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Funny Retirement Poems | Funny Poems About Retirement

These Funny Retirement poems are examples of Funny poems about Retirement. These are the best examples of Funny Retirement poems written by international PoetrySoup poets

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Details | Rhyme | |

Retirement Plan

 Retirement Plan

Dr. James E. Martin
©February, 2013

Now that I’ve reached a ripe old age,
I sit on the porch and sip sweet tea.
Some may question the wisdom in this,
My response is simply, “It works for me!”

Jealousy is undoubtedly fostered in some,
For that matter anger may surely arise.
I simply continue in my well designed plan
And know that many my life they despise.

Details | Quatrain | |

Ain't Retirement Grand

I wake up at 5:30 most mornings
Before the sun has a chance to rise
Head for the bathroom as fast as I can
To get rid of yesterday's Mai Tai

I let out a great big sigh of relief
As I wipe the gunk from my peepers
Stand in front of a full length mirror
Like Tarzan, in my trap door sleepers 

I sure am ruggedly handsome, methinks
Could even grace the cover of GQ
That's if they publish a special edition
For overweight, balding yahoos

Maybe I'm being too hard on myself
I've still got a surprise up my sleeve
Like running a mile in two hours flat
Quite a feat for old guys to achieve

Now here's a lesson, so listen up good
To this fatherly advice that I share
Take care of yourself or you'll wind up
As a old guy without any hair

©Jack Ellison 2012

Details | Haiku | |

Haiku Shoppe

Great idea here Let’s open a Haiku Shoppe They go great with beer Easy to find I’m told They hide under nibs of pens Don’t let them get old To make a great stew Take a limerick or two Mix well with Haiku If all has gone well And your mix has turned out right You’re ready to sell One more thing to do We must put them on a bun - Sit and have a few Written by John Posey 12/22/12

Details | Blank verse | |

a package from Amazon

getting old
sitting on my rocker
waiting for mail 

a package
from Amazon 
with my first fast elder walker with seat

they say that this fast elder walker with seat
could last 
up to ten years to the day

I do pray 
that this walker 
is not my last 

and that it and I 
don’t go too fast

Details | Bio | |

Solitude: To Yoda, An Ode

Green bark a prism creates,
Feel the pull of earth, you must.

Rotates, a slime of endless hates,
Can hold me not, this world’s crust.

Friendship’s ties, isolation Deflates,
Succumbs, my spaceship, to bitter rust.

Mist, my soul forever permeates,
Lift-off, booms the rocket’s thrust.

My spirit when light returns, elates,
Swamps swell, swallowed hope’s swirling dust.

Trapped, I am, until student from fate
Arrives to learn; Cloud City or bust.

Details | Limerick | |

Retirement and the Mountains

Retirement in the Mountains

There once was an old mountain man.
He hunted and lived off the land.
He always felt fine.
When he danced in moonshine.
So he danced and imbibed like he planned.

© Dane Ann Smith-Johnsen
March 11, 2010

Poetic form:  Limerick

Details | Free verse | |

Cubicle Life

click click, click click, tick-tock, tick-tock,
the clock seems to tick not as fast as one wants,
the air conditioner stops now they can hear you chew, 
after the first week, you knew this wasn't the right job for you.

two years go by, collectively this repetition makes the time fly
but each day feels like two weeks in the mind,
a backwards reality, a 21st century tragedy, too much of this will make one mad you see, its just not natural - self destruction will take place gradually

in search of a new end goal, something nourishing to the soul, perhaps a little creative control, a bit more spiritual, and a little less ritual,
how about less them, and a little more you, knowing you have the ability to pursue anything you want to do, but for now you keep your head down just trying to see the day through and then forcefully recoup - praying the IT department doesn't notice you scrolling down poetry soup:)

Details | Rhyme | |


Thirty years in the work force, 
I might have stopped earlier, of course, 
but kept on working with my hard-earned skills.
It kept me out of trouble and paid the bills.
Eight hours travail, then home in time
to do the "rest", which was nothing of the kind.
Friday night laundry and pushing the vacuum, Say?,
'til two in the morning so as have a free Saturday.
How did I do it without risking a seizure?  
As stay-at-home writer, do I have any leisure?
You guessed it: my busy life is out to get me.
I'd like to quit, but my Boss won't let me.

              for Andrea, who asks where I've been

Details | Rhyme | |


Before Jack retired
He promised that
He shovel the snow
He'd feed the cat

He'd fix the roof
And mend the sink
He paint the 
Bathroom sunrise pink

He'd build a den
And repair the phones
He'd set the yard
With patio stones

He said he'd dig
The garden plot
Clean the attic
Extent the lot

He'd clean the windows
Eaves and spout
Get all the soggy 
Dead leaves out

We'd buy a trailer
Jack and me
And then go 
Visit cousin Dee

We'd jet away
To sunny lands
Bask on warm
And tropic sands

Spend our days
In hottest Reno
Night time jaunts
To the casino

Dance the tango
Dine out late
Sleep in peace
At motel eight

Fly to Paris
Greece or Rome
Never spend
A day at home

Now old Jack
Has made it clear
Lies on sofa
Drinking beer

Forgetting words
of yesterday
Jack is finally
here to stay

Paunchy, balding
And  much alive
Jack sure is
loving sixty five