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Acrostic Funny Poems | Acrostic Poems About Funny

These Acrostic Funny poems are examples of Acrostic poems about Funny. These are the best examples of Acrostic Funny poems written by international PoetrySoup poets

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Lines to Live by Thanks M W

Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.
A dame that knows the ropes isn't likely to get tied up.
Every woman knows, an ounce of performance is worth pounds of promises. 
When I'm good, I'm very good. But when I'm bad I'm better.
Every man I meet wants to protect me. I can't figure out what from.
Save a boyfriend for a rainy day - and another, in case it doesn't rain.
Ten men waiting for me at the door? Send one of them home, I'm tired.
When they say boldly go where no man's gone before, they don't mean the kitchen.
Honey when I said I wanted something to hang my hat on I didn't mean THAT!
Any port in a storm is a good way to divorce court dearie!
Titillating is not an excuse for going to girlie bars.
Anyone got a buck I could sure use one?
Grab a piece of arse will you, it may be the last thing you ever grab.
Anal retentive? You don't say!
Lip service now there's a concept.....

*Listen for the drum roll!

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Chocolate Kiss

C hocolate Candy Emmmm what a treat.
H as sweet ingredients that can't be beat.
O h what delight to put in our mouth and eat.
C hocolate a passionate lovers sweet.                              (
O nly the lonely will not eat this meat.                             (
L overs who Love chocolate will find this neat.                 ^
A ll chocolate will cause lovers to stay in heat.               &  &
T ake your time and savor this candy.                         %    %
E ach one of you knows it makes you randy.               @@@@@      

K issing with chocolate covered lips is bliss.
I n your mouth each tongue will entwine with a kiss.
S o get yourself some chocolate today.
S weet chocolate candy will help you to play!

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A is for apathy, “You all know you are!”

B is for itching, “Why can’t I have a car?”
U is for the umbilical cord. You never cut from Ma.
N is for neutral, “Why should you take a stand?”

D is for dependent, “Hey, one always needs a hand!”
A is for angry, “Well, why the hell shouldn’t I be?”
N is for nostalgia, ‘cause in the past we’re free.
C is for the ocks ;) who run the whole damn show!.
E is for euthanasia, “When your old just GO!”

And all that spells abundance, in case you could not tell?
Or went to school in Texas and never learned to spell.

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G ood God! How I’ve tried,

E ven outright denied

M any times the persona you see.

I nside of my skin,

N either conscience nor kin,

I have you and yes, you and that’s me!

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Crazy, Yes

Crazy is defined by the crazy things you do
Really crazy things are just too crazy, too
A crazy person laughs when no one is around
Zealous crazy people are too busy to be found
Yes, crazy is as crazy does, who really can define?

Your definition of crazy is well kept in your mind.
Even when you’re normal, crazy still remains
Some keep crazy in their hearts, to look like they’re still sane. 

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the bear

there once was a bear
who lived in belair 
he owned a red hen
who made eggs for his kin
then one time like most bears do
the bear got hungery 
and ate the red hen 
and her last eggs of ten
with a gulp and a swallow 
down went the hen 
but wait..
now there was no hen to lay eggs for his kin.

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Cookies are addictive!
OoOoH! Here's one to snatch!
Okay...where's the chocolate chips?
Kraving too many of these treats
I want some now! But...I might get beeefy...
Every bite is mouthwatering, soft and crisp
Should I take another cookie?

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My Hat

Orange, black, and white
Keep it pulled down tight.

Sits on my head with pride
Taking care of my uncombed hair
Ageing with daily wear
Threaded with the letters OSU
Eskimo Joe wears one too.

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L ola watched
I rma’s drunken
V eronica impression.
E velyn said,
L ouise knows
A ndrea was
U ma’s half-sister.
G ladys was
H azel’s love-child.
L isa raised
O ma’s kids.
V irginia smootched
E unice’s husband.

* For the Live, Laugh, Love Acrostic contest. 

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Buzzing Bee

My ears are buzzing
Carefully I listen
Keep still I say
Entangled is a bee
I chuckle to myself
Ending the life of the bee.

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Hesitating Ladies

Its not always easy
Stumble into a party,where the ladies are stiff
Especially if they belong to the higher circles of society
This guy ended up in Acrostic

Tango dancer..and a wild one he is
Revealing his dance infront of the shocked ladies
Unexpected,showing off his virility
The stiff party of madams are furious and upset
He is not welcomed into their world..a wild one he is

Hesitating to give him recognition..they are careful not to applauding his dance
Under the table..he wiggle his toes
Rumours says..he even "toe tickles " some of them between their thighs
Terrifying things start happening
Soaking wet..after drinks and nice coctails being thrown into his is over

My first attempt at writing Acrostic...bit scary,its such a unusual way for me to write:)
Have a nice weekend my friends out there!

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Poetry Palace Now Open For Tourists--Beware

Peek, if you dare…inside my Palace of CREATIVITY
Observe my drafty walls, and rhyming dungeons                                     ^^
Enter, my friends, with no delusions!                                             ^^
There are marbled halls of mass confusion… 
Regarding your ILLUSION, of metaphoric INFUSIONs,… 
Your opinions may falter, upon the alter, compared to other verses                ^^

Poetic attempts, and past regrets, are ghostly curses
And with INEVITABLE blunders, they rattle off meter, the echos could haunt you!
Lest you dare, just beware, dear readers….  WATCH YOUR STEP!                          ^^
As your guide, I’ll confide….people have died!
'Cause this Poetry Palace, has bats in the belfry! (As everyone knows)…
EVENTUALLY, this palace place should be foreclosed! 

For Linda Marie’s Contest “Poetry Palace”
By Carrie Richards

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Easter EGG, Abecedarian: with egg shape-

                       April Aroma...
                     Beckons Beauty.
                   Come Children!!!....
                 Daisies Daffodil.........
                Fun Filled Freedom.......
                  Giddy Giggly Games...
                    How ya' Hangin'???
                       Just Jolly Joey!

              HAPPY EASTER EVERYONE!!!!

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my bet

I bet on a horse and it won
50 quid is not a huge sum
So I bet again and still won 
But 100 quid is still a small sum
So I bet again and guess what?
Yes, I won
But 300 quid is still not a big sum
So you know what I did? Yes u do
I bet again and yes I won
But 500 quid is not a big sum,
So I decided to go to the zoo 
to buy a gorilla who had flu
I got him cheap, but he was big, 
bigger then my 500 sum
I bet  he could swim, jump, play 
polo and clean out a sump
He did all this with much glee, but I 
am still not rich you see
My poorly gorilla costs me a lot, the 
vets are an expensive lot
So my 500 quids are no more, and 
my gorilla looks sad even more.
So I sold my pet to my vet, cus he 
wanted him as a pet
Now I have 500 to bet, and yes on a 
horse. I bet
My horse was called gorilla in the 
Gosh what a fantastic twist.
Surely my horse should win this 
race, and yes he did, at a casual gait.
Now I have 1000 quid to my name, 
so back to the zoo, for some other 
I brought a giraffe, with my stake, 
he had a long neck and he smelled 
But my story ends here as my Dr 
Come on he said to me, what have 
written on your pad?
Wow said my Dr that’s just great, 
now time for your medication date!

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The Need for a Pot...

Poetic hunger made me starving one night
Opened laptop pretending I am taking a bite
Empty stomach and soul were not satisfied 
Transient beggar of mind -  didn't feel right!
Recipes great  from my Epulaeryu  site
Yielded spoonfuls of  rhythm  and humor so bright
So I fired up the stovetop,  asked friends for a light
Our fantasy soup  flooded steams of delight
Uniquely created  in a midsummer night
Patiently stirring talent by a secret White Knight...

for: Adeleke's  contest "Poetic Picture of POETRY SOUP"

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J_Juice dilated
U_Under disguise as paci
I_In a sippy cup
C_Container used to 

And moms think they have them weaned

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The Birds And The Bees

To talk about ‘The Facts’ makes some parents put on a show,
Hatching up answers to questions their children should know,
Enduring the same fate as their elders from times long ago.

“Babies,” Mommy says, “Come from a big cabbage patch.
Indeed! A stork flies over to spot which cabbage to catch.
Risking it all, she swoops down for the bundle in just one snatch.”
Dad then pipes in, “Not to pick just any, the cabbage must match!”
So it goes, as parents quickly warm to the stories they hatch. 

Anticipation of kids’ questions makes parents sweat rivers.
Normally, Junior has never seen Mom so taken with shivers.
Dad tries once more to describe just how the stork delivers.

“There’s a time when a honeybee was tired from his weary flight,
Having flown over too many cabbage fields with no honey in sight.
Exactly that moment the stork also was searching with all of her might.

Beautiful Stork and sweet Honeybee looked at the other and smiled,
Exchanging information, they followed directions each had compiled.
Eventually, the bee got to the hive and the stork found her precious child.
Son, that’s the story about the birds and the bees flying high out in the wild.”

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New Name Year .

H e was always the saintly , quiet one
 A and everyone knew his name .
 P etula Francis Xaviar
 P uts Johnny Cash's Sue to shame .
 Y et , he always held his dignity

 N o matter , who would provoke
 E specially , his crazy sister
 W alter Benedict , who he'd gladly choke .

 Y es , it was time for big decisions
 E specially for twenty ten
 A nd sissy names , particularly , ain't for real men ;( so he is now )
 R egina , Catie , Seanie , Carol Poetry , the Pen ..

Inspired for Carol's Happy New Year contest and "dared "to write and present this , by Catie .

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Four Letter Word

Children do things their own way.
Rarely do they give it a second thought.
Always throwing caution to the wind.
Poo poo sometimes hits the fan!

Four letter acrostic contest. Oops didn't follow
instructions, can't enter this one. Still hope you enjoy.

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Raccoon Went A Wooing

R ascal with a twinkle in his dark-ringed eye
A morous feeling frisky under a full moon's light
C at strolled by- her voluptuous tail swishing to and fro
C oy glances by feline big blues
O vert flirting, then invited her to dine
O pulent feast of restaurant scraps made her swoon...
N uptials next - rascal raccoon carried her over the threshold of their new home.

for "Tell Me About It" contest
sponsored by Francine Roberts

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Leo, an Astrology Acrostic

Leo, an Astrology Acrostic
    by Amy Swanson

Loyal friend who'll laugh with you, the sun rules their playful heart;
Engagingly eclectic, they'll give all they have; forgive them if they seem a little bossy. 
Outgoing with majestic charm, they'll walk with you until the very end.

*Inspired by Danielle White's astrology acrostic contest*  -- I had to get in on the fun! :)

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Not Good in a Bed but Fine up Against a Wall/ E.Roosevelt

O rigin, the beginning, the mostest, bestest, most beauteous
H ave you ever been so very full of the symbolic

M essage of the flower kingdom
Y ou just can’t stand to see, or smell, another

G od forsaken picker pushing
O range, red, white, pink
D andy, handy, trite ,

A nalog for the joy and pain;

D ripping from the plucked
A nd pieced heart of
M an and his foil woman.
N ever again will I accept a 

R ose as anything thing
O f consequence 
S ince even an
E vil heart can buy a rose.

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Beaming sun upon my back
Establish my summer days
A beach, my boys, a blanket, and
Cold drinks, as I soak my rays
Hoping to darken my tan

Bronzing as the babies play
Lotioned head-to-toes
Applied Aveeno Baby, even to their nose
No frowns for the camera, 1-2-3, strike a pose.
Keen eye set on them, as the breeze gently blows
Easy and relaxed, my eyes begin to doze
Todd takes patrol, so I can repose & lay

Bestirred by buckets of water
Ice cold on sunkissed flesh
Now they're gonna get it good, I
Grab the cooler full of ice, and rush
Out in the sun, our time is spent the best

~Miranda Lambert~
Contest: Beach Blanket Bingo - Sweetheart

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Men And Their Hearts

I, writer

All a fluster
Men, for my sake

Nail your hearts with a stake.
Or if that leads you discontented
Take you praises you invented

And shove them where no sunshine rises
Never to return their bitter demises;

Oh I’ll explain, my XY ‘‘friends’’
Because I’m at the very last of my wits ends
Just with being pretty, having a good personality
Excluding out how I feel personally.
Charmer? Not interested. Toy boy? Get lost!
To the death with men’s attraction, my opinion held aloft!

I, a picky girl

Don’t compromise for the world
Even if my ideas are ridiculous
Makes no sense not to be resistless
And I think you’ll find I’m materialistic
Nothing less than ritualistic
Don’t you dare tell me that I’m flirting

Really? With you? You’re looking for a hurting!
Ever spurn the cursed Valentine’s Day
Quit missing you aim at me cupid, okay?!
Unsure who’s my type? 
I wouldn’t tell you over msn or Skype!
Talk to the hand brother
And stop giving me bother
Like I’d go out with you, when I could have better.

Love must be relayed, from me and from him
One way doesn’t work; simple logic, Mr. Dim.
Vibrators and dominant hands aren’t the same as me
End of story. (Read the first letters for a simple explanation. See?)

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Things That Suck

T Thumb-sucking children while they are sleeping.
H Hematophagous animals, which means blood-seeking.
I Insects like those in the worm family.
N Newborns that just do it naturally.
G Guys who love guys and who do it with ease.
S Sump pumps and sippers and gals that don’t tease!

T Ticks and devises that vacuum up slime.
H Habits we all have that suck away time.
A Animal feeders they use on the farms.
T Topsiders* sucking out oil from cars.

S Snot-sucking “Nose Clear;” machines for the ill.
U Under the sea, pumps for oil spills.
C Clitoris pumps; yes, they’ve got those too.
K Karma, the worst. . .  When she’s out to get YOU!

*Topsider is a product name

for the Acrostic Time #1 Free Poetry Contest of PD

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Sadness of November

Nights bring longer darkness, all I want to do is sleep,

Outside the weather worsens, the snow will soon be deep.

Vines heavy with grapes await to be made into ice wine,

Each headache after, is worth it, from the nectar so sublime.

Making pumpkin pie and sipping apple cider - ACHOO!

Better make chicken soup too, now I’ve got the Flu.

Everything is warning me that old man winter is on its way,

Recognizing this sad reality, oh yes, its also another birthday!

Written by Lee Ramage
August 30, 2011
For Carol Brown’s contest
“Fall is around the corner”
Won 2nd place

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New Open Door

R  recline on the sofa, relax in recliner
E  entertain romantic thoughts; life couldn't be kinder
C  cuddle up late in bed, snuggle on couch
Y  you are my love, molded to you; stubble ouch
C  comfy now late in life, free from responsibility
L  love is deep; committment strong_capability
E  enjoying life_the fruit of early struggles
D  determined to fulfill our life together_not burst bubble

T  true to you; constant thoughts
E  envelope you with what love has wrought
E  easy is life sleep late_stay up late
N  now there is a new open door my mate

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So divinely exhilarating, yet
Exhausting and contorting -
X-rated gymnastics!

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A Cowboy Is


A Cowboy Is





There once was a cowboy name Joe.
Who took his girlfriend to a show.
The lights were turned low.
Her lips he did blow.
It just goes to show Joe did go!!!!

*For Tirzah Conway's "A Cowboy Is" contest

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Helluva Hick

H  eck yeah, I be PROUD to one a dose!
I  nbred? Lemme think (Who da HELL knows?)
C  ountry to the core and reapin what I hoe
K  ickin ass, takin names (Wantin sum mo?)

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The Glades

<                                Better grab out the coco-butter
                                  Even those designer shades
                                  All hearts will begin to flutter
                                  Cause were off to the glades
                                  Hear me right for I did not stutter
                                  Best hurry up before the sun fades
                                  Look for keys later father did utter
                                  All aboard now we got it made
                                  Nothing like ocean's viewing I rather smother
                                  Knowing once again to return upon it's raid
                                  Each and every year oh my brother
                                  Think I will even bring the poor old maid
                                  Because she's like no other
                                  In her class she passes the grade
                                  Now get your head out of the gutters
                                  Grow up cause noone is getting laid
                                  Oh my goodness good crothers

Written by Katherine Stella
Entry For Linda Marie's
Beach Blanket Bingo
Acrostic Contest
G.L. All

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L Like a juggler, rhythm of harried routine, a mother performing
O On finding the cling-clang-thump symphony's beats missing
S She froze mid-way through her act, something's just not right
T To her surprise, her rambunctious baby boy was nowhere in sight

B Brushing fears aside, she set to seek him in the game of peek-a-boo
A As she peered in every nook and cranny cooing,"momma loves you!"
B But success evaded her and she was fast losing heart and hope
Y Young mother burst into tears, her sanity dangling on a tattered rope

B "Boo!" a voice behind her in a squeamish cry, all too familiar
O Overjoyed she spun around crying and laughing all the same, feeling happier
Y "You naughty boy!"and he smiled impishly, right behind her, under kitchen counter!


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Sunset a glowing red
4 minutes till bdtime
When grandchildren stall
Vocalizing needs of snack and stories

9 picture books later
Rude it might seem
You are the one yawning
Sugar intoxicated children bouncing

For the Capcha Contest

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Pretty fall colors carved and decorated
Understandably the best in a cream covered pie
My favorite flavor is the cheesecake
Plump and lumpy or perfectly orange
Kill it with a shotgun after halloween
I love to watch the scrambled pieces fly in the air
Never let the Jack o lantern go to waste!!
Seeds left on the ground, grow next year!

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Toddlers played in dry sand 
Hot sun made each cheek red
Ellen was their likable friend
Long before winter came
Enjoyed evenings with them
Always refusing to rest 
Fireflies were a child's game
Puppies chased them with haste
Aunt Lily was often bitten by bugs smelling perfume 
Vera told her not to scratch
Eddy laughed hard as Mitch
Daniel loved to startle the busy bees 
People stopped to watch the comedy of pet peeves
Across the leaf-paved path of ripe strawberries 
Torrents washed away all the pretty greens 
Hurricane Isaac made them flee quicker than thieves

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H Hell breaks loose when Papa comes along,
O One studiously studying, now jumping and singing a song!
O One prankster eating, now his plate a mish-mash!
L "Lets hug Papa tight, before Mamma could lash."
I I am sure my naughty ones are over the moon
G Going by their frantic pace I'll go crazy too soon!
A  and now I hear them complain," Mamma nags."
N Now suddenly in my disciplined life, behind, the order lags.
I Its a win-win situation for them, my word will have no gains
S Somehow in a protected territory, even these deer will turn fierce lions!
M My house thus is a home to two sweet hooligans!

Sponsor: Catie Lindsay

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Elastic stretches bit by bit, around your thick dimension Lets you wiggle, if you're pudgy, from too much fudge retention A second, you're ecstatic....Alas, you've licked the kettle! Should I tattle or meddle much, or call for intervention? Thus, your middle may need attention, is it a time for fudge redemption? I hope you won't judge my good intentions, or hold a grudge.... OOPS! Caught by chance, I wear stretch pants!! Your fudge tastes quite fantastic!!
_________________________________________________ 9/24/13 For Andrea's "Seven" Contest

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G- gracious!
R- ready to play volleyball at all times!
A- always kind
C- computers are one of many weaknesses  
E- especially strong!  
L- loving!
Y- yarn lover!
N- never evil... at first!!!!

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Thanksgiving Day

Tummy, Tummy, oh poor Tummy!
Heaping, steaming platters behold.
A bounty splendorous and yummy,
Nuts to pies to cranberry mold.
Kitchen simmering with flavor,
Smells that cause the nose to rise.
Gather in a whiff to savor,
Indulge behind two droopy eyes.
Voices lure you from your dreaming,
Invite you to your favored chair,
Give you silverware all gleaming,

Do together a Thanksgiving prayer.
And, Tummy, Tummy stop your stressing … 
Yams, green beans, creamed corn, rolls with butter, celery sticks and carrot sticks,
mashed potatoes, pumpkin pie, turkey and … dressing

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T olerance to prejudice is not my style,
A bility to care for others is a deep pile,
P hysical fitness a little thread-bare - I neglect,
E ducated and outspoken are not a defect, 
S teadfast husband makes a softer side,
T hreads of family love,  my greatest pride.
R ug or art, bright colours fill your eyes -
Y outhful appearance for all to despise. 


Written August 5, 2012

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Thanksgiving Day

Turkey day is finally here, along with that mid-afternoon paralysis
Half the family made it this year, and thank God, 'cause we're short chairs!
Apple, pumpkin, and mince-meat pies fill the air with cinnamon dust-devils
Nevermind the barking dogs and screaming, running and tattling kids,
Kooky and drunk, your favorite uncle swears you can light a fart!
Surely we've got BIGGER fish to fry's them 'taters doin'?
Goodness knows how amazing Granny's poultry gravy is gonna be
I just hope some jerk doesn't bring that Jello with raisins, carrots, and lettuce......YUCK!!!!
Vodka is easily hidden in the various holiday beverages,
I swear it's the ONLY way I can tolerate half of my family!
No one's really that bad, but a little goes a long way!
God bless every single, dysfunctional, and oblivious one of us!

Dinner comes and goes........the herd migrates to the TV for pig-skin dramas
All say their goodbyes and don coats and scarves
YIPPE!!! They're all gone!!!......oh crap!!!! WHO'S gonna help with the dishes????

jim david

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Clarissa's Valentine Diary of Passion- serial Acrostic

February 2009

Pretty in red, her tears start to flow
All dressed up and nowhere to go
She got dumped after he had his way
Sweet revenge follows this Valentine’s Day
 Into the river his body will go
One knife, an alibi, no-one will know
Now what better day for his bad blood to flow

to be continued…..

February 2010

Proudly relieved that she didn’t get caught
Alibi solid, her story they bought
Sweet Valentines’ Day will be all she wished for
She’s found a new love, couldn’t ask for much more
Incidentally she’s hoping and praying that he
On this day will make her a new bride-to-be		
Nothing good lies ahead, if he doesn’t  agree.

to  be continued…..

February 2011

Perfect in white, this she didn’t foresee,
Alone in the church, where the devil  is he?
Standing alone in her wedding gown
Somebody whispered the groom had fled town
Into the limo so no-one would know
Once again Valentine tears start to flow
Nobody dumps her, she won’t let this go.

to  be continued….
February 2012

Payback is lurking, his receipt she found
A step behind him she’s Canada bound
She has revenge written all over her face 
Smith and Wesson, in her case
It might convince him to take her advice
Or face consequences, without thinking twice
Nasty Clarissa, will he pay the price?

to be continued……



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Live, Laugh, Love ( And then Laugh Some More)

L ove eventually came
I t came to me
V ibrant and warm
E legant and on one knee
L aughter with love
A nd thats all I need
U nder the gun
G osh this went fast
H ave and to hold
L ove may it last
O’ Lord we pray
V iagra here we come!!
E verlasting love forever and a day

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Most Politicians Are:

Laudable, fine, upstanding folk.  
Year on year they shoulder the yolk.
Illustrious and kind,
Noble and refined,
Genial, with no wish to provoke.

Sincere as sincere as can be.
Honest – well, as honest as me.
Intelligent and witty,
Trustworthy and gritty.
Shame all this is pure fantasy.

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The Birds And The Bees

They both dreaded that day,
Having to 
Explain to their only child about the

Birds and the bees
In stepped mom with the flowers
Ready to explain all about pollen and fertilization 
Dad looked bewildered, rubbing the side of his head
Stating, “Did I forget your birthday”? While eyeing the flowers

Anxiously he said, 
"No! Don’t tell me your are pregnant again, I 
Doubt I can go 

Through this again,"
Having to sit there and 
Entertain herself the daughter decided to ease their pain… 

Both looked traumatized when she 
Eventually said, “I know all about being in love, all about sex, it’s part of our curriculum
Even the difference in male and female anatomy gets explained”
So mom if you are pregnant, I can tell the baby all about the birds and the bees one day!!"

Contest: The Birds and the Bees
Placed: 8th

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Dr. James E. Martin
©April, 2014

College educated – all are not.
Outdoors they are – quite a lot.
Wintry weather slows them never,
Built they are for inclement weather.
Overtly driven by a style that’s unique,
Youngsters this lifestyle often seek!

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Connecting with loved ones will help you 
Overcome obstacles and experience happiness. 
Nothing is more powerful than love.
Take the time, slow down
Enjoy those smiles, giggles, practical jokes
Noises the dogs make when they play
Thankful for life every second, of every day, in every way

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The Teach's from Brookl'n / Dedicated ta Sweetheart

T hey’d aughta not called nookie
H eaven’s blessed cookie...
E ither burd or bee, cause neither's a lookie! 

B urds well der feathered, not like me?
I n da interest of clarity, I’m certainly NO bee?
R obins do have red breasts and I have two, see?
D ern, maybe dat's why dey calls dem da burds and da bees?
S o, if da ladies da burd, da guy must be da bee? 

A nyway, why didn’t dey call IT da cows and da doves?
N ow, cows at least got legs and doves are for luv!
D rat, I still don’t get da bee stingy thingie, "Gov?"

T he bees has a sting YIKE and bees sure love honey.
H ell, maybe they thought a man'd sting ya for money?
E ither dat or “Hmmm,” some ladies are real punny?

B et we women smell real sweet, I guess, and da bees fly to honey?
E eeeeeekkk, I so confuddled, I feel like Mikey Rooney? 
E ach dern metaphors is making me more looney tooney!
S imply forget da dern foolishness and give me a groomie!  

Details | Acrostic | |

Vicky My Cat (acrostic poem for her) 4-6-06

                                                    Vicky my cat

                                                    I love you are loving and

                                                   Caring when you know when I need you

                                                    Kind, silly, cute, and

                                                    You are my little angel

Details | Acrostic | |

Spaceship (acrostic with rhyme)

Spend your hard-earned cash on fuel for takeoff.
Pray that the government does not find out until gone.
Allow your free time for checking weather, not golf.
Case the local food store for dry goods you can con.
Evaluate your water supply needs, no water in cosmos.
Secure a safe place for waste, body waste floats to easy.
Have welding knowledge, so your stored rocket is close.
Internet may bring suspicion making government queasy.
Plan to go up straight in the air, horizontal rockets scare.

Details | Acrostic | |



Bubbles, bubbles everywhere
Up the wall and all over the floor
Bubble bath in my toilet, I declare
Bubbles now heading out of the door
Looks like I'm having a bizarre dream
Every bubble perfectly clean
Spewing from my toilet like an erupting volcano!

Written by 
Vicki Darcy. 

Details | Acrostic | |


Gnashing your teeth while gobbling gook
Induces a terrible state;
Bubbles of spittle froth up your words
Blending your speech and the food on your plate.
Everyone knows not to speak while chewing;
Really, it's common sense.
In spite of the need to speak out your mind,
Swallow your food first, if you'd be so kind;
Hold onto your thoughts until then.

Details | Acrostic | |

Xerotic Humor

Perhaps you think you know P.D. well.
Or maybe you don’t, but time will tell.
Every poet has a mind to share.
Troubled, loving, or full of care.
Does she have an awesome heart?
Excellent wisdom grows from some start!
So, you think she loves slam dissing?
Truthfully, I think that she prefers kissing.
Ruthlessly rendering judgments from hell?
Oh, you don’t know her very well.
Yes, she enjoys her tacit destroyer name.
Enthusiastically promoting her poets game.
Rendering words that will generate fame. 
Sometimes judgments hurt and offend.
Love on the other hand will always win.
Yesterday’s faults we try to transcend.
Loving another can make one feel shy.
Ideally, though, it is never sly.
Kindness is known whenever we try.
Everlastingly caring by and by.
A woman of passion might try to be sly. 
Finding her idol in the caress of a fox.
Or destroying a poet with her playful soul, but –
Xerotic humor might just be her goal!

© January 16, 2011
Dane Smith-Johnsen

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P aper, though seemly precious, is often covered   with   pa P.
L and fills are flooded with an endless stream of     unusual  L
I rony covered tomes which if ever read, would define  ennu I
A nthropologically speaking these scraps provide   anesthesi A
N o sane    two legged creature        would use for other tha N
T oilet tissue, yet most       is digested      by the local activisT.

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DOGSs acrostic


D eliberately messy, he is full of puppy crazy joy,
O ff to fetch each ball my feeble arm can send,
G ives me my paper from the morning paper boy--
S lobber makes the daily news more palatable to comprehend.

Victoria Anderson-Throop ©

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Shades stored away
Tattoos removed 
Articled reviewed
Room painted as clay
Tarot left unread  
Ink spills on pencils
Nails manicured  
Got rid of nickels 
American heroes return 
New medals are given
End their hurdles again
With a handful of kindness and generosity
Year after year they fought the enemy
Enraged mothers wail with pain
America still mourns
Rampage of innocents

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Electronically Speaking

<                                   elects not to open door by hand
                                     looks pretty stupid too                                     
                                     even an grandma can do it 
                                     calling all grandma's
                                     technology has gone to far
                                     really really to far now
                                     one does not need to be an rocket scientist
                                     nor an magician
                                     it's easy as one two three
                                     candidly smile
                                     tip your hats
                                     look both ways
                                     launch arms outward
                                     and pull or push  that's it

My Word Chosen Was

Written by 
Katherine Stella

Entry For Dakarai Cobb's
The Sonnet Man's Acrostic Challenge
GL All

Details | Acrostic | |

That Is Not My Elephant

That is not my elephant
High-stepping in the basement.
Ardently preparing for her pachyderm placement.
Tapping her trunk on the window’s casement. 

Instantly intriguing, oh, the fashion statement.
Surprisingly sprightly swinging resplendent pendant.
Nonchalantly swaying as she strolls, compliant. 
Opulence sparkles one gorgeous graceful giant.  
To top it all off, her temperament is pliant.
Metrical motion moves this perky pageant entrant.
Yesterday’s wildlife intellectually scathed though brilliant –

Ella is my elephant; she wears casual raiment. 
Laughs and eats spaghetti, always thinking, ideas salient.
Endlessly explaining the elephant’s Bill of Rights, relevant! 
Protecting second graders from every evil social rodent.
Heart-fully relating principles, she is strong and poignant.
An awesome able activist against any aggressive tyrant,
Nurturing each nascent one, noticeably effervescent.
Tenderly flapping her ears, because of pure love’s placement.

© January 15, 2011
Dane Smith-Johnsen

Form: Acrostic with monorhyme and alliteration

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In the Mix

When Slippery Susie starts to stare

Everson Everly is happy to share

Entices Everson yes she can

Does as she likes as she leads her man

So it seems Susie is the one

Mistake it may be or can this be done

Ordinary question where is the answer

Kicking purple heels on the floor a dancer

Enjoying the Music that they create; regardless...

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The Talk

The Talk


"The Talk:",
 He hesitated, 
 Interested in
 During different, developmental 
(Assurances are always awkward;
 Nothing new.)
 Dad dodged    
"The Talk" 'til I turned twenty two.
 He honestly
 Bewilderment by
 Even though everybody knows, each infant grows in a secret station
 So its strong enough for the long aviation of being taken, by delivery stork, to it's home.

(This poem was written specifically for Carol Brown's "The Birds and the Bees" poetry

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The search is On

Are you the one, the bride I try to find? 
Still haven't met you, how can I make up my mind? 
How am I to know? How am I to decide? 
Waiting for the questions to get demystified 
I know that I am patient; I know that I can wait 
Not for ever though, it doesn't work out like that 
I am sure it'll help me find some answers if we go out on a date.

Details | Acrostic | |

Russell Brand

Ravishing and randy,
Utterly stupendous,
Sexy and sassy,
Silly and fussy,
Eye catching sense of fashion,
Lovable rogue,
Ladies man,
Branded irresistible,
Russell the unmissable,
Anchor to all his friends,
Noticeable sparkle in his eye,
Don't be silly it's a fly!!!

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Feeling Nostalgic

Hi guys plz go through my poem ,After two years of marriage journey..Life has taken me so far..recollecting the past memories with my bro and refreshing the moments we shared together on his Birthday!!

                                        Inside home or outside the house,
              Hide and seek We played like mouse.
                                        Very much fond of Hit and beat,
              Fighting and mingling in a split of seconds like a treat.
                                         Pulling leg like no one else,
              Playing pranks,betting odds like no one does.
                                         For every game which we played,
              Slowly steadily in a day.
                                         Not I used to take my turn,
              You are the one who tied ribbons of my likes/dislikes 
                                         & gave me love in return!

              Those lovely days,those astonishing spark,
                                      Each & everyday was beaming with Sunrise from the dark.
              Carving my life with an meaningful essence,
                                     Lighting the bonfire of my life,You made it more delighted.
              Its because of You bro, my lovely star from the heaven of blue sky,
                                     My life is often been solaced with your presence,
              Thanks for every thing You did in a sense.

          "Wishing You a very Happy Birthday. God bless YOU as always with 
            full of love,prosperity and good health.loads of love. "

Details | Acrostic | |

How to build a spaceship

To Build a spaceship you need:

Saucepans. For intergalactic transmissions to other planets like mars,

Planets to orbit. If not what else would a spaceship do?

Aliens. Every Spaceship needs aliens!

Captain. Before you even start to make a spaceship you need a captain,

Egg cups. To act as buttons as they are too expensive.

Sky’s the limit! In this case its actually not in a spaceship, but what I mean is let you imagine 
run free, nothings too difficult when building a space ship,

High-fives, are always necessary when something goes right

Intergalactic. Be sure to write intergalactic on various buttons and levers to make your          
spaceship look more hi-tech,

Pie. When the spaceship is finally finished, tuck into some pie!

By: Ava Douglass   Age 12

Details | Acrostic | |

Yellow Sundress

Y achting on a clear summer day
E agerness was devoid for 'twas afraid
L abel in my yellow sundress frayed
L eans toward vintage but stayed
O blique sailing was his tricky scheme
W ell my Yellow Polka Dot Bikini unseen!  

Sponsor: Francine Roberts
Contest: Here Comes The Sun
Written: February 8, 2014

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Crazy lady with model outfits – what now? You’ll see in a moment *hint* she’s a taker, not a giver ~!
Hah! She’s straight-out self-confident – I must laugh my pants off! What does she have to be confident about? Her eye-contacts? The spells she casts on guys? Her whorish appearances and girly, spunky appeals?  Her taste in clothing? Her taste in music (pop, rap, R & B, and all that jazz - all that Miley Cyrus, P!nk, Kelly Clarkson and Britney Spears songs)? Her skinny, perfect-looking body? Her deceiving looks or plump lips? Her many jewelry? Her makeup collection? Her wigs (she's faaake)? Her so-called "engaged" rings? Her fame? The way she dresses? Her reputation? Her pride (resulting to poverty without dough in her wallet)? Her fortune? So what…woman!
Ah...these evil streaks of Arrogance fulfills her heart of fleeting fame, her inner lusts and avaricious wants
Rage towards her little sister, Faith – the good apple of the bunch (spoiler alert)…the heart’s envy’s deceitful and she’s bound to have shame instead of success on a very high level…she’s charmed by her own bondage…her filthy, meaningless sins that she foolishly commits and feels nothing close to remorse…but what’s worse is that she feels accomplished when she does so, despite the appalling effects of it and she feels superior compared to everyone else, making everyone’s life miserable and feeding on other’s joy and claims it as her own heartlessly . . . (she’s very picky and horrid to be quite frank!)
I think she’s pathetic that she thinks she’s better than everyone else and thinks she’s on top of the world…not looking after her other sisters – she’s the oldest and the most immature of them all…what a pity…she doesn’t care what her rude comments does to others; she treats others with garbage and treats herself like a precious, wealthy princess in a royal, black and white checkered castle
There…I said it! You’re consuming the dirt instead of the truth, burying the lies and reveals the light in everything! It can explain what really happened in our history and in every individual history! Don’t test the truth by uttering those sickening lies. You stink with dishonesty and you like the flavors of fraudulence and your dreams you dream every night doesn’t capture the bigger picture…have a better frame of mind and don’t be polluting me with latest gossips and inconsiderate remarks!
Yeah – your kind, shy, but wild-child-of-a-niece needs to build good character – you have produced rotting, yet sophisticating and prideful fruit! Ew! She don’t need to wear those expensive, showy outfits you hand her grudgingly, but smirking with repellent pleasure! Wear your own swanky, kinky attires – stop being bitter and be a bit sweeter, please? Pretty prelease?

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Totally nasty and straight out sick
Rawr...hate trash
And it's on the floor
Say, can I clean the Dorm 3 floor?
hey! i love clean environments

Details | Acrostic | |

Nepolean Ice-Cream NewsLetter

Three flavors, take the sensation joyride and mystify A brain*freeze. It's mind*blowing wait n' see; I won't disappoint you, taste your rainbow and devour It's pleassure. 

Chocolate: Pulses the master shake down, Pouring on the sauce, loosing all self-control
As it takes the spoon to engage out rageious behavior..... melting away through the mystical pathway of Retrieving it's self to get to the next flavor. Cause Life Is Like A Box Of Chocolates, You Never Know What You Going To Get, Til It Smacks you Reesesly  Stupid.

Vanilla: Meattled in Plain ol' people being stupid, but sometimes crazy~stupid is fun! Stupid is as stupid does Forrest*Gump once said. So don't justify any action.. Just indulge face first.

..And then there's strawberry: The snapp back to reality,topped off with A little whip~cream n' cherry stem! A satisfaction guarantee to full`fill your appetite... "you can count on that."

Ice~cream; ice~cream, we all scream for ice~cream. Hurray! Hurray!! We all scream for ice~cream.... Read all about it in the up*coming newsletter... Hurrah.. Hurrah... The End.

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Quipster - I am in love with You

Funny face - Funny face

Oh my love..
Oh my baby..
I miss you..
You miss me..

Tickling me from back.. 
You makes me laugh..
Wind blowing so fast..
And our love last..

Tightly Holding me,
You makes me more crazy..
Not even a single day goes without thinking about you..
24x7 mesmerizing in my mind..
Baby you took my soul away..
Ohh my love..
I need your love babe..
And You know its true..
I miss you..
I miss you..

Ohh my quipster,
Tilting a little, making your eyes come out of soccet..
You winned my heart..
Omg, my happiness is out of bound..
Recapturing those splendid moments..You made me laugh..
Oh my love
I miss you..
I miss you..

Seven days in a week..
Twelve months in a year..
Oh my love 
You made me more crazy..
You winned my heart..
Just now can't stay apart..
Bcz I love You..
And I know, You too love me..

Bright light
Bright light..
You hug me tight..
Oh my lady in hug me tight..
Oh my baby, You cast a warm light..
Oh sherin,I need your love babe..
You are the greatest reward of my life..

Blinking eyes of your's when I am flaming in aggression..
Yes you are the one who made me laugh
You won my mind..
Oh baby I need your love babe..
Ain't got anything blissful, than your love babe!!

Details | Acrostic | |


T - terroribble sppelllllerrr :P
E - easy to laugh
I - interesting personality (not sure if it's a bad thing or not...)

M - me = insane
I - I am ._."
C - crazy!
K - kidds around
E - easygoing
Y - Y are you still reading? comment please!

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Maybe in May

Maybe I'll get an iPhone for my birthday 
Ah...on the other hand, I'd like to get an iced coffee
Yeah - I'll just accept my water 
Be honest, David - I'm a brat and a smarty pants 
Enjoy your break time and kick back...chill for a time ...

I'm a little nervous - I feel that my writing's are
Not that impressive - maybe in May, 

May I ask him for a free lemonade? 
And yes - I get a free lemonade 
Yes!! Maybe in May, I might get a part-time job or I might be a famous poet - someday...someday...

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Like a Boss

LOL (Laugh out loud) xD
I love your effort
Kangaroo hops 
Easy and hard hits 

A little better than before

BAM (Be a man) o.o
Owning the Hockey Game
sssssslither like a snake
Sam! You're like a boss - Ooh! Like a boss
(hey man...sorry for my loss)

Details | Acrostic | |


Having a little dark fun
A scary night
Little children dressed up as monsters
Lets dance in the moonlight
Oh no someones following me
Will this night ever come to an end
Everyone knows the crazies come out
Eternal sleep comes to an end
Now the vampires and werewolves are sated

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All american
Town of
Under and

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Clean Up Time

Clear the table
Line the books along the shelves
Everyone join in
Arrange the chairs so none can fall
Naughty children don’t pitch in

Under chairs and under tables check we haven’t missed a toy
Paints and brushes put away

Toys are all picked up for today
I read a story as we wait
Mom’s or Dad’s are on their way
Everyone its time to go…..I hope you had a real fun day

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Trip To The ER

Enter the cavernous chamber
Met by the paperwork__you know the clipboard
Enter all this information first right here
Remember we need address, SS#__So we can trace you
Good we've got all that so now we'll treat you
Enter the little room with a I don't care nurse
Now I want to know what would equal good care
Care that would keep you coming back
Yeah! We want return visits not wellness

Room without view
Occupied by much equipment
Opposite of home's comfort
Much anxiety

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Relax and Kick Back

Relax your mind from any troubles that come your way
Easier said than done…but it’s required of us to have leisure time once in a great while! I have no problem with that whatsoever!
Laze around and put your mind at ease please? Hang out with your friend and have a cup of tea or coffee or any alcoholic beverage! There’s plenty to choose from! There are soft drinks in the refrigerator! There’s orange juice? Milk? Water with ice or without ice perhaps? Please, tell me or I’ll drive you and myself nuts! 
And…simply…kick back! Chillax! Everything’s gonna work out in the end for a purpose that’s beyond brilliant! Just let it be…for now!
XOXO’s will be sent to you by a mystery girl (Your secret admirer sends you XOXO’s to you in other wacko words)! Oooh…I wonder who’s that lucky person! Do you have the hearts for her, young man? Whisper ‘yes’ or ‘no’ in my ears and I won’t tell a single soul, I swear from the bottom of my heart!

Allow yourself to get out of your comfort zone and explore the Joyous Island – surely you’ll know where the wind blows!~~~
Never lose touch of wisdom and wise sayings from the elder you’ve met somewhere in your past…use your time wisely, good sir, and don’t forget to be carefree!
Danger might come our way! But, be happy – that’s what it’s s’posed to be, pal! Dangers are but for a moment, so have no fear, dear boy!

Kick back and let yourself unwind for a time! Let everything solve on its own – take a break from the job and God will finish our job in no time if we place it in his hands, we’ll witness his mesmerizing miracles
I’m sorry! I’m so sorry to hear that you’re currently unemployed! I wish you luck in your future findings and your search for jobs of course!
Chit chat with your companion and speak your mind to him…oh buddy – make sure to spend time with each other and do some rather epic activities 
Kill the fears and reign over your phobias and be brave instead! Everything will be OK! No need to feel this overwhelming amount of dread!

Believe me – I’m not a pro at being worry-free, but I am able to give you tips about how to decrease your anxiety (I hope you take them into consideration and I hope it proves to be helpful in your daily life)
Ah…right! The title is redundant – silly me...I should’ve caught that before writing this composition, but it’s too late now – this verse is about to be done and it would be another chore to change it up! Funny, I just noticed the title and its “accident” – that, my friend, is heelarious! 
Chilly- the weather is… you should’ve worn a sweater or something of that type of clothing! 
Kangaroos spend their leisure time, hopping happily – will you do the same or get all worked up all over again? 

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serendipity-a natural gift for making 
useful discoveries by accident

it ju~S~t so happens that he
has this c~E~rtain natural ability
to discove~R~ things that we
often can’t beli~E~ve
so useful i~N~ every way
acci~D~entially, you say
to thank h~I~m we may
find a way to ~P~ay
for the g~I~ft he has
withou~T~ delay
no wa~Y~!

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Multicolored multitudes
Awaiting their first game.
Rolling stones which
Bump contenders out of place
Landing just right
Enticing the shooters to
Strike them all out.

TLH  ©  06-10-2012

Details | Acrostic | |


To all wo crave turkey...good appetite and good health!
Utilize your skills in creating charm in a bright dining room. 
Round up the best ideas for success, ask if you need help.
Kidding yourself is absurd, get all the help from friends.
Enamor yourself with dinnerware and silverware that match.
Yearn for an athmosphere so warm, cheerful and elegant.
Allow kindness when dealing with kids who spill apple cider.
Nobody should be privileged to say Grace but the host. 
Dance afterward with everyone in the decorated living room.
Papa can smoke his cigar, if it doesn't bother the guests.
Unity should be stronger on this day when all thank the Lord.
Major issues about noises, caused by children, should be ignored.
Pretend that Thanksgiving Day is the last one they'll ever see.
Keyboard should play Hymns of thanks, not songs they all like.
Inside the fireplace, the red log crackles reminiscing Thansgivings past.
Nag not when the dog chases the cat under the table...laugh!
Parents should be soft, not harsh...let Thansksgiving be a fun day!
Inside the fireplace the log crackles...reminishing of Thanksgivings past.
Endure the screams and the fights a little child is an angel.
Say the final prayer of gratitude as everyone bows their heads.

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Growing Older

G rowing older isn't funny.
R usty pipes don't work as well.
O ver-worked mind moves much slower,
W ords won't come, my tale to tell.
I was once an active youngster,
N ot a creek was in my step.
G one the child I was forever.

O h I miss her youthful  pep.
L ots of folks are proud to tell you,
D ates and birthdays don't mean much.
E ach new day brings us a sweeter
R ipeness that the young can't touch.

For Acrostic challenge

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Silly humans!
Everything you think of involves the

Details | Acrostic | |


Maybe for some but not for me
At least that's the way it appears to be
Right or wrong that's what I see
Really isn't bad though being free
I never believed someone held the key
At least I'm sure it wasn't he
Going to be happy is what say she
Even if there will never be a we

Details | Acrostic | |


Dave - you're rad.

Details | Acrostic | |


4 crazy characters 
For logging in
Poetrysoup home
Before 7 attempts
Filling in cold and warm
Numbers and alphabets 
Feelings rendered by 
Lovers of poetry 
Issues in need of sounds
2 hear of verification
Whether the 4 codes are 
Before 1 logs in

contest -CAPTCHA 

Details | Acrostic | |

Claustrophobia - another acrostic

All gone.

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DONDON (What's In My Name)

Donald is the name they gave me
Over the noise i heard my mother shout with glee
Not knowing that i heard what she said
Dondon was not named after a saint but a duck instead
Overwhelmed with surprised I rushed  and said to her
Naughty thing to do mom, but  you are still a dear

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Maybe Without...

Can’t see her face anymore when I think of 
her. Not even her eyes. 

Everything beyond myher reach, this
each day mundane way of life.

Still, you always told me 
each day—each lie.
Back when, well…

And then maybe she’ll live. Perhaps she’ll

Live to be transparent.


Details | Acrostic | |

As the Baby Cries

At a

And complete

Of time,
Sanity, as well as

Details | Acrostic | |

Hen ~

How Many

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Breaking by the minute 
A savior might change my life around 
Drum rolls... .... ..... x5

Details | Acrostic | |


Karen is an 
Artistic person
Ready to spread words
Evenly across empty paper
Neatly crossing her t's and dotting her i's

Details | Acrostic | |

Waiting in the Dentists Chair

W  aiting in the dentist's chair
A   piece of grit got stuck somewhere
I    t seemed right in my Dentist's way
T   oothpick quick,  he heard me say.

I    ' m just about to use the drill
N    o time now to pick, must fill
G   ot to wait now ten more mins.
I     'll have you suffer for your sins.

N    eed to swallow speedily
T     hese fumes could choke me easily
H    ope that shot will numb me more
E    ndless pain now,  please, don't bore
D    o I detect your hand now shaking
E    asy Frank, be more painstaking.   

N    ever before I have to state, has
T    his patient seemed so irate
I     'll  calm her down if she'll comply
S     ome valium cream, I will apply.

T     his tooth I feel he can't drill through
S      hi.....  I feel I'm turning blue
C    all my house,  I must go home
H    ear me out, I've begun to foam.

A     re Dentist's  a complacent lot
I      wonder have we lost the plot          
R     egardless of,  how much we try   
S      ometimes I think Oh' why was I .    

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Intrigue - The art of revenge

Ingenious deception
Nothing revealed at conception
Tormenting his longing soul
Revenge for the one he stole
Implicating a connection
Genuine heartfelt affection
Until the truth he does receive
Entangled lies will decieve

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A Jester, a Joker, a Comedian or a Clown
They all act stupid but are really smart,
They are an odd breed of their own
And just for few laughs steal your heart;
Creature of habits aren't they all?
Knocks you straight out with stories tall!

Details | Acrostic | |

TWELVE COMMAS-A Comma Conundrum

Today begins a comma conundrum.	
Writing poetry that must contain twelve.
Exactly twelve, no less, no more, will challenge us galore.
Laughing my head off, I now begin vying for fun fame.
Very curious I have become about the contest sponsor’s game
English writing requires commas to separate sentences, clauses, and lists.
Come on, now, one and all; join the comma fun!
Omit not a comma after clauses lest you cause your sentence to run!
Mistakes in comma usage send communications quickly askew. 
Meandering words upon the page can make a reader turn blue.
Adverbs such as: therefore, nevertheless, and furthermore need commas, too.
So, study sentence structure and tell comma usage mistakes adieu.

© January 27, 2012
Dane Ann Smith-Johnsen

Written for Poetry Soup Member Contest: Tons of comma fun! 	
Sponsored by: Russell Sivey

Details | Acrostic | |

The Troubadours

Teasing and loving ladies near and far
Robust are they, their mead in a jar
Over the hills their words ring out loud
Under the trees they sing tall and proud
Boasting of great adventures from their sorted past
Among the village folk, a crowd gathers fast
Dance, drink and be merry they hum
One plays the panpipes, the other the drum
Up hands clap in a mighty roar
Rise now and cheer, 'tis time to roast the boar!
Sing with us village folk, into the dawn we will soar!

Details | Acrostic | |


A  bandoned, abased facing failure
C  alculating catastrophic paper
R  ecycling thoughts recreate some ideas
O  bsolete thinking antique panacea
S  agacity scripted by greased lightning pen
T  ablespoons filled with some of that cayenne
I   dealize the idealogy of wise men
C  onsider acrostic power write again  

Thanks PD for the challenge
Written: July 14, 2014

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A choo! Achoo! Oh geez, here we go!
L ousy allergies putting on a show.
L ingering effects of pollen's assault,
E yes weeping, nose running, I wish it would halt.
R ecurring miseries with each seasonal change,
G uaranteeing discomfort, plans rearranged.
I ndecent exposure to dust mites and such,
E nergy draining meds a necessary crutch.
S niffing and sneezing - I've had enough!

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once there was an old man on a lane
he always had many cats
then he took a train
and went down another lane

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Red, black,round and round
Odd, even, come up from down
Unusually crowded around number 9
Luck should have it,she's a favorite of mine
Ever changing the spectrums outter limit
Till zero enfolds the facet jewel within it
Theocentricly believing the fall will come
Exculpating the loss when the evening is done

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I Love Lucy

I loved to watch her as a child

Laughing at her antics and cooing at her wilds
Over the top trouble and silly jokes played
Viewing every show I could, before my parents waned
Every Thursday night (I think) I'd called it Lucy Day!

Lounging on my bed and letting my head watch this parade
Ultra color, or black and white, to me it didn't matter
Cause that silly red head eating all the chocolate, was always on my platter
You try saying vita-vite-vegamin, without getting drunk!

I missed the shows I watched when I was little
Those actors where way before may birth
but I enjoyed her friend and funny neighbors Fred and Ethel Merts
But let's not forget Ricky, the Cuban mamba king
But It was always funny when he yelled: LUCY!!!!!!!!
...O RICKY! She didn't mean thing!

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You've Been Warned

Holy Crap
Another year slips away
Put on like 30 pounds
Pertty hard to take off
You see I like sea food I see it and eat it

Now with muse in hand
Even Jenny Crank has stepped up to the plate
With how to shed 14 inches off waistline in 1 week

You first have to eat 2 bars of exlax chocolate of course
Even choke down some of grannys castrol oil
Ass will be sore for a little while
Remember though the box and bottle does say warning 

Little Pun For The New Me

Happy New Year's All

Also Entry For Carol Brown's 
Acrostic Happy New Year Contest GL ALL

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Banal Time

The Hands Around my neck
Increasing its hold with every second
Malady of Kronos
Emit a cry for yesterday'

Clocks aren't all that bad

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Any way, she makes my heart beat pure.
No one loves her like me I’m sure.
Nothing will make me act in this way,
Apart from this little one having all the say!
Believe when I tell you she is a pain.
Engulfed with “snot”, however this is her reign!
“Listen Dad!” (I have to, or she’ll drive me insane)!

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Hurry handsome guys and pretty gals
Another year cheerfully arrives
Proper attire is a must
Paul's tuxedo is not black
Yolanda seems angry and upset
Harry spilled vodka on her dress
" Old man, stop " the sexy Spanish lady said
Larry's face turned deep red
Irene laughed so did silly Fred  
Daniel knew why he was afraid
Annie told him he messed with her head
Year after year " Old Lang Syne " is sung
Sobriety is not allowed in this happy club

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Little by little befuddled
Overwhelmed; off track or muddled
Scatterbrained; astray and puzzled
Tapped out; tore up or bumfuzzled

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Not That Smart

Only does
This get my goat; but my

Tiger, my lion, my ape, and entire jungle!
Having people use their "intelligence" to make you feel stupid.
A two-year old child's smile can solve more problems
Than one

Sentence that comes out of their
A certain desire to
Reach out and choke them into silence overwhelms me at times; but, knowing 
That not answering them can shut them up is the "smartest" thing to do.

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Persnickety Persiflage

indicate the
that you are trying to impart.


Eventually insanity wins out
Frivolous and
Any and all superfluous
Empty of purpose.

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Home Improvement ... (acrostic)

Here I am

Pals to
May be
Not just
This temporary accomodation.

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Pray about it

I don't  (pray about it)

Know what to do? My mind has
Never been so blank; but I'm
Open for any new or
Winning ideas. (pray about it)

What if I just  (pray about it)
Hum and hull about it until it turns into 
A health problem? No, you're right,
That won't do.

Don't you just hate it when the 
Obvious answer to your problems is right in front of your face! (pray about it)

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Most women on Easter Sunday 
Morning wear festive and elegant
Bonnets to match their bright
Dresses; men wear lighter, sharp
Suits with cheery feeling, not the
Usual dark ones that are so
Depressing and their neckties must be 
Perfect! Coming out of the church in
Throngs, they seem brides and grooms 
Again...chatting and smiling at one 
Another, knowing that He was,
Risen and gone to Heaven to 
Prepare a place for them and their
Children...shouldn't they rejoice   
Today? And sitting at an exquisite 
Table they say Grace, while Easter  
Eggs and bunnies tempt them with their 
Lively colors and sweet smell! Even the 
Dogs and cats hide underneath the table for
An unforgettable, delicious dessert!

Entered in Brian Strand's Contest, "An Easter Picture"

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Public opinions that
Undermine the ground on which we walk
Bedeviled only be enticing jeers
Emotions that are vexing are laid-out with a cuss
Ranting &  raving "The world is out to get us!"
Taking in sustenance over parental spiels
You've not forgotten how it feels?

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Hours of horrible happenings
Afraid of aerobatics’ artist
Lovely and lively lyrics by louts
Luggage of lies and loss fills the land
Outrageous onslaught on oldies
Weird wards willing to waste
Excitements erode the egomania
Elite excused? …Not exempted
Naughty ninjas at night niggle.

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Fishing ~She said/ He said!

Fling it over that way baby!
I said that way.. over there!
Shoot! you didn't fling it where I said!
How do you know there aren't fish there..
I saw one jump just a minute ago!
Never listen to me.. I'm just a Woman!
Good thing I didn't want fish!

First and Last time I bring her with me!
I know how to fish!!!
She did NOT see A fish Jump!
How does she know where the fish are?
I always fish here..
Now I have an EXPERT along!
Good thing I didn't want to catch any fish!

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Please don't think me demented
Until you have walked a mile
Zooming through my thoughts
Zest for life bubbling from your heart
Love for all a must
Excuse me? Were you speaking to me?
Damn; I was puzzled there for a minute!

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Brother's Refreshing Run!

~"Run run as fast as you can."
~"Everybody knows you can't outrun Jimmy!"
~"Under the house! Quick! he won't follow you under there!"
~~BAM! "Reuben ~ duck! You can't just run up under the house!"
~"Eventually he will give up and go away. Then you come out!"
~"Now Reuben! Come out Now.. But run for the house!"

~"Curve and weave and he'll miss But don't you stop."

~"Bet ya money he could lasso a bull."
~"Lot's of practice make a bad boy good at what he does."
~"Actually he ain't all bad. He gave me some of his candy once."
~"Candy he dropped in the dirt I betcha! Or worse."
~"Keep your eyes open. He ain't gone far! Run! Run! here he comes again!"

~"Just let me lasso you one more time and I'll quit!"
~"Ah shucks! I didn't hurt ya! why ya wanna cry for?"
~"Mama better not hear about this!"
~"Ever think you might grow up to be a Bull? You need practice!
~"Someday when yall grown and learn about recreation ya gonna thank me!"

~"Everybody knows recreation is good for ya! Even a dummy knows that.

~"Babies cry and girls. Patsy's crying cause she's an old ugly girl."
~"Let her cry by herself.. Hush that up! Ya better RUN!
~"Alright, I won't rope yall no more today. Just one last time!"
~"Come on, eat this candy; It taste like dirt; But you will like it."
~"Keep yall refreshed is all I'm trying to do.. It's just recreation..It's good for yall. 

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House Gecko (Gekkonidae)

Out of sight
Usually by day
Safely tucked away
Eats insects and cockroaches yum! yum!

Goes clings to ceiling runs
Everywhere at night
Cause you don't want anyone to 
Know that you
Own a house gecko

(Because everyone needs one(house gecko) but no one would want people to know they 
have one.  Strictly fictional even thought some truth.)

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Another Nobody
Needlessly needling me
Getting my goat
Enraging me
Resulting in Chaos!

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Zipper(ly) Yours

Zipper or zip, just fasten it, right and tight
In order to keep, purple souls, out of sight
Play safe, for Robin or Barbie, not to peek
People might start snapping unwanted pic
Every time you go outside you need to zip 
Rush not, for, no damn will give you a tip
Let it go or let it not, you, must be careful
You sure don’t want, to be seen, as a fool

You are free, from the intelligence spooks
Of their silent laughs and suspicious looks 
Unless, you’re a carefree, of rhyming eyes
Robin and Barbie might end in a dear fight
Saving them…just fasten it, right and tight

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Smile ever ready upon my face
Each day everything is in place
Ready to always take your order
Very upset when guest want to loiter
Each time you need something you holler
Really? Truly? My service was worth only a dollar?

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Internal Rush

Delight sings in her slow dancing verses
Responding to internal joy
Under its spell of illusion
I consider returning reply
Duty compels me to reason
I shake off her clutching hands
Coils shatter loose in confusion

Descending to fall at my feet
Responding in kind
And trying to find
Colorful words of endeavor
Or stating it simply
No hidden evasion
I mean no invasion of Self
An attempt at reply to an acrostic cry
Never tempered my internal elf

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Haunted houses
an arrow through the skull
laughing witches on broomsticks
leering black cats
Orange pumpkins with fiery eyes
wild costumes
Every scream frightens
every breath electrifies
Now~~ BOO!

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Generally regarded with a squeamish
Enigmatic perspective by those who are
Not one and those who are seldom
Insinuate this characteristic themselves
Unless called upon to demonstrate a new
Scintillating discovery shouting, "Eureka, I am a genius."

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A Love Poem?

When we are far apart,
Can loneliness break my heart?
I love you...indeed I do.
Sleep is sweet when I think of you,
All of it is like a blooming rose.
Night is falling so I must close,
With this note I have a message in mind,
You must read the first word in every line.