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Limerick People Poems | Limerick Poems About People

These Limerick People poems are examples of Limerick poems about People. These are the best examples of Limerick People poems written by international PoetrySoup poets

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Details | Limerick | |

Viagra Falls

There once was a man from Niagara
whose wiener's so long it would stab ya'

but when it got little 
his pills became skittles   
until he O.D.'d on Viagra

© ~JSLambert  2011*****A classic "stiff" competitor, standing "firm" amongst other "members" in the "thick" of the competition:) hope everyone gets "a rise" out of it!


Details | Limerick | |

Where Talent Lives

While doing my daily internet loop
I read some poems at Poetry Soup
Some souls were bared
Emotions shared
By a wonderfully talented group

So many unknowns are gathered together
Brandishing their talents without a tether
Notable skills
From gifted quills
Flocking together like birds of a feather

Whether mundane or totally bizarre
Through words they express just who they are
Some young, some old
Some shy, some bold
Each as marvelous as a shooting star

To the nameless owners of this great site
Thank you for giving our poetry flight
No longer adrift
Because of your gift
You are the beacon that brings us to light


Details | Limerick | |

My Table of Three plus Me

A poetry convention is a wow
Our writes we endeavour to plough
We'll meet so many friends
To enhance writing trends
Our strengths are as thick as the bough

To my table I have decided to seat
Three ladies whom I'd so love to meet
They are favourites of mine
And they will be for some time
Their poetry to read is my treat

The first lady to seat is a gem
Her novels just shine from her pen
She's a New Jersey girl
Who makes my heart twirl
Her poetry flows 'tres bien'

The second lady to sit at my table
If given the chance, I'd surely enable
She's Maltese, she's Celene
A Mediterranean Queen
Her name would be beautifully labelled

The third lady who I now show to her chair
Her writing just makes me openly stare
It's oozes life's desire
It makes me aspire
Table Top Mountain, I wish I was there




<*> Not for any contest, but I thank Michael for the idea, ty <*>



Thank you Carolyn Devonshire, Celene Crescent & Wilma Neels for being you,xxx




http://www.thehighlanderspoems.com/poetry-soup-16.php









Details | Limerick | |

A Big Sneeze

There was a young lady called Mae West
Who was famed for the size of her chest
She came down with Flu
Gave a big sneeze 'Atchoo'
And that was the end of her vest




Details | Limerick | |

Rory

I would like to tell you the story
Of a drunken man named Rory
Who liked his pint of ale
Every day with-out fail
In the morning he looked rather gory

He would make his way to the pub
Where he would have a drink and some grub
Then go merrily on his way
Drunk as a skunk they would say
Home to bathe in a tin tub

He would walk the several miles home
Down the country lanes he would roam
Weeing were all could see
Singing the rose of Tralee
While carrying a garden gnome

One night he spotted a man
He spoke to and asked if he can
Give him a light 
No reply so a fight
But it was a tree he battered then ran

Waking in the morning hands sore
Found bandaged fingers all four
He decided that day
No more drink he did say
And he never drank a drop more


Details | Limerick | |

Canadian Chris

There's a guy on the Soup called Chris
Captain Hook or Peter Pan is his wish
Boy his Blogs are so good
By this Canadian dude
His information sure is the Biz










http://www.thehighlanderspoems.com/poetry-soup-16.php


Details | Limerick | |

PamelaKaye

There's a gal named PamelaKaye
Her writing style, poetic buffet
A sweet Texas tart
Who has a big heart
And a buttocks the size of Bombay


Details | Limerick | |

Poets Night Out

<                                  dancing and twisting the night away
                                    karen O'Leary just had to say
                                    Joseph Spence and Dr. Ram
                                    our convention's quite jammed
                                    hope katherine Stella's table won't sway 








Poets At My Table
 
Myself   Katherine Stella 
Karen O'Leary
Joseph Spence
Dr. Ram Mehta
 



Entry For 
Michael Falotico's
A Table For 4 Contest  
G.L. All


Details | Limerick | |

JoJo's Memory

There once were two people online
Through e-mail their lives intertwined
They swore in each letter
That they'd get together
Neither one knowing what they would find

So one day when both had the chance
To see under what circumstance
They would think of each other
Be it friend, be it lover
Either way it'd be one heck of a dance

So the one went to the other's town
To see which emotion is found
But they must grow a bond
Before taking love on
Even buildings are built from the ground

The first day they soaked up some sun
Followed by dinner and fun
There was no stopping
Their bar-to-bar hopping
both drunk by the time they were done

They ended up at his hotel
"One more drink", she had said, "that sounds swell".
But the kissing, caressing
Led to them undressing
Ignoring their White Zinfindel

They woke the next morning perplexed
The ache in their heads had them vexed
They both had enjoyed
What they tried to avoid
Neither knowing what they should do next

So neither one spoke of last night
And both were nervous and uptight
But it would be a shame
to be pointing the blame
at what at the time seemed so right

But knowing it couldn't be ignored
They talked and their feelings were poured
They both felt confused
And a little bit used
But it was something they both could afford

When the trip came to an end
They enjoyed the time they did spend
With a kiss and a sigh
they both said goodbye
And to this day remain closest friends


Details | Limerick | |

Trooping of all Colours

The day I joined the Soup Frankly I was so cock-a-hoop So many kind poets Who didn't all know it Most definitely the best writing troop http://www.thehighlanderspoems.com/poetry-soup-12.php


Details | Limerick | |

OLD MELON

There once was a hunter named Frawley
Who lived in a shack, outside Raleigh.
His dog, funny but true,
Would only hunt honeydew.
The dog was a true melon collie.                                               


Details | Limerick | |

GREEN SLEEVES

Jack Daniels could grow very mellow;
They called him a jolly, good fellow.
But, strange as it seems,
The good fellow turned green,
When he fell in a tub of lime Jell-o.


Details | Limerick | |

BYE, BYE, VI

An eccentric young lady named Vi
Got it into her head she could fly.
So, in spite of her shrink,
With a nod and a wink,
She went sailing away through the sky.


Details | Limerick | |

THE DANVILLE ANVIL

There once was a blacksmith at Danville
Who made so much noise on his anvil
That the neighbors, one day,
Quietly hauled it away,
And bulldozed it into the landfill.


Details | Limerick | |

SUPER CHIEF

An Indian chief, named Bold Eagle,
Once lived with his faithful old beagle.
He maintained his station,
Without reservation,
In a style that was in tents, but regal.       


Details | Limerick | |

I'll Vote My Way, Thanks!

I will not be dismissed as a dunce,
lumped together by Gallup or Luntz.
I will get out and vote
without need to emote
and defy every pollster for once.


Details | Limerick | |

three seconds left

 First he slinks off the field with a miss,
 so forlorn, then the chance to do this.
 Will we boo him to shame?
 Will we drink to his name?
 The ball is down. The kick is up! The kick is...


Details | Limerick | |

The Monster Mash

<                              dancing to the hit song monster mash
                                frankenstein and werewolf got real smashed
                                took the witches culdeen
                                and boiled up mummys spleen
                                Quasimodo joined in on the bash


                                witches brew of brains spleens gizzards hearts
                                illuminates party from it's start
                                Dracula and zombies
                                lurking for free bodies
                                poor old frankie's wife just fell apart 



                               the bewitching dance came to its end
                               when bats flew in frenzy around den 
                               on this all hallows eve
                               trickery was up sleeve
                               sent my 3 black cats in to defend


Details | Limerick | |

Pigskin Precept From Vincent.

"You must go fourth and one!" They all shout.
 while conventional wisdom they flout
 Yet Lombardi once said:
"Never waver, instead,
 put the three on the board and get out."


Details | Limerick | |

Body Odor Blockhead

When she told him he had b.o.
He put on the ‘insulted show’
“You say I smell?
Well I can’t tell
You must have a defective nose!” 

No, everywhere he goes he reeks
Oblivious to his toxic leak
She dreads his visits
His stench inhibits
Her smelling her roses all week!


12/5/11


Details | Limerick | |

How To Pick Up A Girl

Make sure you can manage the weight
Remember to keep the back straight
Then lift slow not quick
That should do the trick
You’ve just learned to pick up a date


Details | Limerick | |

Black Friday

<                     ladies ~ gentlemen ~ start those ...... engines
                         miss  ~ Ho ~ down - prices .... would be a sin
                                        best buy - circuit city
                                   black ~ friday .... how pitty
                        5 am ~ now ~ who ~ wears ~ smiling ... grins 





                          k- mart ~ wal - mart ~ target ~ pennys
                              red tag sales of many and plenty
                                 but you must buy in bulks
                        and ~  get ~ guy ~ like ~ the ... hulk
                to ~ push ~ cart ~ while ~ you ~ chat ~ with ... jenny




                         let's ~ all ~  hop ~ on ~ over ~ to ~ I - hop
                         your one stop for christmas breakfast slop
                                sure pancakes sounds yummy
                                     but wait till hits tummy 
                                 be sitting on stool till it plops




Entry For
Carolyn Devonshire's
Commericialized Holiday Humor Contest
Gl All And Happy Holidays
Love Kathy & Jenny


Details | Limerick | |

Eating out

Loud speech in restaurants is crude
Why are the obnoxious so rude?
Their noise should be banned
This is not a food stand
But a place we pay for the mood

Author's note:  My wife and I went out for dinner with friends last night.  That was the inspiration for the limerick above.  However, this is also an allegory for what is wrong in today's world.  There is a critical shortage of consideration for others.


Details | Limerick | |

Deal Or No Deal

<                             Once was a gal shopped all garage sales
                               Nuts ~ bolts ~ screws ~  all found in one big pail
                               Husband said had nice rack
                               Wife turns ~ gives him.... good smack
                               Loaded - buckshot - and - boy - did - he .... wail 



Written by
Katherine Stella 
9/8/2012                              
                             
Entry For
Skat's
A Poets Garage Sale
GL ALL


Details | Limerick | |

Poor Choices

There once was a prison for boys.
To some, guns were not only toys.
They had too much fun
Life lived on the run.
Confinement has very few joys.

Teachers taught; helped some of them learn.
Disturbance sometimes took a turn.
“Teach” treated them right.
Boys “partied” at night.
In the classroom stomachs did churn.

An offender has feelings, too.
Not just an animal at the zoo.
But crime has a cost.
One's freedom is lost.
There's no more McDonald's, for you!

Fast food was not their only loss.
Prison guards were mixed in the sauce.
Obey what they say.
Or suffer their way.
Survival or cry; it's a toss!

Exercising in the hot sun.
It's what they must do to have fun.
With sweat pouring down,
Some cuss and some frown.
Poor choices, have this privilege won!

© May 30, 2011
Dane Ann Smith-Johnsen

Written for Poetry Soup Member Contest:  BEHIND BARS BLUES 	 
Sponsored by: Miranda Lambert


Details | Limerick | |

P D How Foxxy is She

There is a poet so foxy and sly
She needs no introduction and that’s why
Her pen is very quick
Almost as fast as her click
See her creativity and words fly

Watch out for the beauty in auburn hair
Things in her path she hasn’t a care
Stay out of her way
On any given day
Or you’ll be the next one caught in her snare

Hurt you she won’t for she wants you alive
Into your mind she’ll sneak and connive
She will drive you mad
Which will make her glad
Getting under your skin where she’ll thrive

This foxy lady is swift and shrewd
Always on the prowl and never subdued
She’ll catch you unawares
Without putting on airs
Your fate determined one might conclude

Wrapped around her little finger you’ll be
No other woman your eyes shall see
Artful and wily
She caught you so slyly
An unbroken heart there’s no guarantee

Let her think since she’s caught you by surprise
That she’s the only one who got the prize
Yet she did you the favor
You’ll be the one to save her
Since you are the real fox in disguise


For the Contest: P.D.'s Inner Animal


Details | Limerick | |

Bow Pow

<                                    cakes and sausages on hot griddle
                                      uncle Leroy's dam dog just piddled
                                      slipped ~ slide across floor
                                      grabbed shotgun by front door
                                      now dam ole dog just plays an fiddle 



                            bow bow bow bow bow bow bow        bow ~ wow 
                            ow ow ow ow ow ow ow                       bow ~ ow 
                            with   tail    between     own  ~              legs 
                            now    dog    sings  ~    and  ~               brags
                            about cousin's daisies's  bad                 bow ~ pows
                  
                                                                                        
                                                                                     


Entry For John Freeman's
Slapstick Limerick Contest
Gl All

Poor Ole Dog LOL


Details | Limerick | |

There Once Was A Young Boy Called Tim

There once was a young boy called Tim,
Who decided the Mersey to swim,
Got in to his knees,
But started to freeze,
So decided it wasn't for him!


Details | Limerick | |

Oh Your Tricky

once was an tricky old leprechaun
colored blarney stone with neon crayons
so much for gift of gab
I just hailed down a cab
and ran over that fairytail icon







Details | Limerick | |

Mars And Venus

On Mars it's a man you will see.
On Venus a lady will be.
     But what's so amazing,
     Will make all your heads ring.
They both get together with glee!


Details | Limerick | |

Dan of the Land

There's a man named Dan of the Land
His poems humorous, never bland
With a flick of his wrist
He writes prose with a twist
From a mind that is always unmanned


Details | Limerick | |

Lady of the night!

Your body men desire
It fills them full of fire
They want so much
To feel the touch
The gifts you have for hire.

You walk the streets so dark
Your future bleak and stark
You work for bugs
To buy the drugs
That really hit the mark.

Your pimp is a drug dealer
A professional money stealer
You feel the pain
Hooked on cocaine
He is your true fate-sealer.

You passing nobody to mourn
Thirty years since you were born
You only know your punter
Who really was your hunter
But it’s you the people scorn!



Details | Limerick | |

These Colors Don't Run Limerick

<                                 once were twin towers on horizon
                                   bombarded by Al Qaeda what sin
                                   then came many heros
                                   lost too at ground zero
                                   America's flag still flew in wind




In Loving Memory To Those Lost
On 911 R.I.P. You Are Not Forgotten


Details | Limerick | |

Garage sale

I once had some poems to unveil
So I  decided to have a garage sale
so I put up a sign
to all those inclined
to peruse my poems in  detail

But rain fell pitta  patter
and some people  did scatter
to shelter from the rain
but many remained to purchase dizains
and sonnets were served on a platter

When the weather had cleared
several  people came there
to buy my acrostics and rhymes
with Mcwhirtles on sale for a dime
while rispettos  were sold by the pair


Details | Limerick | |

SLICK LIMERICK


a dancing queen called nette onclaud rocked hip hop steps in tasseled shroud she leapt in thin air wind blew her false hair... shaved head bowed to a cheering crowd *yayy! * © ----------- CONTEST: PD’s Slick Limerick


Details | Limerick | |

Nag Nag Nag

All the old woman does is nag, nag, nag.
How do I get rid of the old windbag?
There is a bumper crop
when she goes nonstop.
For peace and quiet, is there a price tag?


Details | Limerick | |

The Naked Truth

<                                our top story tonight is Lawyers
                                  a pain in the ass and real spoilers
                                  with  fancy cars homes suits
                                  fifteen hundred kaboot
                                  rather hire cowboy wearing just spurs






Entry For Carolyn Devonshire's 
Lawyer Limerick's Contest

GL All
                                  
                                  


Details | Limerick | |

Prep Talk

<                                      Peter ~ Piper ~ picked ~ pickled .... peppers
                                        Ate ~ one ~ turned ~ into ~ hot ~ salsa ... stepper
                                                Cherry ~ Banana ~ ....  Bell 
                                         Boy - his - tongue - throat - did ... swell
                                         Couldn't ~ even ~ yell ~ at ~ packs ... prepper






Entry For
Destroyer {Poet's }
Pickles & Tickles Contest
G.L. All


Details | Limerick | |

CLEVER GIRL


A foxy dame passed through a diner
with auburn locks bouncing here and there.
    Dude sighed, “ take the best wine
    but tonight you’re all mine;
chimed she,” hike off; I’m this bar’s owner.”



Roy Jerden's Clean And Clever Limerick
11/16/2014



Details | Limerick | |

Portrait of Carla

Written by Gail DeBole 

A coupon clipper named Carla
Has a bookshelf of coupons in her parla'.
      She clips more each week,
      Treats each like an antique,
And guards them against any burgla'.


Note: Part of the Portrait Poetry Collection


Details | Limerick | |

Plain Computer Talk

”. Errors, error, press on “any key
Yes our minds are a clutter you see.
I told you what to do.
Now you are turning blue.
No” any key” shows itself to me.


Details | Limerick | |

You Stink

<                            Once came along a super ninja
                              Dagger Nunchucks Gi sword Wala
                              Hiding in the sewer
                              Got covered with manure
                              Fear not his weapons but hands haha


                             
                              


Details | Limerick | |

Fire In The Hole

<                                        once there was ten devious children
                                          oh how they did a poor little sin
                                          brother had passed some gas
                                          they lit match to his ass
                                          dam dog was even wearing a grin






Entry For
John Freeman's
Giggle Poetry Contest # 2
G.L. All


Details | Limerick | |

Portrait of Lily Rainbow

Written by Gail DeBole 

Lily Rainbow, a summertime freak,
Was as bold as a mouse is meek.
    After caught in the rain,
    She lived up to her name
With a gold pot tattooed on her cheek.


Note: Part of the Portrait Poetry Collection


Details | Limerick | |

February Funny Bone

                                 Once came along a groundhog named Phil
                                 Looked for shadow in winters chill
                                         Even top hat and coat
                                         Didn't stop whining's gloat
                                Stuck six more weeks paying heating bill                                 
                                  






Written by 
Katherine Stella 2/4/12
Entry For
Linda Marie's
February Funny Bone Contest
G.L. ALL


Details | Limerick | |

Portrait of Mr F Shui

Written by Gail DeBole on February 4, 2013

A man with the name of Feng Shui
Arranged his life in a Qi-loving way.
Full of sweet harmony,
And life planned to a “T”,
Bad Karma didn’t “stand” in his way!


Note: Part of the Portrait Collection


Details | Limerick | |

A Distempered Horse

There once was a skinny horse name George.
Poor ole soul lived alone in a gorge.
Three fit sheep came his way.
They were traded that day.
Matted, bony, his belly engorged.  

Onward He forged, living on the brink.
I’ll save him, one young maiden did think.
Head hung; life was his game.
George, his infamous name.
She prayed; from his needs, she did not shrink.

George would not drink; lips were cracked and dry.
She asked God, “Please don’t let him die.”
Water was his kismet.
Sweet feed filled hope’s bucket.
She cut out mats; whisked away each fly.

Six months later, George was still alive.
Lips were moist; he ate; began to thrive.
With some flesh on his bones,
And relieved of his groans,
The day of her moving would arrive.

The time came when George had to be sold.
Half Arabian, not very old
Registration papers.
The old trader’s capers,
You promised them, the young girl cajoled.

How could he live; does he have luster?
Papers lost; no death by distemper.
Confessions on that day,
The girl went away.
Compassion to the horse did whisper.

New owners bought him, his health still poor.
His price and potential was the big lure.
They quickly changed his name.
Greener pastures, the game.
Star’s beauty became his life’s encore.

© June 7, 2011
Dane Ann Smith-Johnsen

Written for Poetry Soup Member Contest: A Horse Story 	 
Sponsored by: Carol Brown

(Based on a true story)


Details | Limerick | |

Don't read

I told you not to read, still you are here
Aren’t you reading just cuz I said not to, dear??

Haha! Got you! Reverse psychology it is
Control that smile playing at your lips!!

You couldn’t! Isn’t it? Now, don’t comment dear peer!!!


Details | Limerick | |

Oh Snap

<                              amidst afternoon's summer's pose / nap
                                are nana's two little handsome chaps
                                logan and just lucas
                                bonded secured by trust
                                brotherly love now don't make me snap
                                                          
                                                                
                                
                                
                                
                                 
                                 
                                                           
Written By Katherine Stella 5/15/11

Entry For Miranda Lambert's
Brotherly Love Contest
G.L. ALL


Details | Limerick | |

Portrait of Paula

Written: October 3, 2010

There once was a lady named Paula
Who loved to shop at the Mall-a.
She shopped ‘til she “dropped.”
She shopped and she shopped
Every Spring, Summer, Winter and Fall-a.

Christmas time put her skills to the test.
It was when Paula proved she was best.
The crowds stood amazed.
Paula could shop for days
Without losing her holiday zest.

Gail's note: Inspired by my friend Paula.
Part of the Portrait Poetry Collection


Details | Limerick | |

All In The Family

<                          once Edith laid her hot iron flat
                            husband Archie called her his dingbat
                            then son-in-law ~ meathead
                            put iron on dam bed
                            boy fire did make Jefferson scat





Written By 
Katherine Stella 10/30/11
Entry For Techno - Limericks Contest 
To Be Co-Judge  G.L. All


Just Gotta Love That Archie LOL

Note Please Never Leave Your Iron On
Can Really Ruin Your Day Yikes


Details | Limerick | |

Piquerism

This is based on the news out of fairfax, VA about a guy that is slashing ladiies behinds - there have been 4 or 5 reports so far.  Piquerism or picquerism (from the French piquer - "to prick") is a paraphilia and form of adomasochism in which one finds sexual gratification through penetration of another person, most commonly by stabbing or cutting the body with sharp objects Piquerism or picquerism (from the French piquer - "to prick") is a paraphilia and form of sadomasochism in which one finds sexual gratification through penetration of another person, most commonly by stabbing or cutting the body with sharp objects

Some guys don’t think that it’s wrong 
To ruin a pretty girl’s thong 
They just love to cut 
A young lady’s butt 
Just to excite their own dong

Now in Fairfax, Virginia he’s found 
In the aisles with dresses and gowns 
With a well planned distraction 
He goes into action 
And pretty soon blood’s dripping down 

 He thinks that he’s pretty slick 
With a razor, a knife or a pick 
He finds a young cutie 
And then slashes her booty
I tell you this guy is just sick 

When the cops catch him it will be plain 
That he’s reached the end of his reign 
With his Piquerism 
He will wind up in prison 
And his booty’s going to feel pain

 Mdailey        7/29/11


Details | Limerick | |

Subversive Valentines Day

Once I had a girlfriend and ex-wife.
Two ladies at the same time in life,
Mistake I made this day.
Not proud in anyway.
First mistake, second retake in strife,

Girlfriend I gave flowers for the day.
Ex-wife and I married, oui evay,
Messed up my life again,
Not knowing where I’d been.
Girlfriend forlorn, wrong card I did play.

Ex-wife left me, I got just deserts.
Got what I deserved for all my flirts.
Valentine’s Day, bad karma,
Cupid dealt me, my dharma,
Disengaging me of all subverts.


Written for

Sponsor Francine Roberts 
Contest Name Valentine's Day Limerick 


Details | Limerick | |

Ale Sale

There was an old lag* at my sale,
Who drank all the barrels of ale,
As the beer was sublime,
He confessed to a crime,
And puked on returning to jail.

*A prisoner/a person who has often been in prison

For Skat’s contest


Details | Limerick | |

A Sly Teaser

At a time inconvenient it teases,
As it comes whensoever it pleases.
Creeping ever so sly,
It will make you yell, "Why?!"
And the thing that I speak of is sneezes.


Details | Limerick | |

Let's Get Ready For Some Football

<                                   let's get ready for some football .....    Ya !
                                     Eagles   verses    da   .....   Bears   Well ... then  Hey !       
                                     Here's kickoff ~ by     da .......    Bears
                                     Ohhhhhhhh !  fell  off ....  T  .....    Unfair
                                     Second  ..... blocked  .....  Eagles    7 - Nay !


                                                                      
                                     
                                     
                                    

                                    
Entry For 
Linda Marie's 
Let's Limerick Contest
G.L. All    



Tribute To Football


Details | Limerick | |

'Occupation' Troops

Guess I'll ne'er understand those loony loons

   Shaking their fists at the Wall Street tycoons

      The Tea Party did it right

         They didn't leave filth and blight

            'Occupiers' remind me of baboons

Robert L. Hinshaw, CMSgt, USAF, Retired
© All Rights Reserved


Details | Limerick | |

CORRUPTION IN LEGAL MATTERS

He defended two thieves with a smirk:
one bimbo and a jerk;
the old, crooked judge released them
knowing it was a scam...
they walked free applauding his trick.


Details | Limerick | |

Quit Your Growling

<          once there was old woman on the prowl
            found younger man and begun to howl
            under silvery moon
            fead him with baby spoon
            now stomach does goo goo gah gah grawls



Written By Katherine Stella


Entry For Dr. Ram's Cougar Effect Contest 
G.L. All                                                                


Details | Limerick | |

Rock Paper Scissors

                           
<                          I once played rock paper and scissors
                            never dreamed theres so many gizzards
                            somehow loves this game too
                            well I just said oh phoo
                            and had to show them who was wizzard


Details | Limerick | |

A Clowns 'Defeeted' Life

There once was a clown name of Marty.
Whose circus performance was one big party.
   He made people laugh
   but that's only the half.
His appetite was very hardy.

Not for food, though he did like to eat
but for people he wanted to meet.
   He went to great measures
   to bring them all pleasures.
But a clowns life was filled with big feet.

He wanted to try the trapeze 
and fly through the air in the breeze.
   But his nose started twitching
   and then began itching.
He lost balance and started to sneeze.

Agony of "defeet" made him funny.
He rubbed them with loads of bees honey.
   But being a clown
   kept his libido down.
Now he walks tightrope counting his money!

For David Williams Circus contest


Details | Limerick | |

Keep Your Eyes on the Prize

There once was a jock with a sock
so big you’d think he wore a glock.
When he entered the ring
girls sang my ding-a-ling
at least till his foe cleaned his clock!

*martial arts


Details | Limerick | |

Sons Of An Zeus Man

<                           once came along pair gemini twins
                             castro and pollux from third sign in
                             well sons of an zeus man
                             all from mercury clan
                             sharing wealth of intelligence sin

                            with ever compatible libra scales
                            along with aquarius that wales
                            fire signs given few
                            pisces they known too
                            beneath sun and moon's with semi's tale








Written By Katherine Stella  6/26/11


Entry For Nette Onclaud's
Zodiac Zones Contest
G.L. All


Details | Limerick | |

Say it's so, Joe

There once was a fellow named Joe
To the Soup, he was comrade and foe
            At times he would blog
            Then poets would flog
Yet, he always would leave us aglow


Details | Limerick | |

Hardy by Name, Hardy by War

In History, Nelson fought the Spanish
This powerful Armada did vanish
My ancestor was in thrall
Kismet Hardy had a ball
No invasion, the infidels, banished


Details | Limerick | |

Portrait of Twisty Christy

Written: April 4, 2012
Gail's note:  Inspired by one of my BFF's, Christy

Twisty Christy can wordsmith a rhyme
Combining meters and thoughts so sublime.
She helps open mental doors.
You find yourself asking for more.
Each poem feels like exquisite wine.

Twisty Christy wears her heart on her sleeve.
Talk to her and it’s easy to see
That she’s one of a kind
Who sees the good in world-kind
And who is eager to help you believe.

With her wit, and a wink, she’ll have fun
And your mind will be on the run
Twisting and turning,
Expanding, sensing, and learning
Until the poem or discussion is done.



Note: Part of the Portrait Collection


Details | Limerick | |

Brampton Lass

There once was a lass from near Brampton
Who felt she was "God's" most holy high gun
   It turns out she was mistaken
   Those she stalked quite unshaken
Her vile and vicious quips were quite undone


Details | Limerick | |

Portrait of Chris

Written on June 1, 2012
Inspired by my friend, Chris
Entered in one of the Destroyer Poet Limerick Contests

There once was a sweet lady named Chris.
Was a Mrs., but looked like a Miss.
So skillful and strong.
No task took her long.
She was done in a flick of your wrist.
 
While others were scratching their heads
And confused because of what was just said.
Her solution was right
Resulting from mental might.
Ever humble, she helped as a friend.


Note: Part of the Portrait Poetry Collection


Details | Limerick | |

Miss Priss

<                           once there was a boss we called miss priss
                             like to give orders with snap of wrist
                             file fax make coffee
                             phones radio golly
                             when not looking I blow her big hiss


Details | Limerick | |

Life on the corner

There once was this girl who was pretty
Who resided in New York City
Got mugged Friday night
Weak attempt at a fight
Life as a harlot is such a pity


Details | Limerick | |

Who Let The Dogs Out ? { The DogGone Dog Contest}

<                              tell me now   Who ! Who ! ~  Let The Dogs Out ?
                                bet Carolyn pulling them by snouts ......
                                fleas ...  ticks....  she started to itch /////
                                screaming  sons of  a  ....... b .i...t...c....h
                                poor neighbor's dog now takes different route
                               
                                
                                
                                
Entry For
Andrea Dietrich's
The DogGone Dog Contest
G.L. All


Details | Limerick | |

A Portrait of Vincent VanGogh

To the proud parents, Anna and Theo
A serious lad, silent and thorough
A clan of preachers
And dealers of art
From the southern Netherlands came Van Gogh

When sent to school, he did not want to go
The separation led to much sorrow
But he learned to draw
Whatever he saw
Sent off to sell art in Paris, Van Gogh

His happiest time, and now in love, oh
Till the landlady’s daughter told him no
Now a broken heart
Surly to sell art
Fired from his job in Paris, Van Gogh

Vincent sought out a coal miners’ burrow
A priest of sorts, but a squalid fellow
The church was appalled
And cursed his resolve
To the asylum for crazy Van Gogh?

His father baffled, on the verge of foe
Art interest, once again, began to grow
Back to school again
This time, in His name
To paint in the service of God, Van Gogh

School’s out, back to his parents he would go
Using neighbors as subjects to ditto
Proposed to his cousin
Which she found disgustin’
Burning his hand to see her, holy Van Gogh!?!

Now off to The Hague, a family furlough
To live with Sien, a boozing bimbo
A man to see ya…
Caught gonorrhea
Three weeks in the hospital for Van Gogh

The pain of loneliness drove him back home
Once again, a failed love with fair Margot
Then Vincent’s father died
He grieved deeply inside
The tragedy further refined Van Gogh

Finally, Vincent’s work was in the know
“The Potato Eaters” made an art show
Just add more color
Said his dear brother 
Rubens brightened the dark gloom of Van Gogh

Vincent’s diet: coffee and tobacco
Mixed with absinthe began to take its toll
Though he kept on painting
Then Paris, more training
The end was getting closer for Van Gogh

The masters: Monet, Degas, Pissarro
Cezanne, and Seurat in his studio
Influenced his style
Learning all the while
That time was running out for Mr. Van Gogh

Then he moved to Arles, bad health in tow
Completing great works the whole world would know 
“Sunflowers” (in vase)
“The Café Terrace”
Minus one ear, the frail, ailing Van Gogh

With his tattered mind, and mournful woe
Committed to the asylum, Mausole
With his final works
“The Church at Auvers”
“Starry Night” was painted in pain, Van Gogh

“At Eternity’s Gate”, he was sorrow
Wandered into a field, farmer’s fallow
Put a bullet in his chest
In hopes of peaceful rest
“The sadness will last forever”, Van Gogh


Details | Limerick | |

The Standard of the High Life

The lifestyle I have I would keep
My expenses however are steep
So me you will serve
You're the help I deserve
Without any tip cause I'm cheap


Details | Limerick | |

Portrait of Dena

Written December 20, 2011


Miss Dena loves all purple things
No matter what her day might bring.
She loves purple clothes...
Has oodles of those -
And also wears quite fancy rings.


Gail's note: Inspired by my friend Dena.
Part of the Portrait Poetry Collection


Details | Limerick | |

Portrait of Jill

Written on October 3, 2010

There once was a lady named Jill
Who laughed and laughed until
She rolled on the floor
Could laugh no more
And soon became very still...

Until a laugh bigger than ever
Arose and lasted forever.
Jill's laugh is never quite done
Because her thoughts are fun
And her smiling mind - very clever.

Gail's note: Inspired by my friend Jill
Part of the Portrait Poetry Collection


Details | Limerick | |

Serenity by Trial

Born without any legs, sweet Irene, a mother and wife, is serene. By accepting her plight, She does more than all right, Saying, “Handicapped? What do you mean?” “Though I’m legless,” she says, “I’m not bound to my bed because I get around! I move quite easily on a board made for me, and I push off with hands to the ground.” “People stare, for they think I’ve been burned by life,” says Irene, “but I’ve learned that for what I’ve gone through a great wisdom grew inside me, and blessings I’ve earned.” Written by Andrea Dietrich for nette onclaud's Serenity Response Poetry Contest I chose. . . courage to change the things I can (actually this poem focuses on the entire Serenity prayer and not just that one line!)


Details | Limerick | |

A Little Problem

These midgit's live in a big castle.
Where getting around's a big hassle.
They looked for a way.
So that they could stay.
But the steps, too much of a passel*.

* Passel : large number or amount.

P. C. P. S. No offense intended with the use of the word midgit's. Peace. :)


Details | Limerick | |

Sick Trick

You complained, “Don’t come over today -
My throat’s sore, I’m tired, and achy.”
So why are you nude,
In bed with some dude?
If you’re going to lie, pull down the shades!


Details | Limerick | |

Ignorance Ville

There’s a place called ignorance ville
Where there selling real estate still
You will not raise a hand 
Bury your head in the sand
In a place called ignorance ville

You certainly won’t get much grief
For this place just beggars belief
People there will not see
There just so glad to be
In ignorance ville they sigh with relief

While death and destruction are seen
Starvation, abuse how obscene
They will keep it away
Not a word will they say
In ignorance ville all is green

So will someone please let them know?
This simply ain’t the place to go
We should all do more for sure
To find the world a cure
Not like ignorance ville, let it grow


Details | Limerick | |

Cheap Sex

There once was a girl from Quebec
Who really wanted to have quick sex
Pants below her knees
She's waiting to please
Definition of a sex object


Details | Limerick | |

You create a world all Alone

So many days have gone by 
I wish I had wings to fly
I would of never done wrong
If I knew I would be here for so long
My life is within these four walls
Oh how my life has taken such a fall
It still shocks me to think I'm still here
I still have to wipe away my tears
One by one I count the long days
Higher it gets the days I've been away
I never seem to know
The day I will get to go
So I created a world of my own
With so many people I've never known
So many come and go
Its sad to see them go
Some say they'll keep in touch
But it doesn't mean that much
Cause many who leave this place
Run far from here like its a race
When they're finally out they start to forget
The ones in green so many of them they met
No matter how many friends in here you make
Whether they are true to you or fake
Always keep in mind
This one little line
You come alone 
You leave alone


Details | Limerick | |

A Homeless Man King

  

Paths followed are many, 
I, a slave to this dusty, dirty road
Destiny has beckoned me,
My past,  won't let me be,
I must stand tall & walk out on my own.

A simple plan with just, a bit of a twist. 
I have no interest in conflict,
Unless,  there's a conflict of interest
to be.
Lead me not, into the bowels of hell,
Keep me,  from the evil things I see.

Forgive me!  those whose paths I
did cross.
 Heaven forgive, they who 
put burden on me..
A poor man, I am told
Homeless they say, 
but still a man any way,
I sold everything,  to walk , these streets like a king.

David Bear Caldera
02/20/08


Details | Limerick | |

Flasher Mac

There was an old hooker named Black,
She turned the air blue in Iraq,
In stilettos of ink
And her curlers of pink,
She flashed in her apricot mac.*

*Mackintosh (raincoat)

For Lisa’s Tickle me Pink contest


Details | Limerick | |

CLOTHES MAKE THE WOMAN

There was a young lady named Dela,
Who always dressed well for her feller.
What did Delaware?
I really don't care,
But I think she should have dressed weller.


Details | Limerick | |

Super Bowl Sunday

Statistical Sunday that starts fights
Along with bringing many delights
One simple cowhide ball
So called centralized thrall
Bringing outward competitive rights


Written for

Sponsor Royal Trevino 
Contest Name SUPER BOWL SUNDAY! **LIMERICK** or **HAIKU** 


Details | Limerick | |

Trader Joe

<                           once there was a man named trader Joe
                             could do nothing with hair so let grow
                             under big coonskin hat
                             fleas tick and his pet rat
                             mercantile's just say Oh Hell No


                            once there was saloon name lucky spur
                            where traders brought in their hunted furs
                            in walks old trader Joe
                            miss Molly said let's go
                            now both itch scratch from leftover burrs


Details | Limerick | |

Pay Up

<                    hes my banker and my heads horseman
                      calling bounty on anothers land
                      hark the herald angels
                      I think this game is swell
                      now thimble owes me sixty five grand







Written by Katherine Stella

Entry For Judy Konos's
Monopoly The Game Of Life Contest
G.L. All


Details | Limerick | |

ME

 There once was a lady from Cali
 Born and raised in the Valley
 She married a dude
 With a bad attitude
 So divorce was her grand finale


Details | Limerick | |

Twelve Seconds

<                    Once was a bartender named Louie
                      Thought my tales story was quite screwy                                     
                      Asked how many seconds
                      Was in year he reckons
                      Twelve shouted out by cousin dewey







Entry For
Confession To A Bartender


                                  


Details | Limerick | |

Indian Rock - And How It Was Taken

INDIAN ROCK - AND HOW IT WAS TAKEN

They came to the hills with intent,
Offering worship and praise as they went.
The rock with two hands
On my grandparent’s lands
Held a mystical song, most reverent.

One year the museum man came
From a place with a big, fancy name;
He ordered the stone
To find a new home,
So east went the rock with acclaim.

My Grandma, both worried and stirred;
To the people, she couldn’t send word.
In the spring they appeared
Holding gifts as they neared,
‘Imminent Domain’ a term they’d never heard.

That summer, when she heard their soft knock,
She told them how she tried to block,
But the men most insistent,
And oh, most persistent
Served papers to take charge of the rock.

Now the rock sits away from the sun;
Children gaze at the hands, but no one
Kneels before it in praise
Feeling summer’s full rays,
Giving thanks for all that God’s done.



[This is a true story.  In the early 1970’s, a rock of pink granite, with two carved hands facing 
the rising sun, was removed from my grandparent’s pasture by people from the Museum of 
Natural History.  It was to be part of an exhibit on Indian Culture.  And yes, they had papers.  
Grandma cried the following summer when the people appeared on the day before summer 
solstice.  She cried when she told them of the rock’s removal.  They did not cry.  They held 
out gifts, insisting Grandma accept.  Then they left.  They did not return again.]


Details | Limerick | |

Overcharged: Getting away with murder - murderous thoughts

I decided he had to die,
So held on and swung from his tie.
But the blooming tie ripped,
And my victim just flipped:
I’m banned from his shop; don’t know why…

Jack Horne for Susan's contest


Details | Limerick | |

Poetry Man

There once was a man from everywhere
Within New Jersey’s infamous lair
Mdegenhardt his name
Rhyming is his game
Through the internet he peddles his ware


Details | Limerick | |

Taxing Dilemma

Rich ones get richer from our wages.
Middle man paid with too many pages.
We continue on path.
Hiding outrageous wrath,
Revolved in political stages,

Taxes, taxes, what will be the due.
Deductions, exemptions for a few,
All my money they have kept.
Deducting tears I wept.
Tax man arrived claimed all of them too.

The poor keeps getting poorer each year.
They cannot wait for rebate, they cheer.
Sell off, early rebate.
Federal and the state,
Money now, money, for wine and beer,


Written for

Sponsor Carolyn Devonshire 
Contest Name Taxing Times 


Details | Limerick | |

Dollar to War, to Dollar

Our politicians to be told what for Why they continue to take us to war Is it for the oil and ores To continue earth sores Or for conglomerate greed galore


Details | Limerick | |

Just Wait Until I Get Home

<                        once popped cork on bottle of red wine
                          hit brother in eye oh how it did shine
                          seen him go pick up bat
                          boy did I ever scat
                          right to canadian's boarder line

                          feeling like her dansel in-distress
                          along came three county mounties best
                          asked if nipping bottle
                          at fast paces throttle
                          answered yes now did I pass your test


                           tossed in pokie for now twenty days
                           poor ole missy now won't and get laid
                           darn brother wins again
                           wearing smitten hugh grin
                           wait until that welt begins to fade  




Written 6/20/11

Entry For Francine Robert's
Bottle Of Wine
Limericks Only Contest
G.L. All


Details | Limerick | |

To Patrick, I thank

When I was just a little boy
Aged seven I had so much joy
In Commander Job I was so fond
He was Ian Fleming's James Bond
A war hero, he's the real McCoy






* When I was seven years old, I had the privilage of staying with
   Patrick Dalzel-Job, feel free to copy and paste his link *

   http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Patrick_Dalzel-Job


Details | Limerick | |

Slam Bam Clean Up the Oil Man

I'm going to break that pointer finger
how long is this crap going to linger 
the lies, the death, the demise
no hope for a plan revised
we'll just throw your ass in the ringer






Limerick/Slam


Details | Limerick | |

Outsmarted

My grandson just loves to make noise
The louder the better his toys
His batteries I hide
The noise still resides
Turns out that I hid his decoys


Details | Limerick | |

Slam Poetry Is For Orangutangs!

The Orangutang:

There once was a traditionalist,
Who in his ignorance had missed
The beauty of youth,
The ever-changing truth!
He's a typical fundamentalist!


The Traditionalist:

"I can't stand these kids and their slang!
They are just looking for a bang!
Their rhymes are funky,
But so are monkeys!"
  -  Did he just call me an orangutang?

"These darn kids and this gosh darn slam,
It may flow, but it's still a scam!
If it ain't metered,
Then it's petered!
Why waste your ink scribbling flimflam?"


Details | Limerick | |

Ouote of the Day from Mae

Tried abstaining but my morals shifted
I observed that my curves were God-gifted
Hey, it ain't that complex
It all boils down to sex
I used to be Snow White but I drifted

Author: Mae West - One of the first liberated ladies
Quote: "I used to be Snow White but I drifted"
Frank's contest


Details | Limerick | |

The House Of Ene

There was a woman named Ene,
Mr. Ferguson she did follow,
She lost all her house,
Much space she's without,
Let's feel for Mrs. Ene Ferguson!

Now this lady named Ene,
Mr. Ferguson she did dream,
Her house hard to clean,
Yelling a maid she not be!
Let's feel for Mrs. Ene Ferguson.

So our woman named Ene,
Ole Mr. Ferguson, a hoarder he be!
Her house is a mess,
To fight she confessed and lost I digress,
Let's all feel sorry for Mrs. Ene Ferguson!

Razorblade © 2012


Details | Limerick | |

New Years Resolution

Resolutions fruitful tricks on mind,
Some reality, some so unkind,
They are just promises.
Other compromises,
They often suspend and rob one blind.

Though we keep on making them each year,
Sometimes bringing smiles or single tear,
No, matter what they are.
Ordinary or bizarre,
We take new steps, staying all old fear.

My resolution, be more funny.
Stir my funny bone for my honey.
To bring her more laughter,
Sharing smiles thereafter,
We need, joy, happiness, not money.


Written for

Sponsor Carolyn Devonshire 
Contest Name New Year's Resolutions 


Details | Limerick | |

You're Going To Get It Now But Good

<                             once there was an old cat named chessur
                               only listened to alice for sure
                               but sometimes dissappeared 
                               and left behind grins smear
                               so I've gone mad and shaved off hides fur





Entry For Debbie Guzzi's
Go Ask Alice Contest
        G.L. All


Details | Limerick | |

HughWest

There’s a man you know as Hugh West
Writing poetry is what he does best
But then I reckon
Poetry is second
To eyeing my voluptuous chest


Details | Limerick | |

I Love Lucy

<          once there was a redhead gal name lucy
            now skit comes to mind is real juicy
            job switching with the men
            conveyer belt takes a spin
            chocolate oh how did she loosey



Entry For Shani Fassbender's
Favorite Television Show / Episode Remembered


I Chose I Love Lucy
 

Written By Katherine Stella 7/1/11


Details | Limerick | |

Just For Kicks

<             just like football i am like the queen
               now hand over remote or i'll scream
               black and blue division
               on my television
               Kicking Jay Cutlers butt I do dream









Entry For
Kristen Bruni's 
Football Contest
G.L. All


Details | Limerick | |

Sibling Sanity

There once was a sister most prosaic
Who's love for her kin was most archaic
  She turned a blind eye
  To horrible lie after lie
And ignored her sibling's mind of mosaic


Details | Limerick | |

Chuck

There is a man we call him ChuckSluck
I must admit his poems don’t suck
He drives a corvette
Which put him in debt
But with the girls has given him luck


Details | Limerick | |

Silver Strands

The heaves and the roars and the sighs
Are less frightening to passer-bys
Than the terrible moans 
Of the hollowed out stones
Which bring forth the dead sailors’ cries.


The sky in the west has gone red,
Dyeing rocks on whom many have bled
Men defended their homes
Legends filled foreign tomes:
Devil’s ile is what far scholars said

Thinking savages roamed ‘round uncouth
They could not have imagined the truth
That a goddess lived there
With star light for her hair
Who gave to all many life times of youth

These people they could not feel fear
For as long as their goddess was near
Despite the fall of leaves
They had endless reprives
A silver strand and at death they could leer

But when one girl fell deeply in love
With one resembling a sweet mourning dove
When she asked for a strand
From her tribe she was banned
Left to die with her husband alone

First of her people to grow wise with age
She tried to make others give up their rage
But with her own son she failed
And to his people he sailed
He hanged the goddess by her hair on her stage

*I know that this is a bit creepy and gross.  I don't know why I wrote it.*


Details | Limerick | |

RavinNVRmore

A friendly poet RavinNVRmore
Writes poetry that you can’t ignore
A Poe fan I wonder
A phrase she did plunder
From the gaunt and ominous bird of yore


Details | Limerick | |

GONE FISHING

There's a fellow named Robert O'Toole.
He's the principal down at the school.
He cut classes today,
So the gossips all say.
Went fishing for bass in the car pool.


Details | Limerick | |

Pregnant with Deceit

Their flashy words so rhetorical
Nothing new, just all historical
Words pregnant with deceit
Costumes mailed, in receipt
Unmasked, see... most are identical

For Carolyn's "Election Humor Contest"


Details | Limerick | |

The Classy Lassie from Tallahassee

There once stayed a dove in Tallahassee With blond hair the bonniest of lassies She helped with my writes Morning, noon and night After breakfast, we started to write classy http://www.thehighlanderspoems.com/carolyn.php


Details | Limerick | |

Foibles Of Fred

There once was a man they called Fred.
who had to be tied to his bed.
When deep on the sauce
his cookies he'd toss.
Then proceed to fall on his head.


for "Short and Sweet' contest
sponrored by Brian Strand









Details | Limerick | |

The Last Laugh?

Democracy now that is a laugh
When the voting is all stacked with graft
And I will give you a plug
If you punch out that lug
If you believe me you’re really daft!

You say you’re poor and you’re not real able
To put food and some bucks on the table
Just right say the rich
Starve and don’t *itch
Or drop by and muck out my stable!

Grad’s from Vassar and Yale all abhor
Those in Appalachia with dirt floors
But they own the coal mines
And their wealth is refined
They won’t mess up their minds keeping score.

You can’t get a real education
In this righteous American nation
Well go read a book
Or go shoot a crook
Rise to your appropriate station!



Details | Limerick | |

JOE & FRED

I know a poet named Joe
Where he came from, I don't know
If he keeps buggin' Fred 
He may get a lump on his head
And to the hospital he'll have to go







I know a poet named Fred
Mention Joe and he sees red
But, I think we all know
He loves fighting with Joe
So, I think that's nuff said


Details | Limerick | |

THEO-OLIGARCHIC HAPPENINGS IN SLOVENIA


URAN'S WILLY

Taking sides in discussions holily
About whether Uran used his willy
Means you're trapped in their game -
Either side is the same:
Cock distracts, cash departs, crowd stays silly.



Story:
http://www.sloveniatimes.com/scandals-in-the-slovenian-church-to-go-on


The National Poet Of Slovenia In A Language People Understand interprets important Slovenian affairs for the non-Slovene speaking world. 


www.maria.si


Details | Limerick | |

Quit Calling Me

<                                          good tarnations  .......  to this darn nation

                                            economic woes   .......  our money goes

                                                      all we are is .....   numbers

                                                      to good ole ....... Uncle Sam

                                             
                                             don't you just hate being called ....... sometimes







Entry For
John Freeman's Contest
Citizen Or Subject
G.L. All


Details | Limerick | |

Randy

There once was a poet named Randy
Who was known for being eye candy
A fisherman by trait
With words as his bait
Smoothe talking was his modus operandi


Details | Limerick | |

Blonde Ambition

I once had a dream of a girl that sang pop
She was only 16 dressed like a slut, so we called her prosti-tot
She went crazy and spiraled down,
Did a music video with a depressing clown
And as for the singer, Thank God!  her career finally stopped


Details | Limerick | |

Lock Up

<                             once there was a girl locked in closet
                               dear old dad said well thats what you get
                               little did he come know
                               let out by little bro
                               but recaptured by moms fishing net 





Entry For Leighann Anderson's
Sea Of Words Contest
G.L. All                               


Details | Limerick | |

Irks

I reach for the mayo last night
Too late I realize it’s not right
Out of the fridge door
And onto the floor
The lid was placed on, but not tight

I like to spread jam on my toast
One thing irritates me the most
In the jam jar I find
Food debris left behind
Clean your knife between jars, that’s gross

While driving the highway we sail
But something I see without fail
Blinkers flashing for miles
And I think all the while
Are they turning into the guardrail?


Details | Limerick | |

A REWARDING LABOR

My juicy grapes are so ripe, plump and white,
they have soaked up most of the summer's sun...
will they make the tastiest wine?
Sparkling wine for gests' delight...
while I pull the air-tight cork with true might!


Entered in Francine Robert's contest,
" Bottle Of Wine "
June 23, 2001


Details | Limerick | |

Another Time, Another Place

I'm for all people and their faith
It's for them and not others to deface
     They'll have their moment to preach
     On poetry sites the words teach
And leave for another time, another place







http://www.thehighlanderspoems.com/religion-or-not.php


Details | Limerick | |

Let's Duke It Out

<                   Once came along an man named John Wayne
                     Winchester by his side causes more pain                           
                     Dusty trails ballroom brawls
                     Battlefield's muddy crawls
                     The duke of western inflicting gains


Details | Limerick | |

We Trust their Trust

We have voted them in on trust Their campaign is their must To break this is a sin We have the right to begin As they disappear in their political disgust


Details | Limerick | |

The Cannibal Terror

This terror I now share with thee
Some cannibals had captured me
A dinner for clan
What worse could fate plan
We’re vegan a man said to me


Details | Limerick | |

Mo' Joe Skinny Legs and All (Limerick)

(Remembering the Great Joe Tex)

There once was a girl called Sweet Nellie-Rose
Who fell in love with a guy called Mo’ Joe
Guys said she was too skinny
‘Til Nellie wore that Mini
Skinny legs ~ mini skirt and all… wrapped Joe


Comments:
I gotcha wondering just who’s mojo was working
that day :-)


Details | Limerick | |

Owed to a Night in Jail


I spend all night in the county jail, 
because I drove too fast drinking ale.  
My, how did my cell mate 
learn to articulate? 
Come early next morning I post bail.  




Details | Limerick | |

Jealousy Jade

There's nothing worse than hogging the scene It's even sadder that they have to be mean To be seen and not heard Is the truest of words It's even worse when they turn a dull green http://www.thehighlanderspoems.com/humour-2.php


Details | Limerick | |

An Irishman From Limerick

There was an Irishman from Limerick
From a jackass, he received a swift kick.
He got it in the ass.
He landed in the grass.
The mention of a jackass makes him sick.


Details | Limerick | |

JessBeth

There once was a lady named JessBeth
Who was no relation to MacBeth
A poet in time
With flawless rhyme
That we’ll remember long after her death


Details | Limerick | |

Bath Salts

There once was a guy who was crazy
Took bath salts to make him not lazy
Bad trip to say the least
Human flesh was a feast
Dead carcass was pushin' up daises


Details | Limerick | |

Slamming Politicians

They slam each other every day.
Tearing them apart in a sly way,
Truth I say, what a lie.
Political games cry.
Give them cement shoes, drop into bay.

Next election, vote for three blind mice,
They would fare better, than roll of dice.
Vote now for mystery.
Go down in history.
For they have no “tales-tails“, truths suffice.


Details | Limerick | |

OpalFlower

There was a lady from Galveston Bay
A great little poet I heard someone say
An Opal Sunflower
With the gift of word power
And a style that is never passe


Details | Limerick | |

Oh, Happy Day

There once was a chick from up north
who harassed, harangued, and so forth
  Reports had been filed
  evidence compiled
She is 'net restricted henceforth


Details | Limerick | |

Mundane Infernality

As strong as I'am after all I've been in tune.
Couldn't believe that I lives haven one's unbeing.
Even when am afar to tire to fall asleep. 
If then wasn't a time and once I were to reflect.
Since awful truths is all that is coming into being  appetative.


Details | Limerick | |

Poorman's Lottery

I once noticed some of the Poor,

Heading to the gas station door.

A magic ticket to buy,

only to leave with a sigh,

And collect cans to buy some more.




For Lottery Ticket Limerick Contest


Details | Limerick | |

A SECRET PLOT

My co-workers, like clowns, are laughing.....
plotting against me; I get an eerie feeling.
I am the nicest fellow,
sharing joy and sorrow;
guys have secrets they shouldn't be telling!   


Details | Limerick | |

super bowl time of year

it is superbowl  time of the year
when everyone's chanting a cheer--
the fans' smiles are beaming
while jumping and screaming;
one promising team will persevere


Details | Limerick | |

Data Base, No Place

There is a person with more than one face
Who struggles in more than one place
Being on line one at a time
It sure can't be fine
Infecting ones data base









http://www.thehighlanderspoems.com/humour-5.php


Details | Limerick | |

Outback Jack

He goes by the alias Outback Jack
Telling tales of OZ, he’s got the knack
Little Joe's no punk
He’s an Aussie hunk
Whom I’d love to get in the sack


Details | Limerick | |

'Mort Ghlinne Comhann'

A number of centuries ago
In 1692, in a place called Glencoe
      Where a massacre took place
      And the Clan Campbell lost face
When neighbours were sometimes your foe







http://www.thehighlanderspoems.com/scotland-4.php


Details | Limerick | |

One Neurotic Fly

One fly flew down the Interstate
Longing to rest and meditate
Near a waterfall
Where hummingbirds call
That place where dreams anticipate.

So many sites to fascinate
His mind began to marinate.
In a field serene,
There was a latrine.
One site he could appreciate.

Mushrooms, he thought, would germinate.
He soared and did not hesitate.
Gossip he heard folks tell.
Embraced the stinking smell,
Some tasty tales to masticate…

Who did what and when they did it!
Who loves whom and why they hid it!
Written on the wall
Words in every stall
Diabolical rumors flit!

That fly flew down the Interstate.
No longer could he meditate
Near a waterfall
Where hummingbirds call
Always worried about man’s fate.

© January 30, 2011
Dane Smith-Johnsen


Details | Limerick | |

I know of a Blondie Ruebel

I know of a Blondie Ruebel
Oh my! she sure is a girl
Her golden locks are a lure
With a heart so pure
That many guys are left in a twirl

She radiates that others never knew
It emits in aerial threw
With a smile that delights
Morning, noon and night
Knowing her, I grew and grew

I know of a Blondie Ruebel
She's Sharon, and yep! she's all girl
Fantastic she is
Knowing her is bliss
Thank you for being in my world






http://www.thehighlanderspoems.com/poetry-soup-16.


Details | Limerick | |

Spend The Day With Grace

you must be a young lady named Grace
who slept at a desk playing a lace
i don't know if i'll stay
you can come anyway
then we'll eat dessert ti'l I'm an ace


Details | Limerick | |

Boy Am I Hungry

Battle of the bulge
From greesy foods love to divulge
Over lips and through the gums
Love handles now do come
When will I learn not to indulge


Details | Limerick | |

Laugh Why Not

The world can bring on a hell of a depression
You feel like you’re in an oppression
So I’d rather make you laugh
Even for a minute or a half
To disconnect you from realities connection 


Details | Limerick | |

GASOLINE BREAK

At least BP, despite the oil spill,
is giving us a break, not the thrill;
plan a luxurious cruise ship...
pop that champagne cork and slowly sip!   
Uncle Sam, be kind...pass the bill!


Details | Limerick | |

Gothic Kids

Were basically the muscle of the emo kids we dont cut we fight we dont cry we just live and die, hardcore music tht you cant understand was always our master plan, dancing in the dark youll soon see the spark, after the flaming heart we shall never depart, through your eyes i see nothing but glee


Details | Limerick | |

two little men from winney can do

Two little men from winney- can- do, went out for a day trip to the zoo. They packed a big 
lunch, and filled up the car, for the trip to the zoo was really quite far.
When they arrived, and had a look round, they were astonished at what they had found. 
There were lions and tigers, monkeys and giraffe. The two men were having a really good 
laugh. 
But when they reached the reptile house, they had to be quiet as a mouse. For the biggest 
croc that lived in the park, had broken out in the dark. They knew he was in there, but didn’t 
know where; the two men were really and truly quite scared.
Then all of a sudden one of them sneezed, and fell over backwards into a big tree.
A rustle of branches and then a big scream, this can’t be happening, this must be a dream.
The man called out to his friend all concerned, then heard a big growl and slowly turned. 
There in front of him sat on a rock, was a giant and rather angry big croc.
The man froze with fear and just couldn’t run, and with one snap ended up in the big crocs 
tum.
So if you ever go to winney-can-do, please don’t ever visit the zoo.


Details | Limerick | |

Failed Makeover

He stole a new dress from a shop
And wig that was like an old mop,
As his make up was bad,
He resembled the mad -
This ‘miss’ was a bit of a flop.

For Susan's contest


Details | Limerick | |

Hawkins County Sheriff's Report

Hawkins County Sheriff’s Report

Complainant advised that he thought
His girlfriend the thief that he sought
So he set up a trap
Near the couch where he sat
Believing this time she’d be caught

One envelop had dollar bills
One envelop had many pills
When he went to bed
She stayed up instead
In the morning she felt kind of ill

The money and pills were all gone
Then she threw up the pills on the lawn
When he asked for the cash
She said somewhat abashed
It was hidden up under her thong

In his effort to get back his dough
From the place where the sun doesn’t show
With some old kitchen tong
And a brush was too long
He probed but it was a no go

When the sheriff got there he found
Blood flowing freely around
So to the ER
In the back of his car
To free what was so tightly bound

The lady thief was then sedated
The evidence soon confiscated
She was booked for the crime
And is now doing time
The complainant they said was elated

The lesson I’d like to convey
And believe me it’s always this way
If you happen to push
Your loot up your tush
You’ll soon learn why crime doesn’t pay

Uncle Mike															


Details | Limerick | |

' Intelligence - Impediment ' (Limerick # 1)

‘ Intelligence-Impediment ’

There Was A-Lisping Professor, Named Panamo’
Who gave his Students, an Assignment on Plato’
… But he was quite perplexed in Mind
… When They, came with clay-figures of some Kind
Not Realizing, They All Thought, He’d Said, ‘Play Doh’ ...


Details | Limerick | |

A Certain Actress

(Limerick)


A certain actress lost it all to a man
Who she thought was a great handyman
To have him around 
But was so astound 
When he left her and moved to Japan!


Dorian Petersen Potter
Aka ladydp2000
Copyright@2014


09.16.2014


Details | Limerick | |

The Lover

As I lay up treasures in the summer of my youth.
Counting coup on censure, random acts uncouth.
Defenseless maidens hover,
searching for the lover
they find not in me, neither compassion nor truth.

Forbid me not to boast my many conquests done.
The bragging rights mount as I subdue one by one.
In lonely solitude they weep.
Dreams fade, they cannot sleep,
wasting their gift on a fly by night just out for fun.

While I make no promises which I can not fulfill.
They expect to interject a language of love at will. 
A mental walk to the alter,
then afterwards they falter.
When any hopes for further cohabitation I kill.


Details | Limerick | |

CRASS ASS

CRASS   ASS *


We have a rude boss with no sense:  
His intellect’s awfully  dense . 
He can’t add or subtract,  
And is lacking in tact.  
We’d all like to kick his rear hence !  

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

NOTE

*Nickname of a  guy I actually used to work for  - a  long time ago.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
 
Entered in  Carolyn Devonshire’s  Limerick  Contest  “Horrible Bosses”


Details | Limerick | |

OPRAH'S BIG GIVE


If you're like me and love charity
past Sunday nights were a sight to see,
It was Oprah's Big Give
and as long as I live,
I've not seen so many folks set free.


Some were freed from debt they could not pay
some got transport to go on their way,
Others had dreams come true
and I enjoyed them too,
This was an awesome show I must say.


A sick man got his mortgage paid off
before the "Big Give" his life was tough,
But he's happy today
with his kids he could play,
No more worries for he had enough.


Many more people were also blessed
as they were saved from a life of stress,
So I thank you Oprah
for starting this shower,
Now we'll all give whether more or less.


Details | Limerick | |

What to Do

We had a plan, to follow true.
If we do not, what resigns the clue?
Follow the leaders now.
After they break a vow,
Even though, they know not, what to do


Details | Limerick | |

One Hallows Eve

Halloween spider queen, I did attend
Wig, stockings, black dress, makeup, heels, suspend
Whistles and catcalls they came.
Mystical night all the same,
I had such fun, succeeding this pretend.


Details | Limerick | |

SILLY GOOSE

A novice goose farmer named Sanders,
Once wrote for advice from Ann Landers.
He'd encountered a block
To increasing his flock:
He didn't know gooses from ganders.


Details | Limerick | |

Lucille

There once was a lady named Lucille.
At times she fell asleep at the wheel.
In spite of wake-up antics,
Needing a caffeine sip-fix,
She imbibed Mountain Dew with great zeal!

© October 13, 2011
Dane Ann Smith-Johnsen

Written for Poetry Soup Member Contest:  Pick a Beverage, any Beverage 
Sponsored by: Francine Roberts


Details | Limerick | |

Prize or Surprise

I spied inside walls to much surprise.
Sometimes with smiles, then tears, into rise.
Sometimes, some things, unheard,
Are better un-interred,
Truly this will never provide prize.



Written for

Sponsor Michael J. Falotico 
Contest Name "A FLY ON THE WALL" 


Details | Limerick | |

Lady Godiva

there once was a Lady from France
who never would put on any pants

she would ride all around
the square of the town

and watch all the stupid men dance !!!


Details | Limerick | |

Four Limericks

There once was a girl named Ana,
Who loved to eat ice cream and banana,
THen her treat did disappear,
And Ana shed some tears,
Everyone felt bad for Ana Banana,

There once was a boy named Peter,
Who was known as the school's best cheater,
One day he was caught,
And detention he got,
Everyone felt bad for Peter the Cheater.

There once was a boy named Michael,
Who had a new motorcycle,
He went on a ride,
And fell off the side,
Everyone felt bad for Michael.

There once was a girl named Fina,
WHo dreamed she was a ballerina,
She would gracefully twirl,
Until she could hurl,
Everyone felt bad for Fina.


Details | Limerick | |

Lost Freedom

When did we lose our country free?
Our ancestors set rules in degree.
Now they tell us what’s good
Do what we say, understood.
Old George would cut more than a cherry tree


Details | Limerick | |

Martha Stewart

There once was a domestic diva named Stewart,
Who started a decorating empire and grew it.
It seems everthing she touched turned to gold,
Until she fell victim to that adage of old;
She succumbed to greed and promptly blew it.


Details | Limerick | |

Lottery Lesson

Six men bought a lottery ticket;
They trusted one buddy to pick it.
	They’d done this for years
	While sharing careers;
Their system was always quite cricket.

One day all the numbers came in.
As millionaires, life could begin.
	But the buyer, a creep,
	Without losing much sleep,
Hid the fact that the ticket did win.

He quit work with a flimsy excuse
And decided that he should vamoose.
	But the news quickly spread
	So the friends went ahead
And got lawyers to fix the abuse.

The case found its way into court
And the jury, I’m glad to report,
	Made the man share his prize
	‘Cause they did recognize
His excuses and lies all fell short.

There’s a moral right here to be learned.
It applies to all people who’ve yearned
	To get rich – it’s a must
	To watch out who you trust
Or one day you may find yourself burned!


Details | Limerick | |

The Race to Dublin

We would run in a race to Dublin 
The way we were, we could not begin.
From the start, we were through
Mack only had one shoe.
Me, I was stuck in mud to my chin.


Details | Limerick | |

SWEET NELLIE KELLY

There once was a couple named Kelly
Who called their young daughter, Sweet Nellie.
And why was she so sweet?
Because all she would eat
Was just peanut butter and jelly.


Details | Limerick | |

He Fashions Loves Games

I know of a Highlander called James
Whose poetry fashions love games
So sensual they are
He never takes it too far
If you've read them, you know where he's aimed











http://www.thehighlanderspoems.com/love-17.php


Details | Limerick | |

THESE CRAZY CHICKS!!!


PISSED GIRLFRIEND

The girl was puckered up to be kissed
Said he was tired, and she was dissed,
With her eyes full of fire
She let air out his tire,
So don't mess with girlfriend when she's pissed.



DEBBIE

Debbie is trying to get a man
Today she came up with a new plan,
Wore a sexy number
Tons of make-up on her,
Then to the corner she went to stand.



COUSIN JOAN

Cousin Joan is as flaky as biscuit
Always have cameras in her basket,
She just strolls around town
Taking pics all day long,
'Cause the signs says to "Click it or Ticket."



GIVE ME A SCREW

One little Call girl sat in the pew
Was so sad, didn't know what to do,
Along came her Pastor
And sat down beside her,
Held out her hand, "Please give me a screw!"


Her watch band was broken!!  What did you think... lol..


Details | Limerick | |

Boy Named Devin

there once was a boy named Devin
he appears to be at the age of seven
he loves to skate
and use his hair rake
for him, food is like heaven


Details | Limerick | |

Computer Shell Game

Digital life discourages thinking,
Laptops encourage time sinking,
Really surfing-the-net,
Is indulging a pet,
For PC’s are pet squirrels chewing nuts who are linking.


Details | Limerick | |

Name Fame

Two brothers of stature and wit
A business to start, they'd commit.
The desire for fame
Was in their last name
Now Two-Morrows a work in profit!


Details | Limerick | |

broken thighs









                                                        In a misty morn
                                                       as I trottle to work
                                                      Some mean teens
                                                     have nicknamed me:
                                                       YOU STUPID JERK
                                                      They hate four-eyed people
                                                      Respecting Mother Nature
                                                      communing with God
                                                      In the sacristy of his steeple
                                                      Throwing eggs on his face
                                                      to pinch a hidden nerve
                                                     Myron,the 6 footer
                                                    threw me upon the curve
                                                    Above me,this country's flag
                                                    yet they call me a FAG
                                                   YOU'RE TOO WIMPY FOR THE CALL
                                                   as they placed me against the wall
                                                   Numbers outweigh the mild and the meek
                                                  Reasoning can't help as I continue to speak
                                                 All the world belongs to macho guys
                                                 give him a wack and a couple of broken thighs


Details | Limerick | |

Freedoms Not Allowed

Not allowed to chew gum anymore,
What will be next, not able to open door?
This may seem frivolous.
Will be advantageous,
To profiteer, he will know the score. 


Details | Limerick | |

COCK-A-DOODLE-OOO

A noisy, Rhode Island Red rooster
Awoke, from his dreams, Simon Schuster.
Simon got mad as heck
And adjusted Red's neck.
Now Red doesn't crow like he uster.


Details | Limerick | |

LEAR'S GONE

There once was the man, Edward Lear;
From London, I think--or somewhere.
Of this limerick thing
He is said to've been king.
Now King Ed is gone, and I'm here.


Details | Limerick | |

Wise Mom

Mom had saying; I found out was true
She had many; but this one will do.
Locks keep out the honest.
Thieves will reach the harvest.
Thou shall not steal, some never got clue.


Details | Limerick | |

Follow or Lead?

It’s a hero that take’s the fall 
And the coward historian that writes about them all
It’s better to follow than to lead 
For it is he first that will bleed
You'll have the chance to run away from the brawl


Details | Limerick | |

True price of war

The mighty warlord shakes his fist and sends his troops to the abyss
Families broken and torn because of an oath that was sworn
Fathers and sons die in vain but no one can feel their pain
Mothers cry as their children are sent off to die
Innocent blood is shed, does no one care for these dead
Sadness grips the heart of man as many a persons blood stains the land
Cries from the public go unheard as the warlord shouts his mighty words
Kill them all he says, make these people pay
The screams of wounded go on through the night begging for the warlord to end the fight
No answer comes from his high up throne for his heart is cold as stone
Only a child dared to face him
He begged for his people 
His words so moved the warlord he again shook is fist this time calling his troops from
the abyss
Families are pieced back together after the mighty storm they have weathered
The child is proclaimed a hero
Sides that once wared against each other now call themselves brothers
Fields are resown and homes rebuilt, no longer does the warlord feel  guilt
But nothing can replace the loss of life for that is the true price of war


Details | Limerick | |

Timidity Has a place beside a MAN's kind of world

running scared
away from Hate
The masses gather
My linching can't wait
all my life
I have been their prey
by stepping on me
Makes their living ok
SEE THE FUNNY LITTLE CLOWN
FUNNY FACES HE MAKES ALL AROUND
They want to get rid of a peaceful timid guy
He has the right to keep living
Why do you want him to die?
The end is near
My fate so cast
Timidity has a place in this world
But MEN don't want them to last


Details | Limerick | |

Girl Named Karli

there once was a girl named Karli
she laughs at the word narley
it seems she doesn't care
but shes obsessed with her hair
when she's mad she can be snarly


Details | Limerick | |

Politician

There once was a man who could tell no lie.
Could laugh quietly and deeply cry.
Placed into politics,
Then learning, some new tricks.
Now truth forgot, so much by and by.


Details | Limerick | |

Money

Money is the bane of man
Since the day that time began

It has started wars
Invasions onto foreign shores

It is involved in the death of men
And continues to be again and again

The only thing people are willing to kill for
No matter how much they have they always want more

We need it to stay alive
Without it we cannot survive

A necessary evil in our every day lives
We think it helps us but it only deprives

Teathered down by our lust for it
To its will we all submit

Now all mankind bitter and awry 
A truth that we chose to deny

It makes our choices for us
Leaving others to clean up our mess

We act like this is not the facts 
But for our ignorance we pay a heavy tax

We throw money at every thing that goes wrong
And we the people just go along

It destroies our moral foundation
We corrupted it as a nation

We are all to blame
We treat life like it is one big game

Money becomes our only answer
It has become a cancer

For which there is no foreseeable cure 
It is a condition we must endure

 

                                                2/28/09 


Details | Limerick | |

DON'T ASK

There was an old man in Woonsocket
Who carried  live snakes in his pocket.        
When folks laughed, and asked why,
He would quickly reply,
"If'n ye ain't tried it, don't knock it."    


Details | Limerick | |

LOCH NESS MYSTERY

What e'er became o' Angus McKess
Is a dark and troublin'  mystery,  no less.
But the cruel gossip bein'  
He was reportedly seen
Skinny dippin',  one night, in Loch Ness. 


Details | Limerick | |

Macho People have a reason to live

Macho people have a reason to live
Laugh at the wimps
who have an opportunity to give
Men with their biceps
flexing heavy weight
Mocking the small
and their symbol that they hate
Goody two shoes
His eyes on the laptop
Mean Joe Green
wants that thing-am-a-jig to stop
Rolling up the sweaty sleeve
daring the nerd to make him leave
He does not respond
Mr.Machismo thinks he's won
It's the same ol tale
GOLIATH taunts DAVEY
Little guys are sissies
They're not wanted in the navy
In a world in which WE are only sloppy lasts
Is it the Bully or the Weenie
that gets the last laughs


Details | Limerick | |

DOGGONE DOG

Joe Murphy built a wall at great expense.                       
He bought a vicious dog to guard the fence. 
One night there was a dense fog;
Joe stumbled on the fence dog.
We haven't heard a word from Joseph since.


Details | Limerick | |

POSH PIGS

I have a friend named Archibald Green--
Strangest pig farmer I've ever seen.
Now, this weird friend of mine
Always transports his swine
In the back of his stretch limousine.


Details | Limerick | |

Liar's Tips


                             It takes lots of rigorous practice really

                                   to be able to tell a lie sincerely;


                                                   a lie a day,

                                                  the only way;


                            no, I'm not lying , honest, believe you me!


Details | Limerick | |

IMITATION OF AN AGE

In the Middle Ages, people ate
food with wooden spoons of weird shape;
it may seem archaic
in ages less artistic...
an idea we still imitate.


Details | Limerick | |

Poor Joe

There once was a man named Joe
Who had the audacity to show

His face in a crowd
No, he wasn't to proud
Though some said
He should wear a shroud.


Details | Limerick | |

FabelFortyFive

 FabelFortyFive 
FabelFortyFive 
 
CharlaXFabels 
 
 
This Limmerick 
 
There was an Old Lady she hailed from Nantucket 
She carried her fish in a red paisley bucket 
She wore her hair up in a honeybun 
She thought it made her quite the looking young 
The Pelican came with a busted wing 
The Old Lady was trying to catch it 
She chased and she chased and she chased it 
She carried a stick made of glass 
She has lippstick it is gloss 
She applies it to snakes and scorpions 
The glass stick not the lipp gloss 
She makes a poor lump of it 
The lipp gloss is read like two lips 
Tulips is many and varied in hue 
She walks in the way of the shrew 
She carries her stick to save birds 
The bird not the woman in the shoe 
That was Old Mother Hubbard 
She has tea in her cupboard 
The Nantucket not Hubbard 
She makes it in gold bullion cubes 
The tea not the shoes 
Millions of bags are hidden away 
Shoe bags not tea bags 
she has shoes for her children 
Yes Hubbard 
In the Cubbard 
The teas are all black and some green 
The shoes are all pink 
Her children are blue 
The Lady from Nan not the Shoe lady too 
The dog eats better than the yew 
A bone from the woman 
Hubbard not Joan 
There was an old woman from Nantucket 
Joan Hubbard was from Shoe Rhode Island 
She kept teas in the millions 
The Nantucket lady not Hubbard 


Details | Limerick | |

The Ark (Limerick)

From God Noah received a great plan 
Build an Ark stay on dry land 
people stared and squawked 
some came and laughed 
Until flood sailed it like a can


Details | Limerick | |

4th of July

Blue bonnet, red shirt and white shoes,
attire all clean and brand new.
Go down to the park,
and get on your mark
for a fourth of July to-do.


Details | Limerick | |

Bald Truth

                        sweat on the defoliated landscape

               that had once been his scalp above his nape;

                                      thinks the mirror

                                            is in error,

                believes from the bald truth he can escape !


Details | Limerick | |

Chilled Chaser


               back then, younger summer evenings,

                we ate crabs, oysters, shrimp fillings

                    chased and downed, my dear,

                              with Mexican beer,

                  shortcomings, but no misgivings !


Details | Limerick | |

DUST BUSTER

Super rodeo star, Buster Tyding,
Has, reportedly, gone into hiding.
Seems he fractured his pride,
Landing on his backside,
When thrown by the goat he was riding. 


Details | Limerick | |

His Name is Zach

there once was a boy named Zach
he is a little bit fat
he play the drums
he has stubby thumbs
he enjoys correcting you with facts


Details | Limerick | |

MY, MY, MAHALIA!

In the town of Vidalia, GA,
Lived a girl named Mahalia, they say.
Then a strong southern breeze,
Blowing in from the seas,
Blew Vidalia Mahalia away.


Details | Limerick | |

Run!

 
I once knew an old man named Paul
who once with his back to the wall
did leap out with a yell
and what stories did tell
of runners who ran till they crawl..
 


Details | Limerick | |

ALL FOR LOVE

Poor octogenarian Darrell,  
At Niagara with his young bride, Carol,     
The love struck old geezer,              
In order to please her,
Plunged over the falls in a barrel. 


Details | Limerick | |

Boxer's Motto


                       to hit and not to be hit, boxers believe

          each jab, each punch to chance they just can't leave,

                                             for a kayo,

                                            box the foe,

                    here, it's better to give than to receive !


Details | Limerick | |

Conquest No More

                   As best gesture of so-what-and-who-cares,

               she hikes her shoulders, taunting as she dares,

                                           tells him to leave,

                                            he can't believe

                his conquest, her freedom she now declares !


Details | Limerick | |

No Limit

An "old dog" can learn new tricks
If he keeps a fresh, open mind
But he must persevere
Maybe shed a few tears
And get off his big behind.


Details | Limerick | |

Glaring Absence


                there used to be a beachfront cottage

               out there near an old yacht's wreckage,

                                   absence glaring

                                    in the mooring

             as a tooth missing from the smile of age !


Details | Limerick | |

CAPITAL LOSS

He was known for his insight and vision--
For his wise, sagacious decisions.
But his ruin came to be
When he moved to D.C.
And fell in with that town's politicians.


Details | Limerick | |

Sleeping With A Poet


My lover’s a poet in her own way
And she’s writing her poetry by day
Thou, she’s really a delight
Yet I hardly sleep at night
‘Cos as if I ‘m sleeping near the runway



Details | Limerick | |

Holy Rasputin


There once was a sage man named Rasputin,
With filthy beards, and wore cross made of tin.
While preaching his holy crafts,
He met the queen and her staffs.
He slept with them that got him in a bin.


Details | Limerick | |

OLE!

A brave matador, named Jose
Marched into the bull ring, one day.
There arose a great cheer,
When a disgruntled steer
Charged in, and chased Jose away.             


Details | Limerick | |

YUMMY

Herpetologist Christopher Blake
Made a perfectly dreadful mistake:
Turned his back upon Wanda,
An immense anaconda,
And became a quick snack for the snake.


Details | Limerick | |

Not My Way


A friend is what I am by night and day,
Regardless of what other people say,
Oh, the good thing you must note, 
Is that peace and love I sought,
So sleep well, I take not your wife away! 



Details | Limerick | |

' The Domino Effect ' (Limerick # 2)

‘ The Domino Effect ’

There Was A Young Woman, Named Domino
Who Talked … about Anyone and So and So
    Well… She was quite Shocked to Find
             All Her Victims in a Line
Ready to Fall on Her… Just Like - G e r o n i m o !


Details | Limerick | |

Guard on Duty

         he stood far back against the wall,

               nobody noticed him at all,

             there, mute and motionless,

                  but there nevertheless,

              listening close  to  a quiet call,

                stiff like  furniture in the hall.


Details | Limerick | |

Yesterday's News

                At the peak of his power and fame,
           they trembled at the sound of his name,
                      like scared cats sneaking
                          past a dog sleeping,
         they kowtowed before him without shame.


              Now he's down, not much of any use,
                he's history, to them that's obvious,
                               openly  mocking,
                               playfully taunting,
           they now treat him like yesterday's news !


Details | Limerick | |

ROBIN HOOD

   Robin Hood once took a chance
   On teaching his merry men to dance
          He taught them to cha cha
          The young maidens went gaga
    To see the dashing thieves in tight pants


Details | Limerick | |

Ordinarily Forever


                 lovers talk a lot about forever,

           about lifeless life without the other,

                           and they mean it

                              every minute

           before a fight, divorce or whatever !


Details | Limerick | |

Presumptuous Assumption

                  he presumes that people find him unassuming

                    and about his humility he keeps on boasting;

                                       looks down his nose

                                           at you and those

                   he assumes as presumptuous, as assuming !


Details | Limerick | |

SAFE & SECURE

The world heavyweight title defender 
Lost his belt to the leading contender,
But there wasn't a chance
Of him losing his pants;
He was wearing his trusty suspenders.


Details | Limerick | |

THEY DID

She wed a wealthy man named Harry.
Now, people call her greedy Mary.                   
It really isn't funny;       
She married for his money.
Holy matri-monetary!                         


Details | Limerick | |

PIGGED OUT

There once was a cave man named Morris,
Who lived in a cave in the forest.
He was undone one night
By his huge appetite:
He devoured an entire brontosaurus.           


Details | Limerick | |

OOPS

Rhett's words to Miss Scarlet are not clear--
They have gone with the wind, now, I fear.
In his dyslexic curse, 
He got the words in reverse--
"Frankly, madam, I don't give a dear.


Details | Limerick | |

So Beware


               some folks do find it very cool

                 to use you just like any tool;

                        at first, they're true,

                       then they make you

            feel like an ass, look like a fool!


Details | Limerick | |

UP SIDE DOWN

His name is Orion P. Gunder;
He was born in Australia-- Down under.
It has often been said
He can stand on his head.
But think where he’s from. It’s no wonder! 


Details | Limerick | |

' Sweet, Little Man ... ' (Limerick # 3)

             ‘ Sweet, Little Man ’

There Was the Sweetest, Little Man, Named Nate
    Who was so Bald… He got a Headache
      From the Kisses, that were Planted
On His ( 2 Month-Old Head )… He Demanded …
“Why Won’t Mama, Put A Cap On My Pate ?