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Catullus Updated

(A translation of Catullus #84)
.
Armando has a speech impediment –
to friends and family an embarassment.
When he means to say opportunity
he pronounces it as hopportunity;
and action, naturally, becomes haction
which he thinks correct; others a distraction.
And to make the emphasis more apparent
he forces out the “h” as a hard aspirant!
(It’s a vocal defect running in the family
passed on by his mother genetically.)
When he went abroad to serve for a few years,
it brought much relief to nerves and ears,
thinking now they wouldn’t have to tolerate
his horrid ‘h’s’ for some time, at any rate.
Then one day the dreaded news: he was back
from his stint in Iraq now, of course, Hiraq!