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Acrostic Funny Poems | Acrostic Poems About Funny

These Acrostic Funny poems are examples of Acrostic poems about Funny. These are the best examples of Acrostic Funny poems written by international PoetrySoup poets

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Lines to Live by Thanks M W

Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.
A dame that knows the ropes isn't likely to get tied up.
Every woman knows, an ounce of performance is worth pounds of promises. 
When I'm good, I'm very good. But when I'm bad I'm better.
Every man I meet wants to protect me. I can't figure out what from.
Save a boyfriend for a rainy day - and another, in case it doesn't rain.
Ten men waiting for me at the door? Send one of them home, I'm tired.
When they say boldly go where no man's gone before, they don't mean the kitchen.
Honey when I said I wanted something to hang my hat on I didn't mean THAT!
Any port in a storm is a good way to divorce court dearie!
Titillating is not an excuse for going to girlie bars.
Anyone got a buck I could sure use one?
Grab a piece of arse will you, it may be the last thing you ever grab.
Anal retentive? You don't say!
Lip service now there's a concept.....

*Listen for the drum roll!


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Chocolate Kiss

C hocolate Candy Emmmm what a treat.
H as sweet ingredients that can't be beat.
O h what delight to put in our mouth and eat.
C hocolate a passionate lovers sweet.                              (
O nly the lonely will not eat this meat.                             (
L overs who Love chocolate will find this neat.                 ^
A ll chocolate will cause lovers to stay in heat.               &  &
T ake your time and savor this candy.                         %    %
E ach one of you knows it makes you randy.               @@@@@      

K issing with chocolate covered lips is bliss.
I n your mouth each tongue will entwine with a kiss.
S o get yourself some chocolate today.
S weet chocolate candy will help you to play!


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Abundance

A is for apathy, “You all know you are!”

B is for itching, “Why can’t I have a car?”
U is for the umbilical cord. You never cut from Ma.
N is for neutral, “Why should you take a stand?”

D is for dependent, “Hey, one always needs a hand!”
A is for angry, “Well, why the hell shouldn’t I be?”
N is for nostalgia, ‘cause in the past we’re free.
C is for the ocks ;) who run the whole damn show!.
E is for euthanasia, “When your old just GO!”

And all that spells abundance, in case you could not tell?
Or went to school in Texas and never learned to spell.


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Crazy, Yes

Crazy is defined by the crazy things you do
Really crazy things are just too crazy, too
A crazy person laughs when no one is around
Zealous crazy people are too busy to be found
Yes, crazy is as crazy does, who really can define?

Your definition of crazy is well kept in your mind.
Even when you’re normal, crazy still remains
Some keep crazy in their hearts, to look like they’re still sane. 


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GEMINI

G ood God! How I’ve tried,

E ven outright denied

M any times the persona you see.

I nside of my skin,

N either conscience nor kin,

I have you and yes, you and that’s me!


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the bear

there once was a bear
who lived in belair 
he owned a red hen
who made eggs for his kin
then one time like most bears do
the bear got hungery 
and ate the red hen 
and her last eggs of ten
with a gulp and a swallow 
down went the hen 
but wait..
now there was no hen to lay eggs for his kin.


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Cookies

Cookies are addictive!
OoOoH! Here's one to snatch!
Okay...where's the chocolate chips?
Kraving too many of these treats
I want some now! But...I might get beeefy...
Every bite is mouthwatering, soft and crisp
Should I take another cookie?


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My Hat

Orange, black, and white
Keep it pulled down tight.

Sits on my head with pride
Taking care of my uncombed hair
Ageing with daily wear
Threaded with the letters OSU
Eskimo Joe wears one too.


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OLD BIDDY'S DISHING DIRT


L ola watched
I rma’s drunken
V eronica impression.
E velyn said,
L ouise knows
A ndrea was
U ma’s half-sister.
G ladys was
H azel’s love-child.
L isa raised
O ma’s kids.
V irginia smootched
E unice’s husband.

* For the Live, Laugh, Love Acrostic contest. 


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Buzzing Bee

My ears are buzzing
Carefully I listen
Keep still I say
Entangled is a bee
Napping 
ZAP!
I chuckle to myself
Ending the life of the bee.


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my bet

I bet on a horse and it won
50 quid is not a huge sum
So I bet again and still won 
But 100 quid is still a small sum
So I bet again and guess what?
Yes, I won
But 300 quid is still not a big sum
So you know what I did? Yes u do
I bet again and yes I won
But 500 quid is not a big sum,
So I decided to go to the zoo 
to buy a gorilla who had flu
I got him cheap, but he was big, 
bigger then my 500 sum
I bet  he could swim, jump, play 
polo and clean out a sump
He did all this with much glee, but I 
am still not rich you see
My poorly gorilla costs me a lot, the 
vets are an expensive lot
So my 500 quids are no more, and 
my gorilla looks sad even more.
So I sold my pet to my vet, cus he 
wanted him as a pet
Now I have 500 to bet, and yes on a 
horse. I bet
My horse was called gorilla in the 
mist
Gosh what a fantastic twist.
Surely my horse should win this 
race, and yes he did, at a casual gait.
Now I have 1000 quid to my name, 
so back to the zoo, for some other 
game.
I brought a giraffe, with my stake, 
he had a long neck and he smelled 
great
But my story ends here as my Dr 
appeared.
Come on he said to me, what have 
written on your pad?
Wow said my Dr that’s just great, 
now time for your medication date!


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Acrostic

APATHETICALLY I APPROACH THIS TASK
ACADEMIC FERVOR RUNNING THIN
“FOR IS IT NOT TIME TO SLEEP?” I ASK-
FAVORING FINALE, I HOLD UP MY CHIN.
HONESTLY, BETTER COULD BE DONE.
HONESTY IT IS NOT THAT I AM LACKING;
COMPOSITION BECOMES LITTLE FUN,
DILIGENCE LOST, I AM SLACKING!


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Easter EGG, Abecedarian: with egg shape-

                            
                          =====
                       April Aroma...
                     Beckons Beauty.
                   Come Children!!!....
                 Daisies Daffodil.........
               EASTER EGGS EVERYWHERE
                Fun Filled Freedom.......
                  Giddy Giggly Games...
                    How ya' Hangin'???
                       Just Jolly Joey!
                           =====

              HAPPY EASTER EVERYONE!!!!


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Hesitating Ladies

INTRO:
Its not always easy
Stumble into a party,where the ladies are stiff
Especially if they belong to the higher circles of society
This guy ended up in Acrostic

Tango dancer..and a wild one he is
Revealing his dance infront of the shocked ladies
Unexpected,showing off his virility
The stiff party of madams are furious and upset
He is not welcomed into their world..a wild one he is

Hesitating to give him recognition..they are careful not to applauding his dance
Under the table..he wiggle his toes
Rumours says..he even "toe tickles " some of them between their thighs
Terrifying things start happening
Soaking wet..after drinks and nice coctails being thrown into his face..party is over



My first attempt at writing Acrostic...bit scary,its such a unusual way for me to write:)
Have a nice weekend my friends out there!


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Poetry Palace Now Open For Tourists--Beware

Peek, if you dare…inside my Palace of CREATIVITY
Observe my drafty walls, and rhyming dungeons                                     ^^
Enter, my friends, with no delusions!                                             ^^
There are marbled halls of mass confusion… 
Regarding your ILLUSION, of metaphoric INFUSIONs,… 
Your opinions may falter, upon the alter, compared to other verses                ^^

                                                                                                  ^^
Poetic attempts, and past regrets, are ghostly curses
And with INEVITABLE blunders, they rattle off meter, the echos could haunt you!
Lest you dare, just beware, dear readers….  WATCH YOUR STEP!                          ^^
As your guide, I’ll confide….people have died!
'Cause this Poetry Palace, has bats in the belfry! (As everyone knows)…
EVENTUALLY, this palace place should be foreclosed! 
   

For Linda Marie’s Contest “Poetry Palace”
By Carrie Richards


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The Need for a Pot...

Poetic hunger made me starving one night
Opened laptop pretending I am taking a bite
Empty stomach and soul were not satisfied 
Transient beggar of mind -  didn't feel right!
Recipes great  from my Epulaeryu  site
Yielded spoonfuls of  rhythm  and humor so bright
So I fired up the stovetop,  asked friends for a light
Our fantasy soup  flooded steams of delight
Uniquely created  in a midsummer night
Patiently stirring talent by a secret White Knight...


for: Adeleke's  contest "Poetic Picture of POETRY SOUP"


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Juice

J_Juice dilated
U_Under disguise as paci
I_In a sippy cup
C_Container used to 
E_Entertain  

And moms think they have them weaned


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New Name Year .

H e was always the saintly , quiet one
 A and everyone knew his name .
 P etula Francis Xaviar
 P uts Johnny Cash's Sue to shame .
 Y et , he always held his dignity

 N o matter , who would provoke
 E specially , his crazy sister
 W alter Benedict , who he'd gladly choke .

 Y es , it was time for big decisions
 E specially for twenty ten
 A nd sissy names , particularly , ain't for real men ;( so he is now )
 R egina , Catie , Seanie , Carol Poetry , the Pen ..


Inspired for Carol's Happy New Year contest and "dared "to write and present this , by Catie .


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The Birds And The Bees


To talk about ‘The Facts’ makes some parents put on a show,
Hatching up answers to questions their children should know,
Enduring the same fate as their elders from times long ago.

“Babies,” Mommy says, “Come from a big cabbage patch.
Indeed! A stork flies over to spot which cabbage to catch.
Risking it all, she swoops down for the bundle in just one snatch.”
Dad then pipes in, “Not to pick just any, the cabbage must match!”
So it goes, as parents quickly warm to the stories they hatch. 

Anticipation of kids’ questions makes parents sweat rivers.
Normally, Junior has never seen Mom so taken with shivers.
Dad tries once more to describe just how the stork delivers.

“There’s a time when a honeybee was tired from his weary flight,
Having flown over too many cabbage fields with no honey in sight.
Exactly that moment the stork also was searching with all of her might.

Beautiful Stork and sweet Honeybee looked at the other and smiled,
Exchanging information, they followed directions each had compiled.
Eventually, the bee got to the hive and the stork found her precious child.
Son, that’s the story about the birds and the bees flying high out in the wild.”


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Four Letter Word

Children do things their own way.
Rarely do they give it a second thought.
Always throwing caution to the wind.
Poo poo sometimes hits the fan!



Four letter acrostic contest. Oops didn't follow
instructions, can't enter this one. Still hope you enjoy.


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Raccoon Went A Wooing

R ascal with a twinkle in his dark-ringed eye
A morous feeling frisky under a full moon's light
C at strolled by- her voluptuous tail swishing to and fro
C oy glances by feline big blues
O vert flirting, then invited her to dine
O pulent feast of restaurant scraps made her swoon...
N uptials next - rascal raccoon carried her over the threshold of their new home.










for "Tell Me About It" contest
sponsored by Francine Roberts


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Leo, an Astrology Acrostic

Leo, an Astrology Acrostic
    by Amy Swanson


Loyal friend who'll laugh with you, the sun rules their playful heart;
Engagingly eclectic, they'll give all they have; forgive them if they seem a little bossy. 
Outgoing with majestic charm, they'll walk with you until the very end.







*Inspired by Danielle White's astrology acrostic contest*  -- I had to get in on the fun! :)


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BEACH BONANZA

Beaming sun upon my back
Establish my summer days
A beach, my boys, a blanket, and
Cold drinks, as I soak my rays
Hoping to darken my tan

Bronzing as the babies play
Lotioned head-to-toes
Applied Aveeno Baby, even to their nose
No frowns for the camera, 1-2-3, strike a pose.
Keen eye set on them, as the breeze gently blows
Easy and relaxed, my eyes begin to doze
Todd takes patrol, so I can repose & lay

Bestirred by buckets of water
Ice cold on sunkissed flesh
Now they're gonna get it good, I
Grab the cooler full of ice, and rush
Out in the sun, our time is spent the best

2011-06-30
~*Wandering*Butterfly*~
~Miranda Lambert~
Contest: Beach Blanket Bingo - Sweetheart


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Not Good in a Bed but Fine up Against a Wall/ E.Roosevelt

O rigin, the beginning, the mostest, bestest, most beauteous
H ave you ever been so very full of the symbolic

M essage of the flower kingdom
Y ou just can’t stand to see, or smell, another

G od forsaken picker pushing
O range, red, white, pink
D andy, handy, trite ,

A nalog for the joy and pain;

D ripping from the plucked
A nd pieced heart of
M an and his foil woman.
N ever again will I accept a 

R ose as anything thing
O f consequence 
S ince even an
E vil heart can buy a rose.


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Sadness of November


Nights bring longer darkness, all I want to do is sleep,

Outside the weather worsens, the snow will soon be deep.

Vines heavy with grapes await to be made into ice wine,

Each headache after, is worth it, from the nectar so sublime.

Making pumpkin pie and sipping apple cider - ACHOO!

Better make chicken soup too, now I’ve got the Flu.

Everything is warning me that old man winter is on its way,

Recognizing this sad reality, oh yes, its also another birthday!





Written by Lee Ramage
August 30, 2011
For Carol Brown’s contest
“Fall is around the corner”
Won 2nd place


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Things That Suck

T Thumb-sucking children while they are sleeping.
H Hematophagous animals, which means blood-seeking.
I Insects like those in the worm family.
N Newborns that just do it naturally.
G Guys who love guys and who do it with ease.
S Sump pumps and sippers and gals that don’t tease!

T Ticks and devises that vacuum up slime.
H Habits we all have that suck away time.
A Animal feeders they use on the farms.
T Topsiders* sucking out oil from cars.

S Snot-sucking “Nose Clear;” machines for the ill.
U Under the sea, pumps for oil spills.
C Clitoris pumps; yes, they’ve got those too.
K Karma, the worst. . .  When she’s out to get YOU!

*Topsider is a product name

for the Acrostic Time #1 Free Poetry Contest of PD


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Men And Their Hearts

I, writer

All a fluster
Men, for my sake

Nail your hearts with a stake.
Or if that leads you discontented
Take you praises you invented

And shove them where no sunshine rises
Never to return their bitter demises;

Oh I’ll explain, my XY ‘‘friends’’
Because I’m at the very last of my wits ends
Just with being pretty, having a good personality
Excluding out how I feel personally.
Charmer? Not interested. Toy boy? Get lost!
To the death with men’s attraction, my opinion held aloft!

I, a picky girl

Don’t compromise for the world
Even if my ideas are ridiculous
Makes no sense not to be resistless
And I think you’ll find I’m materialistic
Nothing less than ritualistic
Don’t you dare tell me that I’m flirting

Really? With you? You’re looking for a hurting!
Ever spurn the cursed Valentine’s Day
Quit missing you aim at me cupid, okay?!
Unsure who’s my type? 
I wouldn’t tell you over msn or Skype!
Talk to the hand brother
And stop giving me bother
Like I’d go out with you, when I could have better.

Love must be relayed, from me and from him
One way doesn’t work; simple logic, Mr. Dim.
Vibrators and dominant hands aren’t the same as me
End of story. (Read the first letters for a simple explanation. See?)


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Sex

So divinely exhilarating, yet
Exhausting and contorting -
X-rated gymnastics!


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New Open Door

R  recline on the sofa, relax in recliner
E  entertain romantic thoughts; life couldn't be kinder
C  cuddle up late in bed, snuggle on couch
Y  you are my love, molded to you; stubble ouch
C  comfy now late in life, free from responsibility
L  love is deep; committment strong_capability
E  enjoying life_the fruit of early struggles
D  determined to fulfill our life together_not burst bubble

T  true to you; constant thoughts
E  envelope you with what love has wrought
E  easy is life sleep late_stay up late
N  now there is a new open door my mate


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Helluva Hick

H  eck yeah, I be PROUD to one a dose!
I  nbred? Lemme think (Who da HELL knows?)
C  ountry to the core and reapin what I hoe
K  ickin ass, takin names (Wantin sum mo?)