'Twas the Night Before Christmas
‘Twas the night before Christmas and all through our home,
there was comfort and peace; no one wanted to roam.
I was humming, preparing to make two chess pies,
then discovered inside of my fridge a surprise.
I had only three eggs, and I needed three more.
Would I have to drive nine or ten miles to the store?
My decision to walk and ask Mom for the eggs
led to tripping on steps and banged-up, bloody legs!
Since my folks weren’t at home, I just used my own key.
I went blank; the alarm code would not come to me!
And then what to my wild, staring eyes should appear?
It was cops. I assured them, “My parents live here!”
“Sure, they do!” one replied; then I heard the click-click
as he slapped on the cuffs. I groaned, “Sir, I am sick.”
He believed me completely; I barfed on his shoes.
Then I prayed I’d not be on the ten o’clock news.
Bottom line--the huge mess was at last straightened out.
I bought eggs and dashed home; I had no time to pout.
With the oven on “Preheat,” I filled each pie shell.
Then the power went off; red-hot ire I did quell.
There would be no chess pies in my home the next day.
When my family got there, regrets I’d convey
for my failure to cook what our menu required.
I felt sure they’d be kind when they heard what transpired.
Then, with legs wrapped in gauze under which I’d applied
Neosporin, I hobbled, with canes laid aside,
to my rocker recliner. The power came on!
“It’s just too late to cook,” I expressed with a yawn.
Then at 10:25 my phone jarred me awake.
It was my nosey neighbor, for sweet mercy’s sake!
“Did you puke on a cop and get hauled off to jail?”
I said, “WHAT? Hon, you know your mind DOES often fail?
When the phone rang again—and again--I did see
it was Nosey next-door, said my caller ID.
I envisioned her fit to be tied. What a sight.
Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!
November 30, 2022
entered in The Night Before 3 Poetry Contest
Sponsor: Joseph May
Copyright © Janice Canerdy | Year Posted 2022
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