Why I Don'T Trust Psychics - 2nd Third

NOTE: This is the 2nd THIRD of a funny 3-part piece. No other way to post it due to file size limitations. It's a really fun poem, and I hope you'll take the time to read the whole thing - Mark “‘You jump in with me,’ she added...‘though my van’s a beater, we’ll be needin’ far more room than you’ve got in your Jeep! And up until we get there - assuming that we find it - we’ll scribble up a contract on how much you’ll get to keep. “‘You’re the one who summoned him so - you’re, of course, entitled...but don’t forget that I’m the one who told ya’ about the gold. We’re in this together, Vera - no two ways about it - but truth is...I’m a bit ticked off that you’re the one I told! “‘You’re the only psychic that I know of there in Vale, and you were recommended by real good friend of mine, But when you saw the Ouija-board was shootin’ the poop with Ned, you rushed me out the door posthaste, feedin’ me a line “That made me think ya’ hadn’t reached him. What a raunchy trick! Ya’ really shoulda told me, Vera. And doin’ it for free Seemed a might peculiar, but...for 50 million bucks...I’ll admit I’d prob’ly ‘ve done the same if it were me!’ “The two shot through the drive-thru at the Burger King for breakfast, (Corky swears she likely would have perished had she not), Then, sticking with the info that she’d garnered from the séance - Vera gave directions to the so called - “secret spot” “Where Ned and his compatriots had stashed away a fortune in stolen Union bullion back in 1862. ‘If we find the treasure, Vera,’ Corky started in, ‘and if there’s 50 million bucks, this is what I’ll do: “‘I’ll cough up a finder’s fee of, let’s say - ten per cent...then you can burn your trailer and retire...it’s time you did. I can hardly breath, I’m so excited...what a thrill...I can’t believe I creep like Ned would tell you where it’s hid! “‘At first he wasn’t going to say,’ VDV replied...‘but when I said you’d brought along a picture I could use To help me try to reach him that just...took my breath away...like a ton of golden bricks, the fool could not refuse! “‘I told him - had I lived back then, and he and I had met...every kiss he gave me would have set my heart on fire... Which certainly proves my point that...though it didn’t work with you... sometimes...like with me an’ Ned...it pays to be a liar! “‘Our destination’s Brasstown Bald, near Hiawassee, Georgia. He claims he never told the other fellas where it was. He didn’t want them knowing ‘cause he knew they’d try to steal it, so...just the same as anyone that’s not a pin-head does... “‘He wisely kept the “secret spot” - which he believes is foolproof - only in his diary, where he knows it wouldn’t be seen, But I didn’t bother tellin’ him how much he’d stand to gain by letting someone turn his pile of golden bars to green. “See...FIFTY MILLION Dollars, back in 1862...inching up in value for a 158 years... Now is worth a Billion - 550 Million - Eight Hundred Thirty Thousand bucks - which buys a lotta beers! “‘Afraid he’d prob’ly kill himself if I exposed the truth, I thought it best for all concerned to claim the price had dropped! I told him it had fallen to - a penny on the dollar - and apt to drop to even less than that before it stopped! “‘All that you could buy,’ I said, ‘here in 2020 - had you split the money up between the eight of you - If you looked around enough...would be a walk-out ranch...and I don’t mean a ranch like those in 1862! “‘He also made me give my word that, should I find the treasure, one way or the other, I would contact him again To let him know if - as he hoped - the gold had not been found...which would be quite incredible, given how long it’s been! “About an hour later, as they entered Hiawassee, Vera offered, ‘Brasstown Bald is where he says it’s at,’ To which the driver parried, ‘We’ve been driving now for hours, and maybe you’re not hungry yet - and I’m OK with that - “‘But we need gas, and I need food,’ Corky came unglued, ‘and I don’t fancy rootin’ around for nothin’ - after dark!’ ‘OK, fine,’ Vera barked, ‘we’ll get a couple rooms, then make our way - after breakfast - out to Brasstown Park. “‘Back in 1862 there was no huge resort - and Ned, of course, has no idea how much the place has grown, But based on what he told me, he went AWOL for a week - bought himself a bunch o’ mules, then took off on his own “‘And stashed his -- 142,000 pounds of gold -- in what he termed --- a big ol’ cave that’s really hard to see! --- He found the cave by accident while hunting deer,’ he said, ‘when a big ol’ buck just - disappeared - behind a big ol’ tree!’ “‘He says the cave is massive, but its doorway’s fairly small, and with that giant tree out front, most ‘ll pass it by, And, knowing somewhere down the road, he’d prob’ly need a map - a coded map - just in case a fellow thief would try “‘To swipe it all - or grab his share - he scribbled up directions showing where, precisely, he had wisely stashed the gold. Reading from his special map, he told me - (at the séance) - provided I did everything just as I was told... “‘If, in fact, it’s not been found, the statue of limitations had to ‘ve run out years ago, so - if I’d do things right - Given all the other guys who’d helped him pull the heist had died - the same as he had - in the Chattanooga fight, “‘Anything and everything I found would be - ‘all mine’! Voodoo caught the icy glare on Corky’s angry face, ‘I think you mean - ‘All OURS’ - she snapped. ‘Remember...we’re a team! And all you’re gettin’s ten percent, plus - if we find the place - “‘However much it costs to get it back to Kansas City’s comin’ outta your part, Vera! Ned was kin to ME, Not you! And if you rock the boat again I’ll hire another psychic, and you can take a taxi to your Jeep in Tennessee!” Now, don't forget part 3, the grand finale - Cheers, Mark