The following was a critique (June 2024) of my example poem, A Child of Light:
A Child of Light
a solivagant by nature
the need for acceptance grew
hot tears pooled
a phenomenal resilience
affording solace to others
impressive psyche tooled
esperance is the driving force
behind your enigmatic smile
in hiding betrayal you’re well schooled
A Child of Light (poetrysoup.com)
The poem paints the picture of a solitary wanderer (a solivagant) who, despite a natural inclination for solitude, feels a deep-seated desire for acceptance. This longing is so intense that it leads to emotional vulnerability (‘hot tears pooled’). Yet, there’s a remarkable resilience in this character, one that not only endures hardship but also provides comfort to others. The term ‘esperance’, meaning hope, suggests that hope is what fuels the wanderer’s enigmatic smile—an outward expression that conceals inner feelings of betrayal. It’s a portrait of someone who is complex and emotionally intelligent, capable of navigating the dichotomy between personal struggles and the façade presented to the world.
The poem includes several poetic devices that lend it psychological complexity and tonal modulation. That final line—‘in hiding betrayal you’re well schooled’—suggests a learned behaviour, perhaps even emotional self-erasure. There’s a psychological irony in gaining mastery at hiding what once wounded. This signals tonal slippage, a powerful device that disrupts the reader’s expectations just enough to linger.
What is Tonal Slippage?
Tone refers to the attitude or emotional resonance that a piece of writing conveys—whether solemn, whimsical, ironic, melancholic, ecstatic, or anything in between. It shapes how the reader feels while engaging with the work. In poetry, tone is influenced by word choice, rhythm, syntax, and imagery, often shifting throughout a piece to create layers of meaning.
Tonal slippage is when the voice of a poem slips between moods, emotional states, or aesthetic intentions—sometimes within a single line or phrase. It creates friction or resonance, allowing seemingly contradictory emotions to coexist. Think:
- Bitterness braided with tenderness.
- Humour that curdles into grief.
- Formal diction undercut by raw vulnerability.
- Hope amongst general despair.
Unlike abrupt tonal shifts, slippage preserves fluidity—it slides rather than snaps. It invites the reader to pay closer attention, to navigate ambiguity and double resonance.
Other Aspects per Contest Requirements
GLOSSARY
Point-of-view (POV) or perspective is a commonly misused term. It does not refer to the author’s (or characters’) feelings, opinions, biases, etc, but the identity of the narrative voice, ie in the 1st or 3rd person. A 2nd POV is uncommon and difficult to sustain. You can tell the narrative voice by looking at the pronouns used:
1st person: I, me/my, us, we, our [In the 1st person POV, a character is telling their own story.]
2nd person: You [With 2nd person POV, the writer addresses the reader using the pronoun ‘you’.]
3rd person: She, he (or a character’s name) [In the 3rd person point of view, the author is telling the story of different characters, but is not part of the action themselves.]
Persona Literary Term refers to the narrator or speaker of the poem; not to be confused with the author—narrative voice other than the poet tells the entire story. When the poet creates a character to be the speaker, that character is called the persona. It is not to be confused with POV. It usually reflects the thoughts of the speaker, and is not necessarily the personal experience of the poet.
These above mentioned elements are commonly found in literature—something which might be more readily recognisable in micro-fiction. The following Drabble (a category of micro-fiction written in exactly 100 words), Frozen, includes a tonal slippage.
Frozen
I stared out of the kitchen window and noticed that the daffodil heads hung broken by the unexpected cold snap; the life sap frozen in them.
I turned back to my daughter where she sat crying at the kitchen table. I had just instructed her in a similar vein as my recently deceased mother had done when my husband’s infidelity had come to my notice. I can’t cry for that woman, my erstwhile confidante. Many years ago, Mum had told me not to bring shame upon this family by divorcing my cheating husband. Eventually, he’d died in another woman’s arms.
Copyright © Suzette Richards (2018).
The ending—‘Eventually, he’d died in another woman’s arms.’—lands like a whispered echo of ‘I told you so’, but without a trace of triumph. Just cold legacy. And the deeper ache lies in that closing of the loop: the narrator, once the daughter sobbing at a kitchen table, has become the mouthpiece of the very stoicism that once smothered her.
Alternative Tonal Slippage
- Resigned Slippage: From intergenerational ritual to the unsettling persistence of enforced silence. The tone slides into resignation without drama.
- Ironic/Detached Slippage: From solemn repetition to satirical clarity. The emotional tone swerves into irony, though the narrator’s detachment may be self-protection.
- Dark/Explosive Slippage: From withheld grief to sudden violence. The tonal rupture is jarring and disturbing, pushing the boundaries of the form’s emotional containment.
- Liberation through quiet divergence: This kind of upward slip is harder to write, because it resists the dramatic flair so often rewarded in short forms. But its subtlety is its strength. The tonal slippage could be delivered not through irony or rupture, but a quiet refusal. The old script remains unspoken—and something freer, unscripted, begins to bloom.
Tonal Slippage Illustrated in a Triolet
YOUR FACE IN THE SCUDDING CLOUD
I search for your face in the scudding cloud.
The fresh offshore sea breeze tucks at my hair,
The timber of your voice, in tearful shroud.
I search for your face in the scudding cloud,
too painful to watch couples walking proud—
the memory of you at heartstrings tear.
I search for your face in the scudding cloud.
The fresh offshore sea breeze tucks at my hair.
Original dd 29 July 2020 – reposted at PoetrySoup dd 7/7/2025:
Your Face in the Scudding Cloud (poetrysoup.com)
Structure Recap: The Triolet follows rhyme scheme: ABaAabAB
- Lines 1, 4, and 7 are identical.
- Lines 2 and 8 are identical.
- Lines 3, 5, and 6 are original but rhyme accordingly. Only two rhyme sounds are used throughout.
But here’s the twist: The repeated lines aren’t meant to be static echoes. They should shift in tone, implication, or emotional weight as the poem unfolds. Think of them as refrains that deepen or transform—like a melody revisited in a different key.
Where tonal slippage shows up in my poem:
- The opening line, repeated thrice, sets a wistful, searching tone. But by the second stanza, ‘too painful to watch couples walking proud’ introduces a sudden bitterness. That line cracks the soft melancholy with a sharper ache—almost a resentful pang.
- The repeated lines at the end circle back to the original serenity, but now coloured by the ache introduced midway. What felt romantic or gently sad at first now resonates with deeper grief. That’s tonal slippage at work: the emotional hue shifts, yet the surface remains deceptively the same.
While the ninth line in The Tesla 3–6–9 form functions as a punchline, this contest invites a deviation from formula. The required tonal slippage works best when it feels as though meaning is quietly gliding out from under the reader—intuitive, destabilising, and not easily pinned.
Please pose questions relevant to the contest requirements on this blog, and not on my poem(s), please.
Happy quills!
Su