Listen to the silence
the silent ... nothing
Silent screams of pain
loneliness that is currently
and loneliness luggage tomorrow
Slowly creeps into darkness
shadows as an eternal companion
The total feeling of emptiness, disappointment and sorrow
A longing for tenderness, touch and love
The butterflies are gone ... they've flown their way
Left me here alone - abandoned the covenant of love
Tears fall like silent thunder
Loneliness and fear behind the mask
The mask falls when the tears come
The silence of tears and sorrow
Swollen, teary and red eyes
Trying to catch a ray of angelic light
A-L Andresen :)
sometimes i talk to myself,
my mind is racing,
i dont know what to do...
so hard to explain.
depression isn't a stage
or a faze some kids go through
it shatters you...
i saw it all.
she cried silent in her bed,
blood stains covered her favorite jeans,
her every shirt,
long sleeve ofcourse...
she suffered through it all with few people to call friend
and more to call enemy
even more to say where quite dissappointed....
her first name in school,
not started by a bully
or a mean rival,
but by her sister,
and it echoed through her soul,
repeating in her mind... over and over again,
like the ripples of still water
when a pebble is dropped
flash frozen in time
over and over again...
It was the first name they gave her,
millions where created over the years,
some repeating again, just as the first had..
gothic they called her,
emo, fat, ugly....worse things.
but in her mind, things where worse.
everything was repeating,
over and over again,
finally she believed it.
she asked for help, from everyone
tried to explain to parents she wasnt well,
got called a psycho for asking to see a theripist,
not from a teacher,
not from a class mate,
but from her own father, who wouldn't, couldn't,
believe there could possibly be a thing wrong....
finally, crying, she confessed her bloody secret to a teacher.
rather then giving her time,
she is sent back to class crying her eyes out, as if she wherent going through enough...
she is sent to the principals office a few minutes later, after breaking down in class...
the princlipal says she needs help,
sends her and her dad for a risk evaluation,
her dads crying as she shows him her cuts...
they walk into a hospital room,
it smells of chemicals and hand sanitizer,
the lady at the desk gives her a smile.
then she goes into a room with a lady,
her cheeks are sunken in and shes wearing way too much makeup,
the girl is gaging on her perfume,
and she looks really intimidating....
her dark brown hair looks dead and flat
even though its a bit wavy,
and she wears somewhat of a mocking frown.
asks her all these questions,
is mommy beating her?
is daddy raping her?
is she doing drugs?
is anyone beating her?
did anyone molest her?
oxcarbezapine, trazadone, citalipran, clinazapam, colonipan,
valium, lithium, more.......
and thats what they gave her,
some numbed the pain
some brought it out
tearing through her organs,
she became an addict by the time she was fourteen....
over dose after over dose
some for pleasure
some for pain,
gashes on her legs getting deeper,
this time she didnt tell a soul,
not even those she had come to call friends....
wakeup she screamed in her head over and over again
as she dropped weight like it was nothing....
you cant controll it she argued as things became worse.
at age fourteen she attempted suicide,
she didnt quite succeed.
the medication took away her aappitite....
she liked it
she hated her body
felt out of controll
found a new way to cope
as she shoved tooth brush after toothbrush down her throat
to keep her body from nuitrients...
as she whent weeks and weeks spitting food into napkins and making excuses
I ate at my friends house....
spoken as a whisper
heard like a sentance
echoing in her mind over and over again,
along with that word, all the words,
ugy, anoying, stupid, fake, worthless, nothing...
one bite she would say
rocking back and forth
craving nothing but food
her body racked with hunger pain
one bite and there she was again
over and over and over again
back to a toothbrush
this time she sees blood
she saw her ribs
she saw her bones,
it wasnt good enough,
she almost died, again....
choking on this deep dissappointment in herself,
gaging on everything they where pushing down her throat,
their words, and their insults, their criticism.... their drugs
all shoved down her throat like candy
and just as she was was trained to do she swallowed despite the bad taste
or the hurt
or the fact that at the rate she was going she would be dead soon...
and you know why?
because daddy yelled
and couldnt accept what was happening
not because he wanted to hurt her
but because it hurt him,
and she let him believe,
because she could take the hurt if it meant he didnt have too.
because mommy didnt want to sit in her room all day
practically having us raise ourselves,
she didnt mean to take anger, or frustration or hurt out on her daughter
she suffered everyday in her solitary confinement,
and from a young age she accepted her bedroom was the cage
her mother had created for herself.
because sister didnt want to effect her the way she did
she was just frustrated
fed up with the way things where
scared, she needed someone to take her cruelty
and to help heal her pain...
because people in school
who where so cruel
had to have learned from somewhere
and she wasnt going to play into their games,
and they knew she was an easy target
because she would never attack someone so weak
and she accepted her suffering was a sacrafice
to help all these people....
to help her dad,
every person who was beaten abused or hurt
and felt so weak at home they wanted to feel strong in the one safe place they had.
because depite the fact she had died inside,
and almost passed away on the out,
it was a saccrafice she was willing to make
so that no one else would have to feel that kind of pain,
and they all inflicted it and broke her down'untill there was nothing left but a shell
of somthing that could have been
and never had the chance
because she would take it and wouldnt strike back,
because sometimes "just taking it"
isnt so much about the weakness not to do anything
but about the strangth not to hurt others the way they hurt you...
If you are lonely watch the birds
In their freedom of flight--
Feel the warmth of the sun
Kiss your cheeks and smile
Visit the shore and listen to
The waves sing sweet songs
Close your eyes and smell the
Fragrant flowers of spring
Transport yourself through
Time’s great abyss
In memories of streams that
Flow with a youthful glow. . .
Dive in pools of aqua waters
Through your mind’s eye
Delight in the breezes playful
Mood as the trees sway in tune
Listen to the purr of a
Contented cat in your lap
Write a letter to yourself
And promise to answer. . .
Better yet write a poem,
One that will linger long
In someone’s lonely mind.
It was something real -
love's lucidity stretching to eternity.
The dusky pink air of evening, salty gravel underfoot,
and the five o'clock brooding on water and mud flat.
There you were, fixed figure on the landscape,
black irregularity against all that pink,
your solitude clutching at my uncertain empathy.
You wanted to be understood.
It shocked me softly - your impenetrable cocoon,
the warm human reaching,
and the sea of your separation
washing up over my disregard.
Decades stretched a cord, across years,
up the stairs, and around chairs
coiling beyond the door of one small room,
groomed by the sun, of a Saturday afternoon...
I am floating on a sea of a hardwood floor
Prone, on my back, upon a lavender rug
Examining the nail of my left hand thumb
with a phone at my ear, a smile on my face
while you've glady expressed, how you have aced an exam
I confess how I've missed holding your hand
only linked to your kiss, by a small ivory phone
With a ring on my finger, to bind our young love
Blinded in the eyes, from an innocent throne
Invitations in the mail, and a church on hold
There was a cake on order, and a heartless, cold world
You were glued to my ear, I was wrapped by a cord
that tugged on the wall, with long-distance words
Light from the yard is scored by the blinds
but, there on the floor, prone on my back,
I'm bound by the cord that tethered our lives
Linked to your voice, where a new love was wound
Hovering over the sea of cold hardwood,
I had a pillow of shag, and a lavender rug
The days stretching short and our vows, yet untold
The cord getting stronger, and time to unfold
It’s okay to leave the dishes in the sink,
to wash your hands with sanitizer instead of soap.
Your mother will joke
about how it doesn’t get your hands clean enough
but when was the last time you listened to her anyway.
It’s okay to cry today,
to use your sleeve instead of tissues.
It’s okay to take that thing that hurt you
and throw it out of the moving car,
just don’t go back to pick it up,
it’s not lost luggage,
it’s buried tumors.
It’s okay to hate God today,
to change his name to yours,
to grab the headstone with your mitten covered hands
and try to knock it over.
Throw the snow at it,
the roses have died.
It has been too long since the passing,
but I give you permission to hate God today.
It’s okay to break into the liquor cabinet
and medicate peacefully,
to drink too much sometimes
and not know where you’ve been
because you’ll eventually find yourself.
It’s okay to walk alone sometimes,
sort your thoughts,
to clear the air with air,
and dry the wounds with salt.
It’s okay to climb into bed early
and stare at the ceiling,
to just tell yourself that it’s okay.
Bold lines are taken from the poem Letter From My Heart to My Brain by Rachel McKibbens
People seem to hide their problems for a moment
I need some time on my own to kneel down and repent
Can’t wait till it’s all over, when this jealousy fades away
For now, let the sorrowful rain shower upon me this sun-shining day
I’m very lonely in my own skin and I have nowhere to go
So sorry for feeling the way I feel…I just want you to know
That I will be alright, as long as I have someone by my side
Catch my tears before they collide upon the cold floor…in the shadows, I hide
Nothing seems right anymore – I guess I am worthless to you
I need some motivation and some confidence along the way
Can’t stand dealing with me right now, but I’ll live with what I’m going through
No one sees me or mirrors my pain…God, just take it all away
Is there hope to find or am I the one, growing blind?
I feel like a loser when I find myself being left behind
I know, you don’t have to tell me – I was always meant to be a failure from the start
Born to be a winner in spirit, but I’ve lost it all…my faith towards you was my favorite type of art
I need to smile and laugh some, but somebody got to give me some love
I just don’t know what to do, living this lie that is below or above
Acknowledge the words I utter and graze in your own maze
People tell me, “Don’t worry…you’re just going through a tough phase”
How come God’s timing isn’t the same as ours? Sorry to question You so
The thoughts in my head are bewildering…wishing for Your gracious glow
I light up like a computer screen would, but there’s nothing to stare at
Just a worn-out mat, getting stepped on several times by heartless individuals…growing independent like a black cat
Sometimes I laugh while reading in the library
Sometimes librarians come over and tell me to be quiet
Sometimes they ask if everything is okay
And always always I answer "yes"
Tragedy is never a sentiment for Time
For it is a phenomenon she merely sees
She pours forth abundance for all that behold her
Even for those of us that scold her
And for naught she was cursed from the beginning
There she is—interminable Time at the fullest!
And we all envy her ever-ringing constancy
She rules over our hearts
Keeping stress in our spirits
Not once does she feel sorry for us
Nor is she indifferent of our failures
She begs not for gratefulness
And accepts who she is with joy!
How ample we would be if we
Like she—were free of trepidation
If only we be like her waters—clear and visible from top to bottom
Filled with untainted approval
What fools we must seem to such a pure jewel as Time
But ah, she is both heartless and kind
And though we hate her peculiar aura
Oh how hard it is do tear her from our minds!
How stressfully beautiful Time is!
Like a wink of venerated bliss
She smiles and smiles
And our ironical faces feel like grime
Still she laughs in mirth
While the world becomes a ball of putrid hatred
Wanting more and more of her
And positively hating her
We that cannot see her began to hate
For we are as visible and low as can be
And we acknowledge her merely to insult her
Though she takes no pang to the chest
For the only gifts we give in return for herself are pangs
That she simply returns to each sender
Hidden is our pride
But ever placed
Is our inscrutable mortality
And this humiliation of our unchangeable fates
Makes us want to humiliate the more fortunate
Thus we regard her only as a concept
As a fraction of a belief—a bellowing ideal
For of course Time cannot in our honey-glazed eyes
Think, eat, drink or feel
We use her—yes! Even abuse her
Not once will she complain
For her gift is everlastingness
In the morning, I gather my thoughts of yesterday
Like the foraging chipmunk, collecting acorns
And stuffing them miserly in my jowls
The past is sustenance for a somnolent soul
As age condemns my faculties
I pull, from my once copious jowl
A jewel of sorts
A garnet set in fool’s gold
My memory is manufactured
Assembled and disassembled
No longer what was or is or will be
But was and is and never has been
Confine my thoughts to winter
Where barren fields and sterile trees
Offer less to recollect
Empty my jaws of these useless reminiscences
....and she laid it so bare,
Her soul to my hungry ear.
All her fear, hopeless and frail
Washed over me like a tide
I could not swim the likes of this
The eddies pulled me under
All along I wondered how she survived
The constant surge of her life
In the end, I'm glad I was there
It took it's toll on me to endure her pain
She only needed my ears and my silence
She only wanted to be loved.
For a night, we shared some peace from the world at large.
Only to find that NOTHING had changed.... But us....
Have overtaken me.
All of the wondering
That flew through
Has just made
Me, be unseen by the naked
Whenever I pass
You don't say hi
The only word
that could be said was bye.
I long for you,
As you do too.
Even though you
I will never
He was always so happy
strong and bold.
He'd give you the shirt off of his back.
He had a rough life
growing up through the depression,
but like he always does,
he got through it.
He has two boys, of whom he is so proud.
Moved from Regina, to Victoria.
He had the best life anyone his age could have wanted.
But ever since his wife died,
he has not been the same.
But like he has always done,
he got through it.
just a little forgetful.
That's how it always starts out...
But like always, he powered through it,
He is not the same person that I used to know.
He been sentenced to the prison in his own mind.
Possessed by the thoughts of his dogs ashes.
He likes to play the blame game,
but we know he doesn't remember that it was him.
He wakes up in the night
shaking with pain,
tears streaming down his face.
There is nothing we can do,
Two more tylenol.
Hold on to hope
for as long as you can,
It's only a matter of time now.
He gets vocal, a very loud tone.
He'll block you in your room
and make false accusations
But we know that it's the pain induced monster in him.
Tick tock, tick tock...
You can't handle the stress anymore
you have to leave.
Just hope for the best,
maybe it will get better.
Surprise, it doesn't.
Your denial is foolish, everyone knows
what happens next.
All results of
created not by God but man
harsh ridicule he endured
abhorring the mere site of him
people pursued a “monster” in perception only
carrying torches and weapons
angst festered within a tormented heart
sentenced to a life of agonizing loneliness
without committing a crime
abandoned by a thoughtless creator
his arduous trek to find him began
dwelling in caves, crying
hiding his hideous appearance
from a bitter world that rejected him
just one simple hope had he
find a companion to share affection
with prayers unanswered
suicide his only choice to escape solitude
broken-hearted, he faced demise in a conflagration
upon the northland’s glacial ice
cold as society’s treatment, hot as the fury in his heart
A truth in rage of insult furrows my mind
For it is only an offense given to me by myself
In the mouths of others far innocent than I
I feel the tears trickle down my cheeks
For I have surfaced into an ugly mistake
I am always inadequate in this brain
I try to shine like the advice of grace given
But confidence rarely rears its head my way
There’s a sort of shade blocking its way
A shade that darkens everyday
That very shade led me to believe my feelings are wrong
That I will never belong so long as they are not controlled
I must be careful—for the lines of love and lust run cold
I hate myself truly this night
And no one but myself will give me the right
The very right to degrade my every being
Because you are not seeing what I am seeing
There is no point
My lines run cold
Can I be so bold as to say
I still love with a pang of indistinguishable doubt
All feelings enter in
As my truth blurs and checks out
Your words pierce me so deep
I cannot describe the pain I feel
God it hurts so bad
It can’t be real
Much like the love I have come to embrace
The very love that links to your face
Tears don’t give it justice
It can’t be real
Much like the love I will never face
In their dreams…
Whisper indoctrinated dialect
Upon my harrowing song
Remove that scented, plastic tulip
Place it upon my oblivious palm
As if we’re in a Sadie Hawkins dance
With petal currencies
I woke up only feeling like a thousand bucks.
A foreign knock-off made of recycled, rubber bolts
Tell me I’m priceless with borrowed, high-interest breaths
Liquidate my potent complacency
To become that symbol of an elitist humanity
Stroke that clouded, diamond tip
With your sensual thumb
Love stamps of approval
After 6 months of quickie penetration
And co-signatures on dilapidated apartment leases
Take me to our creator!
Tell Him I am free!!!
I will stand here in virtual observance!
Wait, where are you going?
Come back to me!
COME BACK TO ME!
My wheelchair’s batteries are fading!
How will I stand?!
Sadly, they never validated their reality…
©Drake J. Eszes
There is one place in this lonely life
where I can run away to on this long, dark road.
Only the moon knows my way home tonight
and I hold the key to this door in my heart.
I see an open book still on the table
waiting for my eyes to read again,
and an inviting, marshallow-soft pillow,
offering to cradle my sleepy head
and uphold me in what dreams may come....
The warmth of home is where my heart is tonight.
(This poem was inspired by the song "Home Sweet Home" by Motley Crue.)
The moon so bold seems cold
with a halo of midnight glow
I sit mesmerized as the night grows old.
I bleed still, even after all these years
and I wait again through the night
aching in the depths of my soul
that no other seems to know
the Loneliness that has become my companion.
In the darkness we wait and confide in the other
our deepest fears as memories fade
in and out each season of change
the nostalgia tempers the wars of pain
this tempestuous foe of ours
wails at the gates of midnight
howling the warble of humanities last grace.
How the comfort of minds and hearts
turn from light to deep dark in the face
of eternities long time clock...
I ache with wanting, with need and passion
it is a lie that time heals and wounds scar
each night is fresh like the first
when I faced realities shock.
Who can wait with me?
Who can hold this hound at bay?
Who can cherish what little love left in me
and make the broken whole?
I ache to be loved again as the love that burns
and waits inside of me.
Who can comfort this emptiness and fill the void
that so many leavings have left?
Cherish and love to honor and protect
but who can slay these demons that hold my heart in wrath?
Who will walk the sulfur clouds of hell to save my mind
and deliver my world to the gates of heaven
with life, not death bridging the distance of pain?
I sit and wait at the floor of the moon each night
waiting for that bridge to carry me yonder,
this moon who hangs heavy and ripe with the yearning of my soul
with clouds aglow as if I could sweep them across a canvas
with the brush held in your hand
I rage at her as I wait, but still I wait and weep
as Loneliness and I keep each others company
wishing the clouds of that great moon could truly create
a way to find the lost, a pathway to home, lit by the legacy our love.
It’s dusky and smoky in the room.
People are talking too loudly,
laughing at a joke of which
the punch line was lost in the din.
I shift my weight on the stool –
the dimensions not quite fitting my shape.
My skirt rides up my thighs.
I leave it there and pick up a stare
from across the room.
Not quite sure if it was meant for me,
I notice a slumped punter
lift his glass in a salute.
I nod and turn reluctantly back
to my half empty glass on the counter.
A cautious tap on my shoulder
quickens my pulse.
It is late and my head is fuzzy
from the G & T’s, but this attention
is most definitely meant for me.
He mumbles sweet nothings.
Well, that is what it sounds like
through his whiskey breath slurring.
He picks up my flimsy wrap
and drapes it over my shoulders.
The touch from another human being
feels good on my naked skin.
I let him kiss me on the lips
and do not protest
when he calls for another round.
I cannot remember when last
someone has sweet talked me.
It is getting very late
and the prospect of being alone
fills me with dread.
In the dark corners of the bar
people are trying to expel
the mutual fear of being lonely.
Persona Literary Term refers to the narrator or speaker of the poem, not to be confused with the author - a narrative voice other than the poet tells the entire poem. The expression derives from the Greek word "persona" meaning mask. When the poet creates a character to be the speaker, that character is called the persona and the poet imagines what it is like to enter someone else's personality. This is an example of a poem where I have used persona.
It usually reflects the thoughts of the speaker and they are not necessarily the personal experiences of the poet, ie the poet places himself in the shoes of the other person and comments on a scene observed. It is a difficult format to write in as as the poet needs to keep in character throughout the poem and it tends to deviate from the usual voice of the poet.
Hounds from Hell take their toll on your soul
as you walk the mainstreet of mainstream
and watch Saturn and Neptune dance to a simple tone
of silence in the outer space.
As you sit in the middle of the world
free yourself from the sense of hopelessness,
only see yourself in the mirror of deception
as your reflection laughs at you and looks right through you,
and doesn't have remorse for what it says or does to you.
Hounds from Hell take your soul,
chock you, cut of your air,
the smog and fog blind you in the city of ash.
Hear the hounds from hell howl for your soul,
go now, barracade your soul behind sins and temptation,
Alone, listening to your soul die away,
watch love go away from you, with suitcase in hand,
picture frames broken and collect dust through the sands of time.
Till the cleaning lady comes on Monday, to clean the mess
that you left behind.
You are gone, without a trace of ever returning.
Looks of the Hounds of Hell came for you and stole you from
comfort and warmth,
till the sorrowed heart cracks and pain spills out
and you look at it all spill out over the floor.
The Hounds from Hell have paid a consumable harmage to you,
and your rich soul of sorrowness burns away... slowly.
Fear darkens souls,
innocent souls burn with a new day,
a slumber that has no end
with nightmares haunting every light of hope
there is left in this desolate Wasteland.
Fear and darkness tears a hole in the darkened universe
and we all go to hell to see the Hounds,
who come for us all.
The graveyards fill,
and death guards the tombstones of the dead,
and the flowers burn away on the feet of the dead.
How can one express the baffling depths of obscurity?
How can one behold to open the shafts of the mind?
I have never been able to solve the mystery—
Of myself. . .
I wish at times that my life was no more
That I could live as another and finally see things right
But I am always stuck in this darkness
And I cannot see this mind in light
There are beasts. . .demons prowling through the wasteland
Searching for any remaining life
And if they are ever found—
They are doomed and consumed
Fear is their downfall and they never fail to smell it
Their ashes remain, dancing with the imaginary breeze
It is silent here—there are no answers
I wish there were answers. . .
But maybe there was never a reason
No answers. . .
Talons extend and clench around my heart
They will never seek me out—they left me here
It is like they knew…I had no reason—that was the answer
I feel the pulse of my dangling life
Alone in the dark, whimpering like a child
I have scared myself, becoming this dragon-daggered youth
No balm in Gilead!
No eyes to see
All I know will never be free
I don’t need anyone!
You are a disgrace—scum of the waste!
You have everything, you ungrateful little nothing
You are a joke. . .
So swallow it all up like the pushover you are
Stand your lowest and trudge right through
No questions. No answers. Just . You.
Or just lie back down into the mush of disease
It has already infected you to the core
Accept who you are, you ugly pestilence!
I hate you
Who are you to be glorified?
Dream snatcher. . .murderer of all things bright
Saturated in what you call light
I see right through—even as the reflections shatter
All of the dead kept you alive—they all matter…
But alive you are the worst there is
False savior—edited attention whore
I never want to see your face again
See, that’s why I hide. . .
Desperation. . .desperation. . .
I sob and cry kneeling in defeat
For once I am right. . .I am right
Alone am I and don't want to be, I pray for someone to come and rescue me. I
wander along this lonely path and think of those that I've lost in the past.
I seek for someone to walk with me, I look and entreat, for my soul is in despair.
Once I had a mate so fair and refined, she walked with me and soothed my mind,
but now she is gone. My world has become calamity. Now I wander this lonely path,
across mountains and through the pass. In desert places my soul does thirst for an
oasis to drink from on this lonely earth.
I despise the day and rue the night, when dreams come in and stress my plight. The
sun does scorch me, the cold sends shivers down my spine. No one to shade me, no
one to hold me, nothing to make the cold to flee.
My heart is weary and my mind whispers, your name is solo and will always be. My
shadow mocks me as I go, a reminder of long ago, when there were other shadows
not just mine alone. I've become a mad man, I curse the day and wail at night.
Perhaps some day I'll find sweet rest, join the ones I lost in the past and solo no
longer my name will be.
Drab pigeons in flight, skimming over the streets
Swift, restless movement, but going nowhere
Cleaving curved wings in the hot and stagnant air
While no one takes notice of a gray day's defeat
They circle and settle, no rhyme or a plan
They perch, then depart, feathered gypsies who roam
Chasing the shadows, surveying the land
They scavenge the streets, for a place to call home
Summer that coils between cracks in the concrete
Liquefied smog brews far deep in the bone
Pigeons fly low, testing virtues of streets
Assemble in flocks, yet must forage alone
Searching at feet of the crowds who walk by
Waiting for nothing, just a crumb from the sky
Drab men walking circles, slouched over with scars
Their only companions are ghosts of defeat
With no place to go, except under the stars
They huddle in corners, as the bitter night peaks
People and traffic are pounding the beat
No one gives notice, while they travel not far
Down sidewalks, and litter, in the noise of the street
Like pigeons in circles, where home is the dark
Summer that coils between cracks in the concrete
Liquefied smog brewing deep in the bone
And gray absent eyes, testing virtues of streets
Just litter on sidewalk, where cruel winds have blown
Searching at feet of the crowds who walk by
Waiting for nothing, just a crumb from the sky
Thought that I knew you so well
my heart thought that she
knew you even better
like a change of season
you’ve moved on
twilight comes and lovers go
each brings a change of heartbeats
and it looks like I’m in for
If I thought you would stay
perhaps I would promise to love you more
but it was not me who turned
and it is you walking away with my heartbeat
so now you’ve decided to move on
not a real word not even a truthful reason given
I guess reality is coming through
now that your invisible I can finally see
the true colors of you
Fifteen seconds counted out
one second at a time may be all
that I can handle for a long long time
I went to my knees for you…only you
and you still walked away
could you not feel could you not hear
that I’m now silent and been broken
but these tears are not about you
it is about my lost trust in me
Knowing now that every heartbeat
takes me one breath farther from you
I will pull through for I’m a survivor
time may never erase the empty shadow
left in my heart because of you
I want you to know
…. I need you to know
that I don’t do well
in lonely weather
Dedicated to CD on her rainy day!
He is like a distant aloof star
in this universe we all call our home.
A tiny insignificant star and so estranged,
he is but a flicker among billions
and billions of glittering entities populating endless skies,
always waning, and yet, in the evening shadows
ever staying - unassuming, solitary, and silent.
As he enjoys fading into twilight oblivion,
no one knows of his ambitions, history or preferences.
Unnamed to everyone, he enjoys his anonymity,
watching asteroids, comets, and the other stars around him
in deep azure nights - aware - feeling a peacefulness,
a kind of security in his own remote oneness.
For David Williams' Con / VowPoetry Contest
people are like stars,
some are younger,
some are older,
some are brighter,
some are darker,
some are bigger,
some are smaller,
but in the end we are all the same.
shining bright with our personality.
dont care about what other people think.
its their own opinion.
be unique,be you.
you are who you are, and who you are is all their gonna get.
so shine like a star!!!
The CAPTCHA took me by surprise tonight
Letters became ghouls in my mind’s eye
I listed them—
Noted them; words...begging, crying out for me
CAPTCHA was merely mocked
By millions of viewers on keyboards
I imagined all—
Tears began to fall
How may I help you, CAPTCHA?
Are you merely what they say?
Is there more—
Tell me, I pray
You bewilder my senses with your emptiness
The computer became my way to you
But all I could do—
I began to imagine someone stuck in CAPTCHA
A place where they harbored the weak
They took what they pleased—
Allowed them to speak
Today it was happening and evermore
There was a reason I came to know
I want to know more
I swallowed air and typed in the words
Feeling worthless and absurd
I began to believe—
There was more to this irrational dream
The screen went black and then I was sure
I couldn’t doubt it anymore
The CAPTCHA wanted me—
The letters suddenly blurred and unseen
Let them go
Full of woe
Take me now
Tell me how to
Set them free
Knowing is free
Knowing is free
For years I have copied your codes
Knowing you are there
Crying in the dark pit of despair
Though empty your words are to me
They are all I hear
All I fear—
In four letters on this electric trap
What am I to do?
To follow would weary my soul
Would take its toll
What is this foreign word my dear?
Oh, how can you cut and paste it in my mind so clear?
Close your eyes and count to ten
The victims of the CAPTCHA remain a mystery to us all
Yet still we stare at the codes and merely imitate them
We are zombies staring our lives away
Trapped in CAPTCHA’s claws
Sad, deprived. . .
I speak your language to stop this cruelty:
THEE 2TRUE TH78 IS9X BEF4 HOUR VERY EYES
Though we choose not to see
We choose not to fight
We choose only to IMITATE
We merely copy and paste
Love they say is a many splendid thing-
Love wove for me
Such a fine necklace
All gleaming with tiny droplet pearls
That hung from a sheer gossamer thread
Dazzling in clear beauty
Glistening in the morning gold of the frosty morn
Love sings for me the finest song
From the golden throat of a nightingale
Like the sounds of many violins
Stringing a tune of lonely times and long lonely nights
when he waited and listened to the wind for my whispers
Of loving response
Love shines and twinkles in the midnight hour when
Declaring on heavens evening robes where
Jewels dance across life’s moving screen
Love declares His undying passion
Then dawn rose from a heart on fire
It lit the garden with morning sun
Radiant-wearing the finest perfume
And colors of the rainbow bowed
In memory of our first lost embrace
The King waits anxiously-
For my smile and my heart.
© Brenda V Northeast 28th July 2012
Sometimes the loneliest times
are when I am not alone,
and a stream of conversation invades my ears.
Sometimes the loneliest times
are when I'm with you
and you see my empty gaze stare into you.
Sometimes I want to be lost in the world
Sometimes I choose to disappear.
Sometimes the loneliest times
are when I am alone
and my thoughts force me into darkness.
Sometimes I wish that you could be me,
Sometimes I want you to see what I see.
Sometimes the loneliest times
are when my brain stops
and thought becomes the hardest thing
in the world.
The truth leaks out
Standing there like a frail child
Taking the hands of the elder
Looking through the glass of lonesome
And seeing what rings real
Seeing what feels true
This gash in my heart mends
At the thought of you
But it never truly heals
Stranded in the wasteland of my mind
Brushed by burning cold winds
I fear there are no blinds over you
I fear you will see it
The very flaws I use to stitch myself
Locked up inside all of these years
Shadows ready to be freed
Only to be followed by greed
The skies have lost all color
Through the stitching
Truth hurts so bad
The truth is I love you
But why am I so sad?
I can't say a word
My feet are firmly planted on larvae
They slowly eat me away
Hoping I will be gone in time
Before you see
Before you see the truth
I don't want you to see
Perhaps if you only knew
That I love you
Perhaps you wouldn't have to open your eyes