Onward to the Fourth Jewel in the Crown - Debbie Guzzi's Blog

About Debbie Guzzi
(Show Details...)
Bloggers Photo

Deborah Guzzi writes fulltime. When not writing she’s reading. She travels for inspiration. Her new book The Hurricane is available now through Prolific Press. Her poetry appears in: Existere - Journal of Arts and Literature in Canada, Tincture in Australia, Cha: Asian Literary Review, Hong Kong, China, Eunoia in Singapore, Vine Leaves Literary Journal in Greece, and Ribbons: Tanka Society of America’s Journal, Sounding Review, Kyso Flash, The Aurorean, Crack the Spine Literary Magazine, Liquid Imagination, Concis, The Tishman Review, Page & Spine and others in the USA. 

Onward to the Fourth Jewel in the Crown

Blog Posted:1/28/2014 3:23:00 PM
Crown of Sonnets, 7 will be picked to win in the contest, seven that fit  the best together. 

It is a 7-sonnet sequence in which

the last line of  each sonnet is repeated in the first line of the next.

The first line is repeated as the last line of  the 7th. sonnet;
These will be MODERN  SONNETS, 14 lines, 10 syllables per line

 abab cdcd efef gg/ I want flow  but strict meter is not necessary.

 *means they said they'd try for us [we'll try 3 at a time & pick which one  works best then move one] blend your writing style with Caleb's. REMEMBER big boy & girl pants
  1. Eileen Ghali * Sarah Kendrick*Dane Ann Smith Johnson* 7
  2. Carrie Richards *6 Joyce Johnson * 6 Andrea Dietrich* 6
  3. Caleb Smith * #1
  4. Craig Cornish *4 The Scribe *4 Mark Peterson *4
  5. Charles Henderson #2 David Williams * #2
  6. Catie Lindsey * #3 Nette Onclaud *#3 Jim Goff #3
  7. Isaiah Zerbst*5, Roy Jerden* 5,  *Kelly Deschler 5 *   

7 people will  win and all of those 7 will get a first place.  

Stone in the Cold

By Caleb Smith


 Through darkness I come with a  stealthy hand,
who but a man shadowed could be so bold?
My eyes hunt  take a reckoning of the land,
look into the hollows, constant and  cold.

My companion solitude, still as stone,
I  am the seeker of winds, and of scent.
By the trees yonder, I wait not   alone;
my aim is true, and my purpose unbent.

Yet, death does not bring a smile to my lips,
  nor a lift unto this wayfaring heart;
in grief I am fed, from  silence  I sip,
and from the old wood, I shall never part.

The hunt will remain for those who pursue,
  a  life that no death could ever undo.

#2 selection C. H. 

A life that no death could ever undo,
for  there are portals I've yet to find.
Hidden life in the green I wish to  pursue,
oh, the secrets of life and death entwine.  

I search and search, I will know no  defeat.
Each corner turned will find new paths to tread.
The deer or the  bear, the fox that I meet
will reveal the secrets of life not death.

So, let the wood talk, hear what it  reveals.
Riddle its meanings there to be understood.
The less armor worn,  we brandish or wield,
higher truth follows our message of good.

Come into the woods as in days of youth,
we  still face the test of absolute truth.

 #3 of 3 J. G.

We still face the test of absolute truth,
the  nights coming fast, I travel unheard.
The reverence I feel, was born in  youth,
tempered by sage, burnt offerings for birds.

Tormented by brambles whose thorns I collect
I  come to remains of struggles long gone,
feathers and crushed bone, on these I  reflect.
I'm hoping once more, my arms are still strong.

A pine marten scurries, close to my step,
the  sweet scent of birch gum, his claws unearth.
My arrow's still sheathed, for  creeks I have leapt.
I have grown cold, but my spirit rebirthed.

Tracks at the creek, the water I savor
 the  brush slight moves, my aim does not waver.

#4 C. C.

The brush moves, my aim does not waiver.
Foraging there, on the rim of the pond
A sounder of wild boar brings a shiver
And the grunts and the squeals that I have spawned.
From the thicket a sow charges and bites;
Bleeding, I climb to the limb of a tree,
As razorback frenzy welcomes the night -
Now, I am prey and pray to be free;
That the morning light will find the beasts gone,
Or that others not find the scent of my blood,
Or that tied to this tree, will I last long -
Will infection and pain rush in a flood.

Or, like a wounded deer in the thicket
Will I die and be eaten within it...
my suggestions & eincorporating both Dee's and Joyce's advice

The brush moves, my aim does not waver,
a sounder of boar feeds right near the pond,
so many there, it brings on a shiver;
the gruntings and squealings that I have spawned.

From the thicket a sow charges, then bites;
bleeding, I climb to the limb of a tree,    
as razorback frenzy slashes the night.
I am the prey, and I pray I'll be freed.

God, let morning light find ev'ry beast gone
pray no more come to the scent of my blood,
the gash is so deep, will I last that long?
Tied to the tree the pain flows like a flood.

My mind goes to the deer bones in the thorns.
The night is very dark, pray for the dawn.

Isaiah #4

The brush moves, my aim [must never]* waver;
With strengthened arms I bend my bow of yew:
My eyes pierce the brush, intent to savor
the sights of a good hunt, an arrow true.

The bracken parts, rattling, empty sighs;
My draw fingers quake from the constant chill.
My quarries' breath floats to the clouded sky,
My own breath muffled as I track my kill.

Overhead, an arrow in deadly arc
speeds toward the bear I'm seeking, still as stone;
A shadow moves, the arrow strikes its mark.
The hand that loosed the shaft was not my own.

I am a man shadowed; death comes knocking:
The hunter hunted; the past comes stalking.

#4 Mark

The brush moves, my aim does not waver,
then cacophonous noise and flutter of wing—
suspense of time, wild moment to savor,
destiny’s urge theirs, ever pining for spring.

The beat of the moment has suddenly faded,
my nostrils aware of the keenness of snow.
Unprepared and alone, my hubris vacated,
ill to compare with the wolf and the crow.

I shiver alone in the deepening cold,
cringing and stiff, as the blizzard advances
Though I’d thought of myself as manly and bold,
I confess poems/sad'>sadly now that grim are my chances.

How long must I struggle, awash in chagrin,
Stricken in heart over what might have been. 

suggest to simplify language & clarify for Mark

Now the brush moves, my aim does not waver.
A rush of bird sounds the flutter of wings
times seems to stop, a moment to savor
unaimed I lose, they flee pining for spring.

The beat of the moment has suddenly faded,
my nostrils flare with the keenness of snow.
What foolish pride to come, alone, unaided 
unprepared for cold like the wolf and crow.

I shiver alone in the deepening cold,
cringing and stiff, as the blizzard advances;
though I’d thought of myself as manly and bold,
I confess sadly, that grim are my chances.

 How long must I struggle, awash in chagrin,
 Stricken in heart over what might have been.    

BOY we have some wonderful PLOT choices here!!!

 BUT  the action/suspense must BE here- Sonnet 4 beginsBE  VERY SENSORY STAY IN FIRST PERSON PRESENT TENSE


Please pick which we will use for #4

*the 1st line is The brush moves my aim does not waver

Please Login to post a comment
Date: 1/31/2014 9:27:00 PM
Please read my comment below this one first !! To clarify, I have nothing against those who hunt, even for sport. I'm not preaching the right or wrong of it and I leave all justification up to each individual. I have never examined my motive for not liking to kill something, I just know I don't like the feeling afterwards. I can't (wont) apologize for that. I wish someone would expand further the thought of "absolute truth" which I have placed on the hunter. Pro or con---your choice.
Login to Reply
Guzzi Avatar
Debbie Guzzi
Date: 2/1/2014 7:55:00 AM
Caleb is the hunter. The hunter hunts fairly & for his own food, he revers the animal & the woods. Chas you need to explore this in your own work outside of the Crown.
Date: 1/31/2014 9:16:00 PM
In my verse I spoke of the absolute truth but due to concentration on other facets of the poem I did not see that the thought was followed through properly. We are only on # 4 so there is still plenty of room to expand Absolute truth, which is the feeling one gets from killing something, even justifiably. Whatever it is. I recently really felt terrible over having to kill a possum that was stealing my cat's food. I knew it was probably carrying food to its babies but I felt I had to look after my interests and feeding a family of possum should not just be dumped on me. That was the apparent truth. The reality was how badly I felt having to kill it, just for doing what it needed to do.
Login to Reply
Date: 1/31/2014 2:08:00 PM
debbie, i feel we have enough 'picks' already.. will check the next one.. good to see that jimbo's 1st line has now a 10 syl count..huggs
Login to Reply
Date: 1/31/2014 2:00:00 PM
My vote goes to Isaiah's sonnet. The story is intriguing and quite suspenseful.
Login to Reply
Date: 1/31/2014 10:13:00 AM
Deb....You are doing a great job with your enormous sacrifice of time, and willingness to help! thanks! jimbo
Login to Reply
Date: 1/31/2014 7:17:00 AM
I like Mark's work as number four..Sara
Login to Reply
Date: 1/30/2014 8:32:00 PM
Well everyone ..almost all the poets have had there say, I haven't heard from Dane or Eileen right now without my vote each poet, Craig, Isaiah & Mark have 3 votes WHATCHA think about that YOU FANTASTIC sonnet writers!!!! - I'll give the 2 ladies till morning to vote they have been soup mailed
Login to Reply
Date: 1/30/2014 7:59:00 PM
I vote Isaiah.....sound...rhythm...story...solid...like the turn in last quatrain...suspense! Commited with inclusion of bear...nice....yeah, darn good! Including his change to his line 1 (becomes my last line) jimbo
Login to Reply
Date: 1/30/2014 7:50:00 PM
Ok...ok...ok..i read Isaiah's....i do like his opening line version! "my aim must never waver"...
Login to Reply
Guzzi Avatar
Debbie Guzzi
Date: 1/30/2014 8:29:00 PM
can't do this unless we change yours Jimbo, it really doesn't matter..both ways are fine
Date: 1/30/2014 7:14:00 PM
Isaiah I think your revisions work if yours is chosen we can use yours instead of the rework I did.. much progress in clarity!!
Login to Reply
Zerbst Avatar
Isaiah Zerbst
Date: 1/30/2014 7:58:00 PM
Well, it was your suggestions that enabled me to find that clarity. Been great working with you. Thanks a million!
Date: 1/30/2014 6:51:00 PM
Debs,how are people finding time to analyze and do all this? I took 20 min. just now to study each one and now i am late for the gym!!!! I have no idea how to vote. I like all of them. I have suggestions for maintaining iambic if anyone wants to know but I have no time to even tell my suggestions. If it were I beginning the next sonnet, I would find the first one the easiest to work off from. That ending line is good and is open to many possibilities. I think those who have to do the next sonnet should make the decision, not me!! All three guys have sent the story in a different direction, and all three directions can be good stories!
Login to Reply
Guzzi Avatar
Debbie Guzzi
Date: 1/30/2014 7:13:00 PM
nope every one gets a chance to speak
Richards Avatar
Carrie Richards
Date: 1/30/2014 6:59:00 PM
That's a good idea. Perhaps the ones who have to start the next sonnet, would be the ones to pick the previous....easiest to work with?
Date: 1/30/2014 6:50:00 PM
I'm liking the simplicity of that last sonnet....Mark's revised version...although each one is wonderful, that one seems speaks naturally to me ...maybe it's just me?
Login to Reply
Dietrich Avatar
Andrea Dietrich
Date: 1/30/2014 6:53:00 PM
I like that one too, but it sounded to me more like a FINAL final line. The second one has a great ending line too if it's about someone being stalked by a past foe?
Date: 1/30/2014 6:45:00 PM
Isaiah 4 "With practiced speed I flex my bow of Yew"
Login to Reply
Guzzi Avatar
Debbie Guzzi
Date: 1/30/2014 7:27:00 PM
nice one Chas!!!
Date: 1/30/2014 6:35:00 PM
Ok, I edited my poem. Read through all your replies and tried to incorporate them in my own words. I am really pleased with the results. Thank you so much for the help. I know you have done a lot for me already, but if it is not too much, I would like to know if any further changes need to be made or if that version will suffice.
Login to Reply
Date: 1/30/2014 5:48:00 PM
Thanks, Debbie for working with my suggestions. I realize that it was not quite clear that the arrow was another. I can only imagine how trying it is to try to keep track of everything and please everyone. I like this second revision a lot better. I am working with your ideas, changing the shape of the poem, if you don't mind. What are we doing for a first line? It keeps changing and that is impacting my preference for a second line. My heartfelt thanks. Isaiah.
Login to Reply
Guzzi Avatar
Debbie Guzzi
Date: 1/30/2014 7:26:00 PM
Date: 1/30/2014 5:37:00 PM
Well, unlike the hunter, my aim does waver. Isaiah's version leaves open some possible human interaction I find intriguing. I'm switching my target to it.
Login to Reply
Date: 1/30/2014 5:16:00 PM
I prefer Mark's version as it leaves more flexibility open for sonnet 5. Line one needs to match with the previous sonnet, one way or the other.
Login to Reply
Date: 1/30/2014 5:06:00 PM
Ok guys, none of the number 4 match the last line of number 3, that said I vote for Craig's as it has the twist of the hunter becoming the hunted, although 4th line 1st stanza is too long try "grunting and squealing noises I have spawned" and there are too many lines beginning with "or" ...
Login to Reply
Date: 1/30/2014 4:47:00 PM
Well, I vote for the rewrite of Craig's tremendous contribution. Mainly because of the language of saying the same thing in a more inviting way to peak interest. Especially the last two lines, which put the vision in your head without actually saying it. Is a very neat ending.
Login to Reply
Guzzi Avatar
Debbie Guzzi
Date: 1/30/2014 4:51:00 PM
Ok Chas thanks, we'll decide tonight
Date: 1/30/2014 12:47:00 PM
Wow, great improvement. So nice to have other eyes gaze and augment. Maybe if I'd had a year or two I could have done it myself.
Login to Reply
Peterson Avatar
Mark Peterson
Date: 1/30/2014 9:50:00 PM
Only going to prove, of course, that I'm not a legend in my own time, just a rumor.
Guzzi Avatar
Debbie Guzzi
Date: 1/30/2014 8:33:00 PM
see what did I tell you!
Guzzi Avatar
Debbie Guzzi
Date: 1/30/2014 1:40:00 PM
You don't give yourself enough credit :)
Date: 1/30/2014 11:35:00 AM
Debbie, you sound offended in your last reply. I sincerely hope you are not. I am not trying to say that your understanding of my poem is faulty. I am bouncing ideas off you to come up with a better poem. Like you said, you don't like the stone idea. That is fine. I can go with your revision. I am by no means asserting that I am right and you are wrong. I think your scarf idea is a good one. Can't remember, does it mention that previously. I had not taken that into consideration, so I would have to revise.
Login to Reply
Guzzi Avatar
Debbie Guzzi
Date: 1/30/2014 1:36:00 PM
sorry Isaiah, you're right I'm getting touchy, do you want to try one more revision yourself be fore I try to process you input & everyones elses? Then by the end of the day we can pick one?
Date: 1/30/2014 11:21:00 AM
I see that there are changes that should be made to my poem, but I think a continuity with the previous poems is important as well. If not the ones I chose, then in some other way. I really appreciate what you are doing, and hope I was not out of line making so many critiques.
Login to Reply
Date: 1/30/2014 11:14:00 AM
5. "My arrow's shaft" is rather confusing; it seems to me he would know whether he shot his own arrow or not. He is being shadowed, the other person is quite a ways behind him, thus the arrow must be shot at a steep angle in order for it to travel so far. Hence, the "deadly arc." This would clearly distinguish it from his own arrow. 6. The "frozen stone" is meant to refer to Caleb's title, "Stone in the Cold." I thought it would be interesting to have a tangible cold stone, either a real stone or a precious stone that holds some power over him in connection with the past. Perhaps having to do with why he is hunted. A stone of great value or peculiar properties might make a good inclusion.
Login to Reply
Guzzi Avatar
Debbie Guzzi
Date: 1/30/2014 11:18:00 AM
wow confusion I thought the arced arrow was his.. don't like the stone angle at all this isn't meant to be a tale of magic in the woods -I will think on all you said..you think how OFF my understand was of what you wrote-I did not get what you intended and rewrite IF you want to.
Date: 1/30/2014 11:01:00 AM
3. The bowhand actually gets colder than the drawing hand when hunting in cold weather, and is the primary means of aiming the bow, a direct response to, "my aim does not waver." But this one is not so important. 4. Unsure what "my breath scarf muffled" means. I intended this to mean that his foggy breath was right in front of his eyes, but completely disregarded as he pursued his game.
Login to Reply
Guzzi Avatar
Debbie Guzzi
Date: 1/30/2014 11:15:00 AM
ok who is the he the deer or the man - if the man why would he [regard] his breathe at all, I thought the deer might scent his breath on the air?
Guzzi Avatar
Debbie Guzzi
Date: 1/30/2014 11:13:00 AM
your breath would be seen as well as the deers but if your face was covered from the cold with a mask or a scarf condensed breathe would as easily show? rise?
Date: 1/30/2014 10:54:00 AM
The line "a strength of old bends back my bow of yew." Is a continuity of this line from the 3d sonnet, "I'm hoping once more, my arms are still strong." So a reference to arms or strength, which implies strength of arm makes more sense to me. 2. The line "a rack on a fine buck" seems out of place, since that is not what he is savoring, it really is the excitement of the hunt, the crowning achievement of having tracked and snuck up on his prey, and the true flight of his arrow that he is savoring. I do agree that having an animal name in the poem somewhere is a good idea.
Login to Reply
Guzzi Avatar
Debbie Guzzi
Date: 1/30/2014 11:27:00 AM
I took strength of old to harken back to the time when men drew 100 pound pull long bows, however NP putting the concept back if you can improve the rhythm
Guzzi Avatar
Debbie Guzzi
Date: 1/30/2014 11:12:00 AM
1) regarding line 2) it didn't recall that line to me - [bends back my bow of yew strumbles after the rthym of [a STREGHTH of OLD] I'm thinking you think too 2) I hear you Isaiah see if you can figure a way to say that without it sounding like blood lust, the lust for a kill - the [crowning] of my hunt -made me think of antlers?
Goff Avatar
James Marshall Goff
Date: 1/30/2014 11:06:00 AM
Isaiah...Your original line 2 is outstanding follow to my last line! Much better than revision...jimbo
Date: 1/30/2014 10:38:00 AM
I have mixed feelings about the revisions done to my poem. Some of the changes are good, providing more clarity and facilitated flow; but much of the continuity with the previous sonnets has been altered, causing it to become more obscure. I am not arguing by any means; I simply want everyone to be aware of my original intent so they can make an informed decision on which lines are better for our purpose.
Login to Reply
Guzzi Avatar
Debbie Guzzi
Date: 1/30/2014 11:24:00 AM
I don't agree regarding continuity being lost or the meaning obscured by me, you did not get your meaning across, NP folks have rewritten up to five time do so if you wish & I'll take another look BUT only if you are having FUN, you are keeping your versions for yourself the adjusted versions are only to make the GROUP work feel like a single writer did it
Date: 1/30/2014 9:41:00 AM
We still face the test of absolute truth, I move like the deer mouse, travels unheard. The justice I seek, was born in my youth, tempered by sage, burnt offerings for birds. Tormented by brambles whose thorns I collect I come across remnants, struggles long gone, feathers and crushed bone, on these I reflect. I'm trusting once more, my arms are still strong. A pine marten scurries, close to my step, the sweet scent of birch gum, his claws unearth. My arrows still sheathed, for creeks I have leapt, I have grown cold, but my spirit rebirthed. Tracks at the creek, drink deeply, I savor now the brush moves, my aim does not waver. 01/25/14
Login to Reply
Guzzi Avatar
Debbie Guzzi
Date: 1/30/2014 11:19:00 AM
Thanks Jimbo
Date: 1/30/2014 7:28:00 AM
on my home page, I added the word "slight" to my last line in sonnet #3 ...the brush slight moves, my aim does not waver ....you guys are cool!~!! jimmy
Login to Reply
Goff Avatar
James Marshall Goff
Date: 1/30/2014 9:35:00 AM
I like "now the brush moves!"
Guzzi Avatar
Debbie Guzzi
Date: 1/30/2014 8:05:00 AM
How about [Now the brush moves, my aim does not waiver.]
Guzzi Avatar
Debbie Guzzi
Date: 1/30/2014 8:01:00 AM
Jimbo can you send me the original version with the mouse in it please - I thought I still had it but I can't find it..THANKS
Goff Avatar
James Marshall Goff
Date: 1/30/2014 7:30:00 AM
Goff Avatar
James Marshall Goff
Date: 1/30/2014 7:29:00 AM
not the perfect word....hoping for one more "pointed, but dreamy" am thinking' but my deli calls! yimbo
Date: 1/30/2014 12:21:00 AM
Deb, on your rewrite of Craig's for Dee and Joyce you have "a sounder of boars feeds" which is grammatically correct but does not sound very good. I think is because the two s's (boars and feeds) so close together. Boar is singular or plural, but plural can also be boars. It is correct and sounds better to say "a sounder of Boar feeds - - - - -.
Login to Reply
Guzzi Avatar
Debbie Guzzi
Date: 1/30/2014 6:52:00 AM
can do Chas
Date: 1/29/2014 9:03:00 PM
Mark & Isaiah & Craig all have given us different choices; caught in a blizzard, a strange man in the woods with the hunter, and a night in a tree surrounded by wild boar ... to morrow I will take a look at the language in Mark's & Isaiah's & then we'll decide OK RUBEN ..:) Kelly
Login to Reply
Date: 1/29/2014 6:25:00 PM
Just for info: boars don't usually bite. They use their tusks to cut the hamstrings of their victims then when victim is on the ground they freely eat. My brother was attacked by one in south America some years back. A little dog and a native couple saved his life. The hog cut Alex's legs very badly but never cut the hamstring or destroyed muscle. Was very lucky.
Login to Reply
Henderson Avatar
Charles Henderson
Date: 1/29/2014 11:58:00 PM
Oh, was just info Deb, I wouldn't change. I don't see anything you said that was wrong.
Guzzi Avatar
Debbie Guzzi
Date: 1/29/2014 9:14:00 PM
maybe I can fix it Chas maybe not :(
Date: 1/29/2014 6:21:00 PM
Hi Debbie, it looks like I am going to be writing next, after sonnet #4 is chosen. I am looking forward to it. My vote for sonnet #4 would be for Isaiah's. The possibilities of where the story could go after that are interesting.
Login to Reply
Date: 1/29/2014 5:58:00 PM
#4 CC verse 1((a sounder of boars feeds right near the pond,)) This line does not make sense----- suggest: (a) or (the)sound of boars feeding right near the pond
Login to Reply
Henderson Avatar
Charles Henderson
Date: 1/29/2014 11:53:00 PM
I researched just after writing this.
Guzzi Avatar
Debbie Guzzi
Date: 1/29/2014 8:59:00 PM
a group of boars is called a sounder of boars, like murder of crows & a parliament of owla
Date: 1/29/2014 1:14:00 PM
I have posted a sonnet for the fourth, if you still need one. Did what I could on a short notice to help you out. Sounds like you have someone else working on one now. If you don't need it that is ok.
Login to Reply
Date: 1/29/2014 11:44:00 AM
DEBBIE AND JIMBO: the end line " The brush moves, my aim does not waiver" has 9- syl count?
Login to Reply
Guzzi Avatar
Debbie Guzzi
Date: 1/29/2014 11:46:00 AM
ok nette can you make a note & at the end we will go back through the whole thing & tweak both syllable count & meter - plotting is very hard trying to include everyone's tastes & preferences, I'm trying my best.
Date: 1/29/2014 11:40:00 AM
craig: good work too.. you and marlon are sharpening the plot.. now you are the prey, what a twist.. :)
Login to Reply
Date: 1/29/2014 11:33:00 AM
marlon: great mood!. are you fine about " ears navigate?'... just wondering.. huggs
Login to Reply
Guzzi Avatar
Debbie Guzzi
Date: 1/29/2014 11:39:00 AM
good point nette - I want to let Marlon finish his revisions before I make suggestions
Date: 1/29/2014 10:34:00 AM
end the verse with a 'cliff hanger' the climax is in verse 5 the scale down in 6 the end in 7 where he gets home safe
Login to Reply
Date: 1/29/2014 10:30:00 AM
Thanks Scribe. That explains the apostrophe. Joyce
Login to Reply
Date: 1/29/2014 10:24:00 AM
You're right Marlin. Your 6th line does have ten syllables but your last one only nine. I wish there was a way of posting these exactly as the author wrote them. There can always be mistakes in the reposting by someone else. Sorry. Joyce
Login to Reply
Guzzi Avatar
Debbie Guzzi
Date: 1/29/2014 11:24:00 AM
Joyce I am copying what I am given & then making suggestion to stay in the same voice, I'm getting upset now I am NOT trying to misrepresent anyone - when they make a change I post it - Craig asked me to go ahead and do what I felt was needed.
Date: 1/29/2014 10:02:00 AM
M's second line is grammatically incorrect. Why did he make calm possessive? And merge should be merges. He could say merging with the wind. Joyce
Login to Reply
Date: 1/29/2014 9:27:00 AM
Craig's no 4 could be changed to "the gruntings and squealings that I have spawned. I like the clarity in his poetry. It makes it easier for we who follow. Your corrections are spoiling his rhyme scheme. There is nothing wrong with the word spawned. His presence caused the boar's reaction. M's no 4 has only nine syllables in the first line and the 6th. Spoils the rhythm. Joyce
Login to Reply
Date: 1/29/2014 8:10:00 AM
Marlon and Craig...I love both of your sonnets. Y'all got right down to the gritty...Craig, it sounds like you've been in the bush with a wild boar before..ha..those suckers'll get ya won't they?! And Debbie...you must be working so hard with all of this ...gotta be tough ...but you're doing a great job, and I can't wait to see how this all turns out. Well, gotta run folks!
Login to Reply
Date: 1/28/2014 10:18:00 PM
I like Craig's fourth line. Aesthetically it is not as pleasing, but his beat, rhythm and syllables are spot on for me. Other than for cosmetic reasons, I don't see any poetic reason to change it. My 2 cents (and worth as much!) lol ;) ~Chan
Login to Reply
Date: 1/28/2014 8:50:00 PM
Night all! Way to collaborate, you SONNETEERS!
Login to Reply
Date: 1/28/2014 8:50:00 PM
It is possible to scare both the critter & the hunter without either getting bled? I had hoped Mark would give us that scenario, who would like to build the tension higher without the blood? I'd like 1 more person to try for 4
Login to Reply
MacMillan Avatar
Cyndi MacMillan
Date: 1/28/2014 8:52:00 PM
No blood?
Date: 1/28/2014 8:08:00 PM
With regret, I must withdraw from the group. The topic has gone in a direction that for me summons no prose. Best to everyone and thanks for the honor of the invite.
Login to Reply
Guzzi Avatar
Debbie Guzzi
Date: 1/28/2014 9:03:00 PM
sorry you feel this way, you had the power to draw it elsewhere by using your imagination

My Past Blog Posts

Fear - Eternal & Everlasting
Date Posted: 9/21/2017 5:03:00 PM
Fear Contest
Date Posted: 8/31/2017 8:05:00 PM
Pretty Please - haibun contest UPDATE
Date Posted: 8/7/2017 7:41:00 PM
Contests UPDATE
Date Posted: 7/26/2017 9:42:00 PM
Date Posted: 4/25/2017 3:57:00 PM
1984 Time Has Come Again
Date Posted: 4/1/2017 5:15:00 PM
You Say You Want a Revolution JUDGED
Date Posted: 1/22/2017 6:27:00 PM
Congratulations on the Angel Contest
Date Posted: 1/6/2017 4:31:00 PM
Angel Contest - Terzanelle
Date Posted: 12/15/2016 4:53:00 PM
Shout out to my Students!
Date Posted: 7/14/2016 5:21:00 PM
Become Part of an Anthology!
Date Posted: 5/9/2016 10:51:00 AM
Robert Lindley - Danetta Barney - Teppo The Sonneteers
Date Posted: 2/23/2016 3:24:00 PM
Beg. of Line Rhyme Sonnet Teppo Gren, Acrostic Sonnet & Sestina Sonnet Barney & Lindley
Date Posted: 2/19/2016 4:21:00 PM
ECHO Sonnet by Robert Lindley and CHAIN sonnet by Danetta Barney
Date Posted: 2/15/2016 3:29:00 PM
6 Days 6 Poets 6 SONNETS - Contest without FEE
Date Posted: 2/5/2016 4:07:00 PM
Biographies and Cover Letters Let's Get to Work
Date Posted: 1/18/2016 4:16:00 PM
THE TENTH POEM & stragelers
Date Posted: 1/6/2016 9:51:00 AM
Santa Around the World
Date Posted: 12/15/2015 8:04:00 PM
Why Not Give Haibun Today a TRY
Date Posted: 11/27/2015 5:08:00 PM
Amazon Contest
Date Posted: 11/25/2015 3:19:00 PM
Wonderful, Wonderful Verses in the Retourne Contest
Date Posted: 11/21/2015 7:33:00 PM
Get By with a Little News from Your Friends
Date Posted: 11/16/2015 7:55:00 PM
Free Give Away
Date Posted: 9/30/2015 8:11:00 AM
Hello SOUPers!
Date Posted: 9/24/2015 8:44:00 AM
I Need Advice-Help Me Learn to TWEET
Date Posted: 8/30/2015 4:20:00 PM

My Recent Poems

Date PostedPoemTitleFormCategories
7/30/2017 war and peace Free verseage,betrayal,truth,
7/27/2017 Mein Kampf My Struggle Haibunanxiety,racism,
7/24/2017 Displaced in Kathmandu Haibunanxiety,fear,war,
6/8/2017 haiku 1a Haikulife,
4/24/2017 Swingin on a Star Free verseallusion,art,beauty,
4/9/2017 A Lost Kind Returns Sonnetfreedom,heartbroken,loss,
3/28/2017 Behind the Architects Crystal Lens Verseart,travel,
3/3/2017 Shadow Puppets Sonnethumor,
2/14/2017 Daughter of Oak and Ash Pantoumcaregiving,love,racism,
1/26/2017 The Moons Yellow Eyes Haibunevil,farewell,
1/10/2017 High Noon at Karnak Free versehistory,
9/21/2016 Cairns Edge Lyricage,autumn,ocean,
9/10/2016 Prickly Heat Haibunlost love,
7/19/2016 Repeter Depuis le Debut Free verseart,marriage,
7/19/2016 It Is a Rose Sprung Free verseabuse,meaningful,race,rel
7/8/2016 The Sparrows of Dom St Peter Versechildren,faith,music,
5/13/2016 Golden Disks and Whale Clicks Free verseearth,eulogy,
5/1/2016 Cathedrale St Sauveur Aix en Provence, France Verseart,faith,
4/12/2016 Neap Tide Blank verseage,beauty,love,
4/2/2016 Red Sky over Cairo Free verseanxiety,fear,travel,
3/31/2016 Monet's Garden Villanelleart,travel,vacation,
1/31/2016 A Hail Mary Pass to the Twenty-First Century Free verseanger,angst,bullying,fear
1/31/2016 Breathless Prose Poetryhope,
1/29/2016 The Guardian at the Gate Ekphrasismyth,
1/16/2016 You Gotta Have Heart Ekphrasisart,
1/6/2016 Spectors of Doom Shapeangst,war,
1/5/2016 Blood Masks the Lea Rondeaudeath,war,
1/4/2016 A Swallows Tears Sonnetaddiction,suicide,
12/14/2015 A Blooded, Virgin, Night Free versepain,
12/5/2015 Madelaine's Chalice Versedevotion,love,
11/29/2015 Blessed Be Versenature,
11/29/2015 Ho-Ho-Ho Haibunholiday,
11/17/2015 Golden Disks and Whale Clicks Free versespace,
11/9/2015 Spare Change Coupletseasons,
10/29/2015 Cymbals of Winter Free verseurban,wind,winter,
10/28/2015 fingertips Haikusilence,
10/28/2015 Death Undignified, Fort Laramie 1860 Sestinamemory,
10/27/2015 A Kneaded Life Haibunage,dream,love,
10/23/2015 The Sowing Free verseirony,violence,women,
10/21/2015 When Madness Rides on Moonlight Sestinaanxiety,art,depression,su
10/19/2015 St Brigids Well Sonnetchildren,spiritual,women,
10/13/2015 Lurkers at the Threshold Lovecraft Credited Verseanalogy,universe,
10/12/2015 Gobsmacked Gams Terzanelleallegory,art,childhood,
10/12/2015 To Dumb to Lay Down Free verseallegory,
9/20/2015 verbous and obscure Blitzallusion,
9/11/2015 Put the Past Aside - The Dark Side of the Moon Versedepression,
8/23/2015 The Melting Pot Prosechildhood,
8/8/2015 howl beyond reason Blitzanalogy,crazy,word play,
8/7/2015 under and over Blitzfear,universe,
8/5/2015 Vive la Liberte Free verseviolence,visionary,war,
8/3/2015 Underground Art Montmartre Free verseart,
7/23/2015 Maudlin Mary Ekphrasisallusion,symbolism,woman,
7/20/2015 Fire-Crackers Acrosticdeath,war,
7/20/2015 Mary's Shrift Free versedevotion,discrimination,
7/20/2015 Stoned Free verseanger,
7/20/2015 Top Dressing Free versespring,daffodils,
7/13/2015 Just Desserts and Appetizers Haibunboat,fun,summer,
7/7/2015 Brooding Rooted Free versebeauty,blessing,
6/26/2015 Summer Stews Sijofun,
6/19/2015 False Love Quintain (English)lost love,
6/14/2015 Risen from the Foam Ottava rimaallegory,beauty,love,
6/4/2015 Cling Sijoadventure,
5/14/2015 The Mirage Free versebeauty,family,
4/29/2015 A Day in the Life of a Bag of Potatoes Free versechange,
4/28/2015 Spider Robinson's Plug In Sijoaddiction,
4/27/2015 The Sandy Shoal Free versedeath,
4/26/2015 A Stream of Laughter Free versechildren,nature,
4/25/2015 Boxed In Free verseabsence,beauty,love,
4/21/2015 Pick Your Poison Acrosticabuse,death,
4/20/2015 The Tall Ships Burn Villanelleart,
4/19/2015 I, ICON Acrosticself,
4/17/2015 The Song of Deborah Bioallegory,
4/15/2015 Barred Camp Sonnetfunny,
4/15/2015 Cross Pollination Versefaith,nature,
4/13/2015 The Wayward Child Pantoumfairy,
4/12/2015 Straw Men Free verseallusion,planet,
4/5/2015 Elemental Answers to Being Verselife,
4/3/2015 Mother's Days Acrosticmother,
4/3/2015 A Crown of Thorns Crown of Sonnetsbeauty,betrayal,identity,
4/2/2015 Sun and Life Painting by Frida Kahlo 1947 Free verseart,
3/31/2015 AFI 9th Art Wave Tankaart,
3/31/2015 AFI TAG ART Tankaart,
3/28/2015 Van Gogh sans une Oreille Free verseart,
3/27/2015 School's Out Haibunkiss,snow,
3/21/2015 The Teetotaler Terzanellememory,
3/20/2015 The Sin and God Within Verseallusion,faith,forgivenes
3/20/2015 A Penny for My Thoughts Sonnetcreation,
3/18/2015 What Dreams Are Made Of Versefear,night,
3/15/2015 Steamers Free versesummer,
3/10/2015 A Mother Drawn Free versebeauty,birth,earth,faith,
3/9/2015 The Precipice Free verseart,
3/5/2015 The Score Free verseloneliness,night,
3/3/2015 Moonlight Serenade Haibunsensual,
3/1/2015 Trumpets of the Dawn Sonnetflower,
3/1/2015 Femme Fatales Balladbirth,mythology,woman,
2/28/2015 The Doldrums of March Free verseloneliness,daffodils,
2/26/2015 Death Tolls Free versebeach,beauty,bird,ocean,
2/24/2015 Forgotten Valentine Haibunsad,
2/21/2015 Ice Castings Pantoumbeauty,
2/20/2015 Amusing Free versemuse,

My Photos

Fav Poems

God Free verselife,mystery,
Hard Times Cowboycowboy-western,family,fun
For Things Once Counted Rhymeintrospection,loss,uplift
Petal Verselove,
Defender of the Wastes Free verseart,life,parody,world,
Birth Imagismchildhood,life
this is why i woo words Verseart,inspirational,philoso
Forbear Free versesad,
Belongings Rhymeloss,love,me,mother,
Gold Fever Free versefaithfaith,political,pers
Splattered I do not know?life
Echo Quatrainlost lovewords,love,
Bells (after Poe) Lyricpassion
Respectfully, Emily Dickinson Lyricintrospection
Give the End Back to the Beginning Free versededication,faithme,
The Bruised and Rotting Pear Coupletfaith,hope
fly Free verseanimals
ABC's for a Young Captain ABClife
Not Entirely About Living In New York Free verselifeworld,light,light,
Woodcutter I do not know?warold,old,
Dreams Free versefaith,forgiveness
A Feed of Chips Narrativefunny
Weep O Willows Versedeath
Harlem Blues Free verseblack-african amerchildre
Summers Everlasting Free versenostalgia
EASTER IVY Narrativefriendshipeaster,cousin,
End of days Rhymeinspirational,lifeme,war,
Past-Life Nightmare Narrativemystery,autumn,
I dream of you (to JEW) Free verseimagination,lovenight,swe
jellyfish back strophe Imagismallegory,nature,on writin
Disposable Wisdom Rhymeage,cat,life,wisdom,world
Loneliness Rhymeintrospection,life
Remission (In Memory of William Watt). Elegybrother,death,nostalgiawo
The Day That Died Forever Free verseadventure,angst,art,confu
Heritage Quatrainadventure,cowboy-western,
Summer Matinee Narrativebrother,me,
The Moon and I I do not know?hope,life,love,nature,pea
Seeking, Searching Free verseimaginationlove,universe,
BEFORE SPRING CAME Narrativeadventure,animals,childho
Pledge Sonnetdevotion
Wild Cherries Free versedevotion,nature,nostalgia
Words from the Oracle Layallegory,philosophy
Science Free verse 
Mona Lisa resembles Chokaart
AND WITH MERRIEST SPIRIT Quintain (English)faith,father,holiday,insp
Cotton-Pickin' Paradise Versechildhood,life,nostalgia,
Where The Sycamore Grew Narrativeautumn,family,house,life,
Larks Free versedeath,devotion,imaginatio
Big Bang Limerickfunny,science,
winter (do not forget among the loss of flowers) me Free verse 
Violin Personificationdeath,love,rose,
Let I do not know?loveme,me,
He Was Smoking Hot I do not know?funny
Alabaster Night Free versenature,planet,sea,
Haunted Orb Haikufantasy,nature
This Night Sonnet 
Tombstones & Teacups Rhymeallegory,childhood,death,
Today Not Tomorrow Free versededication,depression,gir
Years Of The Rose Free verselost love,loveday,
The Joy that Sweetly Stays Free verse 
Cinder Girl Rhyme 
Biography (Thesis Statement) Versehistory,life,philosophyli
Figure Fusion Verseart,sports
Dancing Bird - with video link Free verseanimals,introspection,nat
Poem for a sensuous poet Free versefantasy,on writing and wo
The Road Walked Down Through the Years Rhymelife,on writing and words
The Iceman Cometh! Rhymenostalgia
He says/ She says Narrativelife
I've seen so many Sonnetintrospectionnight,night,
Searching for Michelangelo Free verseart,hope,life,people,imag
Indifference Free verse 
realisation of self (War Child) Free verseme,me,
Reporting Live On The Soup (Colorado) Rhymefunnyme,me,
Late at night Lyricimaginationme,fear,me,
Reverencing Nature Balladfaith,naturenature,heart,
Dreams Coupletimagination
Simple Pleasures Rhymehappinesssummer,summer,
I Exist Pantoumintrospectionlife,me,
Madrid: Circa 1974 Blank versenostalgia,travel,
Magnolia Song Free verselove,romance,
yellow bus roars through Haikuallegory,nature,places
Ethel's Remedies Rhymefunny,people
A Dream In The Mist Narrativefantasy,imagination,natur
volga 1 - 3 Prose Poetryfantasy
Mama's Cleaning Quatrainintrospection,life,mother
WAKING HEART'S VEINS Free verseangst,hope,
Revelation Free verseimagination,lifesong,epic
Sports Limerick Limerickfunny
The Snowflake Italian Sonnetromance,
Jack Lyricintrospectionlife,
The Ghost That Travels Far Personificationnature
Kite Flying - Test Free verseallegory,art,imagination,
Dining with Crow Rhymeanimals
Beauty, yes Sijohope,imagination,philosop
Smart and Final Prose Prose Poetrypeoplepeople,red,city,peo
Tiger in the Sea Rispettoadventure,animals,seame,t
A Song of Michael's Rose Narrativeme,
Where my True Love Lives - A Ballade Balladedeath,love,ocean,
Into Morning Free verselife
Play Me A Teardrop Rhymelost loveme,me,

Fav Poets

Carolyn Devonshire United States Flag United States Read
Carrie Richards United States Flag United States Read
Deirdre Omaidin Ireland Flag Ireland Read
Andrew Crisci United States Flag United States Read
Jim Fish United States Flag United States Read
Nigel Fawcett Italy Flag Italy Read
L'nass Shango United States Flag United States Read
Andrea Dietrich United States Flag United States Read
Robert L. Hinshaw United States Flag United States Read
Chris D. Aechtner Canada Flag Canada Read
nette onclaud Philippines Flag Philippines Read
Sidney Beck Russian Federation Flag Russian Federation Read
Sami Al-khalili Canada Flag Canada Read
Charlotte Jade Puddifoot United Kingdom Flag United Kingdom Read
Cyndi MacMillan Canada Flag Canada Read
T Wignesan France Flag France Read
Elaine George Canada Flag Canada Read
sharon Winter United States Flag United States Read
Michael Smith United States Flag United States Read
jack horne United Kingdom Flag United Kingdom Read
Paul Callus Malta Flag Malta Read
Charmaine Chircop Malta Flag Malta Read
James Marshall Goff United States Flag United States Read
Joann Grisetti United States Flag United States Read
Ravindra K Kapoor India Flag India Read
Olive Eloisa Guillermo - Fraser Philippines Flag Philippines Read
kathryn collins United States Flag United States Read
Teppo Gren Finland Flag Finland Read
Michael Jordan United States Flag United States Read