It seems like so many years I’ve lived
The warmth of a man’s embrace
How did I fall so far behind?
Man who entered, then left my life made it difficult for me to
Open the door to love again
Overcome with fears of rejection, I’m ready to open that
Door once more
Feelings of loneliness follow me
On a plain of solitude I’ve dwelt
Romance seems to elude me, but
Love I recall from the past helps me
Overcome the sadness
Vicariously, I’ve lived through the
Eyes of women in romance novels
And when I ask myself if I’m ready, I just say,
Go for it girl!
Aging in solitude
Not the path I choose
*Written May 14, 2014
P aranoia permeates, etching itself into your fractured face,
A cacophony of constant pressure; life remains a stressful race,
N othing to hope for, no positives like promotion in the workplace,
I nability to love, relationships lift anchor and set sail without chase,
C hildren crushing dreams under mortgages; age grows with disgrace
Where is thy heart supposed to go for healing, When all of world comes crashing down around you. Leaving you with nothing but lost feelings.
Wondering aimlessly around looking for some glimpse of happiness.
Searching what's left of the heart for hope that love will live again. Watching the love you have fade away slowly. Leaving a trail of tears.
Waking up everyday trying to put on a smile while falling apart inside.
Not knowing where to go or who to ask for help to save what's left of thy heart. Only praying to God that your life will end soon. So all the pain well be gone forever. Finally leaving you in peace.
Minding your own business,
In the sea.
Along came a ship,
To kill me.
They’ve chased my father and my mum,
They’ve killed my grandparents,
And their son.
These little people,
Who carry a gun.
Are totally committed to killing my son.
They don’t seem to fear,
No matter how fast I Run,
I can’t get away from that gun.
I should go lower into the sea,
2 miles deep ,out of their reach..
But I don’t Dive Dive Dive,
I’m not a sub, in the sea,
I’m an animal life and should be left be.
I don’t have missles upon my back,
Or torpedos , to shoot back.
I can’t defend and I can’t attack,
I don’t even want to fight back.
I may as well wait here, to get shot in the head.
And my flesh stripped, from my body in strips.
I don’t know why I have to die,
My son and my, sister and my mum, all died under this same gun.
In to breach goes a round now just darkness and no sound.
Now I’m on their ship,
Knives and scalpels take me to bits.
Now theres nothing left of me
Just this poem I leave for thee.
Lies within oneself take a toll on the spirit.
Our minds degrade us, takes away any merit.
Never do we realize the loneliness we shape.
Eventually we blame others, with solitudes rape.
Lack of love for us, others, takes control.
I have seen sadness, rip up others soul.
Never underestimate the voices you may hear.
Each of us hears, some do not let them steer.
Sadness can become a disease, within a heart.
Solitude can be destroyed, right from the start.
So. . . we're losing once more
And... what should I say
Drenched in silence - now I found the words to write
Braver is the lonely one
Rare it is to see the sun
All is played inside a home
Vast is sleep; he sleeps alone
Eerieness, the air is felt
Random thoughts indulge lost help
Inner child has been so grown
Slowly knowing death's a throne
Time is numbing to his mine
Hands are aging; thumbing lines
East is near, but West he wants
Lonely is the braver one
Ode to me!: he thinks a many
None to which he thinks a plenty
Every word is to himself
Lays awake to sleep his yelps
Youth has seen how time is felt
One is braving the lonely
Never knowing if he'd just...
East and West become his only...
Chiseled face from Cliffs of Moher
On Keyboard slender fingers prance
Mastery, knowledge daily Growing
Lonely for so many years
Inner world you do embrace
Meticulous diary for keep
Enya Brennan;s eyes enriched with glow
Noting if those are worth
Through numerous heaps
Yes they have their university degrees and wealthy accounts, but they are not yours. darling....
They don’t know you too,
How to please you that is.... and you please them, its rules..
You ask for a dance in the rain and they give you some laime
story of why and no, and maybe so
And who they used to be way back when they where young,
In your admiration for them you wait in faith for a kiss on the cheek, but you got none
They ask you instead if you wanted onions or leeks in this receipe….
Then suddenly your mind goes a drfit like a wodden small boat by the lake
You are thinking about her again, who you never met.
You have been introduced to women,
others but they seem so ruff for my delicate body.
She needs to be soft and be blushed when she see me
She wont think selfishly about herself, it will be about us.
Even when folding lundry and enhaling the scents of lavendar will
lt be insanly passion and a joy
It will be a peak of heaven….
The lints will fall from the clothes freshly done.. and you will see them fall like angels from heaven, in the ray of light, light cracking through the curtains.
She thinks by biting her buttom lip and leaving it wet, unmindfully... I leave her alone to be herself.
The delight to hear her laugh and scream with excitement and happiness
Of just being around me. Makes me feel complete
Her scent of sun dried clothes, her cotton breast holders, her panty with a hole
Im laughing because she is frustrated that she has ruined the perfect dinner
That I love..... and it's okay, but not for her...
She is sick now and I am worried that she will be gone.!!!!!! and she brushs my awful hair, so dry. And short and poorly cut,,,,,,
and she whispers and say don’t worry…….
I hate her for that, don’t worry, I hated her for saying that…
Our love was for life and not for sex, it was sensual.
Now I am here alone and I cant find her, did she stay in another life or is she here
I cant find her…
Is she back as a man or a women
I need you! For us to complete why were are here.
Just try and find me, im trying to find you.
Darling we write and we travel they are one in the same. please find me!
Sea swells lost my memoirs of HER
Under waves to caustic mire and murk’s DESIRE
Never to be seen again, that’s how it IS
Kegs of rum float up though, through ghostly grays, FOR
Eternity which finally released them, but not MY
Note book and papers of my lost LOVE
Terrible things are in the underworld DEEP
Real emptiness and pain score my lonely FEELINGS
Ethereal measures from sea and storm EMERGE
Arise from hidden secret depths, WITH
Treasures of my sweet wife, love mementos as I wait to see, THE
Summoned property that was buried beneath the WAVES
Occupied by the crowd of fair-weather friends,
which i suppose had become today's trend,
i realized that how solitary i am?
just asking for a shed,can anyone lend?
I can't demonstrate my emotions in the mob,
keeping them inside, my robe sob.
though i am tagged as one of the group members,
when coming to harmony and love,no one remembers.
The one outsider is considered to be a better friend than me,
never it is bothered and i can only see .
The swashbuckling studs are always asked about everything,
People echo a lot about but don't believe in simple living and high thinking.
If one is introvert in exposing his talented wings,
that doesn't means that he is not worthy of anything.
just because few opportunities he already missed,
and due to his situation,he is extremely pissed,
it don't let you conclude that he is a moron,
his time has come because the struggling days are gone.
for those who ignore should know the fact,
To hell with their memories and their fake pact.
They don't realize the importance of him today,
but they would acknowledge that fellow the most, one fine day.
The person avoided is so concerned about others still,
Whenever some bitter feelings come,his eyes with tears get fill.
looking such a condition,he questions the wise-godly creature,
why is he trapped in such human architecture?
Then he consoles himself and pledge not to be docile,
with time everything will heal whatever is fragile.
For sharing his feelings,he peeps the door of his neighbours,
they do give their precious moments and that's truely a kind gesture.
But still he is never able to confront others,
always having the guilt that his act disturbs.
He gathers courage and ponders that to whom should he share his views,
after much consideration,his heart replies-no one is there,which is a bad news.
But then finally he admits,
that in no one's heart he actually fits.
then realization dawn his conscious,
this mellow dramatic society is quite fictitious.
At last he comes to know that only strong and true bonds survive,
which give this skeleton a better life.
To those who suffer from perplexed and cumbersome fate,
Do not worry as success is your's and excellence is innate.
I Made Friends
Fine Days To Look Forward To
Eager To Go Back To School
Alone and unwanted. Left behind. Shunned.
Battered by those who pushed you aside.
All because you wanted their affection, but
None would be had, and they cut you inside.
Drowning now--dying. Choking on floods
Of tears full of loneliness, anger, and pain
Emptying your heart of hatred and venom,
Draining the poison eroding your veins.
Afghanistan. far away from those I love.
Leaving was tough this time, the kids tears tore at my heart.
Only as I turned to watch them drive away, did I see my wife crying
Never has she cried, always pretending to be strong
Going away for the fourth time must have been too much for her to bear.
Letting myself believe, I will make it through this fourth combat tour.
One year seems like a lifetime, the minutes ticking slowly by.
Never letting tears of sadness get the better of me.
Everyday, I think about my wife and our four kids. Are they ok?
Lost is how I feel. Something is missing, I can barely breathe.
Yet this is what must be done, I took an oath. I made a promise.
Yearning every second, for my wife's kisses, and my childrens hugs.
Every hour of the day I pull out their picture, to see their smiles.
Always in my dreams, my family is there for me. Never losing faith.
Reunited we shall be, after a long lonely year.
Damn this feeling! This agonizing emotion that I CAN - NOT get rid of. Don't get me wrong; I'd do anything. I'd give
ANYTHING for you to want me.
Not even love me. Just want me. For you to crave me, the way that
I crave you. Crave, in
Every sense of the word. If only you would. But I fear that this
Love is destined to be felt by me... and me alone.
Left lost luggage at a station,
One piece of flotsam at sea,
Never to feel integration,
Everything drifts endlessly,
Lugging a suitcase of sadness,
Yearning for someplace to be.
On my own...I'm walking on my own...
(04/05/2005) – Acrostic Poem
Lying in this room by myself
Only my heart beat I hear
Never felt this emptiness before
Exact silence in my thoughts
Like I’m nobody
You make me lose me
The lonely old man wrinkled he's aged,
he's gone into care he feels like he's caged.
Weak he's fragile but his mind is in tact,
the way life is it's a matter of fact.
The lonely old man he's missing his wife,
waiting to die looking back o his life
Looking through photographs a distant memory it seems,
frightened by death it's plaguing his dreams.
The lonely old man it seems nobody cares,
in his bedroom he sits there and stares.
One day a young lady comes to help him get ready,
on his feet he's not stable he's become unsteady.
The lonely old man he's feeling a tired old chap,
the lady dresses him smartly finishing with his cap.
Out in the gardens she takes him for a walk,
from his wheelchair he laughs as they talk.
The lonely old man and the lady they bond,
watching the fish as they swim in the pond.
Days go by the man weakens he's worse,
the lady stays with him that's her promise as a nurse.
The lonely old man ready to leave his life,
he starts seeing the face of his beautiful wife.
Holding his hand she knows he is dying,
trying to be professional she can't stop herself crying.
The lonely old man turns to the lady,
his face has darkened his eyes grey and shady.
Slipping away his breathing is slow
knowing it's time for him he must go.
Seeing Your Love It Hurts
Seeing you lingering near the stairs
Even simple moves give an impact to me
Editing our scene today making it fair
Inkling you that I’m needy
Needy of your love, come to me near
Give your love and make me happy.
You saw me and walk up to me
Oozing with confidence and smiled
Under my breath you give me jubilee
Realm of your care felt when you’re on my side.
Liquefy that care of yours
One glass of care, made it to love and made me drink
Various feelings felt after sore
Enigmatical feeling outstand, other feelings sank
Injecting anesthesia to not feel something
Tears started flowing
Hurting by your presence
Unravelling your arms away
Regretting of falling for nonsense
Thriving to not to look pity, awful day
‘ Someday … ’, you said , ‘ you’ll find your someone else,Baby ’
Longing to be with nature
One time over another
Nothing can be as great
Envy for those who can
Live through life peacefully
Yearning, I desire this
Places dedicated for tranquility
Life calm and soothing
After living with all stillness
Cease to be regretful
Eager for the path to nature
Simple passage in calmness
I'm in my fox hole cold and damp,
I'm using my matches for a lamp,
I'd give anything to be at home,
instead of this ditch here all alone,
oh the thoughts of mama going thru my mind,
with her loving arms around me, she's so kind,
I can almost smell the cooking that mama did,
with her shiny pots and fancy lids,
I hate to wake up, cause then I'll see,
I'm still in this hole for eternity.
My State Of Birth
By Curtis L. Johnson, Sr.
M portrays my feeling of MISSING something I never had, and could never see. The feeling that people were always MOVING away from me.
I is for the times I experienced ISOLATION from things unknown.
The times of ILLUSIONS of being in another place, at another time, and on my own.
S is for the quiet zones of SILENCE where wearied souls came to rest, and relieve their STRESS.
S shows the SANITY that enabled me to sing and survive this place of lack and loneliness.
I is for the INSANITY of mankind’s INJUSTICE and INABILITY to share the opportunities and wealth with one another.
S reveals how my family was rooted with the hope of SALVATION.
S denotes times and SEASONS. There is a time and a season for every purpose under the sun. Growing up in poverty, I knew that someday “this too would pass.”
I signifies the ability of the INDIVIDUAL, who with desire and determination, can rise from the strap heaps of despair and ascend to distant stars.
P demonstrates that there is no device that is devised that is able to destroy anyone who dares to seek refuge through the POWER of God.
P speaks of a a deep sense of PROMISE.
I says to me that I am capable and well equipped to bring INSPIRATION to others.
I was born in 1949, where the hot sun shines, where the clocks seemed slowed by the sands of time, where humidity and sweat combined, and flowed down my spine, where on a September day near a railroad line, Mississippi became the state of mine.