Listen to poem:
These two old geezers have definitely worn out their welcome with Betty-Joe -
“NO, IT DOESN’T!”
“YES, IT DOES!”
“NO, IT DOESN’T!”
“YES, IT DOES!” The two old geezers argued back and forth.
“Dad blame it,” roared the one that looked the older of the two, “I’m tellin’ you…that cannon faces north!”
“Betty Joe, get over here,” the younger one insisted, “and tell this pea-brained gummer that I’m right.
This old fool’s been drinkin’…or he don’t know up from down! You know I run that flag down every night,
“An’ right there, ‘side the flagpole - stands the cannon Cletus Becker’s daddy willed the county when he died.
Can’t believe he doubts me when he knows that every night that gun and I are standin’ side by side!
“And everybody knows, of course, that every single cannon displayed by every courthouse in the south
Is facing north - to honor all the soldiers lost at war - so tell this bag o’ bones to shut his mouth!”
Betty Joe just stood there…lookin’ pretty well disgusted…but being diplomatic, calmly said,
“First of all - that cannon’s pointing west - to face the sunset - and second…
Cletus Sr. isn’t dead!”
Topping off their coffee cups before she darted off, the two old farts seemed stunned by what they’d heard.
And I was stunned myself to see how soon - by what she’d said - another heated argument was spurred.
“NO, IT DOESN’T!” “YES, IT DOES!” “NO, IT DOESN’T!” “YES, IT DOES!” The next dispute immediately ensued! “Betty Joe, get over here,” the same old fart insisted, asking her again to end their feud.
“Tell this toothless wonder that the three inscribed initials, appearing on the cannon: R. E. L.,
Proves it has to be one that fired the fatal shot that killed old General Lee the day he fell.”
“First of all,” she bristled, as the two old codgers waited - while once again their coffee cups were filled -
I was there the night that Rodney Logan signed that cannon, and second…General Lee was never killed!”
Just a couple minutes later, true again to form, another heated verbal war began.
“YES, THERE IS!’
“NO, THERE AIN’T!”
“YES, THERE IS!’
“NO, THERE AIN’T!” They bantered like before…then once again,
“Betty Joe…get over here,” the younger old fart hollered. His booming voice would fill the small café.
We’re hoping you can settle our dispute…and bring some coffee. We’ll go along with anything you say.
“This empty headed dinosaur is telling me - in Scotland - there’s a monster living -- underneath a lake!
That I have no problem with, ‘cause I know them there monsters ain’t the kind of thing a man can fake,
“But when he tried to tell me it had wings - instead of fins, I knew that he was tellin’ me a lie!
Why would any monster that had wings live under water - instead of on the ground - if it could fly?”
“Sorry guys,” she panted, as again she filled their cups, “I’ve got a little news-flash to reveal.
The monster you’re referring to - though cool as monsters are - I’m ‘fraid I have to tell ya’…isn’t real!
The two were gettin’ pissy - throwin’ daggers with their eyes - when Betty, also pissed, said, “Listen, boys… I don’t mind the questions - though a few were pretty stupid…but ever since I started here at Roy’s,
You two fools have prob’y drank a thousand pots o’ coffee, an’ kept me runnin’ ‘round at quite a clip…
So don’t you think - because of that…and - how you pick my brain…that one of you, at least…should leave a tip?”
The “boys” just sat there, stupefied - a sight no one at Roy’s - with these old farts - had seen in twenty years -
But only seconds later they began to blow off steam, and said some things that found some - nearby ears!
“Leroy,” Harley stated…“I ain’t certain how you see it…but I don’t think we owe that witch a dime.”
“I agree completely,” Leroy countered, “and, in fact…she’s prob’ly just been guessin’ every time!”
Well…Iris Gottatellya - (Betty’s cousin once removed) - who’d easily overheard what they had said -
Scampered off to tell her and - when Betty heard the news - her eyes grew wild....her face went ruby red!
Storming up to call them on the news she’d just received - glancing back and forth between the two -
Betty snarled, “I hear you fellas think I’m full o’ crap…so this is what I think it’s time to do:
“Certain people wind up on the ****-head-list of others…and you two fellas just wound up on mine!
Ask for my opinion - one more time…on any subject…an' I’ll kick ya' both in ---
where the sun don’t shine!”
BTW - I've now got 4 new Audio-CDs - @ 4 1/2 hours each = (62 diversely varied pieces). They’re listed on EBAY - under - “Mark Stellinga Poetry” - or available by simply contacting me at -- email@example.com -- should those of you who enjoy listening to poems as well as reading them - and particularly those of you that travel - care to be so entertained. (We use safe and simple - PayPal)
Copyright © Mark Stellinga | Year Posted 2021