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IT'S A TRAP!!!!! - Just That Archaic Poet's Blog

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IT'S A TRAP!!!!!

Blog Posted:11/20/2013 6:21:00 AM

I feel trapped; hopelessly, despondently, irrationally trapped. Trapped inside my aching Mind that is so mired in illness and constant confusion; vexing vacillation and paradoxical dichotomies; confounded by capriciousness and damaged by depression. Yes, I feel trapped inside an unfit Mind.

I feel ensnared in my own body, which feels like an antique that belies my age of 34. Tangled, I am, in my own physical pain, which never ceases, for which I must take so much medication to even function. My feet are mangled that every step I take is like walking barefoot over sharp, jagged stones. Also, I am knotted by my own considerable weight, which has ballooned in the past 5 years since the accident, and due to my issues with mobility. Yes, I feel trapped and confined inside this ailing body.

I am captured in a dead-end partnership in which I feel stifled and frustrated. But being a co-dependent creature by nature, I cannot, or I should say, will not leave unless I absolutely must. I feel audaciously lulled into staying for the age-old marital reason of "the kids"; I stay because of the kids, which are my babies and could not bear the thought of abandoning. Yes, I count 2 dogs and 3 cats as children (scoff if you will). Yes, I am trapped in a bad marriage.

In this tiny, rural hamlet in the Appalachian Mountains, I feel netted, though not rooted; my "home" will always be where I grew up, further west in a more metropolitan area, where most of my friends and family live. Although "hillbillies" abound in all parts of Ky, they are especially degenerative in this arm pit of the state for some reason. They are back wood and especially repulsive and there are few signs of intelligent, seemingly sentient life to be found. Yes, I feel suffocated and trapped in this God-awful place.

My addictions also hold me hostage and torment and torture me relentlessly, and I am subsequently bound by "Stockholm Syndrome". I am plagued by my own vicious vices which tempt me perpetually, and to which I always inevitably acquiesce. I am lured by their Siren-like seduction, and I cannot resist when I hear their song. And my own body harasses me for the chemicals if I do not provide them. It turns against me and bedevils me until I have supplied "the fix". Yes, I feel powerless and trapped by these interminable afflictions, addictions and vices, with no hope of escape.

By the melancholy that resides in my Heart and Soul I am eternally hounded. This pervasive woe which so often renders me sick inside is sometimes too much to bear. I am to be saturated in sorrow for the rest of my days. In my youth was the only time I was truly happy, and now I am becoming enmeshed in age, resulting in my ever-growing misanthropy, cynicism and jaded character. Yes, I feel trapped by this unending sadness.

Time, by its very nature, is a slave-master, either providing too much or too little; there's rarely ever any in-between for me. It lashes and whips at my heels, ordering me to either hurry up or slow down. It is cruel and depriving, but also kind and giving, but in the end, Time is truly the fire in which we all burn. Yes, I feel trapped in tumultuous Time.

End of Pity-Party.

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Charmaine
Chircop

Date: 11/21/2013 4:02:00 PM

Hi Chan...Profound thoughts expressed.Being trapped is a hard situation. Yet in life its never too late to open the cage and fly..You still got a life ahead of you..and life is a battle worth fighting for..You can do it Chan..Maybe with others help...cause each one of us is in need of another.You can open your wings and fly..If you re not there yet..For nw search freedom.through things you love doing.Just believe you can still find happiness in daily smple momentsand you would:)

Just That Archaic Poet
Date: 11/25/2013 8:00:00 AM

I appreciate the encouragement, Charm <3

Deb
Wilson

Date: 11/20/2013 10:30:00 PM

I understand that trapped feeling...I have been there many times...so sorry you are so desolate now but hang onto a little thing called HOPE and perhaps that will see you through your desperation and melancholy...love, Deb

Just That Archaic Poet
Date: 11/21/2013 7:58:00 AM

Very kind of you to say, Deb. I was hoping others would understand this feeling as well. I appreciate you reading and taking time to reply; thank you :)

Karen
Anglesey

Date: 11/20/2013 11:13:00 AM

In spite of it all, you are a very intelligent and gifted individual. A very moving, soul-baring write my friend. Hugs ~K

Just That Archaic Poet
Date: 11/20/2013 12:28:00 PM

Thanks, K. This was just a flood of emotions that I needed to vent. I'm not afraid to show my vulnerability and weaknesses, and cannot help but be candid. Thank you for reading and responding, dear friend <3

My Past Blog Posts


What's So Phunny? Date Posted: 8/20/2014 12:32:00 PM
In Out Up Down Date Posted: 8/20/2014 1:11:00 AM
Salutations, my dear friends! Date Posted: 8/9/2014 12:51:00 PM
Trouble-Makers! Date Posted: 3/26/2014 11:19:00 AM
Through the Looking Glass Date Posted: 3/21/2014 2:00:00 PM
I'm Ready for My Close Up, Mr. DeMille!!!!! Date Posted: 3/18/2014 5:22:00 PM
Artpocalypse PentaStar Date Posted: 3/3/2014 1:28:00 PM
So Mad I Can't See Straight!!!!! : Seeing Stars Date Posted: 2/20/2014 11:35:00 AM
Inappropriate Laughter: A Series of Short but Embarrassing Memoirs Date Posted: 2/17/2014 4:22:00 PM
New/Old Collage Art Piece :) Date Posted: 2/12/2014 12:39:00 AM
More Pentagram/Optical Art Date Posted: 2/8/2014 4:20:00 AM
You Wanna Know Something that Gets on My Nerves? Date Posted: 2/3/2014 12:30:00 PM
Bionic Betty: Another True Tale from the Mental Ward! Date Posted: 1/28/2014 10:13:00 PM
Memoir: Crashing "Women's Studies"; Feminists, BEWARE! lol Date Posted: 1/25/2014 1:42:00 PM
My Pentagram Art; let me know what you think! :) ~Chan Date Posted: 1/16/2014 6:08:00 AM
THE KING AND MASTER OF POETRY!!!!! KNEEL! Date Posted: 1/7/2014 12:20:00 PM
Click for a Surprise...!? Date Posted: 12/31/2013 10:32:00 PM
Do We, As Artists, Have The Right to Change Our Work? Date Posted: 12/23/2013 11:12:00 AM
Coming Clean Date Posted: 12/17/2013 5:01:00 PM
Paper-Cup Porsche: Memoir from the Mental Ward Date Posted: 12/3/2013 8:38:00 AM
Collage Art: Warning, May Be Offensive! Date Posted: 12/1/2013 5:13:00 AM
More Visual Poetry: Collage Art Date Posted: 11/25/2013 7:48:00 AM
IT'S A TRAP!!!!! Date Posted: 11/20/2013 6:21:00 AM
UP IN SMOKE! VISUAL POETRY! IN YOUR FACE, BISHES! Date Posted: 11/12/2013 5:14:00 AM
From Great Pain Comes Great Inspiration? Date Posted: 11/5/2013 4:54:00 PM

My Recent Poems

Date Posted	PoemTitle	Form	Categories
8/9/2014	Grey Area	Rhyme	dark,truth,world,
8/9/2014	The Plot Thickens	Rhyme	god,judgement,life,truth,
8/9/2014	Glossophobic	Light Verse	fear,world,
8/9/2014	Only God Knows and Time Will Tell	Rhyme	change,god,time,
4/3/2014	Anti-Psychotic	Rhyme	pain,
3/22/2014	Science Friction	Rhyme	space,stars,
3/21/2014	An Exercise In Versatility	Verse	poetry,self,
3/19/2014	Pas De Deux	Rhyme	love,
3/18/2014	Do Not Read and Operate Heavy Machinery Or Equipment	Rhyme	dream,heart,poems,
3/6/2014	Inder the Unfluence	Couplet	drink,humor,wine,
2/20/2014	Psychomanteum	Rhyme	heart,spiritual,
2/19/2014	Rosetta	I do not know?	confusion,nonsense,
2/19/2014	What's Weighing Heavy On My Heart	Rhyme	lost love,
2/17/2014	She Sold Her Soul In a Bathroom Mirror	Rhyme	evil,satire,woman,
2/12/2014	The Last Son	Rhyme	art,truth,winter,
2/11/2014	What Gets On My Nerves	Narrative	anger,angst,how i feel,,l
2/10/2014	Surgical Blue	Free verse	health,me,satire,
2/8/2014	Restless Natives	Sonnet	boat,journey,ocean,
2/7/2014	Casting Couch	Sonnet	art,god,life,
2/5/2014	Hemlock Valentine	Rhyme	death,fire,grave,heart,lo
2/4/2014	Veracious Vainglorious Vivacious Vixen: Very Virtuous, Very Vicious	Rhyme	beauty,woman,
2/1/2014	I'M Gonna Need a Transplant	Rhyme	abuse,addiction,drink,
1/31/2014	Assault and Pepper	Rhyme	how i feel,
1/28/2014	Bionic Betty: Another True Tale From the Mental Ward	Narrative	crazy,woman,
1/26/2014	Nothing's New	Rhyme	fun,morning,poems,sun,wom
1/25/2014	Memoir: Crashing Women's Studies- Feminists, Beware Lol	Narrative	art,funny,poetry,social,w
1/25/2014	Social Climber	Rhyme	death,father,heaven,money
1/24/2014	Rubicons and Oubliettes	Rhyme	emotions,feelings,
1/23/2014	Water Brothers	Rhyme	beauty,brother,death,wate
1/7/2014	Poking the Beast	Rhyme	anger,fire,violence,
1/6/2014	Humble Pie, Anyone	Prose	how i feel,introspection,
1/1/2014	Room Service	Lyric	lust,romance,sexy,
12/31/2013	One-Trick-Pony	Rhyme
12/18/2013	The Fool	Rhyme	baby,fun,horse,humorous,m
12/18/2013	Coming Clean	Narrative	anger,conflict,introspect
12/17/2013	Perfectly Terrible	Rhyme	anger,beautiful,conflict,
12/3/2013	Paper-Cup Porsche: True Tale From the Mental Ward	Narrative	black african american,cr
12/3/2013	Gardens Grey	Rhyme	beauty,celebrity,characte
12/2/2013	Darth Exactitude	Rhyme	character,fantasy,star,wa
12/1/2013	All We Have Is Hope	Free verse	cancer,conflict,hope,how
11/28/2013	Absinthe Makes the Heart Grow Fonder	Light Verse	heart,how i feel,lonely,l
11/28/2013	Twice the Christ	Rhyme	christian,death,god,humor
11/21/2013	I Think of You More Than You Think I Do	Light Verse	heart,husband,i love you,
11/20/2013	Love Is a Lie	Rhyme	god,heart,love,love hurts
11/11/2013	Have My Cake and Eat It, Too	Rhyme	crazy,future,self,vanity,
11/6/2013	Damage Control: An Apology Poem	Rhyme	heart,poets,sorry,
11/5/2013	From Great Pain Comes Great Inspiration	Narrative	anger,bereavement,best fr
11/5/2013	Tug of War	Rhyme	crazy,pain,sorrow,war,
11/5/2013	Believe It Or Not	Rhyme	anger,angst,god,lonely,lo
11/5/2013	As God As My Witness	Rhyme	confusion,dream,joy,life,
11/4/2013	The Throne of Bone and Stone	Rhyme	dream,sad,sin,sleep,world
11/3/2013	A Rational Explanation	Rhyme	death,feelings,life,war,w
11/1/2013	Horrorscope	Rhyme	change,self,space,stars,
10/30/2013	Call Me Monday When I'Ve Made My Millions	Rhyme	death,heart,kiss,lost lov
10/29/2013	An Ounce of Pretention	Rhyme	future,heart,
10/29/2013	Burning Man	Rhyme	fire,grief,journey,sad,tr
10/28/2013	I'Ll Have Another, and Keep'Em Comin'	Rhyme	angst,drink,heart,poets,s
10/28/2013	Glad-He-Ate-Her	Rhyme	anger,violence,war,
10/27/2013	Lazy Man	Rhyme	love,self,
10/27/2013	Escape Artist	Rhyme	heart,hope,lost love,poet
10/27/2013	Blackout	Rhyme	death,faith,life,sorrow,w
10/26/2013	Around In Circles	Rhyme	sleep,truth,
10/26/2013	A Journey Through Eternity	Rhyme	anger,future,happiness,ho
10/23/2013	Exercising My Demons	Rhyme	evil,heaven,religion,
10/23/2013	Knock, Knock	Rhyme	crazy,heart,self,song,sor
10/17/2013	Damn You, Eve	Rhyme	dance,heaven,innocence,lo
10/17/2013	Romance the Chance	Rhyme	beauty,dance,hate,journey
10/17/2013	The One Least Likely	Rhyme	emotions,sorrow,
10/17/2013	Try As They Might	Rhyme	art,people,poems,poetry,p
10/15/2013	In the Meantime	Rhyme	pain,
10/14/2013	It's Hard To Be a Rhymer In a Free-Verse World	Rhyme	art,poetry,
10/14/2013	A God Among Men	Rhyme	body,heart,men,sky,
10/12/2013	You Love Me More Than You Love Yourself	Light Verse	children,grave,love,my ch
10/12/2013	Spreading the Seed	Rhyme	desire,fun,lust,sexy,
10/12/2013	Burying the Hatchet	Rhyme	grief,pain,time,today,
10/11/2013	What Would You Take Contest Entry	Narrative	friend,husband,lost,music
10/11/2013	Run For Your Lives--Them's Fightin' Words	Rhyme	conflict,fear,friend,pain
10/11/2013	I'Ll Drink To That	Rhyme	addiction,drink,marriage,
10/10/2013	Angel In Your Eyes Contest Entry	Rhyme	angel,
10/10/2013	Why Can'T I Be Young, Rich and Thin	Narrative	art,beauty,desire,imagina
10/8/2013	Take Two and Call Me In the Morning	Rhyme	angst,sick,
10/7/2013	Twenty-Below Zero	Rhyme	time,trust,
10/5/2013	You and I and I and You	Free verse	anger,beautiful,corruptio
10/4/2013	Leave a Message After the Beep	Free verse	absence,dark,death,drink,
10/3/2013	Delusions of Grandeur- Bon Voyage	Rhyme	journey,stars,time,world,
10/3/2013	The Verdict Is In	Rhyme	evil,time,violence,
10/3/2013	Alone With My Thoughts	Rhyme	color,death,pain,truth,
10/2/2013	Pharm Fresh	Rhyme	addiction,love,
9/29/2013	A Happy Ending	Rhyme	happiness,life,love,pain,
9/29/2013	No Assembly Required	Light Verse	death,flying,travel,
9/29/2013	Come Out, Come Out- Wherever You Are	Rhyme	lost,pain,peace,sleep,
9/26/2013	Playing With Fire	Rhyme	anger,fire,heart,violence
9/26/2013	Strange Bathfellows	Rhyme	books,humorous,insect,
9/25/2013	I'Ll Gladly Pay You Tuesday	Light Verse	food,money,
9/25/2013	Meet Me Halfway	Rhyme	lost love,violence,
9/25/2013	Thank You Lord, Amen	Rhyme	evil,god,sick,sorrow,time
9/25/2013	To Make Matters Worse	Rhyme	death,dream,friend,love,s
9/24/2013	The Truth Isn'T Always Kind	Rhyme	life,truth,
9/24/2013	Hammer To a Concrete Heart	Rhyme	fear,heart,writing,
9/23/2013	Life Is Sweet In Honey-Hives	Rhyme	flower,life,sweet,

My Photos

Fav Poems

PoemTitle	Form	Categories
Chaff Vs Wheat	Rhyme	11th grade,angst,goodbye,
The Horde's Prayer	Verse	angel,
The King of Sanctimonious	Rhyme	humorous,metaphor,
Fate's Occasion	Iambic Pentameter	beautiful,beauty,emotions
The Other Side	Rhyme	absence,allegory,analogy,
Heaven For a Poet	Rhyme	dream,fantasy,heaven,insp
A Beautiful Love	Free verse	love,relationship,
Come Sit By My Side	Tail-rhyme	for her,marriage,moving o
Nevermore	Rhyme	horror,poetry,tribute,wri
Death Will Not Come For Me	Rhyme	death,evil,life,magic,
Dreaming	Couplet	humor,humorous,poets,
The Dead of Winter	Quatrain	dark,death,lonely,winter,
Leonardo Dicaprio	Rhyme	celebrity,film,for him,ho
Oh Love, Fair Love	Rhyme	loss,lost love,lovelife,l
Alcohol	Free verse	addiction,
Duffy Dean	Rhyme	cat,
Pirates Cove	Rhyme	funny,humorous,poetry,sea
In Search	Free verse	beautiful,bible,god,
Shocks of Electrifying Emotion	Rhyme	love,romantic,,cute,
A Dedication To the Man	Rhyme	dedication,friendship,,cu
William Part 2	Ballade	black african american,gr
Bending Backward	Ballad
Popcorn Music	Rhyme
Rhyme Master	Couplet

Fav Poets

Poet	Country
Karen Anglesey	United States	Read
Allan Koven	United States	Read
Richard Lamoureux	Canada	Read
Danesh Morgan	Singapore	Read
Kelly Deschler	United States	Read
Mustapha Mohammed	Trinidad and Tobago	Read
Joseph Matose	Zimbabwe	Read
James Marshall Goff	United States	Read
Mark Peterson	United States	Read
Robin Davis	United States	Read
Laura Breidenthal	United States	Read
Sophia Valentina	United States	Read
Painted Hunter	United States	Read
Rick Richardson	United States	Read