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Read Poems by JSLambert Mister ROBOTO

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I Just Got Out Of The COUNTY JAIL

After a wonderful late afternoon walk in the park, 
my wife and I moseyed over to the Japanese Hibachi Grille for some dinner. 
What we got into was some good old fashioned drama down at BeniHana...

You see, I got me a fetish for shiny cookware, 
so as the patrons' eyes honed in on the iron chef 
dicing up onions, shrimp, and chicken...
mine were busy fantasizing about concealing Ginsu knives
clankin' in the kitchen. 
"Brew Silly began his routine with the hot fire volcano bit
atop the flat grille.
In the distraction, my sticky fingers began reactin',
 slippin' utensils inside my zipper, for a thrill. 
Things started heatin' up as folks were eating up;
Spatulas started flyin'! 
Mushrooms were a fryin', 
My conscience stopped trying... 
tired of getting beaten up!

Now, if I told you I was lookin' at what was cookin'...
I'd be a lyin'. 
I mean, I was really tryin',
but the devil had me by the klepto-hands...guiding me.
Riling me up.
He said, "Go for one of them Wok's! Do it now Big Dog! 
Get yir rocks off! Knock yir socks off! 
Quick man...sly like a fox, Hoss!"

My heart said, "No", but my head said, "OH HELL YES!"
Sadly, I was in cahoots with the devil, 
bass mixed with treble, 
trouble poundin' in my chest! 
So guess what came next?-

I grabbed one of them big brass bitches, 
signaled Jessie's ass with a quickness, 
and started gunnin for the door!
Of course, my good hearted wife started whinin', 
"Honey, I wasn't done, now what are we leavin' for?"

"Listen baby, I'll explain later.
Right now it's time to go!"

As we passed the pretty little hostess,
she banged the gong and said real fast, 

"AHH, Tank-You Berry Much F'wor Cummean Fwolks!"

We jetted towards the park, but it was getting dark.
My legs began to fail. The cops were on our tail.
We tried to walk and play it off, but it was no use.
We should have stayed and ate our food, 
and drank our brews with "BREWS!"

The pigs threw me to the ground, 
then began to squeal and bark.
They tossed us in the County Jail, 
twenty thousand bail...
 ____________FOR TAKIN' A WOK TO THE PARK!!!

~"True story ={WinK+Wink}


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  1. Date: 8/27/2014 7:05:00 PM

    LOL, I'm gonna have to call you a convict. Mr Roboto, ain't nothing more loving than commissary money. I'm here to let you know, this is the first poem, I've commented in months. It makes you special. It has nothing to do, with the last comment you left me. Or does it! I bet you'd be a ball to dine with. ha-ha-ha. ~SKAT~
  1. Date: 8/27/2014 11:32:00 AM

    I seen da title and start looking for bail money, son. I thought you got caught with Strawberry Cough, without yo license. You better slow down, the munchies are getting you in trouble Fam Bam!
  1. Date: 8/27/2014 5:40:00 AM

    excellent story really very enjoyable read totally relate
  1. Date: 8/26/2014 8:05:00 PM

    What, I'm gonna pretend I did not read this poem. LOL.. What! What! Once again, I've been there, done that!!! I guess, we all have a little devil in all of us.. Or is it just you and me.. LOL... Maybe you should have stayed to eat your food.. wink! wink...Linda..
  1. Date: 8/26/2014 12:15:00 PM

    soup mail
  1. Date: 8/26/2014 11:52:00 AM

    You kill me Joey, just kill me, Mr. Sticky Bandit I got to hand it To you When you want it baby You ain't too shabby I don't know what you're snortin dude these days, but I want some of dem hot funnies, I'll stick em in my lace Italian Bra, right between my lovely hills, "The Hills Are Alive With Music" I'm no Julie Andrews babe, just a Bandit's Rose!"
  1. Date: 8/26/2014 9:04:00 AM

    I can't stop laughing...I actually love that restaurant. You described the scenery right on point..especially with the
  1. Date: 8/25/2014 11:04:00 PM

    That was an adventure so don't take anymore woks in the park. Nice men like you don't belong in a place like Jail. Have a blessed day... Lucy
  1. Date: 8/25/2014 7:29:00 PM

    Quite the story my
  1. Date: 8/25/2014 5:35:00 PM

    hahaha. a wok to the park. That was a priceless closing line for this one. I LOVE this kind of writing. Too bad it was NOT true. You would have quite the story to tell the grandkids!!
  1. Date: 8/25/2014 1:27:00 PM

    Haha..I' m taking no wok of mine to the park..I might risk taking a pan though : ).Funny story,but guess its not so funny to get bailed and have to pay : )..Excellent post..Made me chuckle : )
  1. Date: 8/25/2014 9:27:00 AM

    Sounds like your dinner date was no wok in the park. You're crazy.. You do know that right??
  1. Date: 8/25/2014 8:32:00 AM

    You Rocked the Wok, this was so much fun! The last line killed me.
  1. Date: 8/25/2014 3:23:00 AM

    I laughed out loud especially at the final line - hilarious! Great write Mr Roboto:-) hugs Jan xxx