I’ve lived all my life... All my life I’ve lived... it’s kinda sad really, how these words just roll out the tip of my tongue with such ease but bear no weight or heaviness of meaning whatsoever, I imagine I was happy once, as a child, my mother would hold me tight in her arms and slowly rock me back and forth with a smile on her face as if to say, ‘ you are too beautiful of a rose, not the thorn kind ‘ followed by a chuckle, mama, I’ve been walking on thorns since I was 10, by 12 the blood didn’t bother me anymore, by 15 the pain had a natural feeling, by 16 the thorns embedded in me started growing, by 17 I discovered I could cut them off, by 17 I discovered I couldn’t, by 17 I tried to cut me off, sometimes, I still find happiness in the sight of your smile, but mama, I’m afraid I don’t know what life is, I’m terrified I might never live, mama, I’m afraid I might leave.
I know I shouldn’t want to leave, I’m trying to live, just maybe it will be better living after I leave... I... we live in a world based on principles of self and propaganda selected from many, I guess what I’m trying to say is, we are so focused on building us that we forget what that does to... it’s not coming out right, I guess what I’m trying to say is, the very same people you hold so dear can break you and not even notice it, no, I guess what I’m trying to say is words are a fucking death sentence when coming from the ones you care about.
I’ve lived all my life... all my life I’ve lived... words so powerful but yet so empty.
Copyright © Sagwadi Maluleke | Year Posted 2017