Poetry Forum Areas

Introduce Yourself

New to PoetrySoup? Introduce yourself here. Tell us something about yourself.

Looking for a Poem

Can't find a poem you've read before? Looking for a poem for a special person or an occasion? Ask other member for help.

Writing Poetry

Ways to improve your poetry. Post your techniques, tips, and creative ideas how to write better.

High Critique

For poets who want unrestricted constructive criticism. This is NOT a vanity workshop. If you do not want your poem seriously critiqued, do not post here. Constructive criticism only. PLEASE Only Post One Poem a Day!!!

How do I...?

Ask PoetrySoup Members how to do something or find something on PoetrySoup.

You have an ad blocker! We understand, but...

PoetrySoup is a small privately owned website. Our means of support comes from advertising revenue. We want to keep PoetrySoup alive, make it better, and keep it free. Please support us by disabling your ad blocker on PoetrySoup. See how to enable ads while keeping your ad blocker active. Also, did you know you can become a PoetrySoup Lifetime Premium Member and block ads forever...while getting many more great features. Take a look! Thank you!

Contest by Invitation Only - Debbie Guzzi's Blog

About Debbie Guzzi
(Show Details...)
Bloggers Photo

Deborah Guzzi writes fulltime. When not writing she’s reading. She travels for inspiration. Her new book The Hurricane is available now through Prolific Press. Her poetry appears in: Existere - Journal of Arts and Literature in Canada, Tincture in Australia, Cha: Asian Literary Review, Hong Kong, China, Eunoia in Singapore, Vine Leaves Literary Journal in Greece, and Ribbons: Tanka Society of America’s Journal, Sounding Review, Kyso Flash, The Aurorean, Crack the Spine Literary Magazine, Liquid Imagination, Concis, The Tishman Review, Page & Spine and others in the USA. 

Contest by Invitation Only

Blog Posted:1/21/2014 8:50:00 PM
Crown of Sonnets, 7 will be picked to win in the contest, seven that fit the best together. 

It is a 7-sonnet sequence in which

the last line of each sonnet is repeated in the first line of the next.

The first line is repeated as the last line of the 7th. sonnet;
this gives the sequence its crown-like circularity.
These will be MODERN SONNETS, 14 lines, 10 syllables per line

 abab cdcd efef gg/ I want flow but strict meter is not necessary.

* means they said they'd try for us [we'll try 3 at a time & pick which one works best then move one] blend your writing style with Caleb's. REMEMBER big boy & girl pant
  1. Eileen Ghali * Sarah Kendrick*Dane Ann Smith Johnson* 7
  2. Carrie Richards *6 Joyce Johnson * 6 Andrea Dietrich* 6
  3. Caleb Smith * #1
  4. Craig Cornish *4 The Scribe *4 Mark Peterson *4
  5. Charles Henderson #2 David Williams * #2
  6. Catie Lindsey * #3 Nette Onclaud *#3 Jim Goff #3
  7. Isaiah Zerbst*5 Roy Jerden* 5 Ruben O*Kelly Deschler 5 * binibinig P. .iNk  

As you say YES you will be given a number, the poetry is to be read sequentially
ONLY 7 people will win and all of those 7 will get a first place.  

Stone in the Cold

By Caleb Smith


 Through darkness I come with a stealthy hand,
who but a man shadowed could be so bold?
My eyes hunt take a reckoning of the land,
look into the hollows, constant and cold.

My companion solitude, still as stone,
I am the seeker of winds, and of scent.
By the trees yonder, I wait not  alone;
my aim is true, and my purpose unbent.

Yet, death does not bring a smile to my lips,
nor a lift unto this wayfaring heart;
in grief I am fed, from  silence I sip,
and from the old wood, I shall never part.

The hunt will remain for those who pursue,
life that no death could ever undo.

#2 selection C. H. 

A life that no death could ever undo,
for there are portals I've yet to find.
Hidden life in the green I wish to pursue,
oh, the secrets of life and death entwine.  

I search and search, I will know no defeat.
Each corner turned will find new paths to tread.
The deer or the bear, the fox that I meet
will reveal the secrets of life not death.

So, let the wood talk, hear what it reveals.
Riddle its meanings there to be understood.
The less armor worn, we brandish or wield,
higher truth follows our message of good.

Come into the woods as in days of youth,
we still face the test of absolute truth.

 #3 of 3 J. G.

We still face the test of absolute truth,
the nights coming fast, I travel unheard.
The reverence I feel, was born in youth,
tempered by sage, burnt offerings for birds.

Tormented by brambles whose thorns I collect
I come to remains of struggles long gone,
feathers and crushed bone, on these I reflect.
I'm hoping once more, my arms are still strong.

A pine marten scurries, close to my step,
the sweet scent of birch gum, his claws unearth.
My arrow's still sheathed, for creeks I have leapt.
I have grown cold, but my spirit rebirthed.

Tracks at the creek, the water I savor
the brush moves, my aim does not waver. 

#4 Marlon

The brush moves, my aim does not waver
Exhaling calm's breath, which merge with the wind
Breeding bellow lures hunt in my favor
Striking gold adjacent to its front limb

My ears navigate towards death's language
The soul's soliloquies sung by the stag
Look into its eyes, buck-knives cure anguish
Table blessings spoil if hunters lag

Blood seasons the arrow for my taste buds
Delicacy offered by pure nature
Unaware of wolves pursuit to taste blood
My meal and I, are conjoined as flavor

Nature is the keeper of its wanted
When hunter is graced being hunted

 BUT the action/suspense must BE here- Sonnet 4 begins


Line one verse 4

the brush moves, my aim does not waver. 


Please Login to post a comment
Date: 1/30/2014 8:07:00 PM
I'll vote for the blizzard. Joyce
Login to Reply
Date: 1/29/2014 3:21:00 PM
marlin, line 2 first verse doesn't read exactly right. suggestion: the bow arches, death flies with the wind- - -It gets rid of a little "tontoism" in that line, also agrees with "arrow" in the last verse. Also making bellow plural (bellows) third line gets rid of tontoism there--------- (breeding bellows lure hunt in my favor) or you could just say "a breeding call lures hunt in my favor". hope this makes sense to you.
Login to Reply
Date: 1/28/2014 3:01:00 PM
Which is the numbered order we write in? The numbers before the names, or the ones after?
Login to Reply
Zerbst Avatar
Isaiah Zerbst
Date: 1/29/2014 12:30:00 AM
ok. Thanks.
Guzzi Avatar
Debbie Guzzi
Date: 1/28/2014 3:06:00 PM
you are writing the 5th jewel in the crown
Date: 1/28/2014 2:20:00 PM
Catie, Nette......love your sonnets! you both are amazing Women! Deb....if ya hike w/me....we identify wildflowers and document....also other wildlife and activity they are engaged in.....oh...we haiku! easy to do in the forest.....plants and animals (we never approach, let them come to us, or not) talk to us non-stop!....jimbo
Login to Reply
Date: 1/28/2014 1:19:00 PM
Debbie you should start another blog before this one disappears at the bottom....
Login to Reply
Guzzi Avatar
Debbie Guzzi
Date: 1/28/2014 3:21:00 PM
Roger thAT
Date: 1/28/2014 10:52:00 AM
Sorry that my post went missing about #3. This is a mystery. Have begun on #4, but I'm having a little trouble reconciling light and love with life and death night action and suspense. Comment?
Login to Reply
Peterson Avatar
Mark Peterson
Date: 1/28/2014 12:09:00 PM
Ah, I see. In any event, I'm easily confused.
Guzzi Avatar
Debbie Guzzi
Date: 1/28/2014 11:37:00 AM
Light & Love is just my salutation it has nothing to do with the formation of your sonnet for #4 - sorry to have confused you
Date: 1/28/2014 10:40:00 AM
very much, my growth curve is cunningly accelerating, due to all you geniuses! seriously.....my eyes are opening wider with intricacies of this form....without looking or sounding.....fake....the right emotion and energy, balanced with brains......scary! jimbo
Login to Reply
onclaud Avatar
nette onclaud
Date: 1/28/2014 1:03:00 PM
love the hint of agression in your sonnet, jimbo!.. amazing read!
Guzzi Avatar
Debbie Guzzi
Date: 1/28/2014 10:44:00 AM
aww you are a doll to take the emotional risk all of you, I have so often wished I was close to go into the wild walking with you
Date: 1/28/2014 8:46:00 AM
oh gosh, I guess I am too late. Came to vote on a third one. Maybe you could do a new blog each time you post the next three! So do the ones you are showing automatically have first place? Is that how it works?
Login to Reply
Guzzi Avatar
Debbie Guzzi
Date: 1/28/2014 8:52:00 AM
yes .. But everyone not chosen will get ranked separately - I think I will give one more 1 to the best sonnet in general not used in the crown then 2-5 no one so far has even done a sonnet I would rate less than 3!
Date: 1/28/2014 12:35:00 AM
they each have elements that together would be stunning but I realise they cannot be blended into one sonnet, so that said I would have to go for Jimbo's as an overall one....
Login to Reply
Hunter Avatar
Painted Hunter
Date: 1/28/2014 7:25:00 AM
I agree with David. But I am loving all of them!...y'all are putting me right in my element here..haha. Hopefully I'll have some time today to be a little more active
Date: 1/27/2014 9:52:00 PM
I liked all three, but the one that seems to suit the subject best, the one that puts me in the bush, best shows me, is JG. Nette's original third verse is ART, perfect, have no idea why it was changed. My favourite for tone, language and flow is Catie's original. all fawn's come from a doe, so I don't get the change, why it was necessary? Now, JG, the edit, Line 2 needs a comma between fast and I. In line 11, I'd exchange the word "for" with "though" so as to drop one of the many commas. Line 13, could be altered to "The creek slakes thirst as water I savor," just an idea for purpose of flow. You guys are doing AWESOME. I'm still struggling with the subject, but loving the tone, loved
Login to Reply
MacMillan Avatar
Cyndi MacMillan
Date: 1/28/2014 9:33:00 AM
No explanation needed. I see why the changes were made, Bet.
Guzzi Avatar
Debbie Guzzi
Date: 1/28/2014 7:25:00 AM
I'd explain the changes but we must push forward - The SUSPENSE is too low we must raise it.
MacMillan Avatar
Cyndi MacMillan
Date: 1/27/2014 9:58:00 PM
seeing this develop. Good for you all! Awesome to see you co-writing, listening to each other... how cool are you guys, like the bards of ole, able to wax and wane with lines with no tankards slammed. xoxox to all
Date: 1/27/2014 3:15:00 PM
Ok Nette's second one, I like the content but it misses the flow here and there, but it is staying with the theme and the re-work is flowing much better but I prefer nette's 3rd stanza and last line, if they could be conjoined ????
Login to Reply
onclaud Avatar
nette onclaud
Date: 1/27/2014 4:14:00 PM
great take on the 3rd stanza, david... be my guest!.. whooo, i don't want to compromise the mystery or reduce the tension before the climax unfolds... thanks!
onclaud Avatar
nette onclaud
Date: 1/27/2014 4:09:00 PM
yo!.. " hunger for prey claims my thirst harassed is figurative..".. the seeker has been hankering to hunt though he waits for the right time to aim at his game .." moose descends"--- from a high plane, it comes down and settles on grass... that's how in goes, folks... i had fun with this.. :)
Williams Avatar
David Williams
Date: 1/27/2014 4:06:00 PM
as a new day dawns and refuse I seek... a silhouette rises its coat dew drenched... from behind a tree my prey takes a peek... a recoiling echo, my thirst is quenched
Williams Avatar
David Williams
Date: 1/27/2014 4:02:00 PM
Nette's 3rd stanza.. as a new day dawns and refuse I seek a silhouette rises its coat dew drenched from behind a tree my prey takes a peek as a shot rings out and my thirst is quenched
Guzzi Avatar
Debbie Guzzi
Date: 1/27/2014 3:36:00 PM
hunger for prey claims my thirst harassed - its so unclear what she means ok he's hungry - what's a harassed thirst? & before that [range, a moose descends on grass] I see flying moose drifting down on parachutes? ;) give it a whack David show me?
Guzzi Avatar
Debbie Guzzi
Date: 1/27/2014 3:30:00 PM
I'll try?
Date: 1/27/2014 2:20:00 PM
Okies everyone you have 3 choses which have been mind melded into potential SONNET 3's PICK before Craig bites the bit into! Marlon may kick out the stall walls if we don't hurry up! LOL
Login to Reply
Date: 1/27/2014 1:00:00 AM
Outstanding job, Deb, to you and all of the writers. I can't wait to see the completed Crown of Sonnets.
Login to Reply
Guzzi Avatar
Debbie Guzzi
Date: 1/27/2014 8:53:00 AM
hey Carolyn! Nice to see you!
Date: 1/26/2014 9:14:00 PM
I'm sorry Debbie, maybe next time. For the record i was thrilled. Skat
Login to Reply
Guzzi Avatar
Debbie Guzzi
Date: 1/27/2014 7:34:00 AM
no problem doesn't mean you can't give your opinions here, thanks for letting me know
Date: 1/26/2014 5:30:00 PM
I like your re-work, Deb!
Login to Reply
onclaud Avatar
nette onclaud
Date: 1/27/2014 4:55:00 PM
i enjoyed your latest revision. jimbo...
Date: 1/26/2014 5:17:00 PM
just so this old redneck boy is not misunderstood, let me add. I am against hunting for anything unless the specie is endangered by overpopulation. Even if the specie is a pest, I feel it was made by a higher power than me and I have no right to completely irradicate. Unless we are talking abut fire ants, of course.
Login to Reply
Date: 1/26/2014 4:47:00 PM
JG- - -since is present tense you may need an "s" on rebirth.
Login to Reply
Date: 1/26/2014 4:35:00 PM
Nette: your question mark line 12-----you are right. The remark is not really practical- - -- -- -While horses lay on trees to yawn away - The horses would sleep standing up or simply lying on the ground-let’s change to- - - - - "While horses flick tails to keep flies away"- - - of course that would establish a season element into the poem and I don’t know whether that does or doesn’t make a difference to Deb
Login to Reply
onclaud Avatar
nette onclaud
Date: 1/27/2014 1:44:00 PM
chas, lol... that was a real rough draft; can you imagine that horse!... i did 2nd one; hope it's better!... thanks!
Henderson Avatar
Charles Henderson
Date: 1/26/2014 5:03:00 PM
Or perhaps she can suggest another remedy.
Henderson Avatar
Charles Henderson
Date: 1/26/2014 5:02:00 PM
Well, we can just change to what I suggested but I want Nette to be happy with the change.
Guzzi Avatar
Debbie Guzzi
Date: 1/26/2014 4:43:00 PM
I put the ? Chas, and yes the horse thing throws me off too
Date: 1/26/2014 4:11:00 PM
Corrected....thanks guys!
Login to Reply
Goff Avatar
James Marshall Goff
Date: 1/26/2014 5:43:00 PM
That dern "auto drop deal" whatchacallit...dropped "trembles" below...not me!
Goff Avatar
James Marshall Goff
Date: 1/26/2014 5:41:00 PM
I like deer mice! Mickey Mouse was a deer mouse! Did you know?...if you spot a deer mouse on the forest floor trembles it's good luck!
Guzzi Avatar
Debbie Guzzi
Date: 1/26/2014 5:27:00 PM
well they are eating cats here! so they are scary!
Henderson Avatar
Charles Henderson
Date: 1/26/2014 5:08:00 PM
careful Deb, coyote is an ugly word these days in SC. They are killing of all the baby deer. I think coyote are always in season for hunters.
Guzzi Avatar
Debbie Guzzi
Date: 1/26/2014 4:51:00 PM
why are you calling a mouse hon cam we call something else a moose? a deer? can you playfully mimic a coyote
Guzzi Avatar
Debbie Guzzi
Date: 1/26/2014 4:47:00 PM
Jimbo we need scary critters to build tension wolfs howling, coyotes, raging mooses? meesess?
Date: 1/26/2014 4:03:00 PM
Gosh, those are all good...gonna be hard to pick one, eh Debbie? I connect with parts of all of them, but more so with Jimbo's, I think. I don't know if that's because I DO hunt with a long bow...might have something to do with it. Anyway, great job all of you.
Login to Reply
Date: 1/26/2014 3:29:00 PM
LOOK at what one MAGAZINE says-Contributors receive two copies of the issue in which their work appears and as much exposure as we can tastefully give them.All others will be thanked profusely for submitting and wished well.Please note: Some work, if not selected, will be made into paper airplanes or erotic origami (reserved for only the best work.)
Login to Reply
Date: 1/26/2014 3:07:00 PM
Deb, David is right...few lines of mine are off the correct count! Want me to fix?
Login to Reply
Goff Avatar
James Marshall Goff
Date: 1/26/2014 3:46:00 PM
Ok!.... give me a few minutes...I'm at a zombie party for my 8yr old grand nephew...brought my REAL zombie killer sword!
Guzzi Avatar
Debbie Guzzi
Date: 1/26/2014 3:10:00 PM
you can .. I like the leggings off too because Caleb would wear jeans & the verses before do not feel like last of the Mohegans [grin] no matter how much I drooled over Daniel Day Lewis?
Date: 1/26/2014 2:40:00 PM
OK now, TALK to me which one should I try to blend with the first two, who stayed in character? who strayed from character why? WHICH BUILT TENSION [I REALLY THINK THERE'S LITTLE SUSPENSE BUILDING - the noise in nette's last couplet is the closest to getting us spooked?]
Login to Reply
onclaud Avatar
nette onclaud
Date: 1/27/2014 4:53:00 PM
with intent, i slowly built some rattling created a different settig to provide suspense leading to the climactic part...
Date: 1/26/2014 12:25:00 PM
Posted! "New Poems" Deb....some end words drop a line down...I use my android! All I own! Easy for you to pull up a line on a laptop....jimbo
Login to Reply
Williams Avatar
David Williams
Date: 1/26/2014 2:31:00 PM
Jimbo great effort one of the best so far, I have left a comment....
Date: 1/26/2014 11:59:00 AM
Caleb has some good hunting stories I'm asking him to repost them to stimulate all of you & relate how scary the woods can be so you have some ideas of what might bring suspense to the sonnet.
Login to Reply
Date: 1/26/2014 11:03:00 AM
Will post soon!
Login to Reply
Date: 1/26/2014 10:30:00 AM
thanks all...i am getting it now, the whole picture.. i was thinking that caleb was the " keeper" of the woods... the word * mint describes the scent of air... will polish in haf a day, and send to debs,right?... congrats on your crown being acceoted!.. btw, catie, i like your version... wow!
Login to Reply
Guzzi Avatar
Debbie Guzzi
Date: 1/26/2014 4:45:00 PM
I think we are all in first person nette I asked for 1st person- I'm speaking of getting into Caleb's head/voice/thought & speak patterns metaphorically
Guzzi Avatar
Debbie Guzzi
Date: 1/26/2014 11:54:00 AM
I think we'll let our sonneteers have the volta end of 5 all of six
onclaud Avatar
nette onclaud
Date: 1/26/2014 10:51:00 AM
honestly, the 3rd sonnet is the hardest because it has to be strong to lead us to the pount of clmax before the denouement... yayy!
Guzzi Avatar
Debbie Guzzi
Date: 1/26/2014 10:37:00 AM
we are getting some fantastic sonnets out of this challenge EVERY KEEP YOUR ORIGINALS!
Date: 1/26/2014 10:13:00 AM
some one kick Tim, Yassie & Kash I have already sent personal emails?
Login to Reply
Date: 1/26/2014 10:01:00 AM
Hi, Nette and Catie just my two cents, Nette's 5+8th lines lose syll count, and some lines jar a little ( not sure what a "mint" of air is ) but some very good content, Catie 10th line 9syll and 12line 11syll (years is two to me ) but I think it flows better and is more to the theme...I actually changed mine 5 times...Good going ladies...
Login to Reply
Henderson Avatar
Charles Henderson
Date: 1/26/2014 11:17:00 AM
years, 1 syll David, tears, sears, beers. Had a teacher once told me to wastch mouth position. Each time the position changes is a new syllable. But not pay attention to changes due to double consonants like tw in tweet. Sounds like two sys but is only one.
onclaud Avatar
nette onclaud
Date: 1/26/2014 10:56:00 AM
right, david.. i just wrote it raw and sent it to debs for perusal... will work on the final one tomorow... raring to go!
Date: 1/26/2014 9:08:00 AM
YES!!! A BIG yes and thank you for inviting me. I will love working with everyone on this poem. What a great idea, Debbie. Big Smiles! Lovingly, Dane Ann
Login to Reply
Date: 1/26/2014 8:27:00 AM
So that more people get a chance I am going to have 3 people not 2 work on each sonnet - OK this is IMPORTANT - the MAIN CHARACTER is Caleb we are speaking in the first person as if you are him & he is a HUNTER [Who=Caleb, What=Hunter, Where=the woods WHY=for food & peace/quiet, WHEN=?, HOW=
Login to Reply
onclaud Avatar
nette onclaud
Date: 1/26/2014 10:43:00 AM
seems like thease are the elements of theater or a novel: plot, setting, theme, characters, etc, lol.. but those are trhe basics... got the perpective now, debs.. will soupie you..
Guzzi Avatar
Debbie Guzzi
Date: 1/26/2014 8:34:00 AM
nette please take another pass at it pretending you are Caleb & a hunter we can't change the 'voice'- don't worry David & Chas did 4 revisions & then to blend I had to revise the finished product again
Date: 1/25/2014 10:55:00 PM
debbie, first draft done.. i'll soupie you... need i post it on my page?...
Login to Reply
Date: 1/25/2014 10:35:00 PM
Am I too late? Skat, if so it is ok.
Login to Reply
Guzzi Avatar
Debbie Guzzi
Date: 1/26/2014 8:20:00 AM
nope not too late Skat
Date: 1/25/2014 8:43:00 PM
Debbie this is an amazing idea, and to all involved what an awesome piece of collective art. I'll just get out of the way. Well done to you all.
Login to Reply
Smith-Johnsen Avatar
Dane Ann Smith-Johnsen
Date: 1/26/2014 9:12:00 AM
I love the idea , too!
Guzzi Avatar
Debbie Guzzi
Date: 1/25/2014 9:47:00 PM
don't get out of the way stay and give your ideas & question if you like, we don't bite ;)
Date: 1/25/2014 6:19:00 PM
waiiit for just while, debbs.. will post real soon as i just saw this now.... okay , will start with said line.. huggs
Login to Reply
Guzzi Avatar
Debbie Guzzi
Date: 1/25/2014 6:22:00 PM
great nette!
Date: 1/25/2014 4:01:00 PM
Hi Debbie I prefer Chas's as well...it fits in much better than mine....David
Login to Reply
onclaud Avatar
nette onclaud
Date: 1/26/2014 10:47:00 AM
where's yours, david?
Williams Avatar
David Williams
Date: 1/25/2014 5:24:00 PM
Don't worry I will still give critique...and help as much as possible...when needed....
Guzzi Avatar
Debbie Guzzi
Date: 1/25/2014 4:57:00 PM
Okies , you still wrote one heck of a good sonnet & it does stand alone very well & you are going to enter it into the contest WHEN its posted
Date: 1/25/2014 12:14:00 PM
So 3 for the Chas rework [Isiah, Catie & Roy] 2, Marlon & I would work with David's. I'll BBS I'll give the rest of you a couple more hours to speak up - then I'll let you know & do the suggested rewriting of bringing it all into the PRESENT in first person - PHEW this is a lot of work! BUT FUN!
Login to Reply
Date: 1/25/2014 11:11:00 AM
I am in favour of #2 by C. H. The reworking helped me understand the poem, as it is somewhat abstract and ambiguous, but it also takes away from the spark and originality of the poem. Most of the reworking in the second quatrain I am in favour of.
Login to Reply
Date: 1/25/2014 10:53:00 AM
You are right Dave, I had rather have line 2 "I have" instead of the contraction.
Login to Reply
Guzzi Avatar
Debbie Guzzi
Date: 1/25/2014 12:08:00 PM
which sonnet, which verse?
Date: 1/25/2014 9:45:00 AM
I like the rework of Chas's #2. My feeling is that a crown of sonnets should be somewhat like a sonnet. You need a "volta" sonnet, but not until about #5 or #6. Too soon in the 2nd sonnet.
Login to Reply
Guzzi Avatar
Debbie Guzzi
Date: 1/25/2014 12:05:00 PM
yes that was the problem I was try to correct for we need the hunter ALIVE
Date: 1/25/2014 9:16:00 AM
Personally I don't want the sonnet to go INSIDE because we have to write 7 and it will be much easier to SEE things [SHOW/not TELL] if we are in reality & NOT in the MIND - we don't have to show animals getting killed, we can show the joy of tracking the animals, we can show how the animals themselves can instill fear in the man at night in the dark of the COLD STONES he sits beside sleeps on how death can come to him by natures hand [sensory VISERAL! you have to pull the reader through 7 sonnets]
Login to Reply
Date: 1/25/2014 9:06:00 AM
Hi Debbie ok my two cents...the rework I quite like and, I understand why, but last line 1st stanza 10th line...doesn't quite flow and I think caleb's 12th line would flow better if it read "he never shall part" Chas's rework 2nd line 9syll and 3rd and 10th have 11syll, to my tongue maybe it's the way I pronounce them....
Login to Reply
Guzzi Avatar
Debbie Guzzi
Date: 1/25/2014 9:12:00 AM
Okies David .. once we decide & get nette & catie working we can tweak more on rhythm & count-going to gym BBS
Date: 1/24/2014 10:56:00 PM
Thanks Debbie. I will be glad to give it a try. I am like Andrea I will have to read it over to see just how this will be done.
Login to Reply
Guzzi Avatar
Debbie Guzzi
Date: 1/25/2014 6:08:00 PM
as we go Joyce I will meld it, they know they are to mimic Caleb's voice
Johnson Avatar
Joyce Johnson
Date: 1/25/2014 10:51:00 AM
It's not the form I am worried about . It is making sense of words coming from seven minds with intangible subject matter. Joyce
Guzzi Avatar
Debbie Guzzi
Date: 1/25/2014 7:18:00 AM
Thanks Joyce Cyndi has a Crown Sonnet posted & I can send you mine, there must me a few on line too. Basically as Cyndi said it's a story told in 7 sonnets - where the last line of the sonnet before is the first line of the next & in sonnet 7 the first line of the poem is also the last line of sonnet 7.
Date: 1/24/2014 9:47:00 PM
and are we supposed to be voting like Drake just did? why can't the person doing the next part just pick his own favorite? sorry again, I don't understand it.
Login to Reply
Guzzi Avatar
Debbie Guzzi
Date: 1/24/2014 9:57:00 PM
well they do have a vote Caleb can say which one he likes
Dietrich Avatar
Andrea Dietrich
Date: 1/24/2014 9:48:00 PM
and I should not even be here because I already spent too much time here tonight. hahaha. I can't focus. Talk to me later, gator.
Date: 1/24/2014 9:45:00 PM
Deb, I am sorry but this is so over my head what you are wanting us to do. I just want whatever number will give me a good starting line. hahaha. I just don't get this process. Sorry. please tell me when you are ready for me to do something and I will try my best.
Login to Reply
Date: 1/24/2014 9:43:00 PM
Thanks Marlon everyone who was asked ..was asked because I felt they were able to & wanted to grow through interaction with friends, it will be a dream come true if we can all stay friends & not get upset & finish the Crown- 1 vote for D. W. PLEASE PICK YOUR FAV for verse 2
Login to Reply
Guzzi Avatar
Debbie Guzzi
Date: 1/24/2014 9:48:00 PM
Main Character is a hunter, setting is the woods NOW we need some action some suspense, remember by the end of 5 beginning of 6 we have to go toward conclusion-so 3 & 4 are the build up to a climax
Date: 1/24/2014 3:10:00 PM
okay, debbie.. i'll do mine after the next entry.. shall i mail the sonnet to you and/ or post it on my personal page?... thanks and huggs
Login to Reply
Date: 1/24/2014 1:58:00 PM
Darn, and I just love that last line..."stitching a heart that was ripped at the seams"...COOL! And thanks for the help on mine, Debbie...I couldn't seem to pin it down...lol
Login to Reply
Date: 1/24/2014 1:52:00 PM
I'm back. Got busy yesterday afternoon and couldn't check back in...okay that's a lie. I was fishing. Had a meeting out of town this morning and just got back. I like what you've done there, David. Lookin' good!
Login to Reply
Date: 1/24/2014 1:44:00 PM
Maybe instead of 'in a deathly push it broke a strong bond,' 'in moribund push it broke a strong bond.' Stronger word and better flow.
Login to Reply

My Past Blog Posts

Fear Contest
Date Posted: 8/31/2017 8:05:00 PM
Pretty Please - haibun contest UPDATE
Date Posted: 8/7/2017 7:41:00 PM
Contests UPDATE
Date Posted: 7/26/2017 9:42:00 PM
Date Posted: 4/25/2017 3:57:00 PM
1984 Time Has Come Again
Date Posted: 4/1/2017 5:15:00 PM
You Say You Want a Revolution JUDGED
Date Posted: 1/22/2017 6:27:00 PM
Congratulations on the Angel Contest
Date Posted: 1/6/2017 4:31:00 PM
Angel Contest - Terzanelle
Date Posted: 12/15/2016 4:53:00 PM
Shout out to my Students!
Date Posted: 7/14/2016 5:21:00 PM
Become Part of an Anthology!
Date Posted: 5/9/2016 10:51:00 AM
Robert Lindley - Danetta Barney - Teppo The Sonneteers
Date Posted: 2/23/2016 3:24:00 PM
Beg. of Line Rhyme Sonnet Teppo Gren, Acrostic Sonnet & Sestina Sonnet Barney & Lindley
Date Posted: 2/19/2016 4:21:00 PM
ECHO Sonnet by Robert Lindley and CHAIN sonnet by Danetta Barney
Date Posted: 2/15/2016 3:29:00 PM
6 Days 6 Poets 6 SONNETS - Contest without FEE
Date Posted: 2/5/2016 4:07:00 PM
Biographies and Cover Letters Let's Get to Work
Date Posted: 1/18/2016 4:16:00 PM
THE TENTH POEM & stragelers
Date Posted: 1/6/2016 9:51:00 AM
Santa Around the World
Date Posted: 12/15/2015 8:04:00 PM
Why Not Give Haibun Today a TRY
Date Posted: 11/27/2015 5:08:00 PM
Amazon Contest
Date Posted: 11/25/2015 3:19:00 PM
Wonderful, Wonderful Verses in the Retourne Contest
Date Posted: 11/21/2015 7:33:00 PM
Get By with a Little News from Your Friends
Date Posted: 11/16/2015 7:55:00 PM
Free Give Away
Date Posted: 9/30/2015 8:11:00 AM
Hello SOUPers!
Date Posted: 9/24/2015 8:44:00 AM
I Need Advice-Help Me Learn to TWEET
Date Posted: 8/30/2015 4:20:00 PM
Editors Recommendations
Date Posted: 8/17/2015 5:24:00 PM

My Recent Poems

Date PostedPoemTitleFormCategories
7/30/2017 war and peace Free verseage,betrayal,truth,
7/27/2017 Mein Kampf My Struggle Haibunanxiety,racism,
7/24/2017 Displaced in Kathmandu Haibunanxiety,fear,war,
6/8/2017 haiku 1a Haikulife,
4/24/2017 Swingin on a Star Free verseallusion,art,beauty,
4/9/2017 A Lost Kind Returns Sonnetfreedom,heartbroken,loss,
3/28/2017 Behind the Architects Crystal Lens Verseart,travel,
3/3/2017 Shadow Puppets Sonnethumor,
2/14/2017 Daughter of Oak and Ash Pantoumcaregiving,love,racism,
1/26/2017 The Moons Yellow Eyes Haibunevil,farewell,
1/10/2017 High Noon at Karnak Free versehistory,
9/21/2016 Cairns Edge Lyricage,autumn,ocean,
9/10/2016 Prickly Heat Haibunlost love,
7/19/2016 Repeter Depuis le Debut Free verseart,marriage,
7/19/2016 It Is a Rose Sprung Free verseabuse,meaningful,race,rel
7/8/2016 The Sparrows of Dom St Peter Versechildren,faith,music,
5/13/2016 Golden Disks and Whale Clicks Free verseearth,eulogy,
5/1/2016 Cathedrale St Sauveur Aix en Provence, France Verseart,faith,
4/12/2016 Neap Tide Blank verseage,beauty,love,
4/2/2016 Red Sky over Cairo Free verseanxiety,fear,travel,
3/31/2016 Monet's Garden Villanelleart,travel,vacation,
1/31/2016 A Hail Mary Pass to the Twenty-First Century Free verseanger,angst,bullying,fear
1/31/2016 Breathless Prose Poetryhope,
1/29/2016 The Guardian at the Gate Ekphrasismyth,
1/16/2016 You Gotta Have Heart Ekphrasisart,
1/6/2016 Spectors of Doom Shapeangst,war,
1/5/2016 Blood Masks the Lea Rondeaudeath,war,
1/4/2016 A Swallows Tears Sonnetaddiction,suicide,
12/14/2015 A Blooded, Virgin, Night Free versepain,
12/5/2015 Madelaine's Chalice Versedevotion,love,
11/29/2015 Blessed Be Versenature,
11/29/2015 Ho-Ho-Ho Haibunholiday,
11/17/2015 Golden Disks and Whale Clicks Free versespace,
11/9/2015 Spare Change Coupletseasons,
10/29/2015 Cymbals of Winter Free verseurban,wind,winter,
10/28/2015 fingertips Haikusilence,
10/28/2015 Death Undignified, Fort Laramie 1860 Sestinamemory,
10/27/2015 A Kneaded Life Haibunage,dream,love,
10/23/2015 The Sowing Free verseirony,violence,women,
10/21/2015 When Madness Rides on Moonlight Sestinaanxiety,art,depression,su
10/19/2015 St Brigids Well Sonnetchildren,spiritual,women,
10/13/2015 Lurkers at the Threshold Lovecraft Credited Verseanalogy,universe,
10/12/2015 Gobsmacked Gams Terzanelleallegory,art,childhood,
10/12/2015 To Dumb to Lay Down Free verseallegory,
9/20/2015 verbous and obscure Blitzallusion,
9/11/2015 Put the Past Aside - The Dark Side of the Moon Versedepression,
8/23/2015 The Melting Pot Prosechildhood,
8/8/2015 howl beyond reason Blitzanalogy,crazy,word play,
8/7/2015 under and over Blitzfear,universe,
8/5/2015 Vive la Liberte Free verseviolence,visionary,war,
8/3/2015 Underground Art Montmartre Free verseart,
7/23/2015 Maudlin Mary Ekphrasisallusion,symbolism,woman,
7/20/2015 Fire-Crackers Acrosticdeath,war,
7/20/2015 Mary's Shrift Free versedevotion,discrimination,
7/20/2015 Stoned Free verseanger,
7/20/2015 Top Dressing Free versespring,daffodils,
7/13/2015 Just Desserts and Appetizers Haibunboat,fun,summer,
7/7/2015 Brooding Rooted Free versebeauty,blessing,
6/26/2015 Summer Stews Sijofun,
6/19/2015 False Love Quintain (English)lost love,
6/14/2015 Risen from the Foam Ottava rimaallegory,beauty,love,
6/4/2015 Cling Sijoadventure,
5/14/2015 The Mirage Free versebeauty,family,
4/29/2015 A Day in the Life of a Bag of Potatoes Free versechange,
4/28/2015 Spider Robinson's Plug In Sijoaddiction,
4/27/2015 The Sandy Shoal Free versedeath,
4/26/2015 A Stream of Laughter Free versechildren,nature,
4/25/2015 Boxed In Free verseabsence,beauty,love,
4/21/2015 Pick Your Poison Acrosticabuse,death,
4/20/2015 The Tall Ships Burn Villanelleart,
4/19/2015 I, ICON Acrosticself,
4/17/2015 The Song of Deborah Bioallegory,
4/15/2015 Barred Camp Sonnetfunny,
4/15/2015 Cross Pollination Versefaith,nature,
4/13/2015 The Wayward Child Pantoumfairy,
4/12/2015 Straw Men Free verseallusion,planet,
4/5/2015 Elemental Answers to Being Verselife,
4/3/2015 Mother's Days Acrosticmother,
4/3/2015 A Crown of Thorns Crown of Sonnetsbeauty,betrayal,identity,
4/2/2015 Sun and Life Painting by Frida Kahlo 1947 Free verseart,
3/31/2015 AFI 9th Art Wave Tankaart,
3/31/2015 AFI TAG ART Tankaart,
3/28/2015 Van Gogh sans une Oreille Free verseart,
3/27/2015 School's Out Haibunkiss,snow,
3/21/2015 The Teetotaler Terzanellememory,
3/20/2015 The Sin and God Within Verseallusion,faith,forgivenes
3/20/2015 A Penny for My Thoughts Sonnetcreation,
3/18/2015 What Dreams Are Made Of Versefear,night,
3/15/2015 Steamers Free versesummer,
3/10/2015 A Mother Drawn Free versebeauty,birth,earth,faith,
3/9/2015 The Precipice Free verseart,
3/5/2015 The Score Free verseloneliness,night,
3/3/2015 Moonlight Serenade Haibunsensual,
3/1/2015 Trumpets of the Dawn Sonnetflower,
3/1/2015 Femme Fatales Balladbirth,mythology,woman,
2/28/2015 The Doldrums of March Free verseloneliness,daffodils,
2/26/2015 Death Tolls Free versebeach,beauty,bird,ocean,
2/24/2015 Forgotten Valentine Haibunsad,
2/21/2015 Ice Castings Pantoumbeauty,
2/20/2015 Amusing Free versemuse,

My Photos

Fav Poems

God Free verselife,mystery,
Hard Times Cowboycowboy-western,family,fun
For Things Once Counted Rhymeintrospection,loss,uplift
Petal Verselove,
Defender of the Wastes Free verseart,life,parody,world,
Birth Imagismchildhood,life
this is why i woo words Verseart,inspirational,philoso
Forbear Free versesad,
Belongings Rhymeloss,love,me,mother,
Gold Fever Free versefaithfaith,political,pers
Splattered I do not know?life
Echo Quatrainlost lovewords,love,
Bells (after Poe) Lyricpassion
Respectfully, Emily Dickinson Lyricintrospection
Give the End Back to the Beginning Free versededication,faithme,
The Bruised and Rotting Pear Coupletfaith,hope
fly Free verseanimals
ABC's for a Young Captain ABClife
Not Entirely About Living In New York Free verselifeworld,light,light,
Woodcutter I do not know?warold,old,
Dreams Free versefaith,forgiveness
A Feed of Chips Narrativefunny
Weep O Willows Versedeath
Harlem Blues Free verseblack-african amerchildre
Summers Everlasting Free versenostalgia
EASTER IVY Narrativefriendshipeaster,cousin,
End of days Rhymeinspirational,lifeme,war,
Past-Life Nightmare Narrativemystery,autumn,
I dream of you (to JEW) Free verseimagination,lovenight,swe
jellyfish back strophe Imagismallegory,nature,on writin
Disposable Wisdom Rhymeage,cat,life,wisdom,world
Loneliness Rhymeintrospection,life
Remission (In Memory of William Watt). Elegybrother,death,nostalgiawo
The Day That Died Forever Free verseadventure,angst,art,confu
Heritage Quatrainadventure,cowboy-western,
Summer Matinee Narrativebrother,me,
The Moon and I I do not know?hope,life,love,nature,pea
Seeking, Searching Free verseimaginationlove,universe,
BEFORE SPRING CAME Narrativeadventure,animals,childho
Pledge Sonnetdevotion
Wild Cherries Free versedevotion,nature,nostalgia
Words from the Oracle Layallegory,philosophy
Science Free verse 
Mona Lisa resembles Chokaart
AND WITH MERRIEST SPIRIT Quintain (English)faith,father,holiday,insp
Cotton-Pickin' Paradise Versechildhood,life,nostalgia,
Where The Sycamore Grew Narrativeautumn,family,house,life,
Larks Free versedeath,devotion,imaginatio
Big Bang Limerickfunny,science,
winter (do not forget among the loss of flowers) me Free verse 
Violin Personificationdeath,love,rose,
Let I do not know?loveme,me,
He Was Smoking Hot I do not know?funny
Alabaster Night Free versenature,planet,sea,
Haunted Orb Haikufantasy,nature
This Night Sonnet 
Tombstones & Teacups Rhymeallegory,childhood,death,
Today Not Tomorrow Free versededication,depression,gir
Years Of The Rose Free verselost love,loveday,
The Joy that Sweetly Stays Free verse 
Cinder Girl Rhyme 
Biography (Thesis Statement) Versehistory,life,philosophyli
Figure Fusion Verseart,sports
Dancing Bird - with video link Free verseanimals,introspection,nat
Poem for a sensuous poet Free versefantasy,on writing and wo
The Road Walked Down Through the Years Rhymelife,on writing and words
The Iceman Cometh! Rhymenostalgia
He says/ She says Narrativelife
I've seen so many Sonnetintrospectionnight,night,
Searching for Michelangelo Free verseart,hope,life,people,imag
Indifference Free verse 
realisation of self (War Child) Free verseme,me,
Reporting Live On The Soup (Colorado) Rhymefunnyme,me,
Late at night Lyricimaginationme,fear,me,
Reverencing Nature Balladfaith,naturenature,heart,
Dreams Coupletimagination
Simple Pleasures Rhymehappinesssummer,summer,
I Exist Pantoumintrospectionlife,me,
Madrid: Circa 1974 Blank versenostalgia,travel,
Magnolia Song Free verselove,romance,
yellow bus roars through Haikuallegory,nature,places
Ethel's Remedies Rhymefunny,people
A Dream In The Mist Narrativefantasy,imagination,natur
volga 1 - 3 Prose Poetryfantasy
Mama's Cleaning Quatrainintrospection,life,mother
WAKING HEART'S VEINS Free verseangst,hope,
Revelation Free verseimagination,lifesong,epic
Sports Limerick Limerickfunny
The Snowflake Italian Sonnetromance,
Jack Lyricintrospectionlife,
The Ghost That Travels Far Personificationnature
Kite Flying - Test Free verseallegory,art,imagination,
Dining with Crow Rhymeanimals
Beauty, yes Sijohope,imagination,philosop
Smart and Final Prose Prose Poetrypeoplepeople,red,city,peo
Tiger in the Sea Rispettoadventure,animals,seame,t
A Song of Michael's Rose Narrativeme,
Where my True Love Lives - A Ballade Balladedeath,love,ocean,
Into Morning Free verselife
Play Me A Teardrop Rhymelost loveme,me,

Fav Poets

Carolyn Devonshire United States Flag United States Read
Carrie Richards United States Flag United States Read
Deirdre Omaidin Ireland Flag Ireland Read
Andrew Crisci United States Flag United States Read
Jim Fish United States Flag United States Read
Nigel Fawcett Italy Flag Italy Read
L'nass Shango United States Flag United States Read
Andrea Dietrich United States Flag United States Read
Robert L. Hinshaw United States Flag United States Read
Chris D. Aechtner Canada Flag Canada Read
nette onclaud Philippines Flag Philippines Read
Sidney Beck Russian Federation Flag Russian Federation Read
Sami Al-khalili Canada Flag Canada Read
Charlotte Jade Puddifoot United Kingdom Flag United Kingdom Read
Cyndi MacMillan Canada Flag Canada Read
T Wignesan France Flag France Read
Elaine George Canada Flag Canada Read
sharon Winter United States Flag United States Read
Michael Smith United States Flag United States Read
jack horne United Kingdom Flag United Kingdom Read
Paul Callus Malta Flag Malta Read
Charmaine Chircop Malta Flag Malta Read
James Marshall Goff United States Flag United States Read
Joann Grisetti United States Flag United States Read
Ravindra K Kapoor India Flag India Read
Olive Eloisa Guillermo - Fraser Philippines Flag Philippines Read
kathryn collins United States Flag United States Read
Teppo Gren Finland Flag Finland Read
Michael Jordan United States Flag United States Read