Are you Hoping to Go to Heaven

If you’re planning to go to heaven be prepared to be surprised: After centuries of faithful service, Saint Peter, and most sadly, has decided to retire and been replaced by an Entry System newly installed and computerized. Each hopeful first-timer will, of course, have to learn to use it properly perforce given tens of thousands arriving hourly, the waiting period – unlike those lengthy airport lines on earth – will quickly shrink and facilitate the process in a wink or, if you prefer a more suitable analogy, faster than a miracle! Because the system (keep in mind) was for maximum efficiency designed. Thus, your next step will be to follow the easy instructions listed below posted in your own language and be guaranteed a quick no red tape entry. Here’s how it works: • If you know you are saved, press 1. • If you’re not sure but want to be, press 2. • If you think you are unworthy, press 3. • If atheist or agnostic, press 4. • If none of the above, press 5. • If short on patience and humility, press 6 and hold; a representative will assist you. And be aware that your conversation and behavior will be monitored, and if less than kosher, expect to be denied access to your life’s hope for eternal preservation.