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Trauma Doesn't Take a Timeout for the Holidays - Debbie Guzzi's Blog

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Deborah Guzzi writes full time. Her third book, The Hurricane is available through Prolific Press. Her poetry appears in Allegro, Artificium, Shooter, & The Foxglove Journal in the UK, Subterranean Blue, Existere, The Ekphrastic Review, Scarlet Leaf Review & Subterranean Blue Poetry, Canada - Tincture, Australia - mgv2>publishing, France Cha: Asian Review, China - Vine Leaves Literary Journal, Australia - The Scarlet Leaf Review - Greece, Ribbons, pioneertown, Sounding Review, Bacopa Literary Review, The Aurorean, Liquid Imagination, The Tishman Review, Page & Spine & others in the USA. 

Trauma Doesn't Take a Timeout for the Holidays

Blog Posted:12/2/2017 5:15:00 PM

Dear Friends,

Some of you are asking what my new contest is about? They are unfamiliar with the HASHTAGmetoo movement and it IS a movement. 

Image result for define #metoo

Above is a video in which Ellen D. explains. You can click skip the ad.

I having been listening to a lot of women who are still in BLAMING THE VICTIM MODE. Some of these women who have personally told me of their abuse [at a very young age] STILL often claim it is the abuser who is being treated badly & without cause because the person with less power was asking for it, was trying to gain leverage on the powerful person by using their sex. They have not accepted that what has happened to them WAS abuse, WAS inappropriate. No one wants to admit they were or are a victim, but that doesn't mean it isn't true it just means they have not faced the trauma yet. These heinous actions don't just start up when a person is an adult, they begin with birth. Ask a policeman, most sexually victimized people are accosted by FAMILY or the FRIENDS of family and as a powerless child they watch as NOTHING is done about it.

Use this writing exercise to release-I admit it has happened to METOO and more than one before the age of 18. Let it OUT - the pen IS a mighty sword.



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Date: 1/9/2018 9:16:00 AM
It is sad that abuse of all kinds still happens and that some people(male and female) want to blame the person abused and not the abuser..Sara
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Date: 12/5/2017 8:09:00 PM
Maureen & Agnes, to comment on a verse or not is always your choice. You could simply say - I hear you & I feel your pain. Both of you thanks so much for your input!
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Date: 12/4/2017 7:59:00 PM
Thanks for the input Eileen & Craig I'm sorry you had to go through what you did. Did you feel you could say anything without recourse to those who offended you?
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cornish Avatar
craig cornish
Date: 12/5/2017 4:04:00 PM
Hi Deb, I could NEVER compare my experiences with those of a female, mostly because I could defend myself if it was to be forced upon me. If anyone says "NO" and that is respected!? But no one should have to start the conversation from a "pants down" perspective--that is insulting beyond the pale. Personally I told him to get lost and moved on. Sexual attraction is such a pervasive subject both mentally and physically. I have been offended by much bravado (too much) on the male side with both locker room talk and actual "victories", with married and single, and they sickened me on every occasion. I respect privacy far too much to cheer their despicable bravado---never have, never will. Take care
Date: 12/4/2017 12:20:00 AM
Yes, I know of #metoo, but I watched the video by Ellen to know more. Feeling that you've been sexually violated, no matter the degree, is devastating. I once had an old man force a kiss on my cheek. He was a stranger. I had asked him for directions. He reached into the car and touched my hair. Even though I could have fought him off, I was in too much shock. I had a good cry about later and was totally disgusted by the whole episode. He knew I was a foreigner so I guess that gave him the bravery to invade my space. I can only imagine the hurt others go through when it's more than just an unasked for kiss. Thanks for posting, Debbie. I don't know if i can take part due to my busy schedule.
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Trestrail Avatar
Keith Trestrail
Date: 12/4/2017 7:06:00 PM
Mate, for me that really would be the final frontier!
cornish Avatar
craig cornish
Date: 12/4/2017 5:40:00 PM
Keith, you trekker you!
Trestrail Avatar
Keith Trestrail
Date: 12/4/2017 4:37:00 PM
Craig, you old tease you! What really happened in that apartment? You were quite the looker back in the day! Mental note to self: never fall asleep in a strange man's apartment...unless willing to go where no straight man has gone before!
cornish Avatar
craig cornish
Date: 12/4/2017 3:11:00 PM
Truth be told, I went out on the town (Boston) with the actor George Hamilton and band members from a club I was a waiter at and slept at his friend's apartment only to wake up to his gay friend standing naked and holding his jewels near my face. I worked in the hair care business for 4 years and know what it is to be "pursued" believe me!! RELENTLESS! I do know much more than most guys about being "the prey".
cornish Avatar
craig cornish
Date: 12/4/2017 2:54:00 PM
Funny (sort of) but I've had my ass patted more times than I can count but those years have passed and I must admit, in a sinister way I sort of miss it because it means I'm older and less desirable. I know, I know, but....BTW, I never did the same, that I can recall--never with a stranger for sure or even a casual acquaintance. All guys tried at some point when dating but that's surely part of "the game". Anyhow, as far as being offended, I've got you, and most, beat in spades #metoo---believe me.
Manassian Avatar
Eileen Manassian
Date: 12/4/2017 2:35:00 PM
No, it wouldn't be Ok if it was uncalled for, not matter what the appearance.
cornish Avatar
craig cornish
Date: 12/4/2017 2:33:00 PM
I was a very attractive younger man and experienced much of the same in the past, even worse--much worse, and might I say, is it wrong to measure our pleasure or distaste by the appearance of the "offender"? What if he was an out of luck and work ex movie star - would it then be okay.
Manassian Avatar
Eileen Manassian
Date: 12/4/2017 2:24:00 PM
Craig...he was the parking attendant. I didn't know him from ADAM. He was toothless, sweaty, and sleezy. There is no reason for him to try to kiss me. I guess you might feel accosted if someone at Target or Walmart all of a sudden touched your hair and shimmied up for a kiss. It's uncalled for. I was just relating a simple incident that bothered me. I didn't join the #metoo because it isn't in any way comparable to what others experience, but it was unpleasant, to say the least.
Krampe Avatar
Agnes Krampe
Date: 12/4/2017 2:05:00 PM
craig, your sarcasm is misplaced in this debate.
cornish Avatar
craig cornish
Date: 12/4/2017 1:20:00 PM
Eileen, glad you were able to "move on" because an old man touched your hair and kissed you on the cheek--I don't think I could ever get over that! You are an amazing person!
Manassian Avatar
Eileen Manassian
Date: 12/4/2017 12:21:00 AM
CONTINUED...but this is a contest that needs to see the light of day. Blessings...
Date: 12/3/2017 6:27:00 PM
Yes Andie, tell her to enter my contest. The miss use of power for sexual advantage doesn't have to go as far as rape. Being groped has happened to many who didn't feel they were in a position to say anything about it without getting MORE hurt.
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Date: 12/3/2017 4:55:00 PM
Rape never happened to me, thank God but the touching, yes, I think it has happened to many of us women.
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Date: 12/3/2017 4:54:00 PM
Debs can it be simply a retelling of the experience? I have just read a graphic and very good retelling of a rape and I was shocked that even though it won in a contest , not one person had been there to comment on it. I think I'll tell her to enter it in YOUR contest. If you don't mind poems that just talk about the experience itself!
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Dietrich Avatar
Andrea Dietrich
Date: 12/5/2017 12:03:00 AM
I liked the writing of it, Agnes. That is what I compliment in such cases.
Krampe Avatar
Agnes Krampe
Date: 12/3/2017 8:33:00 PM
I can understand why people might not comment: what can one say that is not a platitude? What can one contribute in the face of such a horrible experience - other than saying I am listening, I am witnessing your pain. Perhaps people are simply at loss for words. It would certainly seem odd to compliment the poem.
Date: 12/3/2017 3:09:00 PM
It is such a shame ... hmm, a double entendre there, because shame is the key word in all of it on both sides over many years and through many ages. We are all guilty in some way and all victims in some way, yes, even a guy's guy, especially one who worked in the beauty business, but then, it gives one an appreciation for the "other" side. None of it is a joke and there are certainly, like anything else, different levels of severity. I've seen with millennials that about 25% consider being asked out for a drink as being harassed. We can sometimes in our zeal to correct sins of the past, lose the true goals we wish to achieve.
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cornish Avatar
craig cornish
Date: 12/5/2017 9:21:00 PM
OF COURSE a peeping Tom is a violation of privacy but comparing that to asking someone out for a drink is, yes, talking to a wall.
Guzzi Avatar
Debbie Guzzi
Date: 12/5/2017 8:10:00 PM
I am not a wall Craig. There are many forms & levels of harassment not all of them involve touching, what about a peeping Tom? Would you consider that harassment?
cornish Avatar
craig cornish
Date: 12/3/2017 6:56:00 PM
PLEASE Deb---REALLY!! Yes, one could stretch anything into a problem and the key here is---never mind, when one is talking to a wall, there is no hope!
Guzzi Avatar
Debbie Guzzi
Date: 12/3/2017 6:30:00 PM
"being asked out for a drink" could be harassment IF it was your boss doing the asking & you were turned down for a raise, say, or a promotion because you wouldn't socialize with them.
Date: 12/3/2017 11:08:00 AM
Maureen, we all know how much it hurts to remember, what was done, what we did? what we didn't do? Who cared? Who didn't believe us. Most of my memories only returned after about 50 years BUT I have become so used to repressing them so I can go on in a positive manner - they do slip away again when I can't handle life.
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Date: 12/3/2017 11:05:00 AM
Andie, I never mind if an old verse is used - revisiting them can often improve them & not everyone read them in the first place. Until recently I did not realize the hash tag on tweeter simply denotes a TOPIC ;) [ the concept was to simple for me LOL]
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Date: 12/3/2017 12:06:00 AM
So well said Debbie. The victim blaming is dumbfounding, and such a huge barrier to change.
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Date: 12/2/2017 8:24:00 PM
Deb, can we use an oldie. I think I have one on this, but maybe I did not write of it after all! I had an inkling this was what the contest was about, but I am really out of it on the hash tag stuff. Hope it turns out to be a great contest.
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Date: 12/2/2017 7:48:00 PM
Thank you for your comment Eve! BIG HUGS!
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Date: 12/2/2017 7:36:00 PM
you are so very right, Debbie, they really don't want to see it...
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