Emotional Cutting

I pierce my heart with horrific thoughts of an unfathomable and unimaginable child abuse that has never left me. I sever my soul into pieces going over every detail of the relentless insults and beatings from my father and that violent boyfriend. I gouge my mind with the most profound regret of all in that, I didn’t spend enough time with my mother and beloved brother, Jimmy before I lost them. I curse myself for not making it known to my mother And brother how much I loved and needed them which was more than I could ever say. The heaviest burden engraved on my being is for the loss of my protector and advisor in a dearest older brother which I will forever miss. I am also aware and ashamed of the deeply painful Look in my Son’s eyes for having to cope with a mother like me. Lastly, I beg Oh, Dear God please rescue and release me from this deep sorrow and regret that torments me so the emotional cutting is finally brought to an end.