Santa's Dilemma

Dear Santa I’m writing early this year Especially after the debacle of last year You delivered the sexy underwear and the two-day hotel break to my wife What the hell were you thinking Does my wife look like she can get into a size ten You useless fat bastard Two days I had to suffer the wife parading herself It was psychological torture Swear to god, if I could’ve got my hands on you Still swithering on suing your fat ass This year I’m going to lay it on the line Deliver it to the wrong address Your Ho ho ho, will be, Oh oh oh Do I make myself clear Now listen up Face pack and support tights They go to the wife Basque and French knickers, hotel included To the lover Don’t make me go back to that hotel with the wife Or, I swear, you’ll be wearing those reindeers Do you need a reminder Have you got it now Oh, and merry Christmas.