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Home » Poems & Poetry » Blogs » Smile and God Bless

Smile and God Bless - Craig Cornish's Blog

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Smile and God Bless

Blog Posted:10/9/2017 1:59:00 PM
Church Ladies with Typewriters
They're back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! 
Thank God for the church ladies with typewriters.
These sentences actually appeared in church 
bulletins or were announced at church services: 


The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

-----------------

Scouts are saving aluminium cans, 
bottles and other items to be recycled. 
Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

-----------------

The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water'
The sermon tonight:'Searching for Jesus' 

-----------------
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. 
It's a chance to get rid of those things 
not worth keeping around the house. 
Bring your husbands.

-----------------

Don't let worry kill you off
- let the Church help.
-----------------

Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again, giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

-----------------

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

-----------------

Next Thursday there will be
try-outs for the choir. 
They need all the help they can get.

-----------------

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were 
married on October 24 in the church. 
So ends a friendship that began in their school days. 

-----------------

At the evening service tonight, 
the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' 
Come early and listen to our choir practice.

-----------------

Eight new choir robes are currently needed
due to the addition of several new members
and to the deterioration of some older ones.

-----------------

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

-----------------

The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility. 

-----------------

Pot-luck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - 
prayer and medication to follow.

-----------------

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. 
They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon. 
-----------------

This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn 
singing in the park across from the Church. 
Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin. 

-----------------

The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

-----------------

Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. 
Please use the back door. 

-----------------

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. 
The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

----------------- 
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. 
Please use large double door at the side entrance. 

-----------------

The Associate Minister unveiled the church's 
new campaign slogan last Sunday: 
'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours!'


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Tor Avatar
Michael
Tor
Date: 10/11/2017 9:53:00 PM
Thanks for posting Craig enjoyed laughing.
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Teagan Avatar
Becca
Teagan
Date: 10/10/2017 12:24:00 PM
hahahaha :D These are so funny! Thanks Craig.
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Dietrich Avatar
Andrea
Dietrich
Date: 10/9/2017 5:08:00 PM
Some of these show very well the importance of using grammar effectively!!! I've seen many of these before. They are great fun.
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Parker Avatar
Frederic
Parker
Date: 10/9/2017 4:36:00 PM
Craig, these have me laughing so hard I am crying, Every time I thought I read the funniest one the next one would be even funnier...
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Onclaud Avatar
Nette
Onclaud
Date: 10/9/2017 4:27:00 PM
i've seen a few of these hilarious remibders from other angles...a fun time i had reading them; a word or phrase can change the whole meaning of the message... you brightened my day, craig!..nuggs
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Allison Avatar
Jan
Allison
Date: 10/9/2017 2:59:00 PM
Sure made me smile Craig:-) reminds me of a story my mum used to tell. A young lady has found a purse at the back of the church... if it is yours you need to 'go to Helen Hunt' for it. I still love the word play:-) hugs jan xx
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Stebbings Avatar
Barry
Stebbings
Date: 10/9/2017 2:22:00 PM
Superb, Graig. I love these grammatical blunders. Could be some ideas for poems in there. // Barry
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