Memorabilia

My wife and I met more than a few of this type of “shifty wheeler-dealer” during our many years dealing in antiques and collectibles. Memorabilia “If you have a minute, friend, I’ve got some things for sale. The kinds of things you don’t see every day,” began the tale. “Ya’ see…this real old lady walked into my shop last night And sold me this here diamond ring. I really bought it right. Her wedding ring I s’pose…who knows…just heft this giant jewel. Stones this big are hard to find, and, buddy - as a rule - I keep this kind of merchandise locked up inside my vault. But, well…I had a wreck this week…they ruled it was my fault, And so…against my better judgment…I’ll make you a deal. I’ll let it go for fifty bucks, and friend…now that’s a steal.” A rock that big for fifty bucks!! Now that just made no sense. But I do buy memorabilia…from the greater sports events… So I got wise and told this dude what I was partial to, Then he comes back with, “I’ve been lookin’ for a guy like you. “Couple years ago,” he adds, “when I was in L. A., I’m walkin’ past this baseball field where little leaguers play, “I stop to ask directions from this chubby little youth, When, suddenly, I notice on his uniform…“B. RUTH”! “So I ask, ‘You related to that famous New York Yank?’ And he says, ‘Boy, old Gramps could hit…and I’ve got him to thank ‘For giving me his favorite bat…though I can barely swing it. It seems to bring me real good luck. That’s why I always bring it.’ “Now, I’d been buying things like this to build a sports museum So all sports fans would have a place where they could come an’ see ‘em. “I told the kid of my idea. He liked my selfless plans. He said he’d like to see his grandpa’s bat there…for the fans. “But I just couldn’t take it, so I gave him forty bucks! I bought that old bat fair and square. But now, it seems my luck’s “Run out at last. I guess my dreams ‘ll have to change, and so… Although it breaks my heart…for fifty bucks…I’ll let ‘er go. “But if a bat is not exactly what you had in mind… Let me dig a little deeper…see what I can find. “Maybe you would care to take home Mickey Mantle’s glove? Or, if that’s not the kind of thing that you were thinking of, “How ‘bout Grange’s helmet? Or, maybe Russell’s shoes? I must have something really great a man like you can use. “Got Willie Mays’s baseball cap, and Yogi Bera’s mitt! I’ve even got the bat that Roger Maris used to hit “Homerun number sixty-two! I’ve even got the ball! And here’s a ball that Arnie holed-in-one! And that’s not all. “Here’s the putter Nicklaus used to win the P. G. A.! These are not the kinds of things a man sees every day! “Now, I can see that you’re a man that knows a real good buy, So I’ll sell all ten pieces, friend…and please, don’t ask me why… “‘Cause it just tears me up to sell my very finest stuff. But, I’m a little short on cash, and, if that’s not enough, “You seem like the kind o’ guy who needs a little break, And though I know it’s crazy, sir…the least that I can take “For all these super pieces…and this is gonna sting… Is fifty bucks. That’s fifty cash…and I’ll throw in the ring!” Well…that might seem like cheap to some, but I’m nobody’s fool. I just strolled around the room, and played it kind o’ cool. I ain’t the shrewdest man alive, buy I know -- “money talks,” So I said, “You’ll take forty-five…or this collector walks.” He grabbed the cash, we loaded up the goods, away I went; Proud to own such super stuff, and for so little spent. Two weeks later, as I read the Sunday morning news, Under “Sporting Goods” I found an ad that lit my fuse!! “Please attend our seminar on calling geese and ducks. We’re raffling off Bill Russell’s shoes…five chances…fifty bucks.” And then I found another ad…but under “Cars and Trucks.” “The model T of General Grant!!…near perfect…fifty bucks.” Suspicious, nervous, worried…ticked…I had to make that call. Had I been sold what actually was just -- “anyone’s” bat an’ ball? The man that answered was the guy who’d sold me all my stuff. “I’d like to know what else you have for sale,” I tried to bluff. “Well…I’ve got Lincoln’s favorite hat! The gun of John Wilkes Booth! The wooden teeth of Washington! The favorite bat of Ruth! “I’ve got Grange’s helmet…and the shoes that Russell wore When he helped the - Dolphins - take the cup…in 1924!” When he paused to take a breath, I asked, “How can that be? You sold that helmet - bat - and shoes…two weeks ago…to me!?!? “And I see “Bird’s Anonymous” is raffling Mickey’s mitt! And now you’re selling Henry’s model T! You’re full o’ --- poop!!” “Now wait a minute, sir,” he said…“if you’re not satisfied… I’ll be glad to take them back. And if you feel I’ve lied… “Let me make it up to you. I’ve got the perfect thing. Why…just last night I bought the most fantastic diamond ring!” Well, that was all that I could take. I freaked completely out. I’ve lived from that day on a nervous wreck...in fear, and doubt! My life was changed forever with that forty-five I spent, And - as for “memorabilia” - from the greater sports events - I would quit collecting from that very moment on… And, 5 ‘ll get ya’ 10…his one-of-a-kinds WERE NEVER GONE! PS: I've now got 4 new Audio-CDs - @ 4 1/2 hours each = (62 diversely varied pieces). They’re listed on EBAY - under - “Mark Stellinga Poetry” - or available by simply contacting me at -- mark@writerofbooks.com -- should those of you who enjoy listening to poems as well as reading them - and particularly those of you that travel - care to be so entertained. (We use safe and simple - PayPal) There are a bunch of my pieces on YouTube as well --- Cheers, Mark