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The English Broad Sword

"Unsheathe your sword!" cried the host, and I knew right then that I was toast. For what I had was too long to be slung, via hip-belted sheath where it should've hung. Longer than my arm and forearm combined, swinging it, almost got my spine misaligned! Two hands were needed to get it off the ground, after yanking it out of leather-holster, brown. It was all I could do to hold it up high, while my wrists wriggled, in wobbly ply. My legs teeter-tottered under its weight, as I struggled to regain my spritely gait! I pondered why they used so much steel, making muscles move, with, a, much, slower, wield...? So, of course, I was dropped off in the first round, which led me to a discovery, most profound: Do not register, ever, as an English Broad, for they will assign you the matching sword! Next long-knives contest, I'll be Josei Japanese, so I can spill guts, lightly, with Samurai ease :)) (9/15/18: Repost; inspired by a John Hamilton contest)

Copyright © | Year Posted 2020




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Date: 11/3/2020 10:26:00 AM
I surrender my sword, to the English Broad, in the event that she needs to fight. It is plated with chrome, made from aluminium, easy to manage and super light.
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Susan Woodrow
Date: 11/3/2020 10:51:00 AM
lol! I hope it's really shiny so that I can just blind the opponents! thanks for the laugh :))
Date: 10/23/2020 7:20:00 PM
I was tolerably thrilled to savor this vividly spontaneous, action-packed versification of yours, Susan...it's a powerfully entertaining piece, though admittedly far from being personally familiar with the possible extreme sport hereabove detailedly highlighted:-)
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Susan Woodrow
Date: 10/23/2020 9:06:00 PM
glad to have provided a tolerable thrill...thank you ...I am no sword fighter either but I am familiar with both types of swords since my son used to collect them...:)
Date: 9/5/2020 8:41:00 AM
And after that, I have to go to the restroom; I laughed too hard!
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Susan Woodrow
Date: 9/6/2020 6:43:00 AM
Lol!
Date: 9/3/2020 12:12:00 PM
Susan this is humorous, greatly detailed in story! I love this! A fave for sure! Applause!
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Susan Woodrow
Date: 9/3/2020 9:03:00 PM
thank you very much...glad you enjoyed it :)
Date: 8/29/2020 12:36:00 PM
I had to laugh when I read this as I was instantly reminded of my 6-year old son being handed a broadsword at a Raglan Castle joust and, surprised by the weight, he just toppled over with the sword! (Samurai prefer splitting heads open). Well done! Rico
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Susan Woodrow
Date: 8/29/2020 1:51:00 PM
that was about the age my son was too when he was given the sword..he was so impressed at owning a knife taller than he was; for a while it was easier for me to persuade him to eat his veggies so he could grow faster and thus use the sword sooner lol If Samurai split heads, the broad one just cracks them and keeps going down the entire body..if you manage to get it up and aimed right in the first place! Thanks Rico :)
Date: 8/29/2020 9:49:00 AM
Now that is some imagination, promise I wont assign you the matching sword.. nice choice for the contest..
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Susan Woodrow
Date: 8/29/2020 10:44:00 AM
lol! my son was into collecting knives and the biggest one he got was that sword (given to him at some Shakespearean festival) This wasn't so much imagination as actual experience...it is incredible how darn heavy those things were and then you hold a Jap sword and it's so light! I don't want to imagine the people that actually had to wield these things in battle..thanks SO :)