Thanks go to all those who participated in the Vacation Humor contest. There were some excellent entries. Although I gave leeway for poems that were a bit longer than 15 lines, I couldn’t place those that were very long even though some were quite funny.
Those who ranked highest stayed true to their chosen form (syllable counts and rhyme) and gave me some great laughs. There are two first-place winners. Please join me in congratulating C.L. Thornton and Roy Jerden, two poets whose humorous poems are a delight to read.
Flackmoth's Modest Solution by C.L. Thornton
Flackmoth’s just come up with a solution
he's sure will spawn a revolution
in both the airline and travel industry
and boost air travel exponentially
while at the same time eliminate
those tedious check-in lines we all hate,
and thereby reduce passenger stress,
impatience, and bladder build-up distress.
Flackmoth’s solution is so simple at its core,
he wonders that no one thought of it before.
And if adopted, he predicts with certainty,
travelers will breeze by long lines of security.
His solution, then? Nude flights, and baggage
checked elsewhere as a first advantage.
Ah, but Flackmoth’s solution has a flaw:
Some politician is sure to propose a law –
ostensibly to ensure in-flight security –
likely, a pre-boarding colonoscopy.
Blood on the Saddle by Roy Jerden
We are taking a long horseback ride
On the great continental divide
They are singing "Mule Train"
Just like old Frankie Laine
While my poor butt is wailing "Rawhide"
The guide's muscles are trapezoidal
With ripples and bulges steroidal
All the bulges I find
Are inside my behind
And for sure are all hemorrhoidal
I guess I'm a poor city slicker
Of riding I couldn't be sicker
I would rather be home
Where no buffalo roam
With sitz bath and plenty of liquor
A bad vacation it was, and my bad luck,
Consoled myself, thinking he must be gay !
C.L. and Roy, send me your addresses so I can mail your prizes.
Thanks again to all the participants.