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Sad Suicide Poems | Sad Poems About Suicide

These Sad Suicide poems are examples of Sad poems about Suicide. These are the best examples of Sad Suicide poems written by international PoetrySoup poets

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Details | I do not know? | |

bloody wrists

I'm sitting on the floor
I'm crying so much more
trying to erase this pain
trying to forget your face
sitting here with the blade in my hand
running so slow blood dripping down
in a deep red color
flowing freely the way i want to feel

I'm sitting on the floor 
holding my hand out
I'm holding a bottle
a bottle filled with pills
I'm crying so hard
the pain is unbearable
I'm feeling so weak 

I'm sitting here on this floor 
holding a blade
crying like crazy
trying to take this pain away
I'm trying my best trying to fight
my eyelids feel heavy
my door is so far
the whispered yells to far
falling deep in to sleep

deep..deep..deep..deep
I'm laying on a bed
I'm so confused 
where am i?
my throat feels sore
my body screams in pain
I'm looking around
I'm in a small white room

i try to move,
my hands are stuck
i try to get up
i feel restraints 
what happened to me?

I'm laying on a bed
trying to get up
my head hurts
a nurse is here
a shot is administered 
i drift to sleep
I'm in the psych ward
why am i here?

I'm lying on a bed
laying so still 
my wrists hurts to no end
I'm crying out loud
screaming and cussing
my body hurts
i can't remember

all i remember are my bloody wrists
and a bottle of pills
all i remember is the pain i was in.....





Details | Rhyme | |

Her Masterpiece Is Her Story

Her paintbrush is a razor,
Her canvas, her wrists,
"I deserve the pain."
She shrugs and insists.

One day the brush will push down,
And it will cut so deep,
That this girl will fall
into an eternal sleep.

She doesn't remember how she started
What brought her interest to this,
How do you discover,
that cutting is your form of bliss?

No one would have guessed that she does it.
No one would have considered this one.
This girl is forever fighting a battle,
that she thinks the demons have won.

Her artwork is all over her,
Her beauty is on her thighs,
and if you look in her old trash,
you'll find her letters of goodbye.

Her masterpiece is quite disturbing,
Her masterpiece is a little gory,
Her artwork is her escape.
Let me tell you her story.

She compares herself to every person,
She is compared to each girl.
She thinks she's hideous,
And there's this boy that is her world.

She was bullied and picked on,
She was teased from head to toe,
Hard to believe that her best friend,
was her one and only foe.

Then later she disliked every little thing,
Her body, face and even her mind,
Soon she saw she was a failure,
and it was just in due time...

That this girl couldn't take it anymore
She'd decided she was done living this,
So one day she went home
and decided to end it.

Everyday for multiple days,
This girl would try to drown,
Hard to believe this girl at school,
never ever wore a frown.

Sometimes she'd just fall asleep crying,
Praying that she'd be enough,
Because she didn't want to leave her family.
She knew about their sweet love.

This girl found hope in small things eventually,
She soon would see this beautiful light,
and find a REAL best friend,
that helped her put up a fight.

Her masterpiece soon was leaving,
Her artwork was almost faded,
and it gave her a sick feeling,
the feeling of being jaded.

She found a boy that actually loved her,
And showed her love exists,
And this boy too had a masterpiece,
placed close to his wrists.

He related to her and she related to him.
She kissed his artwork and said he's not alone,
When she cut herself it hurt him,
Her masterpiece now wasn't just her own.

Her masterpiece effected others,
Her artwork wasn't just for herself,
She now had people, 
who saw her cries for help.

And then her family found out,
So then they saw the art too,
to them they were just scars,
To her they were the truth.

She's trying to be okay now,
She thinks she might survive,
Even though they didn't think
to take away the knives.


Details | Free verse | |

Forgotten By Tomorrow

She stands at the edge of the precipice,
looking down towards her future.
The last tears that she will ever cry,
falling from her eyes, 
then falling into oblivion.
She watches them drop 
as they disappear forever.
Yet, she laughs in the face of death.
Would it really matter if she took the leap?
She has been forgotten by tomorrow.

The wind blowing at her back,
pushes her to the edge.
Almost agreeing with her final decision,
and encouraging her to jump.

A thousand thoughts and memories
racing through her mind.

Her first day of school.
Her tenth birthday party.
The lonely, awkward days of her teenage years.
The day she discovered poetry.
The moment she first saw him.
The day she thought that she was worth something.
The day when all of that became a lie.

Every memory 
that never made the pages of a history book.
She has been forgotten by tomorrow.

She exists to no one but herself.
In the blink of an eye, she decides her fate.
Her feet leave the ground,
and yet, she did not fall.
Out of nowhere he appeared,
and carefully grabbed her hand.
Pulling her back to reality,
saving her from the brink of disaster.
He held her, as her tears stained his jacket.
Old tears of sadness,
mixed with new tears of happiness.

She was remembered by yesterday.
Before she was forgotten by tomorrow.


Details | Rhyme | |

Don't ask me to apologize

Don't ask me to apologize for being the monster inside
I refuse to set any agony i have aside
Don't ask me to torch out the fuse i have growing
There is so much torment behind this face without anyone knowing
Don't ask me to unmask this demon i enshrine deep in the dark
It fuels my spirit, whats left of me creating a tiny spark
Don't ask me to let go of the past
All the exploitation has been passed
Don't ask me to neglect the flashbacks you put into my head
So many wounds on my arms from the times you made me bled
Don't ask me to excuse all the sin you created
Cause my heart is buried distant enough it has to be gated
Don't ask me to uncoil and live a little
For how many times you beat me till my bones became brittle
Don't ask me to not dread all of this
I'd have to count the times of deaths i'd nearly miss
You've made me the monster
now don't ask me to apologize


Details | Rhyme | |

On My Own Terms

Mama became sick when I was in sixth grade,
It was really hard to cope with sacrifices we made.
Kids were cruel and did not understand the reality,
Of a trying pathway now set out before Daddy and me.
I was picked on and laughed at, hair pulled, I was teased.
I let them laugh to my face, shoved down on broken knees.
Until the day I rose to fight, facing my bullies I fought tough.
I would never give in to bullies again, I became jagged and rough.

My spirit fought hard. Tears, love, experience, learns and yearns,
I'm living my life on my own terms!

Boys tried to take me on, take me out, and have me surrender.
I never let one kiss and tell, My purity would never dive under.
I met my prince charming for whom I had waited for a ring.
Years and years of waiting peacefully for love, joy it did bring.
While all my girlfriends partied hard, their lives fell off the spotlight.
I sat in the shadows quietly waiting, I shined when the time was right.
The first kiss was heaven, and every taste was even sweeter than before.
Two rings, three kids, a family, how could I have asked for more.

My spirit fought hard. Tears, love, experience, learns and yearns,
I'm loving my life on my own terms.

I started feeling something, deep inside my body, it grew,
I went to the doctors to confirm what I already knew.
Mama suffered so many years, I was too young but it came.
When I got the news of my sickness, nothing would be the same.
Children grown and married, husbands fingers worn to the bone.
No one should see me suffer, I put a payment on the headstone.
Softly I said my goodbyes, no one could stop me from my choice.
I wanted to say I love you, while I still had a strong, firm voice.

My spirit fought hard. Tears, love, experience, learns and yearns.
I'm leaving my life on my own terms.



08-17-2014
*fictional story, I have no feelings on the if suicide is okay speech, this story is just a character, it is what is it is.


Details | Narrative | |

Where Were You

He looked at me with
begging eyes,

Hiding in his own world.

All knew his looks,
But none knew him.

No one realized
who he was.

Alone, desperate.

Then one day,
Everyone closed in on him

Their daggers pointing
At the only feeling he had:

Sorrow.

He let out a sob
One small sob that told them everything

They walked away.
But they never ceased to push and shove him

Dislocating his heart and putting sorrow to his words.

They never realized
What they were doing

Until it was too late.

He put a sword to his heart and said,
"I love you, mom and dad, but now it's time for me to go."

Stabbing his heart,
He cried.

He lay there, his cold and still body radiating sorrow

The others never glanced,
But I looked at him.

I carried him out,
Not understanding why others would do this.

When we held a funeral,
Some said he was kind and so I asked,

"Where were you when he needed you?"


Details | Quatrain | |

Forever Blue

I am forever blue,
Just like the sky,
All the rain that falls on you,
Is how I feel when I cry.

I am deep blue like the sea,
Barely breathing beneath the waves,
How lonely can one be?,
There's nothing left here to save.

This feeling is not once in a blue moon,
It lasts all day and night,
It's as deep as a blue lagoon,
With no end in sight.

The frosty air is so cold,
On this blue December night,
Here is what my future holds,
And I know it isn't right.

My whole life has been so blue,
With so many turns like a river,
The water is so cold now, too,
It makes me really shiver.

My future is so blue,
And this is my only end,
I want to tell you, I love you,
Because you're my only friend.


Details | Rhyme | |

Her Masterpiece Is Her Story-part two

(please read "Her Masterpiece Is Her Story" before reading the second part. It'll make more sense and probably be more enjoyable!)

The girl who has beautiful scars,
And the boy with marks of strength,
Are now separated by distance,
And that is causing some teenage angst.

The girl wonders how the boy is doing.
Her paintbrush calls her name.
The two can't talk right now,
And she feels she's to blame.

The girl's best friend is lonely,
And she isn't much better.
The only way honesty is revealed,
is through a heart felt letter.

Her scars are fading away,
Everyone knows her secret, so she can't add to the art.
She's wishing she could draw more cuts,
At night the voices in her mind take over her heart.

Her masterpiece is disappearing,
Her artwork is going away.
"What caused you to do this!??!" her family asks.
"I...I hate myself." is all she can say.

She's trying to be okay,
If not for herself then for her friends,
If there's one thing she can't take,
It's their fatal ends.

But she doesn't know how the boy is,
She doesn't know his feeling,
Her mind is going crazy, 
Her sanity is reeling.

Since she doesn't know how the boy is doing,
Her anxious mind is filled with worry,
Her demons have told her something.
They're telling her the worst horror story.

Her masterpiece is fading, 
I've told you this before.
Her scars are going away,
She wants to make more.

But she doesn't make any.
For the sake of those she loves.
She restrains from her paintbrush.
Even though it fits like a glove.

Her story is continuing, 
Her painting isn't dry.
But her canvas is even more,
down upon her thigh.

Maybe she'll erase some drawings.
She's trying to be okay. 
She actually doesn't want to get better.
But what am I supposed to say?

Be honest and say she doesn't want that?
Be truthful and say she doesn't care?
Because in her life right now,
Having no motivation? She wouldn't dare!

She misses the life she had before.
She didn't mind hiding her own part of her life.
She would just cope her own way.
She'd cope by using a knife.

Maybe one day she'll draw on an actual paper,
Or paint with an actual paintbrush,
But right now with her anxiety,
She feels that there is no rush.

Don't worry about the girl.
She just cries every night.
But she has to keep going,
Her best friend is in near sight.

It'll be alright everyone,
I'll keep you up to date,
The girl's painting will continue.
If that's the artist's fate. 


Details | Rhyme | |

Suicide

I see the pain in your eyes
The fear in your voice
I know because I've been in your place
It's not your choice

I'm sorry
I would hate for anyone  to feel this way
Please don't leave this world
Just try and stay

This isn't the only way to go
At least don't leave without a fight
Just know
You were never alone

You had me right by your side
Even when you never wanted me around
I promise to you I never told a lie
I was always honest and true
Towards you

You don't have to end your life
I've tried to many times its not worth it
Please put down that knife
I mean it

Stay with me
Fight this battle with me by your side
You always had me don't you see
I was always nice to you

Even when you where terrible to me
I fought threw it and you can too
You're just a little seed
Waiting to grow into something beautiful


Details | Free verse | |

Felo-De-Se Dream

I just drank a fifth of vodka
A lot on my mind
I start crying
But not because I'm sad or scared
It just feels like I'm supposed to
Razor blade in my hand
Ready to cut my flesh
First I slit my neck
Then both wrists
See the blood drip
Feel it running down my skin
Hear it hit the floor
Smells great
One taste & reality hits
Blood is gone
No cuts
Or tears
A voice says,
"This is your future"
Then I wake up


Details | Salaam | |

Yeh khaalipan


Jab Meri Bechaini Mit Jayegi
Jab Mere Dilko Sukoon Mil Jayega
Yeh Khaalipan Mit Jayega

Do Pal Ki Chandni Ke Liye
Aj Bhi Zinda Hoon Main
Meri Khaamoshi Ke Ageh Aasmaan Bhi Khatam Ho Jayega

Kehne Ke Liye Toh Roz Marta Hoon Main
Thoda Aur Marne Ke Liye
Yeh Deewana Kal Phir Ayega


Details | Rhyme | |

Put a bullet in my brain

Put a bullet in my brain
as the rain sweeps her out of my arms
and places her into another's.
Put a bullet in my brain
for I don't want to see love slip away
please end my suffering,
for I don't want to dare see her in the arms of another man.

I fear the tear that slips away from my soul
and touches the ground with a splash
as she is washed away by the lashed memories of the rain,
please, someone put a bullet in my brain.

I can't bear to see her with another man
laying in his arms
as he charishes her beauty
just like I did to her.
As she smiles and laughs at his jokes
my heart would not bare the sorrow and pain
that would tare my heart apart into pieces of tainted love.
Please tell the rain to stop,
as the pain grows when rain comes down,
please someone end my suffering,
put a bullet in my brain
and stop the rain
that washes away every memory of her.

Stop saying you miss me
and just kiss me
for I can't take the pain
of the rain that takes you away.
Kiss me and stop saying you miss me
for those are useless words to me.
Love is where it's at, so show me.
Don't go with him, he'll treat you wrong.
Love and laugh with me till the break of dawn
as we yawn the long night away.

Kiss me and don't say you miss me.
For if you go away from me,
I couldn't bare to take a tear and waste it away.
Tears, sweet tears crying for you,
doesn't that mean anything to you?
I ask you, stop the rain,
stop the pain and put that bullet in my brain.

Let the red blood flow from my temples.
Let the plow dig my grave,
for I can't bare to see you with another
in his arms, him kissing you, where I kissed you.
I can't take it, I have to make it,
make that pain go away.
Prayer didn't help, God turned a blind eye
when I came up and said why!
Put that bullet in my dome
and when I lay in the coffin, looking at the roof of the church
you come and kiss me, and then you can really say
that you'll miss me.


Details | Elegy | |

The Lost Boy

There was a boy I used to know.
He never let his feelings show.
Turns out he wanted suicide.
When he died, I cried.
Why did he have to go?
Was that why he never let his feelings show?
He hung himself like a criminal.
That’s not what he was like at all.
He still had time to grow.
Maybe he should’ve let his feelings show.
There was a boy I used to know. 


Details | Free verse | |

Devil's Hidden Ranch

DEVIL'S HIDDEN RANCH

Coyote howl, dogs growl
Gunshots, dead cow
Red barn left unlock
Horse shoe upon death's door
Tequila in a cup
Salt of cocaine, shadows of insanity
Guitar string, sad song
Bandit near the door, wife on the floor
Hallucinating---Reality
Yelling out her name, he's gone insane
Loaded gun, life is done
Far and near ending his intoxicating fear
The road under the sun
A coward in his path
Responding to the Devil's wrath

In a Hidden Ranch in Mexico!!!!!!
       
:)   SKAT


Details | Ode | |

Love is a Sacrifice

You have my soul, but you have your fate Whatever your words, I’m willing to take You have my word; I’ll give you my breath It’s like a chain that would never be break You are my love with all my heart, I’ll fight for you with all my might. And in the way, you admire your goals, You hold my hands, but not so close. As you go to your chosen path, I’ll accept the fact that we will be apart. In the dark side, I leave behind Within my faith, that you’ll arise Please don’t look back, coz I’m fighting still I’m hurting so much! Don’t want to have you near I accept my fate for what it does, I’m bleeding so much, do you know for whom it was? You reach your goals, as you want to have, Would you remind the man that gave what he had? As you reach the stars, and be the one Be a sun that shines its own. After the rain, the rainbow comes, Like dark in the moon, when the light flash A glimpse from you at least a short For then I knew my pain is worth.


Details | Blank verse | |

No One Can Hear Me

I awake, not sure whether I am alive... or dead
I wait, for the smell of the hearth... and baking bread 
But, what greets me is the smell of the privy next to my bed
I am like a ghost.. no one remembers what my last words were
I listen for the clucking of hens
I listen for my goat in her pen
I listen for my little brother, my kin
I do not hear them
I yell, For my mother
For my father
For my sister
But no one can hear me,
Not even the gods


Details | Lyric | |

Solipsist

Let the Deicide commence.

You're a voyeur at best!
Your vampiric heart is beating out of your chest!
And you have slayed the ones whom would love you for anything less
Ready to consume the final fragments of innocence,
And for you there is no forgiveness,
On your knees pleading, screaming to a tyrant in the skies;
The father of lies.

I will never be enslaved in your superiority
The people agree: jaded of your false dichotomies.
Know: I will be whomever nature intends to be
Apollo and I will share our dreams,
and you will be forced to see
your failure!

I know who you are...
Readily the first to present your scars
Chained by some despot or mental czar
An emotional homunculus in your mind, behind bars
Reluctant to escape - even when proven fake
Your demented mind - depths no one will penetrate!
 
...And you see me suffering
Not caring of any casualties
Just as long you recieve your safeguard of sympathy
So very wary of the masses and their Anarchy; Liberious ways

Solipsist - Is there no one you can see?
Even if she was presented burning?
Solipsist - Is there no one you can believe?
Even if Sophia was screaming?
Solipsist - Know you have killed and abused me
Imprisoned in your own  personal reality 




Details | Elegy | |

Let Go

A long list of names with not a friend among them
Is it just of book of hidden faces
Forgotten faces?
Not a single word I've ever said was
written with truth
And here's the proof

When there's tears streaming down my face
Stuck in place
Is a smile that is a lie
When every time  I look around
I want to die

No friendly faces, in the brightest of places
And I can't make a sound
Is this life or is it just a dark hell
 How is one to live without living
Feeling lonely
Lost in a sea of sound

The darkness inside me
Is seeping through my heart
and making me lose my self control
Turn the shower up higher so they don't hear me cry
It's all I can do, just living a lie

The friends I thought I had
left when I was reaching my lowest
Now as I sink below the surface
The sun is the dimmest of lights

Scratching at my sides
Not ready to go back to the blade
So long gone, I've reached the breaking point 
but I'm afraid to let go


Details | Rhyme | |

The Doctor Is A Dead Man Walking

Bob had a special talent
That only worked in his men’s store.
He had ‘clothing ESP’.
He knew what his customers wanted…and more.

When customer would come into his store
Bob would invariably say, 
“Hello. I'm Bob. Don’t say a word.
I already know what you need today.”

And he was always right,
Never missed a color, fabric, style or size.
He even knew the necessary alterations.
Customers couldn’t believe their ears and eyes.

Meanwhile, in another part of town,
Joe had a pounding, relentless migraine
For every minute for more than five years,
It had driven him near insane.

He’d lost his job to the pain.
Then, he lost his wife.
He had lost a lot of weight and rarely slept.
Yes, his was a miserable life.

And, of course,  sex was out of the question…
Even a little self-abuse.
There was nothing left for Joe but pain.
He felt his life was of no use.

So, Joe went to his doctor.
“Doc, please help me end this pain.
Give me something to make me sleep
And never wake up again.”

“You know I can’t assist your suicide.”,
Then he looked sad, perhaps ashamed.
“I never dreamed it would last five years,
But I know how to end the pain.”

“You can make it go away?!
Tell me, Doc!  What’s the word?”
“I’ll have to remove your testicles.”
Was the last thing that Joe heard.

But…when he came to, it struck him.
Sex was out of the question anyway;
But he might enjoy his meals again,
And he could sleep for days.

“Please check me in, Doc.
This opportunity I cannot shirk.”
So, the doctor removed his testicles.
He did his very best work.

A few days later, Joe waddled along,
Headache free and feeling pretty nice;
But every attractive woman he saw 
Reminded him of his sacrifice.

He decided it was appropriate
To do something nice for himself for a change.
So, he went into a travel agency;
And a six month cruise he arranged.

As he left the travel agency,
He was excited, feeling ready to go;
But for such a glorious adventure,
He would need new clothes.

As he walked along, he saw Bob’s Men's Store.
He walked in, only to hear Bob say,
“Hello.  I’m Bob. Don’t say a word.
I already know what you need today.”

“How could you know?” asked Joe.
“It’s a gift.  I don’t know how, but I do.
You’ve suffered five years with an ailment,
Found relief, so now you’re taking a cruise.” 

Joe could not believe his ears.
How could this stranger possibly know?
"You're right! That's amazing!
And I'm going to need new clothes." 

Bob then laid out a fabulous wardrobe
All the right colors, fabrics, styles…and each size.
Joe was incredibly impressed.
He could hardly believe his ears and eyes.

“How do you like the wardrobe?”
“It’s wonderful!”  Bob could see that Joe was pleased.
“Now,” said Bob, “What about undergarments;
You know…shorts and tees?

Let’s see…medium crew neck tees, all cotton.
I believe that you prefer white….
And jockey shorts, all cotton…. 34s.
Yes, I'm sure that’s right.”

Joe beamed, “You’re an amazing talent
And I just this second realized,
You've laid out this entire wardrobe
And only missed one size.”

Bob, surprised by his mistake, asked, “Really?
What did I miss?  I did my best for you.”
“Well…you’re right.” said Joe, “I do wear Jockeys,
But…well…I wear 32s.

“Oh, no!” said Bob with an ugly grimace.
“That would be a serious mistake.
Thirty-twos would be too small, 
They would cramp your balls.
You’ll get migraine headaches.”


Details | Lyric | |

Lacerated Wings

They are bound to the Earth like trees
Suffocating under the weight of an icy grave 
Reaching to be free, but only their limbs are seen
Hoping that one day someone will see:
They can't escape with lacerated wings

The ocean surrounds me, covering everything
Nothing will be clearly seen; confusion overwhelming
No-one can save you, you're on your own, left to die
Manipulating every bleeding heart you can find
I can't escape with lacerated wings.

Swarms of nets, waves of screams 
Entangle: your captive illusions and dreams
The mask has be seared - The truth now they see
The Liar - Vampiric Fiend; lowly thief
And now they know you can't escape with Lacerated Wings

There's reasons for your rejections:
Your Heavy heart's transferred oppression
The scars are too deep to pass the trials
But you can find peace in your cage of empty spirals
You Cannot Escape With Lacerated Wings


Details | I do not know? | |

Well how do you feel

In high school everything changes
Teachers, friends, you, 
“That’s just life” they say,
And they never stop to ask
“Well, how do you feel?”

And your friends leave, and your grades decrease,
And your teachers begin to worry,
And they make you see a shrink,
But they never stop to ask,
“Well, how do you feel?”

The sky starts to crumble,
And the tears begin to fall,
And music and hoodies become your best friends,
And they never stop to ask,
“Well, how do you feel?”

And the tools come out.
And the objects fall apart,
And you reach for the closest one,
And the ask, finally,
“Well, how do you feel?”

But by now it’s too late.
Your time is up, your blood’s run out,
Your scars show for the world to see,
Cause they asked too late,
“Well, how do you feel?”

“She was so young” they all say,
But really you were old.
You’d seen so much and hurt so much,
It was time for you to go.

So you picked up the pills and washed them down
And grabbed the blades and cut
And when they finally noticed you weren’t around
It was too late you were gone.

They found your letter on the bed
And read it out at school
“You asked to late, but I don’t blame you.”
And your friends were moved to tears. 

In your tree house in the yard
They found you pale as snow
Your eyes closed, a smile on your face
And they realized you were gone.

They roll up your sleeves and roll up your pants
And scream at what they see
Lines, and lines, and lines of cuts
Some healed and some not.

And they realized they should have asked in the beginning
How you felt that is, cause, 
Honestly you didn’t, 
You didn’t feel anything at all. 


Details | Romanticism | |

Can you feel me

Feel me standing there
on the draw bridge
that stands stubburn and erect
over the rushing waters blown by the wind
back and forth.
I listened to the crows
posted on gargoils designed
of eightenth century Gothic architecture
singing their death songs,
when the sun is setting in the far.

The voices of women passing
startle me with a feeling of sorrow
I can't breathe, I am dying.
Feel me, can you feel me rot away?
Slowly but surely rot away
as time passes with ease,
and taxi cabs take smiling, intoxicated faces
to wayward cafes, oh how they screech to a halting stop
and wave to me to get in.

"No thank you, I'd rather walk." I say to the smiling faces
highly intoxicated with the thought of the birds and the bees
rattling around in their empty minds.
Then they drive off, into the city lights and turn a darkened corner.
I look at the rushing water
and feel myself rot away
slowly but surely rot away.

Can you feel me?
Can you hear me?
Can you see me?
Feel my heart thump with slow paces
that manage to keep up with fast melodies.
Of songs that play in your mind
only the ones that make you sigh
and think those one days in Spring time
as you walked over the draw bridge
and paid no mind to the water underneth.
I hear no more talk of you and me, I hear no more talk
of the good old times we all shared.
Time has passed, as I take my last breathe
and hold my chest and shead a tear.
Feel me, can you?
If you can, put your hand to my weak heart 
and feel it thump away with every second wasted
on useless items.
Now, see me a man of one time greatness
reflect his life with a reflection in the water below.
How I sigh and cry and breath heavely,
as I feel myself rot away.

The voices of woman pass me by.
Tomorrow is a new day,
for the smiling faces in taxi cabs will go home
and soak their raging hangovers with cool, wet rags.
As I still stand on the draw bridge singing with the crows,
feeling myself rot away.

Can you feel me without you, rotting away?
I surely can feel myself rot.
Such a heavy word, "rot"
So vulgare, yet a great description of me,
without you.

I pull out a shawl you once wore and I kiss it.
As the wind gusts and the sun rises and my shadow
comes to meet me, the wind shall take my last memory
of you away.
And I shall weep no more.
Then what will I do? Shall I walk the streets
and think of you.
Yes you, still rambling all throughout my head
like a lose screw.
Can you feel me? Feel me rot away
feel me think about you, and all your works.
Can you feel me?


Details | Dramatic monologue | |

Only Way I Can See

 All these tears that you can see, 
 From what you have been doing to me .
   The crying out in the middle of the night ,
 Of my thoughts of you that just aren't right .
   Despair and sadness I feel each day,
 Just can't seem to make them go way.
   I wonder why I live with so much strife,
What will it be that will change my life.
   My dreams of all that once was good, 
 Everything back then I easily understood.
   So much sadness and endless misery.
 I guess that is all that is left for me .
   Comptiplating my only way out,
 Would be so wrong no doubt.
   If it's the only way for me to be free,
 Then  that would have be the only way for me .
   Sorry if you just can't understand ,
 Exactly what has happened to this man.
   Once I was so proud to be alive,
 Now I only wish that I would die,
   If you carried the pain that I do ,
 I'm sure this path would be the same for you.

TAC


Details | Rhyme | |

Bed of Clouds

The Moon is just a silver scarf,
As the Sun is just a Jewel
Glowing above us, overhead
Lighting the way for ev'ry Fool
Rainbows envelop me, on this bed of clouds
As the colours bring me back to life
Let go of Hope in all my Sadness-
My Soul of Gold, I twist the knife

**COLORS CONTEST ENTRY


Details | I do not know? | |

Family Matters

In the attic, above wooden floor,
through the hallway of psychotic, locks upon my door,
near the broken window and glass of the sore,
hiding in the shadows,
bloodstains on the wall.

 Number nine,
house at the end of the street,
where lights are low,
where silent never sleep.


Details | Rhyme | |

Stop Thinking

You say you're ugly,
You say you're fat,
You say you hate reality,
but it's not just that.

You say there's nothing good,
you say everyone hates you
you say you can't eat food,
I wish I could help you.

Because in my eyes, you're beautiful.
In my eyes, you are perfect.
In my eyes, you are wonderful.
Please take the time to reflect.

You want to die,
I want you to survive.
You're trying to say goodbye,
but I'm holding onto the knives.


Details | Rhyme | |

Ana

She writes her songs and her poems,
not one person know 'em.
She listens to the sound of her music,
she's stuck to it like a tick.

If someone took the time to listen,
her true colors would glisten.
She's put on a mask,
and hid everything when someone asked.

She was the type of girl who would always laugh,
making you wish it would last.
She was the type of girl who would smile the day away,
too bad it is no longer that way.

She is now the girl who is depressed,
I bet you're impressed.
Since no one could tell
that she was going through hell.

Everyone thought she was happy, 
when really, she felt crappy.
Everyone thought she was having the time of her life,
who would have guess her best friend was a knife?

She spent her days alone,
she seemed to do everything on her own.
Never once wanted help.
Thought she could do everything herself.

Then the day came,
when she lost the game.
She fell apart,
and everyone saw her broken heart.

They saw the way she overreacted.
Oh, if only you saw the way she acted.
She bruised herself, scratched herself, and made herself bleed,
no one knew what it was that she needed.

They saw her tears,
and that was what she feared.
They found out she wasn't okay,
oh, she hated that day.

Everyone found out about her secret,
and she wish they'd just forget,
but she knew they couldn't,
and that they wouldn't.

She left that town and started over,
no one knew she went undercover.
She said she got better,
when really... something else occurred. 

She secretly hurt herself,
and walked away from help.
Everyone thought she recovered,
when really, she was undercover.

She secretly wanted to get worse,
no one knew of course.
No one cared to ask,
if she was wearing her mask.

Now it's too late,
she locked the gate.
Killed herself,
everyone had forgotten she needed help.

Goodbye cold world,
this was a story of a girl
who once loved everyone
then feared who it was who won.


Details | Dramatic monologue | |

The Damned

Her devilish eyes beat at me 
taking flesh with every blow,her 
rendered heart beat sounds like 
tribal drum rolls an her skin 
drips venom from its pores , I 
find myself helpless and 
paralyzed , everything else 
seems trivial and meaningless 
to this moment,..she exhales 
smoke and lightning flows from 
her finger tips ,she is the 
antichrist the source of my 
device, but I can't help but give 
her my heart,I question my gift 
but remain entranced caught in 
her red moonlit ritual 
dance,sight of her is blinding , 
she is what Every man  desires 
but can't reach, it feels like 
heaven but I sweat from the 
heat,the pain she inflicts is 
bitter sweet an burns like salt 
in a wound ,she is gods most 
regretted creation born for the 
night with a hunger that cannot 
be fed,hold her down chain her 
up she cannot be contained , 
pentagrams burn white in her 
eyes,she's a shape shifting 
voodoo angel that sleeps with 
vipers ,yet I seek her and 
desire her with every thread of 
my existence and have turned 
into an insomniac who day 
dreams of her , cut by the 
thorns of the rose she wears in 
her hair , always the day of the 
dead and raining razorblades, 
the tree limbs reach out for my 
embrace but every one of them 
are shadowed with her face,I 
close my eyes I can always find 
her there , lay with her in the 
ground every breath she takes 
is sin ,she's a black rosé that 
cannot be changed a black rosé 
that cannot be contained , 
ashes to ashes dust to dust I 
cut my heart to be with her and 
bleed undying trust,it's only 
her....everything else I feel is 
not real .....


Details | Rhyme | |

Death by Beauty

A smile moves across her lips
She gazes at her crime
A scar across her flesh and soul
To haunt her for all time
She’ll waste away for all she cares
Never stops to use her brain
Doesn’t care about the ones who are close
All she cares about is pain

She wants to be what the others expect of her
Doesn’t care about the self-respect for her
A rose can’t be a forget-me-not
Can’t she see what all she has got
Already?

Never to go back again
She feels the world is at an end
She will never show her grief
Although she’ll cry in empty streetS

She’d sooner live like a desolate mole
Living in fear in an empty hole
Screaming silent wails alone
Content to live in her mental home

A final tear falls from her eye
It hits the ground, it’s followed by
A beautiful body, mutated by hate
A kind word could have stopped it, but it is too late
One two many bricks in the wall in her mind
Molding her demise because her heart was blind
This self conscious being could never have won
For she was destroyed by the beautiful ones

She wouldn’t fight back, wouldn’t respect herself
In the end, she managed only to wreck herself
A rose can’t be a forget-me-not
Little did she know, she had all she had sought
Already


Details | Lyric | |

Save Me

Save Me
By: IzaDonna

Look in the mirror
Do you recognize her
Do you see the coldness in her eyes
Do you see where the darkness lies
Hidden secrets of the past
To late, the spells been cast
And as the stars arise
My own self will be my demise

Chorus:
So you think you can save me
Finally set my retched soul free
Be my ultimate savior
You thinking ur doing me a favor
But just let me alone
My fate is only my own

I get u try and u care
But thru it all u weren't there
I cant move on from my past
The agony I feel will always last
The knife is in way to deep
So let me shut my eyes and sleep
Cause u can't fix whats already broken
The pain I feel is better left unspoken

Chorus

So as the darkness creeps in
I feel I'm paying for my sins
No way to escape
My soul is yours to take
Just let me bleed these tears
Just let me lay here
Looking up at the sky
I ask God why

Chorus

Cause you can't fix what isn't broken
The pain is better left unspoken


Details | I do not know? | |

mama

mama how do i tell you its bad again
how the voices are telling me its okay to hurt
they want me to fall
to fall from the top of buildings 
and not get up
but don't worry mama
i plan to shut them up

mama how do i explain how the pain has returned
all you wanted was me to be better
i tried and tried and tried and tried
but in the end, the crazy won
they drive me crazy to no end
i want to make it stop 
but don't worry mama
i have a plan

mama i cant tell you how it feels
to be sunken to the depths of earth
angels are soaring above me
but their happy gazes hurt
i need this incessant chatter to go
to hurt me, to hate me 
it all feels so real
but don't worry mama
it wont soon

mama i can see the look in your eyes
it hurts me too that this is goodbye 
cant you see this is the only way 
for the voices to vanish but my body stay
goodbye and farewell 
ill miss you so much
but don't cry mama
ill be better now


Details | Rhyme | |

Pain Became My Friend Today

Pain became my friend today
She showed me how to hide
She’d been watching from a distance
Every tear I cried

Pain became my friend today
Reached out her hand to me
Then pulled me into darkness
Introducing misery

Pain became my friend today
Emptying my heart
She’s now my constant companion
Tearing me apart

Pain became my friend today
She isolates my soul
Now without her I am nothing
In her I’m consoled

Pain became my friend today
When she saw me kneel down and cry
Then she lay down right next to me
To kiss my joy good-bye

Pain became my friend today
She introduced me to the sorrow
Who showed me how to dwell in agony
And fear the break of tomorrow

Pain became my friend today
Making my heart cold
Pain became my friend today
The only hand I hold


Written by Shannen Wrass
Copyright © 1995 Shannen Wrass. All Rights Reserved


Details | Ballad | |

Isolation

How can I tell you?
I can't stay with you.

Neither I can give up on you.
Fear of losing you is losing me.
It feels like slow death every night.

But we are just stuck in our spaces!
Unable to connect from two feet distance.


Details | Quatrain | |

Dismayed

What was going through your head
When you decided to end your life
Did you consider your love ones at all 
Leaving behind your sons and wife

Failing to show up for work on Monday
Not calling or coming home that night
Leaving your family frantic and scared
So cruel of you to leave them in this plight

You were reported missing to the police
Your car found on Tuesday near Niagara Falls
Witnesses seen you jump in the icy waters
Just thinking about it.....my skin crawls
 
Three weeks later, your body still not found
Your wife is still struggling to stay strong
Posting pictures of you in happier times
Sorrow you left behind will be lifelong
 
Now your boys will grow up fatherless
Never understanding the reason why
Damage done to them emotionally
Tears of confusion and anguish as they cry

A small community remains shell shocked 
The awfulness of it all is so hard to digest
The reasons why we'll never truly know
May your tormented soul now be at rest

12/ 09/ 2013
*A sad and true story, his children are in my son's school.





Details | Dramatic Verse (Verse Drama) | |

Tragic Feather

Oh, tragic feather what is thy tragedy
No longer freedom gay or certian loft
How is this thy new translation
From a majesty, unto a wing thou hath mighty dropped

Were thou thus, shunned, cast away 
Or merely, cut out or off
As limb from downward spiral angel
Perhaps, a troubled finch or insanity in wayward hawk

Lie, if thou must, be it amidst a deafening silence, lonesome soft
But, I plead, please tell me fallen feather, what hath befallen thee
Thy tuft to ne’er evermore touch again
What life should be, warmth of the summer's breeze

Sleep, sleep now 'neath the alley's gutter greys 
Catching Weeping Willows damning drops
Adrift as the drowning lily dying
In seas of the myriad scattered rots

An accomplice I shall say, within a winter's willing white
And alas, buried ordinary in this doth the corpse delight
Far beneath the crowds held at bay and forever lost
Now thou hath become the naked grove of wicker and then...
                                   the more of naked souless crops


Details | Prose | |

A Happy Ending

A ringing bell in the near-distance makes her delicate body tremble, as she sat on the corner of the opaquely purple stained living room sofa. Ding. Ding. Ding. Ding. She grew in despair of how that pattern of sound had aroused the tiny hairs on her crinkling hands. She exhales repulsively the last draft of the cigarette she just turned off. A glance at the silver-rimmed ashtray, which rests an arm’s reach away, powerfully depicts that it was one of those nights again. 

 She was content not too long ago. Pampered by his tender words. He was the father of the children they never had. She would name her first born Alexander. Defender of Man. They would live a joyful life, far away from the city’s lights. Far away from it all. 

 That day he did not pick up his gun and secure it in his holster from the smoothly sanded wooden table near the bed they shared as he went to work. That day he did not kiss her forehead, a gesture of safety, which she was so used to every morning. The silent kiss reassured her, everything will be okay and that he will be back sooner than later. That day he did not wake her up from her sleep. Not intentionally at least. That day she woke up to the sound of a bang in the near-distance of their home. That day she was surrounded with thick red. That day she understood how selfish human beings can be. 

She began to shiver uncontrollably, tightly grabbing her left elbow with her right hand. She picks up a container of sky blue ovals which lay on the table in front of her next to her near-empty pack of cigarettes. She recalls what the doctor had said, “One every time you get an attack, ONE ONLY.” One never did the job, neither did five. That day she took ten. That day she slept well.


Details | Rhyme | |

Dad

Do you remember the times where we’d talk without saying a word?
Where you’d sit there and read, when I’d lay there unheard?
Or the times where you’d smile and sit there with glee,
because you were proud of us, your loving family?
We’d all look to you, respect you and loved when you’d sing,
especially when it was Elvis, ‘cause that was your thing.
And yet we never spoke much, at least not as I got older.
I don’t know how we lost touch, or why we grew colder.
And yet you are my Dad and I am your son,
you are the reason I’ve done all I have done.
But Dad, closing my eyes scares me on a night,
I can’t seem to get that same scene out of my sight.
Memories are twenty-twenty, that’s what people seem to find,
well if that’s the case Dad I’d rather be blind.
What I saw that day cut into me far too early, and far too deep.
That’s why these memories won’t stop haunting my sleep.
I love you, I miss you Dad and I want you to come home.
I’m tired of feeling sad all of the time; I’m tired of feeling alone.
I don’t know if you’re happier now, or regretting your decision,
all I do know dad is that I’m heading for a collision. 
I feel like I’m going crazy, like I don’t know what’s real or what’s not,
but I know that this feeling is the only sure one I've got.
I’m angry that you left without even saying goodbye; 
because I thought I at least deserved more than that, did you even try?
I want you here now just so I could punch you in the face,
for you to pick me up and tell me I’m not a disgrace.
I held up your dead body, swinging from that shed.
I did my best to save you even though I knew you were dead.
I clung onto you, hoping I could latch onto your soul,
to stop you from leaving me with this unfillable hole.
But you left dad, you’re gone and there’s nothing I can do,
except to pretend to go on smiling forever, all because of you.


Details | Rispetto | |

Suicide Attempt Survival

Loving to all around her, happy with life She started to change, slowly at first you see It was painful to see the sadness, her strife She wanted to die, her life was so empty Nothing that was said registered in her brain Seems that she was always living in the rain One day she tried to take her life with some pills Trying to dull the pain on the window sill She survived the desired encounter with death Living to face a new day without sadness And now with a secure new outlook and breath The dark won’t be so dark within the brightness She has found hope in the near death ritual She’s glad there won’t be a lonely burial Now life resumes as she survives an ending Out into life she brings love with her sending
Russell Sivey Contest: Surviving After Suicide Attempts Sponsor: Anne Currin 7/28/2013


Details | Rhyme | |

I Knew Someone Who Wanted to End It All

I Knew Someone Who Was Ready to “End It All!” I knew of someone who just wanted “to end it.” Giving up on life, and did not want to “defend it.” It was a heart wrenching and difficult situation. He said what he wanted to, with no explanation! I could see his face and the sad look in his eyes! What he was going to do next, was anyone’s surprise. He turned to drugs and encountered addictions. With this brought much disease and afflictions! He gave up on the wonderful family that was given. And turned to a pretty wild and crazy way of livin’! I told him about a God who loves him very deeply. As he listened, he began to grow restless and weary. I reached for his hand and began to pray for God’s power! It was a miracle! The blood of Jesus changed him that hour! The spirit of God brought healing and hope to his body! He was so excited! He rushed out to tell everybody! The “end” that he wanted, seemed to just fade away! For the son of the living God, changed him this day! The glory of God, and the power of Jesus’ resurrection… Changed him! And got him going in a NEW direction! He’s so thankful for the blood of Christ’ atonement! And is a different person now, because of that moment! This same Jesus loves and can do the same for YOU! Through the problems of life… He will see you through! By Jim Pemberton


Details | I do not know? | |

The Freaks And The Goners

To the freaks and the goners
I say we raise a glass
To the lonelies and the loners
The weirdos and outcasts
To us freaks, the ones who still stand,
The ones who no matter what,
Never say "I can't"
To the ones who sit alone at lunch, the ones with no friends
The ones who never give up
Who know it's not the end
To the cast downs and broken hearted,
The beaten and the bruised
The ones who think they're ugly, 
And will never know the truth
The ones witch aching chests
The ones who know it's okay to cry
The ones who stand alone
And believe all the lies


Details | Verse | |

I blame me

I blame me for all my mistakes
I blame me for all the rejection and heartache
I blame me for all the times I stayed silent 
and should have started and earthquake
with my words
I should have spoken up when I had the chance
now all those thoughts are wasted
unspoken, unheard

I blame me when my husband touches me 
and I feel the hands of a predators pounce
And I blame me when the pressure it on
because all I had to do was shout out and renounce His name
Lord, help me to get rid of the shame

I blame me for my loneliness
I blame me for my feelings of lust
I blame me when I look at myself and see absolute disgust
I blame me when I shut down - unsure of who to trust
At times not even sure if I really know how to love

I blame me when my kids are crying out sick
because when I brought them here
I knew that this world was unfit
Yet overpowered by my love for them 
I became more and more protective
So I blame myself in advance for their sadness
when they finally see that the world is not objective

I blame me for those nights I can't rest
Wondering if my consciousness has finally realized
that I have done my best
to stay positive and have good intentions
So I blame myself when I give in to temptations and my human inhibitions
and begin to feel ashamed of myself
I begin to feel like I don't have enough strength to love myself
because
good things don't happen for me
So I blame me for my thinking and feelings of worthlessness

It's a big world and my lonely soul has no more confidence
I have nothing
I have given up 
and so I blame me for my incompetence and my soul's rut


Details | Carpe Diem | |

Letter to bereaved ones

         I beg your forgiveness for I am not long for this world. Happenstance has led me down this path so crooked and forlorn. Misery has preceded my path and darkened my senses all but torn. Mistakes have illuminated my way though their light be a fallacy; an illusion to comfort a tortured mind, riddled with confusion and false fancy. ‘Tis only just to forgive me sisters, I am not long for this world. 

          An image wreaks havoc with my memory. A picture so horrendous the effects of its trauma echo through the hallways of time. The sight that for all my life I was so grateful to possess, leads me now to curse what gods may be that granted it me. For surely had I never seen the sight of him, cold and lifeless, I would have eventually endeavoured to be healed in my spirit. The fault is mine; it was never him but I that had the capacity to change. ‘Tis only right to forgive me father, I am not long for this world. 

       My middle name should rather have been disappointment. That is all I have ever delivered to her who brought me into the world and nurtured an infant into a lady. I call her Gaia, that is her spirit name.  My existence has put lines on her face prematurely and caused her to despair time and time again. The audacity of me now to leave this earth without ever having produced for her a grandchild. The insolence of leaving only words to counter the preponderance of condolences from rejoicing enemies that shall now assail and abuse her. My soul is repentant, twas never the intent to hurt your heart dear Gaia. ; Tis only compassionate to forgive me mother, I am not long for this world. 

       As for the empty future that awaits me. No children to carry on the memory of me. No great achievements to render my life the content of legend. No great works to immortalise me in poem and prose. No others to mourn the passing of a life most unremarkable. Nothing but things, regrettable decisions, words left unsaid and the cold sound of silence to mark that most auspicious event. Death finds me waiting and unafraid with only the last words to pass from these lips; ‘tis only fair to forgive me self, for we are not long for this world.


Details | I do not know? | |

goodbye

my life is turnd inside out
i cant take much more thats no doubt
i cut my wrists just to feel the pain
even tho i have nothing good to gain
this hopless life of misery
will surly be the end of me
i breath but im not truly alive
the noise in my head like a buzzing bee hive
i walk and talk but im dead inside
its just like internal suicide
i toss and turn but i cannot sleep
my blackend souls getting harder to keep
the smile you see on my face
is just a fake look to hide disgrace
im broken and hurt but no one cares
its like im being ripped apart by bears
so i sit and write here on my wrist
with a razor blade and a bloody twist
hoping one day itll help you see
how much pain is inside of me
when i say im ok just go away
i want you to say no i want to stay
well its to late now my wrist are slit
so here i am alone i sit
and wait for death to take me to
im sorry love for iv failed you


Details | Limerick | |

death is good

oh give me a rope
with a noose that is loose 
and i'll tie it up on a beam

then give me a pill
that will give me a thrill 
and i'll end it all on a high

Death Death is the way 
for life is to sucky to play

so give me a gun
that is loaded for fun
and i'll blow my brains far away


Details | Lyric | |

End It

End It
By: IzaDonna

My demons crouch real low
Seeping out of me real slow
The pain protectively covered
Darkening memories like no other
But I hide behind a smile
This life not seeming worth while
The blade I have is ready to go
Life already being at an all time low
So bring on the darkness
i no longer have a purpose

Chorus
I push you away to protect you
My sickness n pain being nothing new
So save yourself from my sorrow
Cause I won't live to see tomorrow
You deserve someone better
So let me be and go find her

Loneliness is my own choice
Feeling so lost with no voice
So I let each day slip by
Everyday just wanting to die
What have I become
Where did all this pain come from
Being left alone is my desire
The spark going out in my fire
My days I feel are at an end
Too far gone to possibly mend

Chorus

So bring on the darkness
I've lost my purpose


Details | Lyric | |

I Know -Poem about Depression-

I can see through you
I can tell your past was blue
And I hope you still don't feel the same
It's the silent killer to blame

I know you've had those days
Where it seemed that life was a maze
And it was so hard to talk to anyone
The attention they payed to you was none

I understand the pain you've felt
You wanted to tie your neck with a belt
They'd get angry when you'd vent
So then you were back in your depression tent

Nobody but you and me understand
But you and I have a plan
No more faking your smiles
And to a happy future, you'd go many miles

Trust me, it has an end
And it will end with a friend
And it will not end with a grave
Come on, you are brave

We'll beat this together
No matter how stormy the weather
And no matter how fast the winds will blow
I know.


Details | Personification | |

Throes

Titbit scars to feed emotions crimson;
In Her gloomy heart by her wet season.
As Her solstice endorses a greasing red,
She revels off a goad instead...

To each bliss cusp she gladly deflowers,
I cavort rue to each rose's hour;
As fingertips writhe in snow-white flesh
the sate of Love's cappella caress...

My emotions ascend to a God with black wings,
And soon this soul taken from pentacle rings.

But first I am descending before Her throne,
Her chest still racks that abyssal stone!
Prurient crucifixion of an annulled witch hunt.
Nascent Shangri to Her mire c*nt.

Her emotions strong enough to splendour fires,
This libertine forges Her foreplay desires.
Taken of the pulpit by a tyrant crevasse,
Splay out on an Oratory's cerise glass.

As she leers like the silver Moon...

I sprawl to Her with greatest tempt,
Only for me to feel contempt!
I scream ''You are my salvator'' as,
Blood pours where my sanguinary blade caress...


Details | Rhyme | |

Do You Feel There's Nowhere to Go

Do You Feel Like There’s Nowhere to Go? I know that it's easy to get discouraged and upset. Feeling “trapped” ... But can't escape "just yet." You've tried everything. And not sure what else to do? Is there someone who can help you through?" Many things you've done. You’ve wanted to be forgiven! Yet struggle with this each day you're livin’! You meet people and wear a "smile." And sometimes wonder if living is really worth the while. You may have prayed over and over again. And yet constantly feel Like you’re “trapped within.” You may have tried to call on Jesus' name. Yet find yourself in "guilt and shame." Jesus is here now! And wants you to know… He can bring peace to your troubled soul. Rather than thinking of things done in the past. Come to Jesus now! His love will always LAST! Allow HIM to bring to your life the needed victory now! He'll make you a brand new person! And HOW! By Jim Pemberton


Details | Free verse | |

My cobain smile

I want to drown my urge to die
I want to kill my pulse inside
I can't breathe, I'm paranoid
Everything in life I avoid

Don't speak to me, I'll look away
Inside my eyes is just decay
 I'm already dead, but have yet to die
Why do I keep my body alive

My soul is dead, eyes are lies
So is the smile I hide behind
Pull the plug, I'm a fake
In a nightmare and I cannot wake

Drown me! I'm flooded in pain
Please help me regain
Some peace, some rest 
I want to die to live again

Set me free 
Slitting my wrists isn't working
The more stares I get
The more I become numb
I just need to be gone
Eliminate my pain, 
I'm already out of breath 
Suffocating on my hopelessness

Every day I am alive 
But I'm craving to die inside
Curved smile because your so naive
You think I'm happy 
Yet I'm being crushed
My head is overflowing 
With these thoughts that are too much

One word, suicide
Sparks a light inside of my eyes

I don't want to pretend to live
Let me go, flood me in sin
There is where I want to swim
Six feet under the ground

Don't be selfish 
And keep me in pain
To tourture my lifeless body again
Let my body float soundly
Rushing water, ocean salt
I promise I won't feel it at all.

End it, hold me under 
Then bury me so I can slumber
Goodbye lifeless eyes
As I'm dying I'll be coming alive
Haunting images 
Deleted from my mind
Laughing 
As I leave this world behind

Water 
Floods my lungs 
Death 
Leans in for a kiss

Together we sink into insanity
And drown in infinitys abyss. 


Details | Light Poetry | |

Suicide letter


No one is happy all of the time 
But for me I can never find happiness 
And every day is a struggle for survival 
Fill with pain and hurt and loneliness. 

I try to find understanding in the world 
But there are no time outs for my situations 
And every second that goes by 
My life is sinking deeper in seclusion 

Then one day the sun shine’s on me 
And the hope of love and happiness came 
And a bright future seems reachable 
But to that sunshine my love was just a game 

And my heart become over ridden with pain 
As my soul accepts the suffering that arrive 
And no matter how hard I try to fight it 
My mind is saying to me " take your own life 

For love is a powerful universal emotion 
That every one of us so dearly seeks 
And it can make our life whole and complete 
And when we don’t get it our will to survive gets weak 

Trying to live with depression was hard enough 
But now knowing I found love that I couldn’t save 
It’s just more than I can take right now 
And the grim reaper keeps calling me to the grave 

Yes I do have the love of all my family 
But family love is a complexly different love 
It could never protect you with any comfort 
When you are hurt by the girl you dreamt of 

And just the though of some one else holding her 
When she was the one to be your future wife 
I just could not take the pain and suffering 
So please forgive me god as I plan to take my life 

People will say what a fool he was to do that 
No woman is worth for you to die for 
But it’s easy to say that because they don’t know 
How much I really really truly loved her 

Suicide thoughts are buried deep into my mind 
And every day is coming closer to the end 
And I giving in for my mind now controls me 
Very soon it will be fulfill, but no one knows when


Details | I do not know? | |

Depression Expression

I vomit out my heart
the emptiness
oh the void
you do not sting
it hurts
it burns
burns my soul to bitterness
outside i'm fine
inside I cry
I hate me
I Blame Me


Details | I do not know? | |

Why me

Why me
Why me dear god 
Why the hell me!
I did all you asked 
I’ve even played the card 
Of a good girl, the one 
Everyone wanted me to be.
Why can’t you save me.
I’m hurting immensely 
And no one care not even slightly.
How could you allow me to fall 
So deep, so far into misery.
I’ve grown to hate myself so much so
I’m that demon within the angel 
That you see.
I’m crying out for help
And not once did you show me sympathy.
Like everyone else you pretend to care
My prayers are just words you refuse to here.
You watched the tears ran down my cheeks
And didn’t send an angel to watch over me.
I don’t want to be part of this world anymore
Just set me free….
Sleeping forever is where I are to be.

05/05/09


Details | Rhyme | |

Screeching Tires

Crushing of metal, 
The sound of breaking glass, 
Smell of hot engine oil 
And the heat from burning gas. 

All mental control was lost, 
Head throbbing from emotional pain, 
Vision clouded with remorseful tears 
As anger pulsed through swollen veins 

Shaking hands violently shifted gears 
As dangerous speeds were angrily reached, 
As hurting words echoed in ears 
And treacherous corners made tires screech. 

The road was slick with rain, 
And the body numb with heartaches pain, 
Unaware of red lights flashing, 
Ears deaf to the oncoming train 

Taken from this world 
In the proverbial blink of an eye, 
Without any justification 
Or a clear reason why. 

Was it all just for love 
Or was it for a lie? 
Was it due to selfishness and pity? 
Or an unwillingness to even try? 

Was it fate or just a random event? 
It’s too puzzling yet to decide, 
Because for all anyone really knows 
It could have been an act 
Of emotional suicide 


Details | Dramatic Verse (Verse Drama) | |

Monkey's day

The monkey, that’s me,
The monkey that pretends to be free.
So happy to have his day,
To hear the cheers, the laughs,
And you looking my way.

Laughing at the faces I make,
My clever tricks, the cakes I bake,
Clapping resounds in my ears,
And blows away my silent tears.

It’s the monkey’s day,
No matter how many tricks I play,
A monkey I will stay.

I will always be locked up in my little cage,
I may shake the bars in sorrow or rage,
But I need  the peanuts they throw in my face,
I need their laughing to avoid disgrace.

A little monkey, with monkey hopes and monkey dreams,
Monkey desires and monkey schemes,
Monkey wishes his fears away,
Monkey longs for a better day.

Sometimes I take myself so seriously,
As if I’m very important really,
I dress up as if I’m real and proud,
And strut around my head in a cloud.

I pretend that I’m important for you and the world,
I drink up the laughter the applause of the girls,
Just before I realise my dilemma,
My cloths are too small my act is a failure.

Sometimes they pick my cage up and move it around,
Sit it the wall or put it on the ground,
Sometimes they take me out in the sun,
Or swing it around to have some fun.

But most of the time they forget that I’m here,
Here in the dark of a thousand years.
Alone waiting for you to come home,
Searching the horizon for your grave stone.

In fact there’s nothing left at all,
In my monkey brain they nailed to the wall.
Does a monkey have a soul?
Am I for real or really just a hole.

Will I wake up and disappear?
Will I wake up and become thin air?
That will really be the day,
The day the monkey got away.

My last trick, they didn’t see nor even care,
The day the monkey dissolved in thin air.

No more shaking my cage in despair,
No more pretending that I am here,
No more strutting about, making a noise,
No more playing with my plastic toys.

I will disappear and no one will see,
Nor even remember a faint memory of me,
They’ll put the empty cage on the wall,
And my ghost will eat the peanuts they let fall,
As they continue to wonder, laugh  and clap,
At the empty cage, dead monkey on your lap.

Full version at :
http://labyrinthoflies.com
Spoken also at: http://youtu.be/ig26KyXpbyE


Details | I do not know? | |

after math

laying on my bed
I'm going over everything
my mind wonders to the day
a week ago I tried to leave this world
trying to understand my choice

now as i see I'm being watched
now I see my bedroom door is gone
now I see I'm being treated as a crazy person
now I see my life is changing
now I see the aftermath of everything

I'm staring at nothing 
my mind is blank
my eyes are dead
I'm trying to think
I'm trying to live

now as I see my live changed
now I see I'll never be the same
Now I see the life I lived
the life I lived was a lie it's self
the life I lived was so different now

lying on my bed
I looked at the window
thinking about jumping
I looked at the mirror
and now I see the true me


now as I see myself 
I see the pain I was in
now as I see myself
I see the hate I feel for myself
now as I see myself I hate myself

now I see everything I did 
now I see the aftermath
now I see the pain I put my family in
now I see the aftermath
now I see the aftermath


Details | Rhyme | |

LEARNING DISORDER

It is challenging to face difficulties in areas where your peers have surpassed at ease,
To always try your hardest to fit in, or try to please,
To excessively work on being at least average- is exhausting!
Yet dropping out of school is more taunting,
More taunting than being bullied, alone or discriminated,
You pretend to be alright- yet inside you can’t stop feeling humiliated,

Even if you give in to “being weak” by letting out a cry,
You remain un-heard and instead told to die!

You’re:
A burden upon your family,
A burden upon your school,
A burden upon society,
Being name called - dorky tool!

You let the words fly by you, and in your head mock their pitiful charade,
But right at the critical point when you’re holding that razor blade,
Hands tremble, voice quivers, you try to remain bold, 
You can’t help but subside, and finally do what you’ve always been told 
The hateful slurs then boomerang right back in your face, 
Apparently it’s what’s best for the human race…


Details | Rhyme | |

Be Her

You see her?
Why don't go be like her?
No one likes you,
so this is what you must do.

You must stop being yourself,
get off of you shelf.
You must please everyone,
to do that, you must be number one.

She's the perfect girl,
you're the no one in the world.
So go ahead, and give yourself away,
since you're going the wrong way.

You are no longer you,
see what you can do.
You are now her,
that's better than what you ever were.


Details | Verse | |

Depression

 
 
 
The bleak smiles
 
Endless cries
 
Days on end
 
With nothing left but lies
 
Voices occupy my mind
 
Trying hard to keep them confined
 
Infinite sadness
 
Infinite pain
 
This is how I spend my days
 
-m.b


Details | I do not know? | |

Only Choice

To the back or to the front

On my forehead or under my chin

To my temple

Out of my mouth, 

Or in.


Details | Bio | |

The Battle

The Battle
I saw this lady standing on a ledge,
about to jump
that’s when I said
Hey! You! Wait!
what’s the problem?
She said “I got so many, a lifetime couldn’t solve ‘em”
She was meek, about my height and frame
That’s when I proceeded to ask her name
She looked at me as if I already knew, 
I asked if there was anything I could do
“Wait, talk to me, maybe I can help”
She said “go away, it’s between me and myself”
I said “NO!”  “try me, tell me, what you gotta say?”
She smiled and said, she can’t go another day
“I gotta go, because my time is near,
besides, no one really wants me here”
that’s not true, I do, I want you to stay
somehow I know GOD will make a way.
It was true, part of me needed her here
for some odd reason I was really sincere
we need to understand what we’re blessed with 
and to know that our lives are special gifts
she smiled at me as she agreed
somehow I felt this was my need
I stood there with something different inside 
the joy and peace like I had saved a life
I looked up, the lady was gone
I stood there on the ledge all alone
she didn’t jump she must have run away, 
embarrassed or something about what I had to say
I thought about calling her name
hers and mine was one in the same
Then I reflected on who she could be
why she looked like me, why I couldn’t see
That all the time THIS LADY WAS ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Details | I do not know? | |

final bow

cut out my heart
break it apart
youve done it before
left me on the floor
i bleed alone
when no ones home
theres nothing left
its like a theft
these cuts and scars
are like iron bars
they hold me in
and drown my sin
in crimson blood
its like a flood
im dying here
among this fear
i see the end
around the bend
kick out the chair
let out your air
its over now
my final bow


Details | Free verse | |

The Empty Room

She sits,
Silent as the wind.
She glances up at the clock.
Waiting,
Watching.
Her body flows
Like the waterfall 
Looming over her.
The letters on the 
Desk call to her.
Whispering sweet
Things about
Her soul.
The air blooms 
Through her lungs
And grows as she 
Sighs.
Her head is full.
Full of the sea.
Changing and 
Swirling like 
A torrent of 
Thoughts.
Her hands tremble
Like the windows
In a hurricane.
She is they
Mirror. Reflecting 
Back what every
Body wants to see.
She is one.
She is none.
She is heaven.
She is hell.


Details | Free verse | |

The Black Abyss

Sinking in deeper,
No way to escape,
The dark and scary Reaper,
Fore told in the Book of Life.

Is this my end?
Will I ever see the light of day again?
No. My wounds, I must mend.
I must find my strength.

Stand my ground,
Face my fears.
Only then will my voice be found
I must survive.

Break the suffocating chains,
Run from the darkness.
Power will fill my veins.
I will Fight!

Fight the painful names,
The horrid memories,
The demented games 
And escape My Black Abyss.


Details | Rhyme | |

the edge

20 miles below me are cars ruhing by
and i know i shouldnt be here, but i am and i dont know why
but when i felt that PANG,
that feeling in my gut ,
i knew i had to get out, out of that dumb rut
im insane for sitting here, high up on this ledge 
but if you hurt this bad, you too would jump off the edge
and the tears that fall, fall slower than i
for im going down, and i will surly die
 so before i fall and let gravity take me down
make sure you say good-bye and please do not frown.


Details | Rhyme | |

The Truth That Was Hidden

I'm  sitting here in this room,
thinking to myself about the past.
How I had bloom...
though, it didn't last.

God, everyday I am lying.
Everyday I put on my mask.
I always end up crying
since no one dares to ask.

I stopped talking to my friends,
cut them all loose.
For this is the end,
and we all knew I would lose.

Everyone around me thinks I'm better.
since all they see are lies.
They should know better!
Even though I'm in disguise.

I put on my fake smile
and laugh along with everyone around me.
I think everyone is in denial
since they can't obviously see

They act like nothing happened.
like... I faked the whole incident.
They honestly don't know what happened,
or why I caused that incident.

They believe that I was never "broken"
just that I wanted attention.
I should have never spoken
and give them my full attention.

No one knows I've been skipping my pills,
everyone thinks I take them.
Maybe I'm saving them for the kill?
Who knows what I plan to do with them.

I throw up everyday,
only because I've grown used to it.
No one understands my ways
or why I keep quiet.

Sometimes, when I'm alone
and I see something I could use to harm myself.
I check to make sure I'm on my own
and start to look at myself.

First, I cry...because I oh so much hate my body.
Then, I hurt myself.
Proving that I am nobody.
and since I'm alone, and with no one else

I continue doing this 
until I see a drop of blood,
then it feels like bliss.
I continue sometimes, craving the blood.

Then when it gets too much,
I sit down
thinking... no one knows I do such
if they did...would they let me drown?

I bet they would.
Since everyone I have come to love, 
leaves me..just like they should.
because I'm nothing from above.

You might think I'm a blessing.
ha, I'm a curse.
I bet you were messing,
and just tried to keep it from getting worse.

but let me get this straight,
nothing you say or do,
will get me to leave this gate.
For this gate is where I was left to

be on my own.
to forget about help.
I was always alone,
never having anyone's help.

Just let me be,
I don't need your sympathy.
Can't you see?
It doesn't matter to me!

I'd rather have everyone hate me
than have you all pretend
because believe it or not, I can see
through all your acts that should come to an end.

You aren't my friend,
so leave me now.
This my end,
you mustn't know how.

I will write back soon,
for this is my only comfort.
I only shall come at the time of the moon,
for that is my hour of comfort.


Details | Rhyme | |

EYE Don't See -Part 2-

My eyes
Refuse to see tragedy
My eyes
Marinate in dread…unable to embrace ecstasy 

And I’m left in my solitude…
My eye’s sagging…from endless mourning  
And I’m close to my demise… 
Only to find myself disappear…
When will peace draw near?

You don’t see 
What damage you’ve done
Just let me be
Leave me alone…hand me a gun

I yearn for unspoiled glory
To make me feel perfect once more
I yearn for flawless serenity
To make me feel no regret…don’t ignore
My calls…don’t hang up on me

You don’t see 
What damage you’ve done
Just hear my plea
Listen to my excruciating cries…
Listen to the truth, not the malicious lies  
Our journey has just begun   

And I’m left in my solitude…
Do you hear me weeping?
And I’m close to my demise…
Only to find myself disappear…
When will peace draw near?

Eye can’t handle the stress
Let me release my horrendous distress
Eye can see you making that same mistake
At least MY life isn’t at stake

And I’m left in my solitude…
My eye’s weeping…do You feel my lament
And I’m close to my demise…
Only to find myself disappear…Stepped on like cement
I’m aching with discontent… I abhor this torment    
When will peace scrub off my fear?

I can’t believe my eyes
Your guiltiness flows into me…
I can’t believe I fell for your lies
Your heartless action rape my mind…you don’t see
What my EYES see…

You’ll never see 
How much pressure you put me under
Unchain me from this chamber
And watch me flee…

When will you be set free?


Details | Rhyme | |

My Name Is Claudia

My name is Claudia,
I am 16.
My arms are swollen,
I like when they bleed.
I must be stupid.
I must be bad.
What else could make me hate me so bad?
I wish I were better.
I wish I weren't faulty.
Then maybe my life would still be lovely.
I’m all alone,
The bathroom is dark.
My folks aren't home.
I pull out the blade
And make nice clean strokes.
Until the bloods just flows and flows.
I don’t want to let go.
But I’m fading, slowly into a dark place.
But when my mum does come home,
She opens the door and screams in horror.
She finds me laying ice cold on the floor.
Her baby is dead, with blood on the floor.


Details | Lyric | |

Graveyard

A boy dressed in black
walking down to the graveyard
He held tightly to his Ouija board
Throwing it down on the mans grave
Thomas A. Fisher.
He set up candles around the mans gravestone
He chanted words from the underworld.
The lights blew out immediately
The branches on the trees fluttering in the heavy wind
Between the trees stood a tall black figure
Flashes in the boys mind A man in an electric chair
His skin bubbling, his eyes popping from his head
Bursting against the fabric around his head
No flesh left on his bones
They threw his body into a wooden coffin
Throwing it in the water, they sunk him to the bottom
A huge rock sat on top
The boy shook his head, out of the allusion
The figure was gone He quickly got up
running back to the exit 
Something tightly gripped his jacket
Pulling him back unto the ground
A loud shout of a scream, he got up seeing a woman
Near the edge of the pond, only one name she screamed
THOMAS!! Her scream was horrid, the boy watched
As the woman pulled out a rope from her jacket
Tightly wrapping it around the tree
She hung herself before the boy
He held out his hand- NO! w.. WAIT
He shouted out at her, only to see she vanished 
With every step he took she slowly faded.
He stopped before the rope twirling in the wind
Looking down at the water, it bubbled
Like someone boiling water on the stove
A huge rock floated up, along with the top of a wooden coffin
He stood back, knowing what the allusion was earlier
A crack of branches coming from behind him
Turning slowly he seen the huge disembodied figure
Reaching out, he gripped the boy by his throat
Throwing him into the boiling river
Oh how he screamed, the man stood and watched
The boys skin bursting from his bones, his head was no longer
Seen or attached to his body.
Three crows sat upon the tree branch
making their sounds but even louder than usual
The rope swung back and forth
the rock sunk and covered the coffin
What the boy didn't know is that when he 
Played with the Ouija board he unleashed the man from his tomb
The black disembodied figure now roams freely around the graveyard
The boys body remains in the wooden coffin
Under a huge rock in the river.
In the screams of the wind
You can hear the man say
"I thank god for the suffering"

For centuries the world has been confused 
between the lights of heaven and the flames of hell
Who knew a simple angel would go that far
just to get what he wanted



Details | Rhyme | |

Contemplation

Remember that rhyme about sticks and stones?
How broken bones hurt more than the names that were thrown?
Remember how in grade school everyone was our valentine?
Now we can’t find the time
To gather the courage to speak our minds
About the person we want to call “mine”
Remember how we used to believe in fairy tales?
Now love fails us and broken heart strings imprison us like jail
Apparently our parents lied
When they said we’d die next to the person we loved like husband and wife
Now adolescents lie at night praying to die
Some will tie a noose
Some will bleed out and let loose
Some will grab their Dad’s gun and shoot for the moon
But I might just pop pills to kill the will to spill
Blood in the sink
And to think a bitter drink was more distinct
We all want to be adults, but as kids it just results
In insults and the real adults think our music is a cult
It’s never been said
But without music most of the youth would be dead
So we lie in bed with our headphones
Blaring until we’re deaf toned
In a dead zone now head home
This is for the poppers, the purgers, and the starvers
And the smokers and the cutters
Because we feel like we can never love another so forget the others
We live for our sisters or brothers
The ones who still have a chance at life
So we teach them to live it right
Because we know what it’s like to fight for your life every night
And you cry
Wishing someone might come and find you
And look in your eyes
And tell you how much they like you
Despite all the lies and frights you find inside of you
But you somehow keep your hopes up even if you’re doped up
You still show up to school hoping to grow up
But we just get picked on
So listen to this song
If you’re giving up on living it up
Some say suicide silences secreted screams
So drown demons deliberately within deep dreams
Very often we debate suicide as an option without caution
Since we’re going to hell we might as well drop in
Yes words hurt more than broken bone
You’re all beautiful. You just got to let it show.


Details | Free verse | |

Losing Grip

Future held such initial promise
But shallow dreams disintegrated
Coalescing into shallower reality

Despite my youth, pain cripples me to geriatric apathy
General interest long gone, death has become the single concern
A welcome embrace, a welcome friend
Tardiness is expected, as well as encouraged

Release me from these eternally shrinking walls
Allow the peons to continue their superficial pursuits
Never meshing well into the fold, I yearn simply for permanent isolation
There is not enough joy to justify the agony that life forever guarantees me

Nihilism and anger, desires for maniacal retribution, the only feelings I've ever known
Clouded over now by perpetual physical torment, my formerly hollow shell continues to exist without capacity for optimism
Yet without hate, there seems nothing left
Shall I forever be adrift?


Details | I do not know? | |

This bitter love

For the years I have stood hear,
It has brought me many tears,
Loves bitter bite inside my heart,
I love so much it tears me apart

The only thing he sees is hate,
He can’t see this love is great,
I sometimes wonder if he sees,
That love whispers in the trees

I don’t know if he hates or loves,
As he wants to be above,
I no longer see it in his eyes,
As he thinks I say nort but lies

I wish this did not hert so much,
Like a fire to the touch,
Sometimes I wish that I would die,
So I can’t hear him say good bye


Details | Blank verse | |

Truth Is I Am Sorry

Sorry I wasn’t strong enough to uplift you,
Truth is I am and have been weak too.

Sorry there wasn’t much I could do,
Truth is that I have already helped a few.

Sorry I wasn’t there thick and through,
Truth is I believe I can someday again be the one there for you.


Details | Rhyme | |

The Little Girl

There was once a little girl everyone called an "old soul"
This little girl had far too much self control
All the time she wanted to beg and cry
To be let out of this life, to be buried under blue sky
But she never did cry to die
Not out loud, but all the time inside
Everyone thought she was just quiet and shy
They had no idea that she wanted to die
Of course you wouldn't think a child of that age
Would be tired of life at this tender stage
But tired she was, tired of the nights
When he would come into her room
And turn off the lights
She wanted to die yes, each and every time
But no one knew and she could not tell
She would just peer over ledges
And wonder "What if I "fell"?
She often wondered how she could "accidentally" leave
Because in her life she only ever grieved
Grieved for her innocence forever lost
She wanted so bad to die at any cost
She did not die though, she was not brave enough
To take her own life no matter how rough
So she just went through the days listlessly wandering
Everyday, every year the same questions pondering
"Why do I continue to live this life
When all it ever had for me is strife?
I'll tell you why, because I' a coward
Too scared to take my life, too scared to be empowered
Too scared to live and be free
Too scared to know the deepest parts of me
I have to do something I can no longer abide
Living everyday just to die inside"
The girl made a promise, to herself and no one else
That she would put her pain on the shelf
She would leave it there and try to forget
Everything that happened, all the torment
There was a life she wanted to live
She decided it would be in her best interest to forgive
Not forgive him, that she could not do
But forgive herself for everything she went through
And try to live the life she always wanted
Being happy and vibrant but not haunted
Haunted by the ghosts of yesterday's past
She hoped she could be happy now, free at last
But the girl did not really believe deep inside
That from her pain she could actually hide
Pain and suffering was all she knew
What if this plan for her life also fell through 
The girl did not know what else to do
So she just went on with the days
Pretending to forget what she had been through


Details | I do not know? | |

Another Year On

So many things that go around,
Yet in this crowd there is no sound,
The world seams dead and void inside,
And I can’t seem to run and hide.

I hear her screaming out for help,
She gives a final wounded yelp,
She hits the floor and eyes turn black,
Now she knows she can’t turn back.

Those left behind hide up and die,
No one ever wants to cry,
The tears of blood cause too much pain,
Our poisoned hearts are not the same.

As your body dissolves to ash,
The whole world changes in a flash,
No more happiness for us to share,
No more mother to love and care.



Details | Rhyme | |

bloody red roses part 2

     She lies in a pile of bloody red roses

She left a note to her folks  saying

" I cant go on im sorry"

      It didnt say why

But still we cry

      We are all very sad

some of us are mad

       none of us are glad

She'll b greatly missed

        To me she was like a sis

But when will the rumors stop

        Noone knows the truth not even the cops

My pain is great 

       I wish we hadnt been late

But when we got there 

        there she lay 

on her already made bed of

Bloody red roses


Details | Free verse | |

Why Am I Sad

 Why am i sad?
Why am i sad when i should be happy, when the sky is full and the sun is shining and the birds are singing, why am i sad?
Why am i afraid when the sun goes down and the sky fills up with darkness and it feels like i’m suffocating and choking on my own words and silent screams of help.
Why am i sad when i have the person of my dreams right next to me, telling me they love me, telling me they want to be my world,
Why am i drowning in tears, afraid of my fears coming to life, being choked by every little demon that has burrowed a nest in my head.
Why am i sad when it should be the best day of my life, when i’m moving on with the people i need right next to me.
Why am i so sad that the voices are telling me to swallow more pills and things are telling me to open up the veins under my skin, letting the stench of death fill the room as i fall to sleep.
Why am i sad when life is perfect and everything is going right for once, why am i sad?
You see, sadness is an emotion,
an emotion that fills you up and puts you to the point you sometimes want to give up the fight, 
an emotion that takes away your light and your breath so you only see the darkness,
so you only hear the voices calling to you to just jump, to just cut, to just swallow the rest of the sleeping pills. 
an emotion that makes someone count 5 reasons to stay but 10 reasons to leave,
because sadness is a bully,
a bully that never gives up the fight, that doesn’t give up til you give up and you’re laying 6 feet under.
Sadness is a monster that is out for revenge, to taste the sweet blood, to feel the coldness still of your body.
Sadness is my worst enemy, but also my best friend.


Details | I do not know? | |

A Bloody Sea

Across the cool, blue ocean,
a love will wait, but maybe not.

Two halves that make a whole,
impossibly perfect, or so they thought.

For she found another half
that fits like they were made to be together.

But the deserted half still whispers,
"I'm yours", as the tears fall.
Broken. Cracked. Fragile.
Never to be whole again.

And as she thinks about who she left,
She regrets it, because the sea
calls to her, lamenting her choice
and speaking of his broken heart.

She goes to the water and stands waist deep.
The sea shows her his agony, and it makes her heart bleed,
soon she will breathe her last.
Blood dripping into the sea to fix his shattered being.
Drop by drop he will be renewed,
but she must cease to exist.
Blood falling into the sea until the last drop has left her body.
Her reward for breaking him, is breaking herself.


Details | I do not know? | |

The Wound

Bleeding bleeding bleeding,
How do i make it stop.
I wrap it with my shirt,
or tie it off with my belt, 
but everything is for not.

Bleeding bleeding bleeding,
this gives me time to think.
As I lay here all alone,
The truth is what I drink.

Bleeding bleeding bleeding,
it will finally stop, no doubt.
There was never a need to think about it, 
My cares have all bled out.


Details | Free verse | |

Oh Well, Oh Well

I’m tired in this drop
The walls are all the same
I’m soaked now

In the midst of deteriorating
It hurts more than normal
I think it’s broken

The light up top is gone now
Just like the one down here
Oh well…  oh well.

The love inside the teardrops
Has turned to the coldest rain
Now there’s just the pain

It’s settled in my chest
Eating at my insides
Feeding at the dead lives

The end will not come quickly 
Not even quietly
For now, I just sigh at thee


Details | Free verse | |

The Razor

The razor has left you with scars that remind you
Of how you had wanted to end in the bathroom
And now they talk softly and tiptoe around you
So you won’t be tempted again by the past gloom


Details | Free verse | |

Summer School

One year I went to a summer school. 
And there was a girl there 
With shining eyes and
An award winning smile. 
She was kind to everyone and 
Excluded no one. 
She always laughed with others
But you could go to her when you 
needed it.
We talked for hours and
Quickly became friends. 

Last year I went back to summer school. 
The girl was still there. 
She had sad eyes but
Kept the award winning smile. 
She was kind to everyone yet
Excluded herself. 
She never laughed properly 
But you could always go to her 
when you needed it. 
We talked for mere minutes and
I guess I lost a friend. 

This year when I went to summer 
school
The girl was no longer there.
Rumours of suicide surrounded
Her name
And no one was kind to us all.
Everyone excluded their-selves.
Silence consumed every thought and moment
Because no one was there when we 
truly needed it. 
Memories of talking haunted me and
I couldn't help but miss my friend.


Details | I do not know? | |

Pill after Pill

Pill after pill
The pain still remains,
Night after night
Glued to this haze 
thinking of you
emotions spread
love, hate, everything between
covered in shade
after slowly going insane
this blade,
allows emotions to escape through my veins.


Details | Free verse | |

scarlet tears

i. there is a drop of scarlet in the glass of vicissitudes–– 

a taint of shadows in a fluorescent
room. its shape baring teeth
at the reflection in my mind.

“a false portrayal of self-actuality”, concludes the
shrinking voice of a certified delusionist. she says that
my bones are brittle and my skin is worn
but no– that, no,
that is not me

my entity is solely defined by my
despondent thoughts
and my cracking fragility
interlaced with
streaks of red and
black and
blue

blue like the broken veins that
engrave my skin in a constant
reminder of who i am and
who i will never be

 ii. two drops now 

i will never be the smile on
her face in the waters or the
laughter from her imperfections splayed out against a white wall or the
solid self-assurance of a growing leader. and
i will never be the consummate words
that grace a meal with gratitude at the end of the
day (thank you lord)

thank you to this body that has
tried its best and to this mind
that bleeds in the grasp of its masochistic owner
thank you for the strangled lips that have
spoken my lies and to these eyes
that have seen the world in
delusory in all its grandeur.

iii. the imminent red flows in an addled solution of
thick and thin, its path changing so
fluidly

fluid like the love in my heart that
cowers from myself yet peels its
flesh for everyone else;
as solid as the robust
affirmation vibrating through my bones
that cries in joy at its sublimity

and in my head i hear the people ask,
“why cant you just learn to love yourself?”

oh– but dont you understand?
i do. i do love myself.

i love the way my eyes shine
with tears and how my teeth glow
from soundless words that emerge from
the gaps of tenebrosity and
the way my heart sighs contentedly
in its barren aspiration

i love the way i
have run out of tears
and words to define this
agony, silence screams
betraying me and endorphins refusing
its exoneration

and since i cannot do all this,
i let myself replace letting salt out from my sore eyes
with the release of iron from my scarred wrists

iv. and in my hand the glass shatters
and a sea of scarlet deluge my ipseity in a boundless suffocation


Details | ABC | |

For You

By Robielynn Collins 
 

 You are my best friend, 
through think and through thin, 
and I guess you didn't realize, 
that it was a sin, 
but I prayed to God, 
to make you whole, 
and to take you to HEAVEN, 
and to save your SOUL, 
I know he will, 
becaus HE'S a loving GOD, 
and HE can do anything, with just a nod.


Details | Rhyme | |

How Much Longer Will I Last

Will my life last, much longer?
What am I doing?  I began to wonder…

Many things keeps dragging
 me further down…
What’ll I do?  There’s no one around???

Many “things” have 
  a hold on me…
I cry every night…  I want to be FREE!

I’ve tried and tried…  But to no avail…
Just when I think I have victory…  I fail!

I’ve read in scripture of a power
 I haven’t seen.
I read of a lord who
 can do ANYTHING!

I’m going to give him a try! 
 I’ve nothing to lose!
I’ve been so hurt, worn out and abused!.…

To you, dear Jesus… 
 I confess my every sin.
I can feel your love
 from deep within!

Thank you Jesus! For giving
 me a joy I never knew…
I don’t know where I’d be if not for YOU!

You’ve brought to my life
 a peace I never had.
For all you’ve done for me.  I’m so glad!

Won’t YOU give your burdens
 to the one, I call friend?
And experience the joy of being born again?

Please come to him now!  
Why not this hour?
And experience his life-changing power!

By Jim Pemberton  


Details | Couplet | |

This Will Startle You

This Will Startle You

What if you were to become overly involved
Results were that your group was dissolved
Wondering where he should go from here
As he tries to overcome his each fear.

On you mind, what will worry have an effect?
Which is next sin he should try to select
And remove from arsenal containing many
In the end will finally no longer have any.

Meaning of this, what could it possibly ne?
So committed suicide to set my soul free
From all of my life which was full of despair
And on my body, I felt trauma everywhere.

Was all mixed up from my mental condition
That is a modern rendition of a new tradition
Of having given up when all is finally lost
Died and behind remains of life had tossed.

James Serious Mysterious Horn
Retired Veteran


Details | I do not know? | |

Abuse

Trapped. No where to hide.You scream at me through the door.Though your words still 
sting me.
I sit on the ground alone.Blood drips down like tears. tears run down like rain.The room's 
spinning.  My heart bursts out of my clothes.We got into a fight.  Why is unclear.
I tried to leave.  You hit me. I fell.I started to cry.  You kicked me.A sharp pain burst out of 
my chest.  I could not breath. I have little energy,I kicked you.  You fell. I ran to our 
bedroom.
I am trapped.  No where to hide.I'm weak. I stumble to your Night stand.I see a gun.You 
break down the door.  I grab the gun.You start to choke me, squeezing my throat like you 
were trying to get some sort of juice out of me.
I pull the trigger.
BANG!Trapped.  No where to hide.Your grip feels looser.   Your face in pain.
You fall down. i fall into darkness.Free.  No need to hide.


Details | Free verse | |

Dealing With Depression and Self Harm

Hey guys this isn't a poem it's more like me telling you all about myself and my life.
As you all may know from the content of my poems that I suffer from mild to severe depression. I've been depressed for a little bit over a year but it's only now      that it's really starting to set it's roots and kick in full effect. It used to just creep up on me one day I'd be happy, smiling and laughing then the next day I wouldn't want to get out of bed I'd suddenly become sad for no apparent reason at all. It would so bad to the point that I'd get excruciatingly painful migraine headaches daily during which any kind of light made my eyes hurt. If I tried to get up and walk I'd get dizzy and lose my balance there were times where I couldn't see, I couldn't eat. I was also very self conscious about my body image and weight and still am. I used to weigh 105 pounds and my doctor would tell me that I have a high metabolism and I'd hate myself for that no matter what I tried to do I couldn't gain weight. That alone would be enough to send me into a downward spiral of depression I'd try out for the football team at my school and I'd get rejected because I didn't meet the weight requirements and that would make me even more sad. Ok moving on I now weigh 120 pounds I'm still not happy with it but I accept it for now. Nowadays I get so depressed over anything literally will trigger me. I'd worry about things and then I'd obsess over it. Recently there have been times I'd obsess over things to the point that I'd get suicidal. Just recently last night me and my girlfriend had a fight and almost broke up I got so depressed about it that I couldn't stop thinking about what I'd do without her and I got extremely suicidal I did something that I hadn't done for almost a month. I self harmed. Speaking of self harm when I first started doing it I'd cut my wrists almost every night it got so bad that at the end of that first month my wrists and forearms were covered in scars. Through the times when I was extremely suicidal I did everything I could to kill myself I hung myself from the ceiling fan, I've tried to drown myself, I've slit my wrists, I've overdosed, once I've even attempted suicide at school in the restroom. Over the past months I've tried to be strong, I've tried to set a good example for my little brother and sisters, I've tried so hard but on the inside I'm just really sensitive and weak. I've just recently started thinking about reaching out for professional help.


Details | I do not know? | |

Symptoms Of A Paralyzing Depression

The loneliness is unbearable
The misunderstanding is crippling
All the years of active rejection
Slowly engulfing the being 
How I thought them to be the worst
But it’s the passive rejection
That’s what’s really killing me
The quiet shunning of who I am
The subtle hints that I’m not invited
It’s quite evil really
Unaware of why,
My bitterness grows
Thus if I ask, they’ll point to a monster
The monster they themselves created
Once a wide-eyed optimist
Transformed by the continuous rejection
See, it initiates the group’s strength
Knowing they shared in the killing
Leaving the remains to the birds
Starved the soul is
Craving something
Anything, a heart can latch on to
But nothing is there
Everyone leaves
Deep thoughts, an empty stare
Drown myself in music and writing
And so it does heal
The slow, gentle numbing of the emotions
Of the deep pain I feel
Living through the art form
The only life I have
An outcast, the lone wolf
My loud howl from the top of the mountain
It’s impact felt only from within
Inclusion, I often question if that’s all I desire
Inclusion simply for the sake of inclusion
It’s not, but how pleasant it would be to finally feel it
Perhaps just until the right ones come along
My feelings are a dark empty abyss
I feel everything, and yet nothing
Impossible to express, as even I am unaware
I’m getting lost in my head again
Overthinking and zoning
Suppose it is explainable
As I haven’t gotten much sleep
Symptoms Of A Paralyzing Depression
Course through my veins
And I am aware of them
And I am scared of them
Yet what can I do, surely can’t tell anyone
How would I live with myself
So I’ll keep it to my own
Knowing my burdening of them, their cold pity
It would prove them right
All along, they knew I was a loser
This self-fulfilling prophecy always occurs
Labeled as a rebel, an outcast
A loser, a pariah
I want my feelings to be known, want them understood
Want them gently caressed
But it seems that will never happen
I am socially depressed


Details | I do not know? | |

When Death Is Imminent

If I were to die tomorrow, Would you be filled with sorrow? If you were told I will soon die, Will you, for me especially, cry? If I were found dead, Would you be filled with dread? If you were to witness me dying, Will you realize, all this time, I've been lying? If I were to find relief upon death, Would you feel grief as I breathed my last breath?


Details | Couplet | |

Hollow Puppet

Hollow puppet dancing on her strings,
Fear, fear please don't trim her wings.
Crumple down to hard dirt floor,
Never, never to dance any more.

Limbs this way, that way thrown;
No movement truly her own.
Dark, empty all around,
No purpose, value anywhere found.
Meaning escaped,
Fear evaporate.

Hollow puppet dancing on her strings,
Begging, desperate, please trim her wings.
Pain, pain go away,
Let me dance no more this way.


Details | I do not know? | |

Hang With Me Tonight

Hold my hand and tie a noose
Close your eyes and let hang loose
Watch the world fall out of sight
And darling, hang with me tonight


Details | I do not know? | |

Untitled

Have you ever been so angry?
That you can’t express hurt?
When the highlight of your day
Becomes your downfall.

I’ve flirted with disaster
Destruction became part of me.
I have no one to blame 
For I am my own misery.
05/23/08


Details | Rhyme | |

My Room, Dark and Black

My room, dark and black,
My nightmares come back,
My past, won't leave me,
I need someone to free me,
Deep hurt, my pain,
All the regret makes me insane,
My eyes, wet,
The reasons why, I'll never forget,
My arm, bloody,
My heart, broken,
On each breath, I'm choking,


Details | I do not know? | |

Trying

there’s darkness all around me
so thick that I can’t see
all my life means nothing
I can’t take it being me

I take some pills 
but you stop me
I try again
and you commit me

I hide a knife from the nurse
and hoping she doesn’t see
what I’m about to do
please let me be


Details | Free verse | |

Too slow

A walking static that I am.
The outside meets the inside,
a reflection.

To be without being,
to stay without staying,
to exist, without existing.

Buried above the ground.
Solace found in solitude.


Details | Rhyme | |

Satan Wants Me to Be Destroyed And Defeated

Satan Wants Me to Be Destroyed And Defeated!

Satan wants me destroyed and defeated…
So God’s will in my life, won’t be completed

He wants to see me “up against a wall.”
And wants to be there, when I “stumble and fall.”

He wants for my life to “crash to the ground.”
And he doesn’t want any help to be around!

He wants my life to come to a “screeching halt.”
And then try to tell me, it’s all of my fault!

He wants to see every good thing to be destroyed.
He doesn’t want God’s truth to ever be employed!

He’ll twist the truth into any way that he can!
Anything of God…  He doesn’t want me to understand!

He wants to corrupt what I’ll do and say!
And wants to take everything wholesome away!

I need to listen and trust Christ to overcome!
I can do it, through the blood of God’s son!

With him as my Lord, Satan will have to flee!
I seek the blood of Jesus to daily protect me!

A invite you Jesus to complete your will in my life!
And ask for your blessings upon my family and wife!

I seek Jesus!  Behold his awesomeness and power!
Jesus is the victor!  Satan is defeated this very hour!

Thank you Jesus! For redeeming my soul!
Because of your shed blood…  
Satan has to go!!!

By Jim Pemberton


Details | Free verse | |

Words

To many people this paper means hardly anything
And the ink used to write this means almost nothing
Yet the words and what they represent, what they hold
The power of these ideas and feelings; something to behold

However a cruel fate has been bestowed upon me
My words go unnoticed when that's all they're meant to be
If people don't listen, then my words barely mean something
My ideas, my feelings don't exist and I mean nothing

This is the harsh reality I must accept.
In the end I remain silent, unheard- no hope
Who I really am, a secret forced to be kept
Perhaps I will finally be heard with the help of a rope.


Details | Free verse | |

Callused

My mind is callused.
Rubbed so raw,
time after time,
but has done its best to heal.

Repeated friction, anger and defeat,
leaving behind a slightly tougher skin each time,
but even the thickest skin will eventually crack. 

Too frequent, too forceful,
blistering pain and silent agony.
My mind stands alone.
Alone in this war,
alone, only accompanied by it calluses,
a constant reminder of the brutal past it barley overcame.

Worrying and waiting, 
waiting for the pain to come back,
and I know it will.
Its all just a game,
a sick, miserable game.
Sitting and anxiously waiting,
waiting to be cut open, 
waiting to break skin,
waiting to bleed,
waiting to leave ugly, unsightly reminders. 
Its all just a game.
I am the player, the winner and the loser.
I want to control my own fate.
I want to control my anxiety. 
I want to control my ability to be bruised, to heal.
I want to control the game.
I want to control this circle that keeps replaying, hurting and healing me along the way.

But I can't control it.
So,
my mind,
is left,
callused. 


Details | Verse | |

Lament

Sadness surrounds me
Like falling snow
Piling up all around
Deadening the sounds
That come with our world
Floating through the air
Out of control
Falling
Falling
An open field where
Snow erases individualism
Hiding the beauty 
Nothing stands out
Blank


Details | Rhyme | |

In Silence I Drown Pt2

Stepping back
inside,
I speak but I'm not
hearing my words,
The world of silence
has arrived to
serve,
My sliced
up......broken.......self,
For I have been
waiting in pain
alone,
Widening my scars
with a sharpened
throne,
Remains of my
unfinished past,
Still haunting today
and tomorrow,
My sorrow seems to
be endless,
Illness controls my
emotions,
No other solution is
there,
So I stand and
stare,
So goodbye to this
filthy unfair world,
Because silence has
arrived to erase,
Marks of chains
around my body,
Wasted years behind
the curtains,
Suffering your
eternal happiness,
Killing my smile
with yours,
For it never was
found,
I shall be drowned..
In silence..I
drown...
In silence..I
drown...
In
silence..I..DROWN...


Details | Free verse | |

1937

Madrid it is a hot and sad place.
Filled once with music and pretty women
now filled with bombs blasting on street corners
and old women hovering over their dead husbands.
Madrid was once a place of love and culture.
Love was full through every hotel lobby
to every small cafe, love was all around.
Now, nothing but abandoded buildings
inhabited by rats and broken dreams.
The hotel lobbies once home to rich folk in tuxedos
drinking expensive champagne and dancing,
now filled with young boys bleeding from bullet wounds
and burn't to the bone.
Madrid once a home to life
now a home to death and war.
Fellow Spaniard fighting fellow Spaniard
in a Civil War between life and greed.
Life was all good and well
till 1937 came around.


Details | Rhyme | |

Suicide Is Not the Answer


Lately, I have noticed a very disturbing trend.
Many people wish for their life to end!

There are many circumstances
that bring this about.
Many feel "trapped in," and think
"there's no way out!"

I admit,...  I have been very
discouraging thoughts.
Sometimes, wondering, if I was dealt
"the wrong lot."

But just when I feel alone
and trapped within.
I think about Jesus! He's always
been my friend!

I've called to him more than a time or two...
When I didn't know
"what I was going to d."

When, to him, I cried out and pleaded...
He's given to me the hope
and direction I needed!

I recommend this same Jesus
to your life today!
Whatever your problem...
He has made a way!

An abundant assurance
Is what Jesusbrings!
He is an awesome God!
And can take care of everything!

Your problems are never too big
or small for him to take control.
He can bring healing to you!
And make your body whole!

He is what's needed! In this lost
and dying generation!
Won't you accept his mercy
and salvation???

By Jim Pemberton   2012





Details | Rhyme | |

about you i had a dream

Last night about you I had a dream
Punching the marketplace time clock
“Morning Ralph, Morning Sam” and so it seemed
At work we always laughed a lot
You came to me and lotioned your hands
With the candle I made just for you
We stole a lunch of fruit from your mothers’ bins
And I bought us cheese enough for two
There we sat planning our next run
A decent Friday night pizza we did seek
Living in the hills of Carolina was no fun
The bland food left us feeling weak
This Morning I remembered when I moved away
I feared to leave you in such a state
A sensitive soul with no ability to pray
I never imagined your fate
By phone in your voice, I heard your subtle cry
But I could offer only words
At the end of a frigid long distance line
I was afraid you would succumb to your hurts
Then one winter night, I heard of your plight
Words still hanging in the stuporous air
“He gave up the fight, he took his own life”
As if you didn’t even care


Details | I do not know? | |

My Past

It's difficult for me to remember my past.
From my very first memory to my last.
I have put my friends, family and myself through so much.
No longer am I able to feel God's touch.
The scars are here forever.
I obviously wasn't very clever.
Overdosing, suicide and cutting.
The doors that were open to me are now shutting.
I have almost ended my life a lot.
But before I could I got caught.
No longer will I try.
I just wish to die.
I say that all the time.
Everyone complains saying these are crimes.
I have been through quite a bit,
as the cigarette is being lit.
When will my pain go away?
Not until my body is in the coffin where it shall lay.


Details | Free verse | |

No Longer

Beautiful...
This oil scented black...
Closet, no way out...
Mommy? Daddy?
.....................................
There not proud of me...
It stares...
Dead in the doorway...
My slip of air...
Boiler on...
Record plays...
...sdrewkcaB
Silence is in the air...
Dad?
He takes me once again...
Throws me on a bed...
And he said...
Nothing...


Details | Couplet | |

Transformed smile

The hurtful smile
A life lived in denial...

Pressures exerted from the outside.
Life dealt him the hind-side...

The emotion of fear -
a peaceful, yet regretful tear...

Rolling, rumbling, glistening...
his face is resting...

The hurtful smile
relieved for a while...


Details | I do not know? | |

Dark Light

 Sometimes I feel like falling,
 Or drowning in the rain,
Sometimes I feel like cutting,
To see her face again.
The Shadows of a darker mind,
Twist, confuse and lie,
I never did understand why she had to die,
I see her face in haunting dreams,
Or looking back at me,
She seems to root me to the ground,
When all I want is to flee.
Her morbid beauty chases me,
Like vulchers around meat,
Her stone cold ear upon my chest,
To cocxe my finel beat,
Amogst this all is one smart ray,
A dimond in the mist,
That hold me close to take away,
The razor at my wrist,
The dark and light confuse my brain,
There never ending war,
Mother I love you and always will,
But James I love you more. 


Details | Free verse | |

domestic battlefield

a neglected yearning
orphaned, long before death
concealed in view
obscured to the world
a parting conductor; reflected
an isolated pair
left without


Details | ABC | |

WE

By Robielynn Collins
 
 It wasn't my fault, 
that 45' to your head, 
what was going through your mind, 
could not be said, 
the pain you we feeling, 
the hurt that you felt, 
the emotions gone crazy, 
because what life had dealt, 
so in one little moment, 
you took your own life, 
and ended the turmoil, 
the pain, 
and the strife, 
but for those left behind, 
especially me, 
I had to come to terms, 
It would no longer be 'we'!


Details | Rhyme | |

Suicide Notes

So, I find this topic very interesting. Suicide notes. Not in the good kind of way, of course, but...Why leave a note? Wouldn't you like to keep them guessing? The word "Suicide" is awfully beautiful. So terribly pretty.
These poems are suicide letters. You'll notice when a new letter is coming. 


Suicide notes-

My dear friends,
I write to you,
From times of sorrow,
you carried me through.
Picked up the pieces,
stitched them together,
Oh how i wish,
I could stick around forever.
But no, dear friends,
it's time to go,
I have to fly free,
there's no more of me to sew.
One by one I'll speak to you,
you'll hear me in your mind,
And no one will know.
One by one I'll write to you,
up in the sky of clear shaded blue.
Here it goes,
Here is one,
Don't you know,
These are suicide notes.

-Who were you, my dear friend?-

Who were you, my dear friend,
glass green eyes,
with piercing blue.
Spoke to me,
words of gloom.
That's all you did, 
it's all you do,
so now i'm saying,
Goodbye to you.
Gleam and Glow,
shine and sparkle,
you let me go.
I know that you're reading this,
So please before you rant,
know this is no joke,
You are a suicide note.

-My sweet friend, You left.-

You know who you are,
you know what you did,
You used to be my shining star.
Before you left,
you went away,
Darling I asked for you to stay.
I know I cant make you,
I know you don't want to,
but do you remember?
I love you.
Too much, too little,
You made me hate you.
Go on with your new friends,
tell them i say hello,
and please let them know,
They made you a suicide note. 

-Oh, my lovely dear friend.-

Ah, and now it's all on you.
The last song of the blues.
Oh my love,
it was all up to you.
You could have saved me,
But you let me be,
sad and alone,
when my dark colors shone. 
But yet,
i'm sorry.
Yes, me.
I'm sorry I ran,
I didn't know how to say,
Man, i messed up,
No more Always.
And These words that were running through my head,
all mixed up,
they all made up to say,
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," 
To stay.
In your way,
I'll go home,
and write about you, 
in my suicide note.


Details | I do not know? | |

death be rest

I conceal my face and head
praying i was dead
I struggled to forget
But my heart would not let
I wasted my convincing
That you were real
I stopped praying
I'm now shattered down
Sitting on the ground
I once thought life would go on
But it all turned out wrong
I decided to give it a last shot
Only it wasn't worth the fought
I now have a gun and knife 
Deciding if i should take my life
I slash my wrists
And shoot my head
My body falls to the floor
I now lay in a puddle of blood
Forever put to rest


Details | I do not know? | |

Is It Not Glamorous When God Plays With Puzzles

I tried to calm a pearly anger fed with steroids
the squid of progress buried me in oceanic white
now the fluids hospitalize my veins once more and a arm
once upon a midnight eve where no santa came to pay me presents

within this tapestry of fluent self destruct amid
your always smiling words of caress that eye a lie in me
telling me existence is worth the unit price not the store brand
how can you defie the snowflake of your life
when its upside down, abusing and reusing a resource so invalid

lets play crouchet with these iron gates we call heaven
stepping on the staircase so golden, like cheddar cheese
in the spring time rainy days is your death device
on a rainy season is your clutch to provide a piece of the puzzle
take the puzzle of your chest and fall to pieces parts
and god, with his open eyes, closed up chin, partially ruptured head
he'll scream you to earth like a roller coaster
telling and keeping up with your fucking score on life
as your soul turns into a muffin casing in your bodie
muffin casing for your minds appeal

child, this tempting notion to drag the cigarette on each day
is burning the ends of the rope down to where you can't climb
to where you can't heal the pains which attempt to bowel
so orgasmic to kill yourself it may so seemingly taste
but the varied mistake is ultimately a letter not found on a jacket
a empty life not written on plain white paper

your shoes are barely wet on the beach
on the sands of time, it grizzles your hair strands faintly
look up to a sky full of potential absolution
its a starry dream worth more exploration then you think you know
is it worth to throw your quarters at or will you burn
burn your dollar bills of memory, experiences, breaths, friends, family and love



Details | Couplet | |

Sad Round of Beer

Sad Round of Beer

When in all of self-pity a person wallows
Will soon be greeted by their own gallows,
And all the many things they tried to hide
Encouraging efforts to commit suicide.

With many felt like I had a close bond
Which disappeared with wave of a magic wand;
To many may seem tragic my difficult end
So this euphoric, eloquent eulogy must send.

What words could describe my each woe?
Battle is over and towel in have to throw,
And now on earth, I am no longer are here;
For Robin, drink one more sad round of beer.

James Thomas 
Retired Veteran


Details | Free verse | |

White Roses Turn Purple and Black

White roses turn purple and black
When your mind becomes whack
When I think of death
I see you smoking meth
There's so much to gain
Why cause yourself pain
Don't smoke crack or shoot up with a needle
It makes your mind weak and feeble
Stop snorting that coke
It can make you choke
You won't get any kisses or hugs
Only losers take and abuse drugs
You may think that you are a winner
But in fact your life is getting thinner
So if you think doing drugs is cool
Then you're just a dumb fool


Details | Rhyme | |

An African American Woman Sits With Tea

I try to count my blessings
And compare my life to hers
I try to see that I have so many 
reasons 
to maintain my nerves

But, she is the one that never cries
But, she is the one that never cries

She has been through a war
And yet she prays
She has been without food
And yet she hopes for a better day

Yes, she is the one that never cries
Yes, she is the one that never cries

She looks at me and all my glory.
We both wonder 
what I complain about
what’s my story.
Why I don’t have her strength
to survive.
Why with every waking moment
All I think about is how to die.
Maybe I should fly to Iraq,
Or Africa
Become and untouchable
In India
Sell myself and meet this slave
So we can sit and talk
For a moment
And she can teach me how to be brave

And why she is the one that never cries
And why she is the one that never cries


Details | Prose Poetry | |

3Fabel3 Part Two

The day was almost over the length of shadows added to the horror the suicided 
failure as eye kicked the step away from the very air eye breathed only to discover 
that the rope that eye had lengthened only added more to links already there until 
my feet quite reached the floor and the suicide was haltered when the noose 
quite simply hit the floor. Yes eye commited suicide yet now eye am still quite 
alive and living in my love. Eye have uncovered the secret of the screen the 
gamma rays are there in the background when they are lessoned the blue turns 
dark there is a control eye found marked cool. The computer hurts my lidded 
brow much less now. Blackstone's characterization of property rights as "sole 
and despotic dominion which one man claims and exercises over the external 
things of the world, in total exclusion of the right of any other individual in the 
universe," the exercise of this fabel is now exercised for ewe she owns the 
poems too. 
          Hemp Rope 

Natural hemp rope, hand-twisted in Romania into 50 foot bundles of various 
diameters. Made from dry-spun hemp yarns, this rope is traditional hemp rope 
unchanged and in continuous use for centuries. Naturally mold and mildew 
resistant, this rope is suited for outdoor as well as indoor use. A classic product 
with a truly rustic and natural look. You'll get years of use for out of this hemp 
rope regardless of the application. 
Look at this last line gentile reader a glitch most certainly or just a mistranslation 
it must be why the eye is still alive and the rope just did not hang me. The Law of 
Blackstone is now the one of Livingstone eye presume.