These Home Funny poems are examples of Funny poems about Home. These are the best examples of Home Funny poems written by international PoetrySoup poets
Now think well of this story, you beer-loving blokes.
It’s often recounted with humour by folks
Who know the Three Horseshoes serves mighty strong ale,
And it’s this which attributes so much to this tale.
After downing six pints of the pub’s strongest brew,
Albert Downing stood up and said his adieu.
He then zig-zagged off home down a quiet country lane,
And not till next morning was he seen again.
Albert’s wife went to bed, for she thought he’d be late,
But at four in the morning her fear became great,
For she woke in the dark quite alone in her bed,
And fear overcame her and filled her with dread.
There was nothing to do but to wait until day.
And then she’d discover where Albert had strayed,
For with six pints inside him, he wouldn’t go far,
And was probably sleeping out under the stars.
Albert drunkenly staggered back home to his bed,
But mistook his own gate for the farm gate instead.
He was feeling quite drunk, as no one can deny,
And spent the whole night with a sow in her sty.
With his arms wrapped around her, he spoke of his love,
“My darling, my dearest, my sweet turtle dove.”
And nestling beside her, he snored all the night,
But when he came to he had reason for fright
For a couple of policemen were calling his name,
And to wake with a hangover seemed such a shame
For he and the sow had no cause for lament,
For what a good night she and Albert had spent.
So remember old Albert as you next stagger home
And pay good attention to where you do roam
For the sow may be warm and your night quite content
But that farmer’s now charging a fortune in rent.
I shall daily visit the beauty parlor
And make myself beautiful for you.
I shall never clean the house
So that my skin is not tarred.
I shall ever watch my figure,
Eating calorie less foods and drinks.
I shall stay home all day
And will never be stay at home mom
But will go for Disco at night.
I shall not take drugs
But a drink or two in limits.
I shall awake late in the morning
So that you are not disturbed.
I shall adorn the house to earn
Adjectives from the neighbours.
I shall buy the furniture to invent
Nouns to be told to the visitors.
Our house will be all pronouns
But will never admit verbs as
They shake the very foundation.
*** I wrote this poem much earlier noticing a young married woman of a modest family adopting the modern living going astray from the household chores *** Based on a real
The poem was posted on 1/16/2007
Dr. Ram Mehta
Tenth place win in:
Contest: Any Twisted Poem sponsored by Destroyer A Poet
I know of a lass by the name of Kelly McGower
Who would sing like an angel when she took a shower.
But when she finished and came out of the rain,
It seems that her talents would wash down the drain.
And if she attempted to sing one more note,
Her voice would sound like a rude Billy Goat.
Poor Kelly, to her singing was close to pure joy,
But she’d never share it with Shamus McCoy.
Shamus it seems was the man of her dreams,
But to sing for him would be far too extreme.
To invite him to hear her would set off alarms,
And how could she do it without revealing her charms?
So the poor girl wondered what else she could do,
To gain his attention and to be loved by him too?
Next door to Kelly there lived one Shamus McCoy,
Nothing special about him, just an average boy.
He’d stroll through his garden each night at the same hour,
And wait for dear Kelly to start taking her shower.
When her singing would start on the fence post he’d lean,
Until sweet Kelly and his soul were both clean.
For the sound of her voice would make him content,
But for listening to her shower he felt the need to repent.
So he got on the phone to speak with the Vicar,
In hopes that absolution could come that much quicker.
The Vicar grabbed his Bible to help save the boy,
Then he went to visit the home of young Shamus McCoy.
And while Shamus made confession to his lyrical love,
The Vicar heard the sweet sounds from the window above.
So transfixed was he by the sound of her voice,
That he called out to Shamus to be glad and rejoice.
He provoked Shamus into action to ask for her hand,
So young Shamus made a purchase of a perfect gold band.
Now Shamus is granted a concert each night,
And the songs that she sings bring him delight.
His love for his wife has made him complete,
And she now permits him a front row seat.
Still her modesty requires that he turn his face,
Because the shower curtain is made of fine Irish lace.
And there is not enough of it there to obstruct his view,
So to honor her wishes it's the least he can do.
He’ll protect her modesty when he comes to hear her,
By turning from the shower and looking into the mirror.
But the steam from the shower clouded up the glass,
And obscured his view of this beautiful lass.
So Shamus took action there was nothing more to it,
And that’s how Kelly’s solo got changed into a duet.
Let this poem stand as an explanation to the city as to why,
The water bill at the home of the McCoy’s is so high.
There's nothing like it after a hard day's work
To ge stuck in traffic behind some jerk
He smiles in his mirror like he's having fun
So I show him my finger because he's number one
Now rush hour moves at such a horrible pace
By the time I get home there's a beard on my face
If this isn't enough to make you hot
I arrive at home and can't find a parking spot
So I park up the street and pick up a nail
If swearing was a crime, I'd be in jail
Then I walk down the street which was freshly tarred
Our neighbor's dog did his duty in our back yard
I finish my dinner and sit down for the night
To watch TV and listen to the kids fight
I look at the ceiling and softly say
A prayer of thanksgiving at the end of the day.
'neath my family tree I found
something green and blue and brown
hatching out beneath my touch
that I love so very much
can you take it home tonight?
feed it soup and hold it tight?
I can't have it ,Heaven knows,
it wants to wear my sister's clothes
and dance around in town all day
and make confections out of clay
put it in a sachel bag
make it march and wave a flag
until it learns it must conform
it's just too different from the norm
and when you make it tow the line,
I'll take it home and make it mine.
Globally, miners jubilantly jump for joy
Smiles on the faces of every girl and boy
The grins of a newly opened Xmas toy
Trade unionists bounce along the street
Music blaring and the tapping of feet
From nurses to Bobbies still on the beat
Street parties announced in the nation
Satan who brought economic inflation
Is deceased, now’s the time for elation
Its times like this I’m sad I’m an atheist
And can only shout and wave my fist
And then go to the pub and get pissed
Drenched by the rain
Golden key fits perfectly in the door lock
Home with lots of wet dog kisses
A-L Andresen :)
* contest: Leonora <3
(4th place in the contest)
Like sick allergies,
Boredom can be passed around
I call it: THE BOREDOM DISEASE
Like a horrid storm,
Boredom can catch you off guard
Hold on for DEAR LIFE!
Like the whooping cough,
Boredom can be serious
If I were you, I’d
Get a vaccination !
We were so pathetic our first year of marriage. They say that being poor builds character, maybe that explains it.
We were married way too young to ever have much money,
The thought of spending for a Christmas tree seemed to be too funny.
We decided that we would do without to save cash on which to live,
Because the cost of even a meager tree was more than we could give.
One night on my way home from work I followed a tree barring truck,
A pothole hit and a tree flew off it seemed I’d had some luck.
I took it home to my new bride and the sight lit up her eyes,
She decided to make decorations for this Christmas tree surprise.
So while I went to find a stand, she started to pop some corn,
She took a needle and threaded them and soon the tree adorned.
She cut out cardboard stars and bells in foil they then got covered,
I set the tree up in its stand and that’s when a problem was discovered.
There was something wrong with the trunk of our little Christmas tree,
It curved so badly that when it stood up it made the letter “C”.
Without some help it couldn’t stand so to the top we tied a rope.
To the closet rod it got fastened to hold it upright was our hope.
When the door to the closet slid shut tight the tree stood proud and tall,
With its aluminum decorations and popcorn strands it really had it all.
When we opened the door to get our coats the rope would always slack,
And the little tree would bow to us and we would bow right back.
Many years have passed since then and now our house is full of trees,
But none of them are as polite as our first that was so eager to please.
im livin in a world, where all eyes on me.
trying to curve my own route.
but route 66 keeps finding its way to me.
ive been plenty sick, in all the events layed before me.
even when i reflect to my lowest points
i dont regret any of the choices
That I’ve deployed in my era
A lot of it by error, but hey
We live in hell conditions and there ain’t no air condition
Or any guidelines when life throws you in the sidelines
But when hindsight twenty twenty hits
You’ll begin to understand life’s a bunch of equations and you in the mix of it
An you’ll have to think twice, before running into a situation and becoming the best of it
it’s what got me here, it’s what got us here
Ran with my thoughts blazing up to her place and
Guess what happened next
She opened up heaven’s gate
And just before late I slipped out
I’m a Grown ass man
Doin his thing, waitin to blow up like an old land mine
In doin what he drools over
But time after time
Something decides to creep up and cover the light
Lost my way
Then I revoked to ever know, I ever thought that way
But in the in between time, that in the mean time
Spent a lot of time
Gettin pissed off just to medicate and lift off
Don’t need Don Perion to sip off
Already had my way with the bottle
Even thought to get back with the trouble and rejoin the hustle
That’s just what happens to a man who really knows his old ways
Whos tired of making ends meet and ponders getting back to the streets.
Memory sets in and he remembers an O.G. saying
No matter how tall your pockets stand when you ball
Eventually times gonna make you fall
And I as I pull myself together
I don’t wanna end up like the twin towers rubble
I mean no offence to nine eleven but at that time I probably could have used a reverend
But all that’s irrelevant now
because i live with a different perspective now
there you go you made it to the end :-) comment if you like, constructive criticism wanted as well.