sounds whole-hearted to me. Hang in there, life is a beautiful journey and search for meaning. edited by Michelle.Allison.S on 4/3/2024
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