Funny Grandfather Poems | Funny Poems About Grandfather

These Funny Grandfather poems are examples of Funny poems about Grandfather. These are the best examples of Funny Grandfather poems written by international PoetrySoup poets

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Details | Couplet |

- On The Moon -

Thea, grandfather Alferd's dog died, she was so old and sick
Now is Thea on the moon, says Adrian who is six

Michael Jackson died so unexpectedly and abruptly
He is on the moon and plays with Thea, says Adrian who is a big fan

Betzy, grandfather Arild's dog died, she was also old and sick
Now Betzy is also on the moon with Thea and Michael Jackson and play all day

Great Grandmother died so unexpectedly and abruptly
Adrian who is six had difficulty understanding

Adrian who is six cried many tears for Great Grandmother
but comforted himself with the fact that she is sitting on the moon and
makes waffles to Thea, Michael Jackson and Betzy

A-L Andresen :)  - A true story -
Copyright © All Rights Reserved

Copyright © Sunshine Smile | Year Posted 2012

Details | Free verse |

Old Man Time

Redeployed in an ugly skin
Pleated and spotted and grumpy within
What I call walking ,they call shuffling
I'm bending down to tie my shoe
While Im down here what else can I do?

When driving down my lip protrudes
Only for the dentist will I open mouth
Okay , Ill wave at you but I wont smile
The dog and the toilet are my only true friends
You get up to go and then you go again

Memories are yesterday
Forgetfulness is all over today
Ill tell you what it is
But forgot what I was going to say

Got to buy dogfood
Where are my glasses?
Who am I talking to?
They've all gone away

Copyright © Jannie Breedt | Year Posted 2017

Details | Blitz |

Presidents Day

I was eating breakfast yesterday with my 12 year old granddaughter and I asked her “What day is tomorrow?”  Without skipping a beat she said, “Its Presidents Day!” She is so smart, so I asked her “What does Presidents Day mean?” I was waiting for something about Obama, Bush or even Clinton. She replied “Presidents Day is when the President steps out of the White House and if he sees his shadow we have another year of bull shit.” You know it hurts like hell when hot coffee spurts out of your nose.

Copyright © Dennis Davis | Year Posted 2017

Details | Free verse |


Pretty princesses
Dancing all around
Frolicking through fields
Very beautiful
Just like you!

Copyright © Smail Poems | Year Posted 2013

Details | Free verse |

My Heritage

My heritage is a mixture
Of backgrounds.  Let's start on 
My Dad's side of the family.

My Dad's mom is Irish and English.

My Dad's dad is Irish and German.

My Mom's mom is Scottish and Irish.

My Mom's dad is blood Hungarian.

So in other words,
I'm a mutt!  or as others say,
"Heinz 57!"

Copyright © Sarah Cassleman | Year Posted 2013

Details | Narrative |

-Grandparents Before - But Not Today -

Grandmothers and grandfathers how they look,
how can we see that there is a grandmother or a grandfather
When I was a little girl we could see a grandmother and a grandfather
Grandparents used hats, glasses, and walking stick
The skin of their face was weathered and wrinkled
Some had teeth they put in a glass in the evening

Grandmothers always had time for a glass of juice and a hug
She was never impatient, tie shoelaces with pleasure
Always in floral dresses, which smelled like grandma
Grandmothers wont not be at work tomorrow, she has time for an adventure
She does not skip a single word, to be finished soon
It was always sweets in grandmother's hand bag
She never spared, but shared with a beautiful smile

Grandfathers were a bit more restrained,
 bit concerned about the day's news in their newspaper
He would like to go for a walk, and he walks with small cautious steps
When he meet someone he knows, he lifts a bit on his hat and nod
He has very little hair on his head, and his head shines in the sun
Grandfathers have a strong hand to hold, I was confident in his hand
He could tell me what all the birds called, he was so wise

Everyone should experience an old-fashioned grandmother and grandfather
one that does not have a television, computer or washing machine
A grandmother and grandfather who always have good time

But it was in the past ..... not today...

A-L  Andresen :)

Copyright © Sunshine Smile | Year Posted 2013

Details | Rhyme |

A Song and Dance in a Pink Coverlet

silly grandpa, singing a song
and a dance with a wink
twirled into a pink coverlet,
In a blink tried to think!

did forget twenty he was not.
red-faced  he doublethink,
Venus, he’d be, goddess of love
he’d dance and please  in pink

a little girl giggled and danced
with her funny grandpa
singing in her pink coverlet
holding his heart to ma

sing a song in sweet harmony
to the stars up above
cheerfully sung eternally
to the goddess of love

moving holding his heart to ma
twirled, stepping and tripping
on edge of  the pink coverlet
took a tumble springing

a cast from waist to his shoulder
with a wink and a grin
fading blue bruises marked his face
he won’t do that again

Rhyme  2 & 4 Rhyme in each stanza

Copyright © Eve Roper | Year Posted 2016

Details | Narrative |

Electric Mosquito Bat

Electric Mosquito Bat

Reached out for my windbreaker jacket, lifted it off its peg…
Slipped my left hand into the left sleeve to be followed by my right…
My mind was ever so clear, my heart ever so light, for tonight I strike back..
Selfconsciously  I  smirked a grin, for  tonight, The Empire Strikes Back…

The other family members, they are all engrossed with the TV in the living room…
Some silly local production drama, lots of overacting and tears aplenty to flood a room…
That was not for me, I have a higher mission to answer for this cannot wait…
Tonight I begin a mission with  my newly gifted rechargeable electric mosquito bat….

It has been fully charged, I had timed it to perfection by my alarm clock....
Luke Skywalker, even Hans Solo , eat your hearts out for I have this sword…
It is electric, fully charged, it is lethal upon touch, mosquitoes and flying insects are cinders…
No, I do not have to swat nor strike out, I only need to wave it about to destroy all insects…

Furtively I stole a look into the living room, then turned back and flicked softly a light switch…
The lone bulb flared instantly and bathed the patio outside the kitchen in soft yellowish light…
As I leaned forward to peer through panel window in the back door,  mentally I smiled again, 
Now out there, in that patio, yours truly and this electric mosquito bat, we‘ll do battle to win..

Left hand grasping my electric mosquito bat, my right hand grasped the kitchen door knob…
There was a soft click as I slowly pulled open the wooden door, the  battlefield beyond  beckoned…
My heart was light, a silly tuneless humming still on my lips as I eagerly stepped  forward…
Flying insects by the hundreds are mine to slay, the thrill and body counts will be my rewards…

Hey, who left the back patio light on?
Grandad, why are you out here?  Better get inside before you catch a cold!!


Copyright © KENG CHUAN SENG | Year Posted 2015

Details | Light Poetry |

Dumb Mirror

                                Mirror mirror on the wall
                              Who is the fairest of them all?
                              Sure not you, you silly dope
                             In this field you have no hope.
                                 Mirror mirror judge of all
                            Can't you see some beauty small
                                    If its there its sure hid
                                That's why I answered as I did

                               All your teeth have fallen out 
                                You have wrinkles all about
                              Most all your hair has gone away
                                  What is left is turning grey

                                  And your chin is double now
                               A stomach that would fit a cow
                              In heavy folds your skin doth sag
                                To tell the truth your just a hag
                               And as I thought to answer back
                              The glass hung there began to crack
                                   It shattered and fell to the floor
                                     To end its lies forevermore

                           For my Grandfather........He gets it...

Copyright © Jai Bankson | Year Posted 2016

Details | Free verse |

Grandpa's Rant

What can you say
About kids these days
'Cept they ain't got no respect

Walking around
Like a bunch of clowns
Hey punks pull up your pants

I don't really care
To see your underwear
Or any skid marks running up the back

Put on a belt
And if nothing else
It'll hold in all that lazy fat

And what you call music
I'm going to lose it
If I hear any more of that crap

Back in the day
We had people who sang
That didn't sound like a half strangled cat

And the way you cover your skin
With ink from the pen
In what you think are cool tattoos

I wonder what they'll look like
Later in life
When all that skin is hanging loose

All those piercings you've got hanging
Some even dingle dangling
Pretty much match the hole in your head

If you took them out kiddie
I bet the wind through you would whistle Dixie
That's pretty much it "Nuff Said"

Thanks Grandpa!

Copyright © Mike Hauser | Year Posted 2016

Details | Epitaph |


Here lies my old pal Michael,
His spirit set free by wind,
because the storm which kicked his bucket,
trapped the poor old git within,
A Scotsman by his name,
and a carpenter by trade,
should of built yourself s door mate,
to stop the barn which caved you in.

I love you Bic. 

Copyright © lew Jay | Year Posted 2015

Details | Rhyme |

Sands of Time

The list of my shortcomings is not coming up very short
The hair that grew on top of my head has decided to abort
There are notches on my belt that no longer can I reach
The sands of time I have experienced could fill up Myrtle Beach

The things that I’ve forgotten outnumber those that I have not
When I party late at night, I’m still in bed by ten o’clock
Things that I bought brand new are now considered old antiques
The skeleton inside me hurts to move and then it creaks

But you won’t hear me complaining, at least, not so very loud
Because of the accompanying grandchildren of which I’m very proud

Copyright © Joe Flach | Year Posted 2013

Details | Rhyme |

Pinch An Ear

O help me!  I've fallen
And I can't get it up!
I'm stuck here acrawlin'
Up a Double-D cup

Now don't let us dicker
I am over the hill
Just be a mite quicker
Slipping me that blue pill!

Copyright © Rico Leffanta | Year Posted 2017

Details | Couplet |

Old Love

Grandma and Grandpa were swinging on the porch swing
Remembering some of the good old days and things

Grandma said, "Remember when our dates began"
"It was so sweet how you'd casually take my hand"

Grandpa smiled and said, "I remember it my dear"
Slipping his hand over hers both aged by the years

Feeling somewhat bolder, "Remember," she said,
"Pretending to whisper, you'd nibble my ear instead?"

He said,"I remember." then let go of her hand
When he headed to the door, she could not understand

"But why are you leaving now?", she asked him wide eyed
He said, "Sorry dear, but I left my teeth inside !"

Copyright © PAT Adams | Year Posted 2017