Moment to Moment

I nearly fell apart, felt despair Picked myself back up and focussed Just split seconds can devastate when resilience is low My teenage daughter hadn't got ready on time, I tried gentle encouragement, step by step advice, firm instruction but she was heading towards missing her singing lesson paid for by Nana I shouted at her that the lessons will be cancelled if she doesn't get sorted As she cried it can't be done whilst the minutes ticked away, she said 'I prefer Daddy' I went and sat downstairs and felt a failure, I let her know how much time was available and left her to it (she got ready, came downstairs and asked me to brush her hair and I made her a toasted teacake) She spoke of her worries, which are typical for a teenager and I know feel unfixable in the moment I said does she want a frappe after her lesson and she said she didn't deserve it and I felt awful that she believes rewards always have to be earned. I said it doesn't always have to be, it's my way of saying I love her no matter what. She told me off for always rewarding bad behaviour and I said I've just disregarded the behaviour as I want her to know she's loved and everything is ok. In the car she was singing, she told me a funny retort she had planned if a friend of a friend insulted her (like they do her friend) and we laughed (as I believe witty retorts are inherited from me, but did say consider whether she does actually say it) When we arrived some information I'd requested came through about a drama group and she says she's interested in joining She poked her head back in the car to say she'd like a frappe and I'm just here now waiting til she returns. I've brought the dog, it's raining, he's miffed he's not got out for a walk but luckily he can't tell me who he prefers, his face suggests it's currently not me but unlike earlier, I recognise feeling bad is sometimes, often, mostly, temporary and that I can turn things around. I'll probably still cry at some point, it's been a tough day.