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Limerick Funny Poems | Limerick Poems About Funny

These Limerick Funny poems are examples of Limerick poems about Funny. These are the best examples of Limerick Funny poems written by international PoetrySoup poets

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Destiny Number 5

There was a winsome writer named Andie
who wrote poetry really Jim Dandy
with pencil or pen
she'd write her amens
For our Andie was truly not randy.



9/19/1948


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Finding BigFoot

For BigFoot I searched everywhere.
In all the Northwest, he’s not there!
Then I thought I might know
where a BigFoot might go . . .
so I went where the barbers cut hair!

To fit in and be like the rest
of us humans, he’d look his best.
so I went to each shop
where I thought he might stop
to have hair removed from his chest.

To Hollywood soon I was led.
I’d heard of a man with a head
like a wolf’s, full of hair,
making everyone stare.
What I found was Hugh Jackman instead!

Then a man I could not see too well
crossed my path at a fancy hotel.
When I got a good look,
that was all that it took!
It was furry but small, Steve Carell!

The last guy I saw in that land
of Hollywood stars acted grand.
That guy, very hairy
made Big Foot less scary.
He went by the name Russell Brand.

From Hasselhoff to Bradley Cooper,
some hairy guys are super duper!
I kept at my quest
when to the southwest
I moved, for I’m always a trooper.

I searched high and low, five years more,
but by then, I had grown very poor.
I had always liked shoes,
so thought I would choose
a job in a classy shoe store.

Like Carrie in “Sex in the City,”
I loved my work, and I looked pretty
with swank heels on my feet,
yet I felt incomplete
There was no Mr. Big! Such a pity!

But while working one day without care.
I looked up  Can you guess who was there?
This odd creature so tall
made Shaquille look too small.
And he hardly could hide all his hair!

No fresh smelling flower was he,
but kindly I sensed him to be.
As I stooped down to put
my hand on that Big Foot,
I knew fate had led him to me!

Written by Andrea Dietrich 








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His funeral

That he planned his funeral is factual
And being a prankster quite actual
He prerecorded his voice
So when we kneeled on the joist
He said, "Hi there! Don't I look natural."


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A Stone Age Transport Woe

Wilma cried, “We are going too slow!”
But poor Flintstone could no faster go.
Not because of a flat. 
No, for nothing like that.
It was just Fred had stubbed his big toe!

Written Nov. 14, 2014 
For the Limerick Clean and Clever Contest of Roy Jerden
Yabba Dabba DOO!!!! And Boo Hoo Hoo!!!


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GIMME A BRAKE

A UFO went to land in Dakota
But the brakes didn't work one iota.
        It didn't take long
        to decide what was wrong
seems the space ship was made by Toyota!


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The Non-Resolver

I’ve been watching my weight since 14, but with all of the diets I’ve seen, they’ve become a big no-no. This here dieting yo-yo has stopped trying to be super lean! Other problems I’ll change as I go. I don’t need a New Year to say so! Said a wise sailor man: I yam what I yam! Why improve on a good thing - ya know? So the cause of the most bellyaching at this time of the year I’m forsaking. When you know yourself well. . . why then go through such hell! Resolutions I’ll never be making. For the the New Year's Resolution Poetry Contest of Regina Riddle


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Dino

There once lived a gambler named Dino
who was terribly fond of vino.
Since he’d drink and play bad,
and lose all that he had,
he was loved at every casino.

But drunk as a skunk, that guy Dino
wreaked havoc one evening in Reno.
Now his vices he’s licked
after being drop-kicked
by a mafia guy named Gino.

Written June 18, 2011 
For Francine Robert's "Bottle of Wine" Contest


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You Don't Know Jack Kangaroo

A struggle ensued at the zoo
when King Lion met Jack Kangaroo.
Leo tried to attack,
but Jack fired right back:
"Are you crazy, Cat? I know Kung Fu!"

for Linda Marie Bariana's contest: Zany Zoo


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THE ADVENTURES OF JIM THE TRIM-AT THE BEACH

On this tropical beach, one hot summer day
Jim the Trim came, his bod to display
Been workin’ out day and night
Made the girls' eyes burn bright
Next, he's running from muscles that sashay





KIM PATRICE NUNEZ
10 April 2015


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Sweet and Salty -LIBRA TALE

      LIBRA  TALE

Sweet and Sour hectic sign
Love me, trust me, the stars align
   Balance of truth and dare
   Good and Evil, full of care 
Blind when it comes to blood line


 
:) PD


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GROWING Together

After six months of living with you
I found it amazing how we grew
     As the passion seemed to fade
     The worst signs of this charade
Were the clothes I couldn’t fit into

Lovemaking’s a form of exercise
And then when it stopped, what a surprise
     I asked you if I looked fat
     You said, “There’s no truth in that”
As you consumed even more French fries

But the doctor’s scale would tell no lies
Some 25 pounds my weight did rise
     Still you refused to believe
     Just continued to deceive
Till friends noted YOUR increasing size



By Carolyn Devonshire
For Judy’s “Short Poem Contest”


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What's the Buzz

If I were a fly, I would take my place
In the halls of Congress where haste makes waste
     I’d buzz the House Speaker’s ear
     Because it has become clear
The voice of the public has been misplaced

Perhaps a good buzz would open their ears
Before they explore new spending frontiers
     Pork barrel projects still grow
     Let’s Make a Deal’s a game show
This game must end now as we’re in arrears

I’d surely make a nuisance of myself
I make a heck of a pesky black elf
     Sit on cups before they drink
     Lay eggs on collars of mink
Then wreak havoc with Obama himself



*Entry for Michael Falotico’s “Fly on the Wall” contest


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Valentine's Day Musings

All year long he puts my heart on a shelf
No surprise I’d rather be by myself
     If there’s no Valentine treat
     From this worthless hunk of meat
He can go on making love to himself

Remember there’s an “I” in Valentine
So if no one’s around to say, “Be mine”
     Just splurge – get a new hairdo
     Party with an all-girl crew
Check out the divorce rate and say, “I’m fine”




*For Francine's Valentine Limerick contest


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Viagra Falls

There once was a man from Niagara
whose wiener's so long it would stab ya'

but when it got little 
his pills became skittles   
until he O.D.'d on Viagra

© ~JSLambert  2011*****A classic "stiff" competitor, standing "firm" amongst other "members" in the "thick" of the competition:) hope everyone gets "a rise" out of it!


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Be Careful what you Hook

  I once heard of a fisher Luciano,
  who sang bass as he played on his piano.
  Once he fished and cast his line
  by mistake hooked his behind
  since that day, when he plays he sings soprano.

  How many syllables.com
  11, 11, 7, 7, 11
  
  11.11.2014
  Sponsor Roy Jerden
  Limericks Clean and Clever 


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We'll meat again .

The  deli-girl  fumed  and  was  swearing 
At  the  Frenchman's  request , so  uncaring .
"Sir  you  are  the  dregs
NO !!  I don't  have  frogs  legs .
It's  these  5 inch  high  heels that  I'm  wearing ".


He  said  " that pigs head  looks  so  meek ".
His short  shiny  snout  oh  so sleek .
But  to  her  surprise ,
He said  "leave  in  the  eyes .
It's  gotta  see  me thro'  the  week ".



Inspired by the talented pen of M/S Guzzi and her " Bull O Ney " , rhyme , for the double 
limerick contest ..


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Beatle Mania

Beatlemania (The Fab Four As Lovers) Once a choir boy, John turned to romance, Fell for Yoko almost at first glance. In full public view In bed with her too - Showed the world how to “give peace a chance.” Quiet George played much more than guitar. Lost his wife to another rock star. Layla left him because Of how hung up he was On the music he made with his sitar! Ringo acted in “Caveman” and met His wife Barb (once a Bond girl) on set. Though the film of this drummer Was dumber than dumber, Wise in love, he’s not left his Barb yet! A heart breaker, Paul left Wife "One" For Linda, and made her a vegan! On their farm smoking pot, They made money (a LOT)! He’s a genius whose life sure seems fun! written Oct. 13, 2013 for the BeatleMania Contest of Rhonda Johnson-Saunders


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My Big Fat Cousin's Wedding

My favorite cousin named Marge is almost as big as a barge. So one would assume, not knowing the groom, the guy would most likely be large. But he was a small man named Tim “As thin as a broom” describes him. While Marge would guffaw, Tim would watch her with awe and just smile for he was so prim! When the preacher addressed him and said, “You may now kiss the bride,” Tim turned red, for their lips could not meet. With high heels on her feet, Marge stood towering over his head. She leaned down while Tim stood on his toes, but for being in such a strange pose, Marge then came toppling down crushing Tim neath her gown while the whole church erupted in “Ohhhhh’s.” All was well, and thereafter, we ate; then we planned next to dance until late. But none could foresee the small tragedy that had us all leaving by eight! Marge had tossed off her heels for a glide on the dance floor, but when they both tried to dance, Tim got snagged by that dang gown and dragged as his bride was beginning to slide. . . Now shoeless, poor Marge could not stop. Toward a table with candles on top, they slid, and the groom then set fire to the room by landing with a belly flop. Poor Tim by the candles got lit, and we were all having a fit, for the fire got spread fast till the Best Man at last got us all wet extinguishing it! Inspired by the title of the movie: My Big Fat Greek Wedding & : Joann Grisetti's "My Cousin's Wedding" Poetry contest


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And She's Not Bad Lookin Either

Her Soup name we know as PD
Her REAL name is Linda you see
And Irma as well
Trevino! I yell
From my rooftop...Can’t hear me? (Poor me)

For a very special and loyal friend...


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Dancing Fool

Auntie Matilda is a dancing fool.
She took lessons at a discount dance school.
When she does the hippity hop,
even babies beg her to stop;
but Matilda’s dancing makes old men drool.


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Blood on the Saddle

We are taking a long horseback ride
On the great continental divide
    They are singing "Mule Train"
    Just like old Frankie Laine
While my poor butt is wailing "Rawhide"

The guide's muscles are trapezoidal 
With ripples and bulges steroidal 
    All the bulges I find 
    Are inside my behind 
And for sure are all hemorrhoidal

I guess I'm a poor city slicker
Of riding I couldn't be sicker
    I would rather be home
    Where no buffalo roam
With sitz bath and plenty of liquor

The trail is finally on the last branch
All the bleeding at last I can stanch
   The guide said there's a hut
   Where he'll tend to my butt
Here at the Brokeback Mountain Dude Ranch

July 13, 2014


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A "Brush" with Horror

Forget to brush; must maintain that gleam
Run to sink, grab a tube, no light stream
     Such an odd taste in my mouth
     Quickly I must spit it out
Oh, dear Lord, it’s Dad’s hemorrhoid cream!


(Sadly, a true story)


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Princess Needs A New Car

Princess just wants a new car.
I have told her that hers will go far.
'Oh, it's really not cool
driving this crap to school.'
'Do I need that emotional scar? '

'The kids will all laugh at the rust.
When we race, I'll be left in the dust! 
I will save up some cash
then we'll make a mad dash
to the car dealer surely you trust'.

'He will make us a wonderful deal
and I'm sure you will know how I feel.
I will love you so much, 
My siblings... I won't touch.
Just get me behind a new wheel'! 

Now she'll be cruisin in style.
She'll be happy for only awhile.
There will always be better
and we'll try hard to get her
a car that will make princess smile.


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The Foreign Diplomat

While campaigning among South American civilians 

he got news of the death of three Brazilians

        He said he was vexed
        
        then he asked quite perplexed

just how many is a brazillion?


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The Sundress Girl

Little Lulu, a cute little girl. in her sundresses loved to just twirl. Around she kept going, pink underpants showing. Her life would become one big “whirl.” In grade school, she grew to be wild. Upside down, in the playground, this child from the monkey bar hung in her sundress among all the boys standing round her, who smiled! As a teen, Lulu still loved to wear a sundress to make young men stare. She was thought a great sport when she wore a dress short, legs crossed as she sat in a chair. Little Lulu was so hot to trot her affection by many was sought till that cute buttercup got finally knocked up. Then a white wedding sundress she bought! The years crept up quickly on Lulu. On her porch she now stands and calls, “You-hoo!” to every old guy who might give her the eye as she twirls the huge skirt of her muumuu!
Written by Andrea Dietrich Inspired by the contest: "The Sundress" Sponsored by ~ Constance La France ~ A Rambling Poet ~~


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Chippendale Dancer

Hot Sue, many guys sought to romance her

But she fell for a Chippendale dancer

     Stuck bucks in his G-string

     But found his wedding ring

Right next to his genital enhancer





*Entry for Miranda Lambert's "Burlesque" contest


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Big Bang

This is one laymans' confession
(I have this nagging obsession)
A huge mass of matter
Explodes in a scatter
Here is my 'ignorant' question...

From whence came this gigantic ball?
Just how did the whole thing befall?
What was there before that?
And before even that?
And so on and so forth, et.al...

Blank space, only vacuum you say?
Endless void? Flat nothing? Okay...
Is nothing just nothing,
Or ain't nothing something
And what made the nothing I pray?


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Just doesn't add up

Pythagoras once fell off a ladder
And landed on a venomous adder
This adder couldn't add
Calculus made it sad
Algebra and theorems made it madder.


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Jonah Falcon He's Not

At the computer sits Dickie McDuff
Searching a password that isn't too tough
    With a cocky demeanor
    He types in 'mywiener'
And the computer says "Not long enough!"


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The Biggest Loser's Sundress

Colorful flowers and spaghetti straps
And my flabby arms from seams overlap
    But the sundress still beckons
    It’s diet time, I reckon
Girdle needed, my tummy to entrap

Seeking new ways for calories to burn
To wear that sundress, I’ll let famine churn
     Want to look provocative
     Avoid stares accusative
Hunger overwhelms, for ice cream I yearn

Sign up for Biggest Loser on TV
So Jillian Michaels can torture me
     Pushing boulders up steep hills
     To accentuate the frills
Of a small sundress designed for Twiggy

Jillian cracks the whip with no remorse
I drag tired bones through the exercise course
     Now slim, I sleep peacefully
     Blessed with deep serenity
While friends say, “She makes a beautiful corpse.”     


*Entry for “The Sundress,” a contest sponsored by Constance La France ~A 
Rambling Poet~
by Carolyn Devonshire