Revenge sweet turning with hate
a brother rises striking blows
landing hits brother in wicked deeds
evilness within mans own soul
Cruelty crawling inside desires
suffering greed of nations they plea
Rise up against nations man at war
tearing asunder God's creation
People slowly murdering loveless
Pride a sinful act of violence
laced with pain destroying pure love
everything that once stood out housed peace
so fine cut beautiful, good sharing
caring free, in this one, big show rolls
Keeps turning, the wheel of hope
whom will speak, as we all become part
of his heavenly dust in the end
or burning remains of hell's fire
America the Free ~ America the Brave ~
Freedom with price Capitalism attacked
the many taken hearts broken still
one World try to rebuild
sadness and tears fall hard with fears
guilt by association many accused still
souls evaporated shattered dreams
tears fall on innocence left with anger
The proud fearless knew the inevitable
policeman fireman many lives lost
grieving does not stop 12 years later
New York city once proud & shameless
refusing to let fears in protecting ours
left in shock still question's unanswered
nothing learned nothing gained
ready to attack many left behind
anger greets denial anger meets rage
unacceptable still refusing new love
wanting days to rewind let us go back in time
acceptance allowing the victims leave in peace
the brave taken young leaving us sadly old
haunting dreams lost spirits dwell
no answers to hate never forgetting that day
Evil entered suddenly unforgiving fate
entering our City we stand with the fallen
How to fix how do we Change
This can be read many different ways ~ This is a poem I am so proud to write ~
Braise me down to a pit of abysmal.
Your balance ego
Keeps me on the void
Tainting my walls
Behind your back.
Many faces of God
reflected in the eyes of shadow and light-
windows into the cosmos,
doorways leading somewhere larger.
So large, it fits on the head of a pin,
piercing the palm of an innocent whim;
piercing secrets falling in the rain,
as encoded mysteries become plain.
Pain is pleasure,
far better than nothing?
Nothing is always something,
so something can be nothing,
a place where the lords of light and darkness
spin positivity into negativity,
and negativity blossoms into another rising sun,
breaking through storm clouds
that had been releasing loud thunderclaps
in a vacuum of silence.
Can see the genesis bloom in your eyes,
can see the full moon waver and rise,
even though I am blind,
following the muse of my heart,
realizing how this is only a part,
a mere fraction of the many faces of God.
The blink of a lash
causes a valley of shadows.
Minions of shadows push me into the light,
as a quick left turn, makes this feel so right.
The deeper I walk,
my wants become more shallow,
and precepts contain concepts,
a mind-boggling paradox of steps-
a staircase leading nowhere,
as nowhere must also be somewhere;
a place where the journey is just starting to end,
and ending to begin all over again,
to become unravelled within the many faces of God.
Lose your philosophy to find the way,
shadows dance beside a glowing ray.
A straight beam moves into faster bends,
love counters hate and makes amends,
as hate showed me how to truly love.
Stop with the illusion of endings,
find them to merely be new beginnings;
saying farewell with a kind hello,
digging ever deeper below,
breaking the surface high above,
a blind man seeing the face of love.
A final ugly bellow followed by the front door's slam and then. . .
the natural and sweet respite of silence.
She remained where he'd left her
and faced a pair of stony eyes staring back at her from the bathroom mirror.
Stoically she stood, anger-fingers pressed to the inside of the basin's rim.
A gall of indignation clutched at the inside of her throat.
Her whispered curses waxed into a scream, "I hate you. You bastard. I Hate You!"
Moments later. . . sad, kindred eyes met hers,
asking what they always asked, "How do you support this all these years?"
She gazed at the only one who truly knew and felt a rush of utter desolation.
Concentrated rage was channeled to a river of self-pity.
It spilled up and into the bile of her throat, erupting in her helpless gasps,
transforming into hard and bitter sobs,
and with this lament came gushing tears.
Nothing else existed but the woman in the mirror and the grief.
Some moments passed. She sniffled.
Further weeping now would take some effort.
She sighed the sigh of familiar resignation.
Glancing at her consort, red-eyed, in the mirror,
she turned the faucet on and dabbed a tear-streaked face.
The telephone was ringing, so as she went to get the phone,
she steeled herself
in case the flood had not entirely ebbed.
Look in the mirror
Look in the mirror
What do you see?
Masked men staring back at me
What do you do when you look in the mirror?
Only to despise what you see
The pain you caused the everlasting memories
Do you see what you've done?
Can you live with what you caused?
Go now down your distant path
Your unworthy happiness will never last
These are things the Masked Men Cause
Who’s to say your right or wrong?
Misguided emotions lead you down this path
Masked Men mistakes will surly last
Go now the time has come
No more chances the Masked Men are done
Turn away and feel the pain
The lonely walk to enter slumber
The Masked Men Smile with pleasures unknown
Another one down
A broken spirit lost
Close your eyes and take his hand
Let the Masked Men take you away
By: Tim Lundmark
If you don't want me,
Then quit wasting your time,
I'm not your plaything,
Better yet, quit wasting mine.
I hate the way you make me feel,
I hate the way you make this so real,
Why can't we just live in a fairy tale.
Love all hate none
is a common saying
I too fell prey to it
And Fell in love ....
My love worked well
As long as there was sunshine
It vanished as the night approached
my shadow was no more with me
Love was gone
At least for a day
Can love be so intermittent?
How could love change faces so soon?
Is it really love
Or just a mirage?
He was always so happy
strong and bold.
He'd give you the shirt off of his back.
He had a rough life
growing up through the depression,
but like he always does,
he got through it.
He has two boys, of whom he is so proud.
Moved from Regina, to Victoria.
He had the best life anyone his age could have wanted.
But ever since his wife died,
he has not been the same.
But like he has always done,
he got through it.
just a little forgetful.
That's how it always starts out...
But like always, he powered through it,
He is not the same person that I used to know.
He been sentenced to the prison in his own mind.
Possessed by the thoughts of his dogs ashes.
He likes to play the blame game,
but we know he doesn't remember that it was him.
He wakes up in the night
shaking with pain,
tears streaming down his face.
There is nothing we can do,
Two more tylenol.
Hold on to hope
for as long as you can,
It's only a matter of time now.
He gets vocal, a very loud tone.
He'll block you in your room
and make false accusations
But we know that it's the pain induced monster in him.
Tick tock, tick tock...
You can't handle the stress anymore
you have to leave.
Just hope for the best,
maybe it will get better.
Surprise, it doesn't.
Your denial is foolish, everyone knows
what happens next.
All results of
Why do you give me a hard look from your face?
that you don't like what you see?
that I'm from a different race?
Why can't we see eye to eye?
why do I disgust you,
like you don't wanna be near me
would you please tell me?
tell me why you hate me?
Do you hate me because of the color of my skin?
like I'm a disease?
you don't think I have desires?
that I have needs?
We aren't from the same race,
but by soul,
we live in the same world.
You may think I'm nothing,
just push me into the mud,
knowing we both have the same colored blood.
You can't judge me by my appearance,
or by my race,
or even the color on my face.
Say what you want to say,
you can't judge me,
for I didn't choose to exist in the first place.
The sweetest sounds of burning trees
A gentle stroking in the breeze
The calm has lasted past the storm
Cloudy visions, Satan’s roar
Too many sights have passed my way
A time found only in the haze
The softest screams are running bare
My aching bones creak as I stare
You walk a distance towards me
The fall’s eternal, can’t you see?
I’m a memory in your heart
I whisper to you in the dark
The battle’s started at the end
No one is coming to repent
The sinners grab their wine from prey
No judgment calling here to stay
The sport is reckless to be told
The one is laughing at his souls
It falters nowhere to be sure
The power grows forevermore
Like a spirit in the wind
I have no say in where you’ve been
But cross the line to come to me
And pay the price for ecstasy
You walk a distance towards me
The fall’s eternal, can’t you see?
I’m a memory in your heart
I whisper to you in the dark.
A truth in rage of insult furrows my mind
For it is only an offense given to me by myself
In the mouths of others far innocent than I
I feel the tears trickle down my cheeks
For I have surfaced into an ugly mistake
I am always inadequate in this brain
I try to shine like the advice of grace given
But confidence rarely rears its head my way
There’s a sort of shade blocking its way
A shade that darkens everyday
That very shade led me to believe my feelings are wrong
That I will never belong so long as they are not controlled
I must be careful—for the lines of love and lust run cold
I hate myself truly this night
And no one but myself will give me the right
The very right to degrade my every being
Because you are not seeing what I am seeing
There is no point
My lines run cold
Can I be so bold as to say
I still love with a pang of indistinguishable doubt
All feelings enter in
As my truth blurs and checks out
Your words pierce me so deep
I cannot describe the pain I feel
God it hurts so bad
It can’t be real
Much like the love I have come to embrace
The very love that links to your face
Tears don’t give it justice
It can’t be real
Much like the love I will never face
A burst of white light
gamma rays, overbearing
a flash of brilliance
burns through to my soul
everything is like hell
the world starts to melt
in the blink of an eye
just the cold blackness
I don't care if I am not again
what I once was, for at this moment
I am greater now
than ever before
I took the path between
teetering, tight roping walking
right up to my right
divined in my unholy state
I thought I told you
I am your king
still you sit there, hesitating
I know you hate me
what does that mean?
I hate just about everything
still I'm chosen
I did not wish before
now bow down to me
refuse me no more
for I shall always be your demon
until you accept me as your King.
I don't even know you
though you say we used to be
best of friends, you and me
the day you ditched me
I remember now
exactly how it played out
back when we were just tiny things
even back then I still was King
you thought me stupid
just a ruse
I would laugh inside, you see?
not one of you single, mean people
ever even knew me
in a world, mostly seen to me
that is why only I can be your true King
and bring forth a new source
of light everlasting.
As two worlds collide slowly aligned
one wrapped in shadows
one bathed in white
evils swirling in the clouds above
I'll always be the king you love
to hate or despise as in your blood
I thought I told you, I am the one
I am the way, the way out shall be shown
breathe in my spirit as it carries you away
breathe in my faith it shall carry your empty space
and deposit you gently on a cloud just enough
higher than you've ever dreamed of
for I am king now, and your in my hell
your in my imagination, I'll just never tell
you'll feel as though dreaming, you'll feel now
if you try and see
you were always found the most
shared in the light cast upon me
the last bright star in heaven.
Denounce my name, if you may
One year later, still not afraid
A black sheep, a darkened spade
That's just life, I'm not right
I'm in the wrong, follow along
Like a piper, I'll pitch a song
Mesmerized, the weak wills sing
I thought he told you, he's still our king.
It must be hard
To carry it around
That load of hate
Weighing on your heart
A powder keg
Waiting to explode
You pretend it isn’t there
But now and again it shows
In what you say
In what you write
The sarcasm hidden under the sweet
The hate clothed in happy
For the discerning to see
It must be hard
To have it eat away at you
And not be able to voice
All those words
That are begging to be heard
Dying to hit the mark
And be set free
It must be hard to keep them locked away
For fear of criticism
Of “losing face”
They gnaw away at your being
Words begging for release
For those inferior
Made of fluff
Not up to par
Excuses of human beings
How hard it must be
How it must hurt to be civil
Pretend to be kind
Thinking others are blind
To the real motives behind
Ah…if only you’d realize
The only one hurting
The only one who is weak
To love takes strength
To forgive takes power
To rejoice with others takes integrity
The finer qualities
To hate is easy
To love near impossible
Hate would dissipate
If you took some time to realize
The person who irks you
Who just rubs you the wrong way
Maybe has been rubbed in molestation
Maybe has been struck down with abuse
Perhaps has been used
Feelings of inferiority
He has hidden baggage too
Behind his false bravado
A heart that is in pain
Much like you
His brokenness plain
Put away hate
It’s not too late
To look inside
The one you despise
A reflection of YOU!
Eileen M G
I leave you with two fantastic poems: William Blake (A Poison Tree) and Stephen Crane (The Heart).
I was angry with my friend:
I told my wrath, my wrath did end.
I was angry with my foe:
I told it not, my wrath did grow.
And I watered it in fears,
Night and morning with my tears;
And I sunned it with smiles,
And with soft deceitful wiles.
And it grew both day and night,
Till it bore an apple bright.
And my foe beheld it shine.
And he knew that it was mine,
And into my garden stole
When the night had veiled the pole;
In the morning glad I see
My foe outstretched beneath the tree.
The hater suffers most (EG)
In the desert
I saw a creature, naked, bestial,
Who, squatting upon the ground,
Held his heart in his hands,
And ate of it.
I said, "Is it good, friend?"
"It is bitter - bitter," he answered;
"But I like it
Because it is bitter,
And because it is my heart."
Sometimes the memories won’t fade
All the places we have seen
All the prices we have paid
The memories of the happy as well as the sad
The people we’ve lost
The friends that we had
Some memories just seem like a ghost
I always lost everyone that I loved the most
The wind would just carry them away
Along with my tears
And my ability to pray
I wonder how far is heaven from here?
How many more heartaches
How many more tears
I wonder how far it is away
Because I have so many things that I wish to say
To all the people that I loved and I lost
I’m not even tripping
My heart paid the cost
The reaper rode the river in a bikers disguise
I’ll never forget the fear in my mother’s eyes
As he drug her under and then let her go
Through my four year old veins hate started to grow
My eyes were blind my ears were deaf
After that I forgot
There was anything left
Karma is like poker for it is bound to luck
When I was just a boy
God through me under the truck
Of all the things in life we feel
We are all bound to God’s will
Passion is a doorway between love and hate
God is the dealer in the game of fate
Our place is not to question why
For if we do our faith will die
The deeper we hate the deeper we love
I was gifted wisdom by the Lord above
Every gift comes at a price
A world of experience behind my advice
Every smile holds a lifetime of pain
Nothing that happens should happen in vein
It is our choice that which we do
Know in your heart these words are true
The harder we fall the further we climb
No ones life is totally sublime
Illusion after illusion will be offered to you
But only the living word is true
The living word that beats in your heart
Will keep you safe as the world falls apart
Through the pain of a boy watching his mother die
It’s never to late to kiss the sky
A man of faith who could never give up
Please come break my bread and share in my cup
By the time our journey is through
I’ll share all I am with you
Hopefully somewhere in my words you’ll see
---Untwisted is truly the way to be---
Upon the wind feasted hillside
The jagged edges of used rocks swell
With the fatless skin of babes and wenches
Below a field of blood, no less a Flanders Field
A continuous swell of rape roll like waves
In the pallid squalor of leaking huts wooden tales tell
The scars ironed in the backs and inner thighs
The voices crying with no listening ear
Blood shines bright in moon's glow sons birth upon the fields
For eons it seems men stack rape like barley and wheat
Small ones soft ones and inexperienced virgins too
Daughters bled away dignity men their respect
Born work and ravished in the fields
Where is their medal of bravery
Today the summer sun washes over the fields
Each ray eclipses the dark memories of sin
As the sons and daughters rise
This poem was written for Joann Grisetti's Copycat contest through inspiration of Debbie Guzzi's The Sowing, one of the Greatest writers here on the Soup
My soul pounds with rage.
This heart has been scorched,
by your burning words.
My soul gasps for light
By your hands of pain.
I bare the mark of shame.
Your touch has maimed my body.
My mind drowned out my screams.
Blow by blow,
Shamed so low.
Never did you know how,
Your hands of pain marked me.
This hurts too much,
Even though at times
Its the best thing ever.
However, the pain I feel right now
Is destroying all that I am.
I feel worthless and dumb.
Vunerable and used.
I also feel loved and special.
Beautiful and wanted.
These feeling are so extreme in every which way possible.
I love how I feel when with you
I hate how I feel guilty when we part
I love looking in your eyes
I hate when mine cry
Your fingers along my face also touches her
Those lips that drive me crazy
Are sleeping against her neck tonight
I love who I am around you
I hate what I have turned into
I love the way you make me feel
I hate that she must feel that as well
No matter how good it feels
This pain is too much to bear
I love you
I truely truely do
But the hurt is not worth
The random few moments of bliss.
Goodbye, my love-hate lover
This is a letter/poem I wrote for someone special. But it moves me so much every time i
read it, I thought maybe someone else would enjoy reading it as well. 'To write is to share
with the world, how we all feel but never speak of' Lisa
Dreams and memories of what could have been,The past means nothing to me
and then everything at the same time.
It's made me who I am, and i'm glad I know but if I could change the past would I be so
quick to do so? I want to have it all but the future never whispers not even a little bit
I want to know it's secrets.
I am left in the dark about what and where I will be the future no tears that promise
pain so I don't know if I will get hurt.
It's just that I can't help thinking about you and how different I would probably be if
you knew that one secret that I held so close to me for so long that when it was time it
was too late.
I may spend eternity looking for someone exactly like you, it's because my conscience
will never let me forget how good a person you were.
I was so deep into you that i'd lose myself in the moment and I have never felt that way
before and I don't know if I will feel it again.
Just waking every morning knowing that I would get to see you again, Oh it
was such a feeling and now I can't even remember how it felt.
Searching for that guy again with my whole heart and my whole soul... even if it turned
out bitter I just wish I could know.
I hate living in regret, I hate living in my head.
It's filled with empty promises and dreams that are so far away I can't even feel them.
I want to touch, this time i'm not afraid if only you could appear one day then maybe I
would get my second chance.
Reality is so much better than anything I could pretend
so when the time comes I will jump into that mystery guys arms and fly free for that
All relationships in a cloud
Ones and zeros are your friends
Cackling static voices in white silence
Useless platitudes filter out
Your permanent depression
With temporary chemicals
Dulling the dread in your brain
Abandoned by the physical
To touch someone is too real
So smile and watch your photographs
of your white silent lives
Static cannot scream
and it cannot bleed
So wrap yourself in your comfortable white static lie
Expressing your emotion
Is cold and lifeless
Artificial artifacts of your life imprinted with communal approval
Show your smiles with drinks in hand
Hide your screams behind your eyes
With our white static silent voices
We hide ourselves from our lives
I hate your touch and your smile.
Wicked little creature.
I hate your blue eyes and brown hair.
Sinful hate filled liar.
I hate your voice and your scent.
I hate you everything you do for what you did.
But we loved and touched, smiled, talked and connected physically.
You lied about our moments spend,
you can't look me in the eyes.
You lead me on and stole my youth,
but don't have the nerve to speak to me now.
I hate your beauty and your thievery;
but loved the way you made me fill.
I hate that you now do the same to another girl;
your lies blind her.
I hate the diseases you carry;
love the infection you gave.
I love you and can't let go,
hate because I’m smarter than this.
I hate this poem because I think of you with every word...
Your eyes, your smile, your hair, your skin, and your kiss.
Most of all...
I love you for the time we had.
I hate you because you don't want me now.
David, you mean the very world to me and more
Can you forgive me?
You brighten my days when I am low and dead
And you listen—you always are there to listen
Bearing all things, you let me cry on your shoulder
You comforted me when I was scared to death
Of the demons…always watching…you were there
Watching over me, scaring them away from me
You save me by being alive and who you are, David
Without you, I would fall apart and shrivel into shame
Because there are few that listen—few that listen
You draw the poisons of my pain clear out
And you let them sink into your own skin
You swallowed my poison instead of spitting it out
I let you drown, David—forgive me…I let you drown
I’m selfish and rude, and I always ignore you
And for ever doing that, I hate myself
Seeing you in your last moments…woke me up
I’ve been a selfish bastard and I hate me
For never giving you enough love
David you are everything to us all and more
Do you hear me?
You are so uplifting to all of those around you
You are selfless—so incredibly selfless
And in the silence you lifted me high with praise
Because I knew you would always be the one to give it
Never was there a day that you didn’t believe in me
Even when in darkness have I buried you in all matters of sin
Your light blinds the demonic rust...your light always shining
Never leaving me in the dust but never expecting the same back
And I never saved you! From all the loneliness
I never thought of you! I was so selfish
I will never let you go again—I will fight for your glory
You are amazing in every way
Far braver and brighter than I have ever dreamed to be
I let you down this time, David…I cried for your life
But now I ask for your forgiveness
Seeing you being taken away…crushed me to the marrow
I’ve never hated myself more than tonight
But I will never, ever say goodbye
*for my little brother, David William Breidenthal - I would love for you guys to read some of his poetry. He is a brilliant kid. And he’s been having some tough times. Thanks. *
I hate you
I hate that look in your eyes
That makes me despise
Myself for wanting you
I hate you
I hate your smile and the way that your tease
Plays on my need to please
Every inch of you
I hate you
I hate that you withhold your affection
And in that I find protection
Guarding myself from you
I hate you
I hate the feel of your touch
That I covet so much
I think of nothing but you
I hate you
I hate that you’re there every day
That I wait for your ‘Hey!’
Needing to be near you
I hate me
I hate that I can’t keep away from you
And that the selfishness in you
Shows only the flaws in me
the killer in me
the killer of me
the me in me
By: Tawny Kelley
I hear the siren of death whistling through your hollow heart.
I see the lies fall so fluidly out of your mouth.
Almost as if it’s natural; a black gravity of some sort.
I smell the genuine scent of decay, so unpleasant, so definite.
You can’t deny.
I touch a dry residue; ashes of your guilt ignited memory.
I taste the sweet flavor of revenge, as you perish away into nothing but eternity.
I feel sympathy for your poor soul, like a child going off to school with nothing more
than their name.
Why is it that as much as I try to hate all I feel is love?
It’s like my emotions are trapped in absolute values.
I’m dying to hate you, yet would so easily die for you.
My contradictions take over; pulling as if I can be separated.
I cringe at your voice.
I smile at your calamity, even though your suffering isn’t my credit to claim.
Bye forever you worthless liar
I'm dead the way you want
Descending to my grave
By your grace was I killed
You brought this upon me
I hate you now!
I hate it here!
I'm gone now, and you should be happy!
And apparently you are
As you shovel dirt into my grave
My crumpled body drowning in my blood
My veins are white with emptiness
But you. Just. Laugh.
To the deepest pit of hell
You broke me down
Tore me to pieces
Ripped out my soul
And fed it to the devils
Who are now my only company
Yell all you want
I'm too numb to care
Throw a party
Hope your happy
My lungs burn with blood
You look down
I'm almost buried
I pray for your sympathy
To some how help me
But you. just. laugh.
As dirt covers my face
And I choke on your lies
But what do you care.
You. Just. Laugh.
Is it cause youre small minded Mr jones asks the many voices who once had
repect counting the crows pecking the and gouging out their eyes?
Is it cause you loathe what you dont understand and this revelation is something
they need to see in themselves?
Is it the fact you carry a heavy load and need a helping hand
was it the opium you down like poison that you Jones for
leaving you to ask who i am?
Whats the will I am saying?
as he steals my spotlight
leaving me here assassinated verbally like a sitting duck
sure im no hippy sniffing daisies
pounding on drums in peace beads begging for sex
with a picket sign saying peace please
Is it because im gay?
Is it because im spiritual?
do we have penis envy?
Have you read the lists?
are you going to pay the tithe?
and before you mash the send button with snide cruel bitter comments
don't think twice
the murder of crows circling
cawing in the blood moon sky
November rains down on this wedding day
and I am forever by your side
why does my will
the will i am hate me?
is it a syndrom of an itchy trigger finger
an itch below the waste
why must everyone pull eachother down
back into the boiling pot
like the crabs we truly are in this amazing race
to lose it all
and sing and
sway and praise
and humm such blasphemous amazing grace
of grammatical errors and spelling mistakes
oh sweet sugar coatings
and icing on the cake
The will iam
I wonder counting crows
a famous last name with me
why do you hate the will I am
Is it because i read tarot cards?
is it because i'm gay?
is it because i'm amongst favorites?
is it because im controversial?
is it because you have nothing to say?
but who am i flamethrower
i sit here a hack
with a curse gor the harpie you are
and a smile upon my face
i throw this effortless nothing
and never look back
the stone falls into the pool of the abyss
oh will i am
why do you loathe what you dont understand?
Twin brothers born of humanity
Raised in the heart land
Fed by circumstances
Shaped by choice
I saw Love grow with limbs
Stretching wide to pull everything
To himself even hatred
And i saw hatred grow with craws
Hiding them in his bosom
Till they grow longer and stronger
I thought this Love kid was too touchy
And i treasured Hatred he was for special occasions
Defending my weaknesses and flaws
Love was ridiculing my my all efforts
He was becoming extravagant, giving this giving that
Not like Hatred a sweet heart who measured
According to what he treasured
Years have gone by and
Love has prospered with many friends
Many people giving back to him
Yet hatred brought out his claws,
His fangs came out
And he grew three horns
One of rejection
another for despair
And bigger one with this word engraved 'loser'
I watched these twins
Walk different directions like light and darkness
Their waring grand fathers
I walked two their birthday parties
Few turned up, gave him crowns and called him Dad
For hatred the party was noisy
Many gathered worshiped him
In fear of the horns
Love commanded his servants to dress all that came
with compassion, faithfulness, and honor
Hatred commanded his subjects
To kill every one that came for the party
Many died few survived
The collision of my feelings,
And the confrontation of words,
All the lies…
Hatred, hate, all the hate,
Drown in my pain,
Until you suffocate,
And free yourself from me,
To free me,
A million words burn in me,
A thousand screams call for freedom,
But my soul is abandoned
In the void,
Let me fade away,
Let me turn into black,
Let me dissolve into nothing,
To free me from myself,
Free my fearful heart,
And take me away,
Let these words stop:
Break the chain of eternity,
Kill the immortality of my torment,
Let my blood flow in my veins,
And let the air circulate
In and out of my body,
I hate life,
I hate me,
Hate, hate, hate,
“Hate , hate , hate”
I woke up saying,
With the letters,
“H” “A” “T” “E”
Sliding between my lips,
I cried loudly,
For I felt it,
I felt the hate,
Conceal all my feelings;
I felt it make me grab a knife…
I stabbed myself!
I stabbed my heart…it made me stab myself…
Just to free itself from me,
And to free me,
Every day is a Battle...
What is it?
Hatred of being ALIVE...
I am LOST...
I hate this body,
I hate EVERYTHING...
I'm a failure...
Each and every day
I fade further away...
You think I'm happy,
because I smile?
I'll laugh and joke with you all,
but there is no JOY...
When I'm alone,
it's all different...
I try to fight it...
it's the hunger...
My appetite is DEATH...
Something inside me tells me to..
I want to,
I want to DIE...
I joke about it,
But I'm serious...
Because when the feeling comes,
it is abominable...
I can not predict the END...
But I know it's near,
it has gotten worse...
Today I feel it,
tomorrow I may do it...
It may be tonight....
I just can't tell you,
but I wish them feelings
I wish the pain to go away,
But wishes are wishes
and wishes don't come true for me...
Because I wish the world a better place,
I wish for peace,
I wish for happiness
and I wish there was never no pain...
I hate what I see,
I hate what I feel...
It's a nightmare and it has swallowed me...
Maybe, Maybe Today,
and the past will be forgotten...
For I've been forgotten,
I am Lost...
DEAD, and in Pain...
Tomorrow I say GOODBYE...
written in CCJ on 07-30-2000