and post notes and photos about your poem like Mark Stellinga.
This poem was inspired by one of my all time favorite motion picture classics, particularly the 1939 (the 1st) edition, in good old black ad white...
NOTE: This is part 1 of a 2 part piece (due to the file-size limitations of PoetrySoup)...be sure to check out part 2 for the surprising ending -
Just a couple years ago, while jogging ‘round the duck pond, Buffy Bugarelli - Doctor Bugarelli’s daughter -
Seeing she was in my path, made a hard right turn to very much intentionally, drop down near the water!
Seemingly avoiding me for no apparent reason, I began to wonder - when I waved to say hello -
Why she didn’t acknowledge me! Convinced she’d seen my wave...and positive that - if she couldn’t stand me - I would know...
I decided, then and there, to quiz Ms. Bugerelli, and headed down to join her on the shoreline of the pond.
But just before I reached her I crossed paths with Darla Doofus, and wound up rendered speechless by the way that she’d respond
When I began to whine about my feeling somewhat snubbed. Darla, as you may recall, was Buffy’s closest friend,
And viewing this a perfect chance to chase me off her scent, crushed my aspirations when she looked at me and grinned,
“What were you expecting, Webster?” she would coldly snarl. “Give it to me straight,” I said...“no ifs or ands or buts...
Does Buffy like me? You should know! I’m pretty sure she does!”
To which she countered...“Absolutely not…she hates your guts!”
“Wha’da’ya’ mean, she hates my guts,” I snapped...“we’ve never met!
I’m fairly nice to look at, and I’ve got a great physique!”
“First of all,” she fired back, “your hair is actually GREEN...and you could prob’ly open cans o’ Campbell’s with that beak!
“And when it comes to - ‘great physique’, I’ll have to disagree, ‘cause I don’t see no signs o’ muscles hidin’ ‘neath your shirt!
Your forehead’s got a great big dent...your teeth are all but gone...and I would say...unless, of course...you thrive on gettin’ hurt...
“You’d be wise to turn around and keep on joggin’, Webster...Buffy’s way too cool fer you...that just the way it is!
Maybe if you saw a surgeon...had him trim your hooter...dyed your hair to look like Elvis...had a face like his...
“Got yourself some dentures - or a couple dozen implants - and body-puttied-up that dent – you might just stand a chance,
But lookin’ like you do right now...no two ways about it...chicks like Buffy don’t give dorks like you a second glance!”
Now...anyone with ears could tell that Darla didn’t like me, so I, of course, was skeptical about her spiteful claims,
And she don’t know how close she came to gettin’ smacked around fer callin’ me --- and right in front o’ Buffy --- hurtful names!
“See...you’re what’s called a - ‘crater-head’,” she brutally explained, “and acne covered, bony wimps with putrid chartreuse hair
Don’t too often win the hearts of gorgeous girls like Buffy, so - trust me -‘Mr. Eagle-Beak’...despite it don’t seem fair...
“You ain’t got a snowball’s chance in Hades...not a prayer...besides,” she added cheerfully, “she’s dating Cameron Jones,
And Cameron, as you likely know, is captain of the football team, and holds the conference records for both sacks and --- broken bones!”
It prob’ly won’t surprise you when I say - with all her statements - every hope I’d had for asking Buffy for a date
Pretty much went up in flames, and given what she’d said - like the man I felt I was, I turned to face my fate!
BUT...as I spun around to leave, a soft and tender voice took me by complete surprise by saying, “Wait...don’t go!”
Buffy Bugarelli had requested me to stay!!
“I heard what Darla said,” she said, “but… what she doesn’t know
Is - just a couple years ago, I wasn’t near this pretty. And now that I’m what people call - ‘the cutest girl in school’ -
Darla tries to chase away the really creepy guys that try to make a date with me, and generally, as a rule,
Now, be sure to read part 2 - the ending...
Copyright © Mark Stellinga | Year Posted 2021