Jimmy Rigg, the Tool Freak

Jimmy Rigg - this dork I know, from Billings, Pennsylvania - always carries doo-dads in his pockets, front to rear, Just in case some unexpected problem might arise...bent on having what he’d need to fix the issue near! “Like what,” you ask! I’ll tell ya’ what. A pocket knife...some tape...little rolls of string and wire...three-four types o’ glues... And, when he wears a jacket, he’ll have interchangeable bits...a fully-charged-up battery drill, and several kinds o’ screws... A crescent wrench...a monkey-wrench...a channel-locks...a pliers...plus every sort o’ nail there is, and, naturally...a hammer!” So when I heard the news last night on Channel 17 that someone up in Billings, who’d been locked up in the slammer, Had disconnected all alarms...unlocked every door...and set a ton of inmates free…I promptly called his folks. Gettin’ arrested purposely - then emptying out the jail - was very much in keeping with this nut-job’s kinda jokes. He jimmy-rigged his parents’ doorbell once or twice a week to terrify delivery people...make them crap their pants By setting off a tape recorded vicious-sounding dog, which is, of course, a very disconcerting circumstance! He jimmy-rigged a traffic light in Portland, West Virginia, to actually bypass amber and go - straight from green to red - Just to watch the mass confusion - accidents - and mayhem...not the least concerned that someone might have wound up dead! He jimmy-rigged an ATM in Phoenix, Oklahoma...over-road its algorithms…killed its call to - “STOP”... And 30 seconds later he was filling up his jacket with every access-code he tried - at fifty bucks a pop! He jimmy-rigged a semi down in Denver, Massachusetts, boogerin’ up an eighteen- wheeler’s tranny - just for fun! The poor old trucker ‘bout went nuts when every forward gear would actually take him backwards for the fiendish tweak he’d done! He jimmy-rigged a court-house clock in Houston, California, causing it to lose a couple seconds every hour... ‘Til Houston’s clock repairman - who was baffled by the prank - actually threw his life away by leaping from the tower! He jimmy-rigged a pop machine in Boston, Colorado...had it spittin’ cans for free by switchin’ certain wires. They haven’t proved he done it yet, but feel they prob’ly can, ‘cause at the scene they found a pair of - “J. R.” monogrammed pliers! Well, that - for me - is proof enough. The guy, I swear’s, insane...and one of the world’s - if not the most - completely boogered fools... And the only way a human being can do what Jimmy does - is to wear...and be proficient with...a wide array of tools!