There IS a Subtle Difference
There IS a Subtle Difference!
A friend of mine, of mixed descent - Nadia Bugerelli - called me on the phone last night and told me right straight out
That Juan Kazenski planned to beat me up this coming weekend, but wouldn’t tell her, when she’d quizzed him, what it was about!
All she’d said was, ‘Juan’s a bruiser - close to six foot seven - solid muscle head to toe and definitely hates your guts,
So my advice,’ she added is - ‘if and when he finds you - give yourself a fighting chance and kick him in the --- groin!’
I conned another friend of mine - Julio Zevrendinsky - knowing he and Juan were friends when we were all in school -
Into meeting up with him...at my expense, of course...to get him drunk at Smokey Joe’s while shootin’ a little pool.
“Try to make him tell you what he’s pissed about,” I said…‘cause I can’t think of anything I’ve done to make him mad.
I took his sister, Gloria, out last week to get a pizza...but that, I think’s, the only link to Juan I’ve ever had!”
Julio grabbed the hundred dollar bill I’d shoved his way, and promised me, “‘Before they close on Friday I should know
Why the hell he’s after you. I’m good at stuff like this. By the way,’ he queried me, ‘how’d the evening go?’”
“She had sausage...I had beef,” I countered his request…“both of them were awesome, and the waitress was a fox!
The pizza joint was close enough to walk to - hand in hand...seven there and seven back, for a total fourteen blocks.
“I picked her up at 6:15 - the meal took fifty-five - and - with the pair of walkings added in - ‘round 8 p.m.
She and I were snuggling on her stoop when --- ACCIDENTALLY --- what I’m gonna guess is what I did that’s bugging him
“Got me slapped so stinkin’ hard an implant squirted out! I didn’t mean to touch her boob - the porch was super dark -
And though I did apologize, Gloria didn’t buy it, and...hissing like a viper, growled...‘I won’t forget this, Mark,’
“Then shoved me off the landing as she bolted through the door, screaming, ‘Lose my number...you’re a sleazy little turd!’
An’ five ‘ll get ya’ twenty, pal, the reason Juan is pissed is -- Gloria’s side of what went down’s the only one he’s heard!”
Julio grilled him most the night, trying to learn the reason I was on his poo-poo list to - as she’d said - beat up,
And not forgetting Nadia’s tip, I prayed that - should it happen – Juan...a beast of twice my size...wouldn’t be wearin’ a cup!
“At ten ‘til twelve on Friday night I fin’ly got the call filling in the answer as to WHY my ass was grass -
‘The reason Juan’s upset with you,’ Julio spilled the beans, ‘isn’t that you touched her boob…...she claims you -- grabbed her ass!'
“That’s not true,” I lost my cool...“I swear, that scag is lying! But knowing that she hates me now is - I would say - a blessing!
Gloria’s, very obviously, unable to distinguish the difference - though a subtle one - twixt ‘grabbing’ -- and -- ‘caressing’!”
Copyright © Mark Stellinga | Year Posted 2021
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