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If At First You Don't Succeed

Tommy Tapioca’d married Margery Anne McDonald when each of them was twenty-one with just one thing in mind: To save the only offspring of the richest man in Scotland from falling prey to what he deemed - “the cold and greedy kind”! At least that’s what he claims to ‘ve been his primary motivation for asking Lord MacDonald his consent to take her hand, But, truth be told, as was the case with half the men in Glasgow, Tommy’s real intention was to - own her father’s land! Now, Tommy was a handsome lad, but Margery, downright homely, so - hearing his proposal - she was shocked to say the least, And not about to lose the chance to marry Tapioca - by 3 p.m. that afternoon she’d rounded up a priest! The honeymoon began at once and - lasting near a week - sometime, in those first few days, according to the doc - Because she’d never “done the deed” and…couldn’t get enough…and every single day from 8 a.m. to 6 o’clock All they’d done was - you-know-what…Margery’d gotten pregnant. And, “None too soon”, Tom told the doc….“that crazy broad went wild! Both of us were focused on her windin’ up a “mom”…but I came awful close to dyin’ tryin’ to make a child!” Now, bein’ as - in Scotland - all the wealth of landed gentry can only be, by laws as old as dirt, passed down to boys - He and she were workin’ hard to fabricate an “access” to somewhere close to seven billion dollars worth o’ “toys”, And knowin’, of course, he’d never find a way to change the law - which he and Margery still believe is blatantly unfair - And knowin’ that Margery’s cousin, in line by blood...was well aware things stood…he would be the heir, They made a pact as man and wife to never curb their plan until the day arrived on which she’d fin’ly born a son! And, thirteen daughters later they are not the least deterred, and pleased to keep on tryin’ ‘til their “inheritance war” is won. See...Lord McDonald owns about a million tillable acres, along with ninety manor homes ‘tween Edinburgh and Perth, So countless lads were willin’ to close their eyes and marry Margie…then sire, with her, a son to gain control of all he’s worth? ‘Course, Tommy still insists that it was love and not the money that made him ask to take her for his wife ten years ago, And…even after having thirteen girls…when Margie asks - despite the fact she never wants to stop - he won’t say “no”! Well, looks like Liam’s out o’ luck, ‘cause…‘cordin’ to my buddy…and I ain’t got no cause at all to figure he was lyin’… Tom and Margie had a kid a week ago last Wednesday, and this one...if the story’s true...they gave the name o’…Bryan!

Copyright © | Year Posted 2022

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