The Head Talk

Rising panic I hate that feeling Where I displaced logic and reason Talk to a friend No I can't do that Think about how someone else feels I can't, I can't - I'm in free wheel Articulate what makes you fret I can't, I don't know about that Where are you now? Ask for help! I can't - I don't deserve the space You don't deserve anything You attention seeking lying swine Shut up words that found their way in I can't break, please - not again Just talk and it will be ok I can't I don't trust anyone today Look at all the frauds around They mock feeble minded like me You've never been a fool before Well daily I feel like one more and more I'm walking the dog, crying in pain But there's nothing wrong so no one can take it away I'm so ashamed of how I find myself Writing when I need to shout My battery now is getting low The work day began 5 minutes ago I'll wipe away tears and click into place But I'm going downhill at a steady pace I don't know if there was a time it was better Or I'd just switched modes to wait I see myself standing still, headstone ready, no pearly gate Back to the epitaph writing self I'm proud of that if nothing else The outside has good reason to be smug But the inside screams it's not enough There's a part of me unexpressed Causing havoc, badly dressed Like a pinball racking up points Where - I don't know - opposite place a pinball should be, where noise is a problem Battery dictates I end this here Spilling my guts on the floor Feeling better for it Maybe I have a gut excess No wonder I'm always in a mess Invisible operating room Where nobody comes to close the wound