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The Java Bean Cult

Chris D. Aechtner Avatar Chris D. Aechtner - Premium MemberPremium Member Send Soup Mail Go to Poets Blog Block poet from commenting on your poetry

Below is the poem entitled The Java Bean Cult which was written by poet Chris D. Aechtner. Please feel free to comment on this poem. However, please remember, PoetrySoup is a place of encouragement and growth.

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The Java Bean Cult

Here come 
the Mormons of LDS,
knocking on my door again.

I was one of the few people in town
who didn't slam the door
right in their faces.
I was kind, polite,
kept inviting them in -
~(we had some good discussions!)~
but they got the wrong impression.
Kept pushing the word,
kept pushing the word.
I pushed right back
with my java beans.

Drinking coffee 
is against their religion,
but they both accepted
my offer in unison.
I was shocked,
but fervently brewed
some of my finest dark java.
Invited them to sit in my backyard.
My backyard
is a private garden of Eden,
any of John Smith's visions.
They tasted the java 
with great anticipation.
I could see it in their eyes,
and the way their hands trembled.
after the first sip
their eyes opened wide with delight,
as they licked lips 
with devilish grins.
They even claimed 
to have seen angels
flying around up in the trees.
But I knew it was really the java bean
coursing through their virgin veins.

We became
the 3 Man Java Bean Cult;
a most secret order
up until this very point
of brutal exposure.
I am exposing the
3 Man Java Bean Cult
as a warning
to the next set of Mormons
who come knocking 
on my door;
trying to push the word,
trying to push the word.

Beware of 
the 3 Man Java Bean Cult,
because 2 plus 3 makes 5,
makes 7,
makes 9,
and so forth down the line.
Trying to push the word,
trying to push the word.
Run away as fast as you can!
Run away until your muscles burn!
Watch out!
Watch out for 
the 3 Man Java Bean Cult.


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  1. Date: 4/17/2012 7:45:00 AM
    I read your nice comments dear Chris, thank you-hmm, is it just me, but don't sell yourself too short, oki? I think you know that even if you don't really know a lot on those forms, you Do try to look more into them? I really do appreciate you sharing what you learn about them :) and it truly is my pleasure as well to help in any way I can, "human spell check" heehee & yup, I remember that sijo,that was 60 second speed sijo right there. Very insightful given the amount of time you wrote that :)

  1. Date: 4/17/2012 7:36:00 AM
    I remember this one, Chris! Hmm so now I wonder, would I ever have a chance in the Java Bean Cult? I am somehow immune to coffee? I don't get all wakey wakey with it, I even have a very fitful sleep after I drink it o_O! It does make me go to the bathroom though (uh-oh. too much info!!).

  1. Date: 4/13/2012 4:48:00 PM
    I accept anyone who knocks at my door of any religion..I believe everyone has his opinion.. that is the serious part.. Then i could read your message in the rest.. and i can't stop laughing.. if ofcourse i understood what you meant.. but i think i did :)Mean man :)thank God im not a knock door to door mormon :)

  1. Date: 4/13/2012 11:55:00 AM
    I need more clues! : ) ...I'll drink another cup of Java...while thinking....

  1. Date: 4/12/2012 1:07:00 PM
    I somehow feel you are a soft target when it comes to females flirting with you and even when Mormons is around Chris.. Hmmm, how do you get yourself into these things?? Or is it the Java? Lol PS: me enjoyed this tonight!

  1. Date: 4/12/2012 11:38:00 AM
    I really like the refrain. Down here we have a couple of other churchs which go door to door, but so far I have been firm enough and direct enough that they understand that if they want to make their quota they had best move to another soul. I have enough trouble with dogma of my own Presbyterianism to get too involoved with other's . Like how can man exercise free choice when his destiny is already written in the book of life.

  1. Date: 4/12/2012 11:26:00 AM
    I never let them in and I don't share my coffee......... good write Chris