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11/19/2018 7:52:52 PM
Topic:
Censorship 2

Dominic Middleton
Posts: 2
Ok this is a little strange "Fin in the water" Why cant I use the word "****" Are people that immature and anal that use certain words. Can Poetry soup publish a list of words that they will censor?
11/19/2018 7:46:27 PM
Topic:
Censorship

Dominic Middleton
Posts: 2
I recently posted a poem "All the real men" I used the word "Porn" in it. Can someone tell me why this is wrong. It was used in context to the poem.
11/19/2018 1:21:14 PM
Topic:
Critique for my poem 'ENSNARE'

Frank Frank
Posts: 12
A pendant so shiny, covered in shroud,

I'm having trouble picturing this. A shroud tightly wraps a dead person (or thing in this case), so how do we see the shininess of the pendant. And "in shroud" doesn't mean anything to me; maybe "in a shroud"?

The rest of the poem is similarly troubled. Not sure what the point is of repeating "rot" and the clumsy attempt to rhyme some lines (rot, forgot, sprout, nought), but not the first two lines.

Maybe write out in prose what you're trying to say; use declarative sentences. Then you'll get your message straight and it will be easier to poeticize it in a way that will make sense to us (we're not mind readers).
11/19/2018 1:14:37 PM
Topic:
A few feet away (Please critique.)

Frank Frank
Posts: 12
A few feet away
Only a few feet away in distance
But in my heart and mind it’s miles
Through treacherous terrain and mountain
Icy cold and frozen

Not a terrible opening. I kind of like the repetition. Remember, though, you're writing a poem, not a travelogue. So perhaps drop "in distance" - it's redundant and not very poetic sounding. And "it's" is a little vague, maybe expand that. Then you would end up with something like this (just my suggestion):

A few feet away, only a few feet away
But in my heart the path is miles
Through treacherous terrain and mountain,
Icy cold and frozen

Do the same to the other stanzas and you might end up with a half-decent poem. Maybe shorten the lines a little if possible in a few places (eg, drop "in proximiy" [sic]).
11/18/2018 4:32:35 PM
Topic:
It Takes the First Step

Carolyn Palmer
Posts: 1
It takes The first step
I sit at home after losing a car
On a Sunday no way to church by far
You sent a friend who worships elsewhere
To gather a load in her car with no fare
I am delivered to attend church in the evening
To get rid of my hurt
My feelings are involved in this; I owe a debt
Did you know you helped me?
…It takes the first step
11/17/2018 4:50:04 AM
Topic:
Political correctness

Serge Lyrewing
Posts: 1
I see the stars instead words in my poems ("queer" and "tits"), but I didn't ment anything bad.
I used "queer" in meaning strange and funny, when I used "tits" I ment birds, it was combination "sparrows and tits". Nevertheless, I see the stars. I ask moderators to pay attention on context. Return me my words, please. (poems: Laziness and oh, i was slowly getting mad by Alexander Blok)
11/16/2018 8:40:56 PM
Topic:
A few feet away (Please critique.)

Maryann Green
Posts: 3
A few feet away
Only a few feet away in distance
But in my heart and mind it’s miles
Through treacherous terrain and mountain
Icy cold and frozen

Just a few feet from me is the man I gave my all to
The one I could reach out to
Who I thought understood me
Is now somehow my enemy

Very close in proximiy lies the man I could extend my hand to
I can’t change him nor do I want to
Thought I loved his flaws
Again it seems I was terribly wrong

Only a couple words away is the man I could speak sweetly to
Silence fills the room because I’d rather be alone than plaster a smile on my face
Tonight I will lie alone instead of in his embrace

On the same bed is the man across from me
At the very same moment in time as I
Might as well have been centuries from now
Too numb to even cry

So I’ll share a bed with this man I thought I knew
Realizing the truth, that we’re strangers in one bed
I guess tonight I’ve got no choice but lay back-to-back from him
And wonder how someone so close can seem so far away
Again
11/16/2018 12:30:32 PM
Topic:
Woman (Please critique)

Wendy Nipas
Posts: 30
Thank you Carolyn. I'll take your suggestion to heart. I'm still learning. Thanks for replying though.
Carolyn Fish wrote:
I agree with Frank on reading aloud and making sure the rhythm is on point. The poem has good rhythm in certain areas, but is a bit awkward in other areas. In my opinion, a poem should not only be consistent in the story it tells, but also consistent stylistically.
11/13/2018 1:02:45 PM
Topic:
Hello Poetry Forum

Alexandra Khamoji
Posts: 4
Hello people!!! I am Alexandra and love love poetry soo so much! Been writing since I was around 12. I am delighted to have found this site, so I can interacts with other poets.
11/13/2018 12:58:43 PM
Topic:
Critique for my poem 'ENSNARE'

Alexandra Khamoji
Posts: 4
Hey guys I wrote this poem and would like people to critique it.
ENSNARE

A pendant so shiny, covered in shroud,
Decorated and designed with every longing to ensnare,
Ensnare the remaining corpse of a love that rot,
Beguiling enough it was, that it did soothe that angry rot,
And a moment there was when the decay was forgot,
But for the facade, soon the worms did sprout,
And allies, became for the rot,
Attracting the scavengers that finished the corpse to nought.
11/13/2018 12:53:21 PM
Topic:
Critique for my poem 'ENSNARE'

Alexandra Khamoji
Posts: 4
Hey guys I wrote this poem and would like people to critique it




ENSNARE

A pendant so shiny, covered in shroud,

Decorated and designed with every longing to ensnare,

Ensnare the remaining corpse of a love that rot,

Beguiling enough it was, that it did soothe that angry rot,

And a moment there was when the decay was forgot,

But for the facade, soon the worms did sprout,

And allies, became for the rot,

Attracting the scavengers that finished the corpse to nought.
11/12/2018 6:06:36 AM
Topic:
Elle to Abe

Carolyn Fish
Posts: 12
~ A modern/personal take on Alexander Pope's "Eloisa to Abelard"
It is thought that the following lines are a call to action from Pope for other poets to carry on in re-telling the story of Eloisa and Abelard:

~"Such if there be, who loves so long, so well;
Let him our sad, our tender story tell;
The well-sung woes will soothe my pensive ghost;
He best can paint 'em, who shall feel 'em most."

~I've definitely taken quite a few licenses in making this "re-telling" my own, but hopefully its enough to soothe that "pensive ghost".
-
-
Enjoy..





How cryptic would I have to be to get this off my chestOne score and yet it seems like yesterday it was the bestMost simple feeling that a girl could ever come to realizeA moment and a smile, gone and lost in big, sea-colored eyesIll-fated from the start, but gotta hand it to us kidsWho tried and failed and tried again, a love that popped the lidsOff every pressurized container of some crucial expectationHand in hand we walked a path of gorgeous ruinationThrashing in the beating lightFloating through the haze at night..Swimming through the sound of a Revolver…We heard each other speak, though not a single word was utteredDo you wonder what I wonder?On the times that split in twoOne path that leads me hereAnd one that leads me straight right back to youOh yes, sometimes I wonder if the fates have just been tryin’To make you my Billy Crystal and make me your sweet Meg RyanSo long from nowSo long for nowIts fun to stay and playWith these daydreams of a time that coulda-woulda’d in charming wayStraight into my own beating heart, dancing to a tuneOh sweet melody, sweet beat and rhymeHold tight and take me to the moonYes, whisper me a promise that I still could hold the keyTo a world that never will become, where you’re still holding meSome blameless vestal never that I wasThe shackles of insipid bliss could never give me causeTo laugh or love or live or cry or screamOr give any of the signals that my life is real and not a dreamEternal storm cloud of the spotted mindYour turmoil more belov’d by me for all that you’ve divinedOf the flavors that make life all worth the livingThe painful truths and hard earned proofs, the taking and the givingAsk me once, just once, if I’d go back and change it allWould I unburn every bridge we torched or rebuild every crumbled wall?I may as well be asked if I’d sell off my precious soulIn exchange for heady smoke and glitt’ring mirrors, all that would consoleThose gasping for reprieve from all the spice and fire and life and lightIllusion, sweet illusion that what’s wrong is wrong and right is right!So know this, that I often thinkIf even a thousand miles could sinkIf even a thousand years could make me blink away the mem’riesOf some distant love that made me gaze up to the stars in wonderOf some reckless love that charged the world with tearing us asunderAnd could I ask once more if you do wonder what I wonderOr if I’m the only fool to bare in rhyme this mortal blunderOf looking back if only for vain curiosityYes, I do know better than to ask the crime to gaze on meOnce more as in those sweet immortal times that we’ve forgotIf for nothing more than that my reverie is not for naught
11/12/2018 6:03:50 AM
Topic:
A Nihilisitic Pen (Would Appreciate Any Feedback)

Carolyn Fish
Posts: 12
Frank wrote:
"A crude tool" - a nice way of describing an instrument that writes down language, but after that you lose me: "corpses of the animate" - how do the animate have corpses since they're, well, still alive?
~ Try saying it in plainer language.
~And perhaps look up the meaning of "nihilism" - not sure what you're getting at with that in the title.





I agree with Frank's first point, unless what you mean is that the animate are living corpses (somewhat tying in to the Nihilism theme, evoking images of apathetic sacks of life walking around in meaninglessness.)




I agree as well that plainer language would benefit this poem. It seems like their is a desire in this poem to get out a lot of a certain type of imagery and mood without ensuring that the words actually make any sense together. It sounds like you have a lot of feelings/perspectives that you want to convey, but simply having powerful words placed next to each other does not automatically convey anything.
11/12/2018 5:50:47 AM
Topic:
Woman (Please critique)

Carolyn Fish
Posts: 12
I agree with Frank on reading aloud and making sure the rhythm is on point. The poem has good rhythm in certain areas, but is a bit awkward in other areas. In my opinion, a poem should not only be consistent in the story it tells, but also consistent stylistically.
11/12/2018 4:03:05 AM
Topic:
Hello Poetry Forum

TopEssay Services
Posts: 3
Good Morning to everyone!
11/12/2018 4:00:29 AM
Topic:
Hello this is me

TopEssay Services
Posts: 3
Hello everybody! My name is Helen
11/11/2018 12:04:14 PM
Topic:
Learn To Be Still

Sandra Weiss
Posts: 1
When chaos reigns, there is misguided free will.
Separate yourself from the crowd, learn to be still.

Be willing to to take the lead, but be sble to follow too.

Make an informed decision, and see it through.

Be unbreakable but know how to bend.

Be able to start, be able to end.

There is a way to be strong, at the same time soft.

Find a way to turn it on, but don't forget to turn it off.

Give whenever and whatever you can give,

make it part of the way you live.

Seek answers for what you want to know.

Throughout your life, continue to grow.

Find your place in the world, wherever it may be.

Never take for granted, your right to be free.

A time may come, and you know it will.

You will be glad that you learned... to be still
11/11/2018 5:37:11 AM
Topic:
CONFESS

PHIONAH RENITAH
Posts: 2
CONFESS CONFESSONCE you made a move i wasn't scared of for i expected you to come running and chasingthat's what men do around mefor I know I am a beauty ONCE I knew you will come to passthat the chasing will make you weary and like any other who has come by, you will let it goThen you will go for other waters perhaps deeper than thesefor every man at sometime gives upAND it came to pass that I was weary of your asking,knowing that if I didn't give you a chance you wouldn't give me spaceday after day I saw your golden eyesheard your piano voice and I took in a deep breath that day I said yesfor I knew men gave up after a few tastesBUT it came to pass that you never ran awaythat each day you loved me more than I asked fortrapped me in your warm hands and whispered sweet wordsmaking promises yet you lived by themI was pampered by your grace,secretly always waiting for your touchin the crystal moonlight behind your house that where I fell in love with you my love Norlan
11/11/2018 5:34:57 AM
Topic:
CONFRESS

PHIONAH RENITAH
Posts: 2
CONFESS ONCE you made a move i wasn't scared of for i expected you to come running and chasingthat's what men do around mefor I know I am a beauty ONCE I knew you will come to passthat the chasing will make you weary and like any other who has come by, you will let it goThen you will go for other waters perhaps deeper than thesefor every man at sometime gives upAND it came to pass that I was weary of your asking,knowing that if I didn't give you a chance you wouldn't give me spaceday after day I saw your golden eyesheard your piano voice and I took in a deep breath that day I said yesfor I knew men gave up after a few tastesBUT it came to pass that you never ran awaythat each day you loved me more than I asked fortrapped me in your warm hands and whispered sweet wordsmaking promises yet you lived by themI was pampered by your grace,secretly always waiting for your touchin the crystal moonlight behind your house that where I fell in love with you my love Norlan
11/10/2018 8:01:14 AM
Topic:
Hypocricy

William More
Posts: 4
I think there is nothing wrong in your creation!

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