16 Candles Part 2
Friendship is a game, how can I escape a toxic friend?
I’m being used, but somehow shes manages to make amends.
First an innocent gesture, followed by a rude remark.
Bashing my weaknesses and embarrassing my test mark.
Walking down the school hallway is a fashion show display of my insecurities.
Suddenly I feel everyone staring at my face, my body, my hijab, I freeze.
My differences are like the scent of crushed cumins, they can’t leave me.
Don’t draw attention to myself, fit in! I must become the bully!
Throw on the same clothes they are wearing!
The same shoes they own, and start swearing!
For I can’t be seen as an original,
Only a clone, not an individual.
Throw it away, your originality,
Your colours, and become the normality.
Learn to conform to society’s way of living,
Unless you want to be nothing but brightly hidden.
How is she so pretty, so effortlessly perfect?
Why don’t I look like her? She receives so much respect!
Why cant I be perfect? Why can’t I be enough?
But I’m only human, and so is she, I’m only strong because I have to be.
I’m dreaming about my 10th grade crush while I’m on the school bus,
Fantasizing things that will never happen, I wish I had the guts!
I feel foolishly youthful and bare,
A life behind me, and so much to spare.
I stay awake counting seconds till it’s 3 am,
Laying in my bed amongst emotional mayhem.
My empty mind rekindles my regrets whilst burning.
I wonder if it’s worth waking up in the morning.
My parents can’t seem to understand my emotions,
It’s the same with my brother, I’m completely broken.
How can I spill these difficult feelings,
If no one here believes they have meaning?
No one is willing to listen to my story,
Too afraid to step inside my territory.
I’m a lonely wanderer in this galaxy,
My head hung low, no real friends or family.
Being 16 isn’t about the unrealistic paradise of adolescence,
It’s not about eternal happiness, a cute boyfriend, and a gazillion friendships,
It’s about all the nights you’d cry yourself to sleep amongst an internal tsunami,
And learning to accept the original masterpiece and not the printed copy.
16 years of life,
And 16 years of the bittersweet.
Decades left to discover,
And 16 years to cherish.
16 candles and counting.
Copyright © Farzeen Rashid | Year Posted 2020
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