The Car Club Meeting Lament - Text - Part 2 of 2

Note: This is the 2nd half of one of my MANY long story works, and the 1st half can be accessed, of course, at "poems by Mark Stellinga" on the soup. My wife and I were members of a large classic-car club for several years and things like this actually happened now and then!! 2nd half --- “We knew you’d want it quickly so we shipped it overnight… And paid to ship it back that way as well. We’ll have you up and running by the time the snow is gone. Oh, by the way…is this old bomb for sale? “My nephew looks for cars like this to ‘demo’ at the fair. We yanked the seats…a roll-cage fit just fine! Tricky as it is to find the parts for cars like this… I’d sell it quick as hell if it were mine! “He wanted me to tell you that he’d really like to buy it. The frames on these old tanks are tough as nails. Be sure to let us know before we get it back together. And don’t forget…it almost never fails… “Keeping rigs like this one on the road is quite a pain. You’d get a partial refund on the parts! Plus half of what you paid up front if you decide to sell The car before the reassembly starts!” “No….the car is not for sale!” I screamed into the phone. “And if my seats are damaged, I will sue. Call us when the plug comes in and we will be right down, And, buddy…if you know what’s good for you… “I won’t find a scratch that wasn’t there when it went in To what you call your ‘restoration shop.’ And if the plug she sends this time is not the one I need, Just use a cork to plug it up…then stop!” “Wait a minute, Mr.,” he exploded…“don’t get pissy. It’s not my fault your part was hard to get. Axle kits for cars like yours are made by just one firm, And offered very strictly as a set. “We actually saved you money by convincing them to sell us The only part you need for this repair. But if you’d rather have your Essex fixed by someone else, Then come and get it now, ‘cause I don’t care.” “What the hell did you just say,” I freaked completely out. “My car is not an Essex. Holy ! I figured something weird was going on when you proclaimed A plug for cars like mine was ‘hard to get!’ “If you can’t tell an Essex from a ’58 Desoto You’d better find another line of work.” That was when I realized we’d left our pride and joy With what I’d have call…‘a total jerk.’ “Well I’ll be damned,” the nitwit said, “I thought this was an Essex! We’ll have to make adjustments to your bill. This means I’ll have you greased and plugged before we close today.” I simply answered back…“I’m sure you will! “In fact…I’ll bet you grease and plug rear ends most every day - No matter what the cars are brought in for!” Oblivious to what I meant, he bragged, “We do our best. Never less…and certainly…never more.” “I’m really glad to hear that,” I replied sarcastically. “So when can we come down and get our car?” “Well actually, sir, as far as when it’s ‘done and set to go’ Depends on how particular you are. “Thelma got the U-joints in, and Howie got the tailpipes An’ mufflers on as straightly as he could. Barney found a tire that almost matches, and I’d say… Except for where it’s charred…the car looks good. “You be here at five o’clock. We’ll leave ‘er on the hoist. I’m sure that you’ll be pleased with what we’ve done. I know we’ve got DeSoto plugs in stock so I will cancel The order for that oddball Essex one. “We’ve undercoated everything. It looks as good as new. You’ll never know the floorboard was on fire. The only things you’ll need to do are - touch-up paint the trunk… And find yourself a matching whitewall tire.” “What about the axle? Did you get it fixed or not? The car should not be driven if it’s bad!” “Yup. The axle’s good as new. Melinda overhauled it, With parts from off an old Ford bus she had. “She had to do some grinding, ‘cause the fit was pretty tight, But rear ends are her specialty, and so Now your car will actually have the torque that busses do... She got the ratio dropped down nice and low.” “I don’t want more torque, you fool,” I roared into the phone. “I really can’t believe what you have done! The only service you provide for fixing classic cars… For which, I’d say, you’re definitely ‘number one’… “Is screwing up a project ‘til the cost goes through the roof! Your stupid explanations give me gas. And if you try to bill us for the things you had to do Because you had the fire, I’ll kick your ass! “I’ll take you at your word the axle needed overhauled And pay for parts and labor…that is fair… But not a dime for all the other you had to do. And shipping’s not a cost that we should bear, “So if you think we’re paying for those ‘overnight’ expenses, You must be flying higher than a kite. You’ll have to reimburse us for a proper whitewall tire When we replace your “scab” with one that’s right. “We’re coming down at five o’clock and - other than the tire - Our car had better look as good as new. Now I understand why you take credit cards ‘up front’ - So you can gouge the people that you screw!” “I understand completely, sir,” he said. “We’ll have it ready. And being fair, the only charge there’ll be Is labor cost….for adding brand new grease to your rear end…. We’ll top it off and plug it up for free!” FYI: I'll be posting a bunch of my AUDIO files over the next few months, most from my 4 new AUDIO-CDs, along with many more text files from my several books of verse. (Only a few CDs and books left - 2-6-21). Because, as with most poets, it simply depends on the mood I’m in at writing time, my verse, as you’ll discover, varies greatly from lightheartedly comical pieces to meaningfully poignant works. If you happen to like my style, and appreciate the variety, please visit my website’s at - www.writerofbooks.com. Cheers, Mark Stellinga