Mama, did you know the precious amethyst shadow hours
I spent beside you, cuddled cosy-close, nestled in blankets of light,
shawled in your red-gold hair? I kissed each tear you cried;
each one a starlight pearl forged from the depths
of your fragile soul. I rocked seashell-shut to each lullaby note
and silently watched as you rocked my cold, empty cradle.
Sometimes you sensed me coiled at your breast -
a small balled knot of grief. You felt my tiny fingers plucking at you
as tingling shivers. And sometimes I bounced sunshine-free
on your knee, a giggling orb of light.
Little one, once again I felt you here,
entombed in the womb of this eternal everywhere room,
your spirit sifting through my fingers like hourglass sand.
Pain has blanked my mind wraith-white, but I felt
your lips nip the warm rosebuds of my nipples
as I pressed a lullaby to the delicate shell of your ear
and brief blessed seconds spun out like years.
My sentient heart will always hold you, my grip will never slip
as my earthbound hands, human-warm, reach through time
and heather-shadowed ether to love and care for you.
*'phantasy' is a deliberate misspelling, an amalgamation of 'phantom' and 'fantasy'
Sad Heart, now thou art wither’d from the Sun,
What man, or god, will near thee run?
Wrought in twist like branches in Tempests' gasp,
What Comfort, or Gauze, shall be near to grasp?
True ones begotten are the ones now Rotten
And the ones now Rotten will never be forgotten
They are merely sad remains of assiduous Tears
That have been meddl’d with and tatter’d Raw throughout the years
And thou, cruel Mind, that sat’st still thru toiling trail of Night;
Must dream your broken Dreams; thou’rt a sanely flight!
Can thou extinguish passions of Fire, Disease, or Rain?
—tho thy distinguish’d influence trains to abstain
Thy Remnants brought to debris in thy Empty street,
Devour’d by Vultures, their bestow’d beaks entreat
Merely are they cleaning an inexhaustible Mess
Alas! Leaving thy rudiments of Identity to redress....
I love you today,
I loved you the days,
Before those ones... .. .
Yet kept a secret
No one knows
Silents DON'T last
A child's laughter
Ain't easy to hide you
ONE DAY IT'S,
Oh, Poisiden, you disrupt my sea;
Alter not your color for the likes
Of miserable me;
Your mouth foams in revelry
As I gasp desperately for
One remaining breath;
My rosary floats upon your
Fickle friendship of fury,
For your whims leave me
With goose flesh as
The grapevine wraps itself
Around my throat ~
I bear witness to antiquated
Notes which deceive;
The tongue of thy counterpart
Scorches this bosom...
Nevermore do I grieve,
Yet I swim vainly;
The chastity belt on land
It does remain,
Drowned dreams of delusion ~
I lurk within the shadow of
Door number two.
A fleeting still small voice tries to warn me
A sudden overwhelming desire to run
The tell tale taste of metallic flakes
Means my nightmare has begun
Everything around takes on a ghostly pallor
A landscape of anguish and corrosion
A moment of silence before the violence
The flash of light, the brilliant explosion
The sound of the Sun fills my ears
Fear, my throat, though none escapes me
And paralyzed I clench my eyes
As my tormentor prepares to rape me
And it's endeavor is absolute
Consumption is its ultimate goal
It exists to chase me so it can erase me
Whilst feasting on my soul
And then that familiar salty smell
The sudden rush of warmth so stings
Engaging me relentlessly
In vile unspeakable things
Over and over and over again
My limbs stretched and wrought
As it's teeth tear my bones bare
It's mind defiles my thoughts
And still wounds beget wounds beget wounds
As in the mouth of madness I suffer
And with every injury he just seems to be
Rougher and rougher and rougher
Then just as suddenly as it began it ceases
And for a moment I am clearer
And then the true horror of it all
Is revealed in a darkly lit mirror
There in front of me stands my destroyer
Face flush with it's fill of my pain
And I find that it's eyes and mine
My God, they’re one in the same
" From the debt of my heart"
The African child
Sat behind the bamboo fence
He was sober and tense
Sputtering and wondering.
He forsook the bush meat
And the gathering under the moonlight
For sobriety and the causes of his uncertainties.
His clothes were like dried leaves
His feet like openings in the eaves
He longed to see a brighter tomorrow
He clarified the causes of his sorrow;
Sins of the father,
Fighting not to make things better
Therefore darkening the weather,
Making his destiny falter and bitter.
Tears exuded from the sound of his flute,
His fears enlarged like a parachute
But one thing he never understood,
Watch and pray, oh! African root
For your foundation is stinky, filthy,
Faulty and guilty...... watch and pray.
Silence can deceive
One's quiet to understand
Another to destroy
Obsessed with the thought of you
wondering if it's only me or
if you sometimes remember the sweet things you've said
and if you meant them how I took them
or if I'm just obsessed with what's in your head
Obsessed with your very sentences
Every response I take personal
I know it's selfishness
Have you not noticed my eyes?
They hold secrets that only you can unlock
if you'd just take time to fill the thick juices of my pride
It's just boiling with lust, passion, trust and distrust
and other things I obsess over so much
I find myself writing to free myself from this prison I've created
where only you and I reside
I become confused about what I'm really feeling inside and I
try to rid the thoughts that are highly debated as false and I
begin to cry and
think of casting love spells so that the universe can deliver this affair
I know it's unfair
but I don't care
I'm obsessed with what hasn't happened between us
I'm obsessed with your heart and that the fact that
I don't think you've even noticed my selfish innuendos
and secret undertones that blatantly express my lust
Or maybe you have and you calmly remain in resistance of distrust
If you could only read my mind by simply touching my fingertips,
I'm sure I'd catch you out the corner of my eye biting your bottom lip
I'm obsessed with the passion and thoughts I think you have
Obsessing over an experience that I may never have....
Rolling through a bloody mess,
my master died alone no less.
His mercy was indeed a lie,
he said I lived but now will die.
His hand was swift with a mighty stroke,
within a thought my life was broke.
Oh how I lived, and he knew not,
but now I lay...my life to rot.
No foot, nor hand could move a limb,
Three days old and no sign of him.
And then he came at my wits end,
With strength alone I cant defend.
He lift me up and broke my jaw,
Just to laugh as I hit the floor.
He took a blade and made a fist,
stabbed his flesh, his vein, his wrist.
Now you're dead and now you're mine,
drink from me and you'll be fine.
I could not stand my masters site,
I killed him quick with my own bite.
Smokeless inhales hurt.
I cough tar on my shirt.
As my black lungs breathe,
Shrilling exhales wheeze.
The nicotine cracks
my heart breathes its last breath
Embraces its own death
Ready to be reborn
and made anew
Can’t live a lie
Refuse to “do”
and I’ll DIE....
Focus now on why I’ll live
And never touch the sky.
I have to forget you
I have to reject you
But I will never love anyone
like I loved you.....
I heard you whisper
and you never knew it
I wiped the tears from your eyes
But you couldn’t feel it
You’re lost and you’ll never find you
And neither will I
And I’m so sorry--
but I’m NOT.
I'll attempt to reset
Try to forget
But you know, I never will.
Be my dirty little secret
My very worst-kept secret
Sweet, smooth, beautiful poison
My infernal and endless attraction
towards complete and utter self-destruction
I fell in love with the devil
And it will take one heck of an angel
To save me from the likes of you....
my dream never to come true
Oh, I’ll never forget the times
we never shared
I’ll never forget
how you were never there
Always me, the stars, and tears
And I ask you,
what kind of life is THAT?
I have to face the facts
I don’t know what happens now
but it happens without you.
The stains will always be there
the scars will never fade
But the memory of you----
it HAS to.
I could carry the torch forever
But it would only consume me
I can’t cry another tear for you
Or I’ll dry up completely
It doesn’t affect you
and you never deserved me
You’ll go on with your life, too
All, all alone
Because you’ll only ever be in love
I walk a mile to see the self in me that I believe to be,
I knew the road I choose to lay my head to sleep is called my home,
times in need I could barely see that in myself I will set free,
the act that held me down, something about me I could not see,
I lived a life when I decide that day I said that I don't care,
so young, so bright, I dim my light, traumatized for me to share,
love me please regardless of what you heard and what you have seen,
friends say that I'm only human, yes you're right, a human but who am I being?
My life will move in the direction I choose,
this I know I have always been taught
that I choose to be a winner or lose,
its entirely up to me its all in my thoughts.
I do not know?
To a heart that can not yet forget
the moments he spent,
the beats that eventually stopped
at the same moment when
out of that door, people stepped!
To a heart that yet,
does not regret
the dream it lived
for a long time
and now, it woke up
and none of that is aside..
to a dream that turned to a nightmare
to a life that, by that time,
I thought it was not fair
But it repaired what it did,
or so it thought..
or so I don't believe..
But why can't I just forget?
Yet I don't want a turn,
but at least value what is there
what is now in turn..
What makes me hold on
for something that passed long time ago
what makes me forget
the smile that I have drawn now, on..
I don't know..
It must have been real,
I, so believed in dream..
I don't know..
But I thank GOD that this door
is now closed
and even the key,
Maybe.. It is just..
Afraid of another fall..
That is for sure
Nothing is guaranteed,
and nothing is totally secured..
But what in hand do we have to do
when days are just passing through..
What is the mystery behind you my heart,
what is there inside of you my soul,
what are you thinking of, my mind
what else do you want
after being alive...
I don't know..
Afraid of tomorrow?
And who cares,
as long as we all unite..
Afraid of a fall down,
As long as we will stand up STRONG
just as ONE..
Just tell me what is wrong?
why are you so lost..
when the road is well lit around
and you know the way
so why are you lost..
I don't know..
Into the light I see,
with rays in clouds and warmth in me.
Brittle is the air around,
no voice is there, nor sweeter sound.
Within my scars and broken back,
there are my kin, there love I lack.
The oceans turn, therefore I weep,
Is it truly my tears to keep?
Now the mountains begin to fall,
like sand and dust to death they call.
I hear my children bleed and cry,
there bellies thirst and almost dry.
Some will seat and eat there fill,
"lets help them now, so now we will!
His mother would find pride within,
a pretty thing this life of sin.
Alas, my days are almost through,
my breath, my flesh and heart is too.
Let this be my final song,
for war alone is for the strong.
Into the night I see,
is there still love left for me?
He glances out the window,
And watches the sunset,
But he doesn’t see the beauty,
Nor the warm rays which,
Pierces through the glass,
Only the anticipation and,
Anxiety of a long night,
Carefully, he watches,
The colors change,
First the bright orange,
"God I pray this never ends…"
Filling with a deep red,
"Just a little while longer…"
Slowly softening to the,
Deceptive pinks and purples,
"Please, one more minute…"
Fading into the crimson black,
Which only night can bring,
Reluctantly, he gets ready for sleep,
Yet, knows it will never come,
He tossed and turns,
Half praying, half waiting,
Knowing what will happen,
In the way only a child can,
A light! It peeks through a crack,
In the door as a shadow floods the opening,
Quickly, the figure slips through the door,
And shuts it softly, but not without the,
Empty creak which has become so familiar,
The shadow climbs in beside him,
Touching his trembling leg, whispering,
“Hush little brother, it’ll be alright,
While I’m here, have no fear,
I’ll keep you safe tonight,”
He struggles and writhes,
Sadly knowing he will never,
Break the grip and prays to faint,
To loss all consciousness and,
Memory of that horrible night,
Just for one night without the pain,
Just for one night without,
The cold empty feeling,
Several years pass, too many to count,
A single call, one he had never expected,
He rushes to the hospital to find,
His tormentor for so many years,
Lying on a cold, hard bed,
Able to move, but only by pushing a button,
Able to speak, but only with a whisper,
He stays by him for weeks, caring for him,
Reading to him, watching over him,
Still suffering, still unable to move,
He takes his brother home,
The day goes on, moving slow as all,
The evening comes and he,
Watches once more as the sun sets,
Carefully watching, Orange to red,
Red to purple, and as the purple turns to black,
He walks into the room where his brother lies,
Slowly, he sits next to him, holding a pillow,
Stroking his head whispering,
“Hush big brother, it’ll be alright,
While I’m here, have no fear,
I’ll keep you safe tonight,”
The difference between right and wrong,
Can be hard to find,
But who’s there to see you,
When justice is blind?
The meadow's radiance gradually dimmed
and evening littered far and wide
it encouraged the unfamiliar
and everything uncertain.
The night accelerated sounds of anticipation
as a thousand strangers loomed
and I thought him to be a foreigner
until he glanced twice
as his smile slightly dropped
astonishment plagued him
Insecurity encompassed me
as I turned away in doubt
betrayed by the numinous...
that often guides my thoughts
He left with lady and child, to merge
With a thousand anticipating strangers
and the northern lights sheltered me
the explosions across the sky
gave satisfaction -to so much expectation
that unexpectedly emerged
Then the night was briefly soundless;
the applause prolonged
as were my duties...by my immersion
and within what felt like only seconds
he was passing,
through a thin pane of glass
all I could yield was a smile,
a smile to the incredulity within his eyes.
Enclosed with the evening...was the meadow,
and the difference was indistinguishable.
< Early morning,
Its rainy and dark,
Cloudy and gray,
Emotions flowing not,
So dim and sadden,
Stuck in a zone,
Feeling all alone,
Now dressed in lace,
And black satin,
Emotions flowing all over,
Yet still lost,
Dazed and amazed,
Felt crushed pancake flatten......>
A bridge stood tall beneath a sky
Of colour shining bright
Darkness and light both amplified
And beautified the night
The stars, they danced in rainbow gleam
Kissing the velvet base
The gentle heavenliness of the dream
Renewed my ugly face
It seemed that years had disappeared
And time had fallen asleep
As I stood upon the bridge I feared
But now I keenly reap
A college friend was by my side
I felt as if my past had died
Simply renewing reality
We watched, living and nonliving
As the stars expanded and glided
I gaped, silently forgiving
My ugliness that had subsided
The lake below grew jealous
Of our glowing, beauteous form
But we ignored it, obliviously zealous
As the cold chill of night kept us warm
When daylight came upon us
The balance was tattered and torn
My glowing frame was suddenly conscious
Of the lake below, forlorn
I stared upon its glimmering waters
While the sun burnt out my paradise
The college friend was sliced and slaughtered
By the reality I have come to realise
The ugliness declines to subside
But who says beauty can’t be rough?
The stars refuse to shine so bright
But still they shimmer enough
As for that random college girl
I just don’t know how long
But I’ll find her someday in this world
And who’s to say I’m wrong?
Rest is a requirement,
in order to have this,
sleep is a must,
after a day’s of hard work,
wherein sleep is a must,
to freshen up the next day,
though the mind goes to sleep,
and the body follows suit,
the subconscious mind awakens,
and in lie,
a number of dreams,
that always reigns in my mind,
is the death of my wife,
but more than a couple of times,
why does this dream,
often arise in my mind,
is the answer I seek,
is it because of the love we have towards one another,
or is it the compassion for each other,
or is it in relation of serving one another,
or is it a kind of warning,
a warning to take care in the future,
some people may call this as the sixth sense,
while I call this a nightmare,
as nightmares are really scary,
yes, nightmares are quite scary indeed,
if you do agree with me or not!!
From:-Mr.Manu Nair (dated 19th November, 2012)
There are no lies to be written
Real life is how it's read
What I write is the honest truth
No more regrets
I've been pushed
I've been shoved
Straight in the gut
Where my heart bleeds out the love
No bandage around
To patch it up
Pressure more pressure against me
On the floor bleeding
No help to come save me
Pain creeps around the room
On the floor I try to breathe
Need the therapy
Read this aloud
Know what I'm about
Feel my pain
Look at my face
I get up on my feet
Love still dripping
Someone help me!
I can't see
Need the therapy
As I open my eyes
I see plain white bright walls
Noticed I'm patched
What happened to me?
I sit there and wonder
Why me? Is this my fantasy?
This is what therapy put on me
I do not know?
Desolate,prideful,terrible and sick
People have created themselves a new brick
Sinful bricks have planted a wall
Wall has brought a major fall
Pride eyes are seen every where,
Hatred is blowing and flowing no care
Hardening their heart is enjoyable for them
Staring eyes is nothing but pride in them.
Writing with a pin,
I know it is wrong.
Writing with a pin,
Blood is being drawn.
Writing with a pin,
My skin's burning and searing.
Writing with a pin,
It's wrong, but it has a satisfying feeling.
I walk in the rain
In silence I pace
Gaze on the sky like an image
Of reality yet vague …..
Is it just me or us?
Seeking answer from gods
Is it a fantasy or reality?
A glimpse of Siddhartha smile
There is a way….
Its karma to play yet
A must to pay …..
If it’s a poem then am dreamin ….
like the raven
who taps taps upon
your chamber door
do not fret my Virginia
for it's my shadow
moving across the floor
this is what I'm telling you my darlin
and nothing more
I still call your name
come to me virginia
come hear the tap tap
upon your chamber door
for only you my love
I surrender and never more
wind howls in blanket snows
here I stand so all alone
broken hearted and misconstrued
my Virginia who lies under stars and moon
just a tap tap upon your chambers door
tis I and nothing more
tales of hidas truth
blackbird sings harps cords
just like the tap tap upon your chambers door
my sweet Virgina whom I adore
for there'll be love waiting and nothing more
as I lay right next to you in this tomb
I counted only seven who have even knew
the times of this raven who
tapped tapped upon your chambers door
twas only I and will be never more
Tribute To Edgar Allen Poe
And His Young Bride Virginia
Also To His Poem The Raven
No sound at all
This is where you live
No one to talk to
The blackness, engulfing
Smothering the air out of you
In this vast void with lack of light
You are forced to believe
That you see a speck
A tiny green light
Way off in the distance
This blot of light brings so much hope
So many desires
You can hardly breath
Suddenly the light grows larger
You feel elated
No sound at all
Things are back
To the way they will always be
Silent In a cage,
No blanket for a bed
The little kitten
Laid by its food
The lights in the building
Lit up above the cage
The sweet little Cat
Asleep and alone
A man quietly came in
The poor little kitty woke
The man approached and
The kitten spoke
The man held the kitten
And the kitten was happy
The man said, I want this
One and he waited
The people behind the counter
After a delay said no
The man left broken hearted
And the little cat sadly stayed
Will that little critter ever
Have a happy home
Or will it have to
I don't have filled spaces.
Nonexisting time lies to me,
making me feel as if I were not empty.
Space remains painfully unoccupied in me.
There is no prince
no poetry or sigh
that a sigh without cause is consequence of passion.
There is no romance or excitement.
Word or song.
Meaning or ignorance.
I don't have time, it's true,
for I am filled with the strange intensity of freedom and youth.
However, all the space of my soul I keep
like a ballroom with no ball.
. . . If someone shouted in me . . .
it would echo.
I do not know?
Have you ever been so lost that you feel that you will never find your way out, That
the whole world has moved on and left you behind. You want someone to come
find you make things ok again but as you look as far as you can see there is
never anyone there. You yell for help but again no one is there to hear you. You
can run but there is no end no way out. You just stop and sit there waiting hoping
to be found to be some were you belong be loved and cared for, The air keeps
getting colder and the loneliness darkens you. You start asking God why? But he
never answers, You think is he even there is he real? guess not you know that
people in the world have it worse then you but that don't mean you pain don't
count, It hurts the life you once knew and loved not a perfect one but it was yours
now is gone, Will you ever find your way back, belong some were? As the night
comes you lay there and cry yourself to sleep trying to get all the answers your
heart needs but like you the answers are lost. As you sleep you dream of the life
you wanted a happy one but then as you start to smile something reminds you of
what is now gone, And you are lost all over again. Maybe Someday I will be found
and the world will be right again.
This doesn't belong to me
here you can have it back
i held it now for almost seven years
its getting heavy
you can take it anytime
i don't want to hold this anymore
why cant you take it
it doesn't fit
and it doesn't belong
it tears me apart
the struggle goes on
go ahead and cry
i can hold onto that to
just drop it in and go right through
i'm just a stop
a shoulder to need
and you can go on lifting away free
i'm slowly falling
i'm tipping from side to side
i'm not quite stable
but i'm only here for the ride
i'm not going to take charge
i'm not going to sit
and stare out my window of regret
my window is clear
clear as glass
and gets bigger with everyday we pass
its making me sad
tears run down my eyes
i cant let it go
that's no surprise
i tell you what i tell you
and hear what i hear
but what about everything inside
everything i fear
i got that to
right beside the picture of me and you
i know this is crazy
and i know i am to
but what about my secrecy
i have to follow through