House

Dust compacted, formed into bricks Lain to last as lodged in time Exposed labours to live in and live on As labourer becomes dust Unknown and forgotten

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Speaks Volumes

Date: 3/20/2023 10:23:00 AM

Aww c'mon, you didn't really want help ! I dint see the original but this is fine. The house is only made of compressed dust but the structure stands long after those that built it have passed and are un-named and forgotten. Its irony at its best. Don't change it !

Di11y Da11y
Date: 3/20/2023 10:33:00 AM

Thanks Wen, version 2 is better than version 1. I'll leave it set as this with your seal of approval:)

Suzette Richards

Date: 3/20/2023 5:52:00 AM

Short or long: whatever it takes to capture the visual and thought/emotions it evokes. Eg, my 3-word micro-fiction: Washed windows. Raining! ( It does not need any explanation as we have all been there ...lol) Oh, and never throw anything away as it might just be the ticket to style a later poem. Poetry should be fun (for me at least) and it will come through in your writing. Think of e-mails you have received and irrespective of the wording, it had set your teeth on edge. Happy writing :))

Di11y Da11y
Date: 3/20/2023 10:36:00 AM

Thanks Suzette, it's true. Something that wasn't quite anything can transform :)

Suzette Richards

Date: 3/20/2023 4:50:00 AM

Soup mail :))

Di11y Da11y
Date: 3/20/2023 5:02:00 AM

Got it :)

Suzette Richards

Date: 3/20/2023 4:33:00 AM

I do love the new improved take and can visualise it in my mind's eye as well as feel the underlying passion for the topic.

Di11y Da11y
Date: 3/20/2023 4:39:00 AM

Thanks Suzette - I'm sure I'm probably writing an echo of sentiments I've tried to express before which probably boil down to the quandary of the meaning of life and the temporary nature, and overlapping lives that touch on another's before they too are gone. Or I might have seen a brick and wrote about it! Thank you for taking another look:)

Margarita Lillico

Date: 3/19/2023 11:51:00 AM

Original start… could go anywhere Felt love, soaked tears, saw death … withstood

Di11y Da11y
Date: 3/20/2023 2:23:00 AM

I've incorporated death, in a poetic sense! Thank you

Daniel Turner

Date: 3/19/2023 8:03:00 AM

Reads ok to me, DD. Haiku is not my form of preference so I am really no help, sorry.

Di11y Da11y
Date: 3/20/2023 2:24:00 AM

Thanks - it was a funny idea, that felt just needed something extra to work. Thanks for your comment. I've adjusted now.

Suzette Richards

Date: 3/19/2023 7:00:00 AM

Nice. I've always wondered whether dust is the revenge for disturbing nature. Yes, a home is more than a house, especially with it being Mother's day in the UK (where my children are).

Di11y Da11y
Date: 3/20/2023 2:25:00 AM

Thanks - yes I celebrated mother's day yesterday. It's the connection between the work that goes in that exists longer than the labourer, I wanted to capture. Not sure if it's imagism, but made a change to slightly improve. Not sure what poetry form really though