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2/18/2018 5:22:25 AM
Topic:
FINDING POETRY

Patrick Caukill
Posts: 2
Finding Poetry

There was a flyover, with galvanized
railings, that snarled so moronically.
Looming black bin-liners, dementors, whipped
on the weekends winds.

The neighbours elm who’s beckoning branches
breeched our garden, shadows shading our lawn
A scarred brown leather belt with brass buckle,
just like my fathers.

The sinewy dark dog that snarled and snapped
at my ankles but only I could see.
"You’ll be okay, pull yourself together"…
Those, meant-well comments.

Yet, all I needed to know was, one day
the thick billowing smog that smothers, sucks
and suffocates, would somehow clear, that’s when
I picked up a pen.
edited by Patrick Caukill on 2/18/2018
edited by Patrick Caukill on 2/18/2018
2/16/2018 5:13:16 PM
Topic:
Pull Myself Together

Stephen Wilson-Floyd
Posts: 44
I know the speaker is not the poet necessarily, but if it is, be good to yourself. That said, this feels like a desperation love poem. Love poems are incredibly hard to write, in my opinion. I feel, poetry needs to be surprising and with so much said well about all kinds of love, it's hard to be fresh. Some of this is better than other parts. Your images are pretty good like "dusty piles of crushed velvet threads", less good with generalizations like "sadness in me falls out". I would also tighten up the language by losing some of its self-reference. For example, I would not say "I am afraid to seem ungrateful" but "I'm not ungrateful". It's like having to say "I think..." all the time when the reader knows that. Small point that. Images are all important. Showing not telling is all important. And, brace yourself, writing love poems is extremely hard. "Because I love you" at the end is sweet, but pretty weak. This would be good to give to that special someone, but probably not ready for a wider audience. Best wishes.
2/16/2018 5:01:14 PM
Topic:
Ancient mental technicians...Critique please

Stephen Wilson-Floyd
Posts: 44
I'm afraid I don't understand this very well. There is an adage of "show don't tell". There seems to be a lot of telling here. As a reader, I want to know who the speaker is, where does the poem take place, what is it about..etc. Now that said, there is a kind of poetry where those things matter less (I would not say ever matter) and that is abstract, lyrical poetry. It depends on sound more that sense. It uses assonance and alliteration to build images not easily seen literally. My favorite is Dylan Thomas. You might find him interesting.
2/16/2018 9:08:35 AM
Topic:
Greetings from eeanna

eeanna poetry
Posts: 1
Hello poetry lovers of the universe!



I just recently launched a new poetry initiative under the name eeanna. I write poetry because it is unbidden but irresistible; a calling, a compulsion, a cajoling, a future self urging me on to the undiscovered country called home, each new poem, a step on the path back to what I could be.
I think of God as ALL THAT IS. Put another way, I believe everything is God; the stone, the raven, the wave – everything that has ever been or ever will be, including U and me.
The great ‘miracle’, is that all creation is imbued with the unfathomable power, freedom and eternal validity of that original consciousness – I call the One Great Heart.
My job, as a poet and a person, is to celebrate that miracle, and to articulate as best I can, its inherent joy, struggles, and grace.
Thank you for your time - I'd love to hear your thoughts on my work!
Peace, love, light!
eeanna
2/15/2018 11:05:15 AM
Topic:
newbie

Steve Sss
Posts: 1
Hi all.
I'm just a wannabe poet kicking a few words and paragraphs around, hoping that they will make sense.
As I navigate around this new site (new for me) I hope I don't tread on too many toes, and that I can fall into line fairly quickly. Some of you might like my work, some of you might not, but, if just one person approves, then I'm happy. Let's hope I can make some friends whilst I'm here.
2/13/2018 2:01:47 AM
Topic:
Ancient mental technicians...Critique please

Michael Ruiz
Posts: 1
ANCIENT MENTAL TECHNICIANS AND WISHING MAGICIANS

Intelliangelical state of mind/ state of shine
A Crooked cuffed commitment won't be my contentment
Time will tell truth
Proof it's in the put-in
Please no cardiac arrest in my thoughts
Brainwashed influence of the masses (seasoned leaves fallen, hearts lost and fall in apart)will never break my heart as a whole unified with my tax bracket .
Now how tragic

in order to be above the new order just number 24 slam dunk on em like magic
As u develop your plot I develop my system of thoughts
Create an intelligible system better the the system that's taught
Anticipating every action that is morally naught
utilitarian ahktonohton feeling
Caused ameri-mirror modern slave Egypt
Got me utilizing every ability with edict
2/12/2018 11:58:57 PM
Topic:
Pull Myself Together

Jon K
Posts: 1
I just want to grab myself,
and shake myself,

until all the sadness in me falls out.
I visualise it,

as dusty pile of crushed velvet threads,

crushed like my very soul.




I want to smile again,

and really mean it but I can't,

because behind every look on my face,

there are my eyes that betray me,

haunting dark circles,

barely containing the deep and brooding swell.




I want to be held and consoled,

but not by anyone but you,

friends have tried to comfort me,

and I am afraid to seem ungrateful,

but I am shaking and falling apart all the time,

so I hide from those that would care.




I want to stop falling,

I feel the wind in my gut,

while my heart randomly surges,

like a fist pushing on my ribs,

it makes me sick and it hurts,

I hurt from many directions.




I want to be yours,

I don't want to own you,

but you can have me,

and do with me as you like,

for I know and trust you,

and you are lovely.




I want closure,

but I am afraid to admit,

that to control this descent.

I would have to let you go,

and I am not ready to,

and I never will be.




Because I love you.
edited by JonK on 2/13/2018
2/12/2018 2:42:07 AM
Topic:
comments on a poem I wrote that confuse me

Tamara Reyna
Posts: 2
I wrote the following poem and this one comment I received is bothering me because...because...well because I'm not confident with my skills or lack thereof. It has me wondering if I'm a total dumb butt that should just stop trying to write. I will quote what the comment was after the poem.


Modern Jester Jester of yesteryear were easy to spy with your two eyes.
Now they perform in disguise. Presidents, Kings, and, Noblemen, How they love to bring them in. Like Obama and Bin Laden. CNN has many of them. Let us not forget that man named Kim.What's that you say?They are not funny, they don'tdeserve to make Jester money. Bring your ear and listen here. They are not for you and they are not for me. They only pleasure the powers-that-be.They are all part of the Illuminati.
the comment: The argument here is badly made. Jester is the third person singular bot then your used your eyes to refer to that person when you should have used her or his eyes. I hope you see what I see. Another thing, the poem jumps from one subject to another without having a concrete center. This poem is in need of serious fixing. Thanks and take care
If I did as this comment suggest then the Jester would be looking at himself and that would have changed the point of these type of people being easy for world at large to identify as opposed to a so called modern Jester. Is that not obvious?I also dont get how it is jumping around. The jester of past was easy to identify because they wore silly clothes but it quickly becomes obvious the modern jester is not exactly the same type of jester the most people think of when they think of a jester. The modern jester is a spokes person that speaks for evil and corruption thinking they fool the world while the powers that be or insinuated evil ones love them and find it all a joke that is not meant for us to be aware of. What about this poem is jumping around? I've reread it countless times and I just don't understand this critique. I welcome helpful critique that clearly points out my failings but, I just fail to understand what this person is telling me. I only finished the seventh grade and missed alot of the education most people get.I'm in my fifties now. What I write here is simply instincual and self-taught. I realize that my english mechanics are poor. I have a bad habit of always doubting myself and never feeling good enough so this darn person has gotten to me with his comment. If somehow this person is correct then perhaps another can explain it more clearly to me. If he is not then I would like to know that as well. One more thing I don't even know what singular bot that he mentioned as well. This poem may have mistakes or may not I simply am unsure but, I suspect not the problems this commenter makes. Thanks for any thoughts.
2/12/2018 1:48:00 AM
Topic:
Poll Question: Featured Poetic Forms...

Tamara Reyna
Posts: 2
As long as we aren't restricted in what we choose to publish. I love to browse the poetry styles to find styles I've never even heard of. I recently published a small Than-Bauk style poem. I would have never known that this style or other styles exist.I think styles that aren't common would be really interesting.
2/11/2018 7:56:58 AM
Topic:
kuy, would like to read poetry

Faraz Ajmal
Posts: 9
Hi, well like you I m also a new poet, so I don t know much about poetry, I just write whatever comes to my mind and I have no knowledge of different tyoe of poems like Sonnet, Haiku etc, however there are many experience poets here who s poetries are really nice and you can actually feel it, like Silent one, I really like his poems, and Andrea Dietrich, you can also read other poems by going into best poems of all times, and yeah do give a try to my poems as well
2/11/2018 7:52:44 AM
Topic:
Hi I'm Patrick

Faraz Ajmal
Posts: 9
Hi Patrick, I m glad that you joined the site, you ll find alot of nice peoples here as the community is really nice, good luck in getting to know people, my name is Faraz by the way, I m 15 years old child from Pakistan, as you re a literature teacher you must have read the dramas of Shakespeare, my favorite one is Macbeth, and I m a big fan of novels as well
2/11/2018 4:03:41 AM
Topic:
Hi I'm Patrick

Patrick Caukill
Posts: 2
Hi Everyone. I am Patrick from England, currently living and working in Beijing , China. I teach English literature and enjoy reading and writing poetry. Looking forward to getting to know people on the site and reading your work.
2/11/2018 1:11:28 AM
Topic:
To Gaze Too Far

Key Keller
Posts: 3
Jessica and Stephen,
Thank you both for taking the time to comment on my poem. Jessica, I appreciate you reminding me that the value of our words are indeed in the eye of the beholder.

Stephen,
I certainly understand what you are trying to impress upon me. I realize I am no keats or Oscar Wilde. These are simply my feelings, words and thoughts, assembled to the best of my ability at the time. I appreciate your honesty as someone who studies a great deal of poetry. It's extremely helpful. Although it is a theme done many times by masters of the art, it is still theme unique to me in my particular moment. It is totally fair of you to convey to me that I need to dig deeper in my expression, to move you. That's helpful criticism.
2/10/2018 10:18:40 AM
Topic:
Getting to know me

Tammy Bromwich
Posts: 1
Hello everyone! I am a unique geek for starters. Big Star Wars Stormtrooper and Lord of the Rings fan. I love books. I have two bookshelves filled. I love to write, whether it is poetry, songs, or stories. I love just about every genre of music and love to sing. I am laid back, and quiet until you get to know me. I love to meet new people and make friends, no matter where they are from. Wave
2/9/2018 1:47:06 PM
Topic:
To Gaze Too Far

Stephen Wilson-Floyd
Posts: 44
Of course, people have different tastes in poetry. I didn't mean that this poem wouldn't evoke feelings beyond self, friends and family. I meant "a wider audience" of those who study and like poetry are pretty jaded (myself included). In my opinion, if one is trying to evoke an emotion in a reader, it should use surprising language. Unfortunately, for this kind of poem "unrequited love plus.." the language would have to be incredibly surprising because of the standard set so long ago by so many great writers. Best wishes to all!
2/4/2018 4:22:30 PM
Topic:
Kitchen Sink

Oliver Furlong
Posts: 7
Thanks Stephen for that very constructive feedback. It's much appreciated. I shall read some more of Dylan Thomas' and Sylvia Plath's work, they don't get much grander, I am humbled by your kind comments.
2/4/2018 4:00:47 AM
Topic:
Hello Soupmates!

Swati Soni
Posts: 1
Hi everyone, I am Swati and am new to this place. Poetry came to me as a gift at one of the most difficult times and stayed with me forever. Hope to get and spread some love here
2/2/2018 6:09:40 PM
Topic:
To Gaze Too Far

Jessica Amanda Salmonson
Posts: 2
I disagree with Stephen insofar as aching long unrequited love evokes universal feelings. But it's true the form taken here is personal and makes one think of the poet, not of one's self, or of the "story" inherent to the poem. If the many references to myth and fantasy had been used literally, then that "story" would be of mythic desire, an actual fantasy, and increase in possible universality. Although poetry being a matter of taste, many will prefer just what was written, of personal angst, not a fairy tale which not everyone likes most, though I do.
2/2/2018 4:13:05 PM
Topic:
My Personal Website

Angel Villanueva
Posts: 1
Just a note for anyone who may be interested; I do post my poems embedded in images at my personal website. Feel free to visit. The links is www.angellionel.com
1/31/2018 5:10:26 PM
Topic:
kuy, would like to read poetry

kuy
Posts: 1
Hi!
I'm kuy, from Austria.
I'm writing this because I'm already waiting for some time to meet someone who is excited about poetry, but somehow it does'nt happen.. I really like literature, but I don't have any idea how to approach poetry.. Recently I started to read Ulysses and I really enjoy reading it out loud, without really understanding everything, but i like how the whole setting and story builds up somewhere in the back of my head while I'm reading and I dive into the athmosphere of the book and enjoy how the words have been lined up carefully for me and everyone to read.
I have not experienced something like this with poems so far. When I come across some poem, I usually try to give it a chance, but nothing ever has caught me so far.. I wonder if someone could recommend me a poet or some nice book with different poems, that are well to grasp for a beginner. I would like something that takes one away into someone's mind or into some setting for a few minutes, with a good flow. It could be in one of the following languages: german, english, spanish or japanese.
I would be really thankful for that
Greets, kuy

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